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MarilynW
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| Posted: Sept 25 2007 at 9:34am | IP Logged
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..for me is the rhythm and beauty and order and peacefulness - the focus on the health and wholeness and individuality of each child. The challenge I face is how to keep the rhythms and routines with multiple age children. We do not do a lot of activities - but we do evening sports and ballet - so I find that consistent meal times and bedtimes are tough.The little ones end up going to bed much later than they should. This fall I am finding it hard to for the kids to get enough sleep. I am letting them sleep later in the mornings - which means we get started later.
How do you keep the routines and rhythms in your home with several children of different ages?
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Bookswithtea
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You put the routines *first*. And you be a bit of a nazi about it.  I have kids lately who are whining about why they can't have breakfast early if they get up earlier and/or finish chores earlier. Too bad. Breakfast is at a certain time and that's how it goes because they all eat together and eat the same thing. Kids who get up early try to then pick their own breakfast choices since "it wasn't ready yet and I was hungry" which usually translates into dipping into the cold cereal which I hoard so that everyone gets a fair share. 
Some bathe at night and some in the morning, but they HAVE TO use their time and not be late or someone else won't have hot water.
Chores HAVE TO start at 4:30 for us or dinner and evenings won't go well. We have an 8:00pm downtime, no matter what. Older children read until their appropriate bedtimes. Others who still have 30 minutes can play quietly with dolls in bed until they are old enough to read to themselves. All the lights in the house go out at 8 though. This works for us. No one can complain about being overtired and whine to get up late. We can start school on time (for us that's 8:30) and then most of the time we can finish on time. Finishing on time is a huge motivator because that's when free time starts.
A chore tip I got from MOTH that might help for next year...train new chores over the summer when you have more time and the chores they are assigned stay with them for the entire school year. That way they have time to become competent and I always know who it was who didn't do something.
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mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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Rebecca
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Sometimes cutting out activities or switching to a different time of day works but sometimes the activities are non-negotiable/necessary. I know if I am gone often in the evenings, it makes it very hard to take good care of their nighttime needs. Each of my kids stays up a little later than they should now and then. If it happens too often, they are grumpy and irritable during the daytime hours.
On days where we have something going in the evening, I bump dinner up so that we have a peaceful meal. I used to wait and rush everyone to eat and then run out the door. Any kind of rushing around here makes everyone grumpy so I try to plan the day accordingly on nights when we have scouts or something else going on.
Another idea is to try to find rides for those kids whose activities you do not have to attend. With two boys playing ball in the summer months, we have a game most days of the week, sometimes two. I only attend two games per week or my little ones would be strung out. I arrange rides for the boys for the games I do not attend, so I don't even have to take the van out and disrupt the evening schedule.
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vmalott
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| Posted: Sept 25 2007 at 3:26pm | IP Logged
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MarilynW wrote:
This fall I am finding it hard to for the kids to get enough sleep. I am letting them sleep later in the mornings - which means we get started later.
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We do evening sports most nights of the week, though this will taper off for winter with only one child in basketball. Like you, I have been letting them sleep later, though we've always had a consistent late-ish bedtime of 9:30pm for everyone. Being pregnant, I need that later rising time myself on most days. 
It used to bother me that we didn't get started by a certain time during the day, but that is something that I have relaxed this year. I personally need some time to get my head together in the morning, as well as get a head start on the laundry and some other chores, including breakfast on those days that I cook.
A later starting time allows this natural household rhythm to be maintained and puts me in the right frame of mind, which is very important. Evening sports are really the only activity that takes place outside the home on an almost daily basis, so we don't have any daytime activities outside the home vying for our time or making us feel like we have to rush things.
So, do you feel like you have to be ready to start studies by a certain time each day? Would it make for a more peaceful household rhythm if you started an hour later? It used to really bother me that we couldn't seem to get ready to do school by 9am. Now we start an hour later and things run much more smoothly. I'm not interrupted by the late waking of a toddler, or rushing around to get this or that child breakfast (on those non-cooking mornings), etc. Everyone's up, fed, groomed, and dressed...and importantly, well-rested...by 10am and ready to work. So, I say, where's the harm in getting little later start?  Just my $.02
Valerie
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Valerie
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lapazfarm
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I agree, Valerie. We are late up and late starters. I get up at 7 but the kids stay in bed til 8 or 8:30. That 7-8 morning time is what I need to get going in the am, have my coffee, check blogs and this board, change over laundry, and make sure I have everything ready for the day, etc. Breakfast is at 9, we clean up and and school starts by 9:30.
Though I used to, I don't feel a bit guilty about it any more. It is the natural rhythm of my family and so it is right for us. We have outside activities every afternoon (Karate, Marching band, CCD, Oboe lessons), some days multiple activities, so I try like crazy to get meals ready ahead of time. That doesn't always pan out, but it helps to shoot for it, anyway. Even so, we often don't eat those meals until 8 or so.
We are all up late because dinner is late and quite frankly we like it that way.Late night is prime time for me for getting housework done, planning school, and crafting. Ds likes to read until late at night.His body tells him when enough is enough.
I think you just have to find a rhythm that works for your family and not worry what others are doing.
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Leonie
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lapazfarm wrote:
| I think you just have to find a rhythm that works for your family and not worry what others are doing. |
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I usuall start by looking at our lives and what seems to be our natural rhythms and then tweak and peg some...We tend to be early-ish risers most days, but our mornings are slow until morning tea time ( if they are at home mornings, that is!).
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MarilynW
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| Posted: Sept 26 2007 at 10:26am | IP Logged
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Thanks for the ideas everyone. I have to get the balance between a strict schedule and none at all - I used to be a rigid MOTH follower - and really beat myself up (and be hard on the kids) if things did not go as planned - I still use MOTH as a guideline. I am starting later - and I am experimenting with early dinner times. Fall schedules are always tough for us. I love the winters when everything is earlier and we are home more.
Thanks for the tips.
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Marilyn
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vmalott
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Marilyn,
I was a MOTH follower for a while too, and imposed a lot of guilt on myself when things didn't go to a T. And, ::sigh:: I just CANNOT make myself schedule a BABY! At least I came away from it with a good idea of having general routines for our day. 
I know what you mean about early dinner times. We completely had to revamp that routine once football practice began in August! We were used to eating around 6, usually, but now we can't do that w/our practice schedules. That means I'm now seen fixing dinner usually by 4pm so we can eat as a family around 5! 
OK, we don't eat as a whole family at 5. DH is still on calls (he works from home) at that time, usually, but on occasion he can join us. Still, it's important that nearly all of us eat together. I'd much rather have an earlier, nourishing meal together, than have two mealtimes or eat at 8:30-9 after practice and have nearly everyone up until 11.
So, I guess you'd say, for me it's important to have mealtimes together at a regular time (depending on the season) and a regular bedtime. Everything else falls into line...somewhat.
Valerie
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Kim F
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Marilyn can you switch around dinner and lunch meals on days you are out? Make your main meal at noon and then pack brown bag lunches or something for evening so you don't come home to dishes. The crock pot is another option for activity nights.
If you can't cut your activities out or down (and I tend to be outspoken about advocating that ; )) then do adjust your morning routine. What is important is that it is fairly consistent, not that it begins at a certain time.
If at all possible having one parent who can chauffeur and one who can keep the littles at home on their routine is helpful also.
Kim
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Martha
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I'm a bit of dictator/fascist about bedtimes too. All else I can be somewhat flexible about, but I have found sleeping in really takes hours desperately needed out of our schedule. (Surely I am not the only one always thinking the good Lord should have made 28 hours days?!)
I love either switching lunch and dinner or having what we call "Lunner" - neither one, but rather a big meal some time in the middle. It's so much easier to not have that big mess at the end of the day. Besides, it gives a little more time to burn the calories before bed, at least in theory anyhow.
I'm pretty strict about extracurriculiar stuff. If it doesn't fit just right with our priorities/needs, then I don't hesitate to ditch it, most certainly if it is a regular event. The occassional blip on the calendar doesn't bother me, but I really dislike committing to something that could derail us on regular basis.
Edited for politicly correctness.
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Rebecca
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Martha and Books, while I know you only on these boards, I can tell you that neither of you are a Nazi. I am usually not one to pick at semantics but can we say "militant" or something else other than Nazi? Those people caused millions of deaths, including some of my own extended family. I know exactly the context that you meant when you used the name but I so hate to see it used with people who are good and kind like yourselves.
I am enjoying this thread and hope my suggestion does not come across as anything other than humble begging. Back to the regularly scheduled discussion....
Love,
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Bookswithtea
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Rebecca wrote:
| Martha and Books, while I know you only on these boards, I can tell you that neither of you are a Nazi. I am usually not one to pick at semantics but can we say "militant" or something else other than Nazi? |
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Oops...sorry about that. It was a routine term years ago in my LLL group and it just sort of stuck in my head.
I'm still reading this thread and you've given me an opportunity here to clarify something. I am quite militant about protecting rhythms, but I am not a militant scheduler. I read MOTH for ideas but I don't use it as it was written. I'm of the opinion that there are so so many things available to us as hsers these days that if we are not militant in learning how to say No to all those great ideas, our family's natural rhythms will suffer and we will lose the peaceful environment we are striving for. I've learned this one the hard way.  If an activity or idea doesn't fit with time to spare, its not worth it, imho.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Rebecca
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| Posted: Sept 27 2007 at 11:41am | IP Logged
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I agree with you about learning to say no. I do not read as many blogs as I used to because I found that I was getting distracted from what was working for our family and made me want to try something new all the time, thus rendering our learning ineffective. Though so many of them are beautiful glimpses into people's lives, one can only spend so much time visiting their neighbors before their own home starts to be neglected. We only have so much time in a day.
I am a scheduler though it usually takes a few weeks on one for me to know what needs tweaked or throw out altogether. I liked MOTH in that it gave me an idea how to design a schedule and also clarified why I needed one but I found it hard to follow (though I tried for a while) when everyone was switching activities every half hour or so. It made my head spin! We are using MOTC which took some time to set up but now runs quite smoothly.
What usually occurs around here is that I set up a schedule at the beginning of the school year and another for the beginning of summer. We settle into a nice rhythm within a month or so, resembling the original schedule though a bit more relaxed.
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