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monica
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| Posted: Sept 14 2007 at 6:24am | IP Logged
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this is one of those situations when i really wish I wasnt in romania so could have a bunch of mom friends to talk with. my 4.5yo son has been lonely lately. he has a few friends here in the neighborhood, but they are all older, or i dont know them well enough to ask them over to play. but he keeps asking when he is going to make some new friends. sooo, i have been looking into getting him into some activities. there arent many classes or sports for kids here, but i did hear of a childrens center that has several classes for older kids. (6 and up) i talked to the director and she said if the teacher approved, he could enroll in a class there. i was thinking a folk dance class might be best, as there will be mostly non verbal things going on, since his romanian is still rough. but, the classes usually meet twice a week for 2 hours a time. that seems fine for an older child, but it would be a lot for us. it will probably be a 20-30 min trip there, so we are talking three hours twice a week. does that seem like too much for a 4.5 yo? i also have a 1 yo who naps 2x a day, so that will throw him off too. but i just dont know what to do for my boy, who really wants to make friends. churches here dont have sunday schools or nursery, so there isnt much of a chance to make friends there. another option is to talke to a local preschool and see if he could come one morning a week. but i have heard bad stories of corporal punishment, even in preschool. sorry for the long rambling, it just breaks my heart to hear him say he is lonely and wants more friends.
help!!!!!!!!!
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missionfamily
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| Posted: Sept 14 2007 at 8:39am | IP Logged
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is there a park or town square nearby where you could take the kiddos to play and possibly run into other moms and kids? Or could you ask local shopowners in your neighborhood if they know a mom who may be willing to meet you for play time? these activities would at least be more flexible for you and you would be able to help him navigate the language situation better. another thought, are there any bilingual private schools anywhere. We found one in Costa Rica and the kids were able to make friends with kids who were learning English and eager to practice with them. It worked out quite nicely. Will be praying for you both to find some nice friends!
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Colleen
dh Greg
mom to Quinn,Gabriel, Brendan,Evan, Kolbe, and sweet St. Bryce
Footprints on the Fridge
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happymama
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| Posted: Sept 14 2007 at 1:07pm | IP Logged
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It did break my heart when my own 4yo wanted friends to play with last time we moved, and it took awhile. Prayers for you! Sometimes I felt like wearing a sign on my back - "desperate for friends! Please call us!"
Could you ask your parish priest for advice? Go for daily walks through your neighborhood? Good luck!
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jugglingpaynes
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| Posted: Sept 15 2007 at 3:35pm | IP Logged
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I would second Colleen's idea of finding a playground. It depends on the child, but from my experience, 2 hours is very long for a 4yo taking dance. My daughter was in a 45 minute dance class last year (when she was 4). Half the time she had a meltdown before the end of class from hunger or sheer exhaustion.
My 14yo always had this issue when she was little. When she was 4, she had few friends her own age. Usually they were older. We were never lucky enough to find neighborhood children, so many were enrolled in preK or daycare by 4. I used to take whatever child I could get, and that always ended in disaster. One child would belittle her, another bullied her, yet another was simply out of her parents' control and was a danger to my daughter.
Now she is very sought after by homeschoolers with teen daughters, but she really only has two close friends. Because of her experiences, she would rather have few friends of quality than many acquaintances. It's the ebb and flow of life. It's hard to watch your child feel lonely, but I would not seek out friends in desperation. And I don't think it is necessary for them to have friends their age. The beauty of homeschooling is being able to mix socially with a diverse range of ages. My children were always more at ease speaking with adults than their peers and could easily shift to playing with the toddlers.
I don't know the situation in Romania, but aside from playgrounds, are there any library programs or any community activities where your son could find other children? Could you set up an activity for 4yo children? Maybe there are young mothers who would like their little ones to learn English. Is it possible to spend more time with the older neighborhood kids?
And keep some perspective. My 5 year old could lament never playing with kids after spending 5 days in a row with her friends. This age tends to think in absolutes. 
Good luck,
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(mom of MayBabies dd15,ds12,dd6)
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Kelly
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I would second and third Colleen & Cristina's suggestion about a playground BUT I would add, take a soccer ball with you! When we were in Holland, this was a GREAT icebreaker in the parks. Or take a couple of bottles of soap for blowing bubbles (and extra wands). Try to go at times when you see lots of kids and moms out there, too.
How did you happen to wind up in Romania? Have you all been there a long while? I used to speak Romanian pretty well, but it's been years...I do remember that Romanians can sometimes be a difficult group to break into, socially, so failing other options, the little school might be worth a try. At the very least, you would meet other people, which might be a stepping stone to more social possibilities for your little guy.
Hang in there!
Kelly in FL
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monica
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| Posted: Sept 17 2007 at 7:27am | IP Logged
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thanks you guys for your advice. i really prayed about it this weekend and tried to listen to my gut (that mothers intuition is the best advice, right?) i am going to check out some other possibilities this week and see if we can work something out that will be more sustainable for all of us. like someone said, i think he just wants some good friends to play with. he has a little buddy that he loves to play with and we try to get them together once a week. but then when some older neighbor girls come around, he doesnt really want to play with them. he is in that learning how to play with someone, not just boss them around. its hard. thanks again for all your help
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monica
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| Posted: Sept 21 2007 at 6:09am | IP Logged
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ladies,
thanks for all your advice. i talked to the dance teacher yesterday and she said that he is too young for the class. it is kind of an answer to prayer to have that door closed. so, i am thinking of other ways to help him make more friends, but that dont mess up our routines too much.
thanks
monica
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: too many activities for a 4 yr old??
