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Kristin
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| Posted: Aug 02 2007 at 10:38pm | IP Logged
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Kristin wrote:
"I find myself longing for the days when I was just mom and didn't have to try to balance my homeschooling role with my mothering role."
Theresa wrote:
"I think it is important to see the homeschooling role not as separate, but as an extension of the mothering role. Just as it is the most natural thing in the world to teach our children how to say mama, to pray, and to eat with a spoon, it can be natural to teach them to write, to subtract, and to interpret poetry."
I appreciate the truth and beauty of what is described here by Theresa and agree that the home learning that we do with our children is a natural extension of all the other "teaching" we've done with our children from the moment they were born or came into our care. But it seems to me that just because something is "natural" does not mean that it is easy. If we're talking about living a lifestyle of joyful learning together, I would agree that this can be natural. But I'm not so sure that "teaching" all of the subjects comes naturally to every mother and I'm sure it isn't always easy. Or maybe it is?! If so, someone please tell me the secret! 
Everyone has different talents and we are bound to feel challenged in our own personal areas of "weakness". Is it possible to home school and never really end up "teaching" something we don't feel completely comfortable with? Won't mothers have differing levels of comfortability with the whole process? Right now what I'm not comfortable with is the process of teaching our son to read. I'm a certified K-8 teacher and have never actually taught a child to read. Until I have done so, I will not have the feel for it. For me it is not coming naturally. And there is a certain level of stress involved.
If someone else was "teaching" our son to read, I would not be feeling this stress and the sense of responsibility that comes along with it. Perhaps this is a better explanation of what I meant when I said that I sometimes long for the days when I was "just mom"? Am I making any sense at all here???  Thank you for bearing with me as I try to sort this out and perhaps enter into deeper discussion on this topic. Please forgive me, Erin, if I'm hijacking your thread!  I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling a spark of inspiration and can't wait to hear more about it! 
P.S. Would someone please tell me how to do the quote box thingie?! I used to know how but can't seem to figure it out again! THANKS!
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Bunch 'o Honey to my Honey Bunch and Mama to five - Noah 10y  , Rose 8y  , Dominic 2.5 y  , Oliver 16m 
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Erin
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| Posted: Aug 03 2007 at 6:38am | IP Logged
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Once again thank you to everyone for your outpouring of prayers and support. A number of you have suggested I could be suffering from burnout. You know it honestly hadn't occurred to me I kind of pictured burnout as relating to depression and I don't feel like I am depressed. I was slightly at the beginning of the year after our move. I was feeling very overwhelmed with trying to fit us all into a much smaller house and mostly I was finding having the dc living on top of me all the time very difficult. I've adjusted to the lack of space now.
To me burnout is when you hit rock bottom, when you no longer can cope and send your children to school as a result, I admit I have fantasised about that a number of times but I couldn't imagine myself doing it. I guess if I had thought about it logically I would have realised that there are degrees of burnout, one doesn't wake up with a full blown case overnight.
I suggested the possibility to dh last night after reading your posts that I may have burnout, he doesn’t felt that is the case, he thinks its exhaustion due to the lack of discipline. That my enthusiasm is squashed by the time I have dealt with all the dc’s nonsense that I no longer have energy to do more than the basics. There is alot of truth in that too.
lapazfarm wrote:
| Am I wrong, or aren't you in the middle of your school year over there? Those feeling tend to hit me around february here, when we are headed for a long stretch of ugly weather and no fun holidays for awhile. |
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We are in the middle of our school year, however this is not a new feeling I was feeling like this last year. Although I have to say winter is not my favourite time of the year I know that can play a factor.
WJFR wrote:
| Weirdly enough, I sometimes have my most unmotivated times when there is not a crisis going on. I think it's because when I am pregnant or have a new baby or a hospitalized little one or something else, I have something to pin the problems on. and that helps me accept the problems and deal with them. But when nothing like that is going on, I am more aware that things aren't going quite as I would like them to. |
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How interesting Willa. You see that is part of why I am beating myself up. This is NOT the time to be slack, this is optimum time that should be used for productivity and I can’t get motivated enough.
Thank you for the links you posted, I’ll check them out soon.
Bookswithtea wrote:
| I had a 3 yr bout of burnout after about 6 yrs of homeschooling. It wasn't fun. I would not say I am super inspired like I was in the early days, but I don't feel as bad as I did anymore. I think its partially when there's a lot of children within a certain age group, external stresses can make it worse (a move, feeling like there is more month than money by the 20th, wondering if we need to switch parishes...stuff like that). |
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This is the thing, I started out with so much enthusiasm and I still have it occasionally, it just doesn’t seem to last. (Mmm we have just left our parish which)
Bookswithtea wrote:
| We were on 'bare bones' a lot of the time, and I did fool around with more traditional curriculum (note to self: CM methods still work better for us!) for awhile. |
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Fortunately I have resisted a more traditional curriculum as I knew it would not be the right thing for me, I would not be well suited. We have been doing bare bones but that is what is depressing me, not only am I not motivated but I don’t seem to find the time/energy for the creative things that speak well to my soul, tea time, poetry, good literature reads, nature study. I have know this for some time but still can’t seem to MAKE myself do it. How do I kick start myself, I know part of the solution and can’t even take a step toward doing something.
Bookswithtea wrote:
| The other thing I have learned is that with more children in the house, I have to intentionally plan to teach *less* if I want to go deeper. Sounds simple, but somehow I missed that in all my reading. |
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What an insightful pearl of wisdom I am really going to ponder this. I have forgotten this, because I have known this at some stage in our journey and somehow have forgotten it The question is how do you do this on a practical note?
MaryG wrote:
| what "jazzes" me and gets me out of a slump is reading or re-reading good books on home learning -- Elizabeth's, CM herself, an unschooling book or two ... |
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Before this afternoon I would have said that I tried it and it wasn’t the trick. Elizabeth’s book I love dearly but at this stage it overwhelmed me, I would read of all the things I want to do and just couldn’t get off the couch and do Today I borrowed The Well Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer and I think I may have turned a corner. At any rate I am feeling a little rejuvenated I may have found the direction for dd14. I think that is a large part of my juggle feeling, I still don’t feel I have found our ‘stride’ for her. I haven’t found the right direction for her, I feel like I am floundering and am not certain which direction to take (this is a feeling two years old)
MaryG wrote:
| You mentioned having too many balls in the air -- are you trying to do too much with the kids? Sometimes we've gone with a week of JUST read-alouds and playing together ... no "real" school work but TONS of learning, fun and reconnecting |
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The too many balls is simply from the number of needs not from doing too much. I have particularly had this feeling since dd reached grade seven. Having children of highschool (grade 7 is highschool here) primary, infants and pre-school age has felt SUCH a stretch. I don’t know why it just has. In fact I think it is one of the biggest problems, you would think I could get over it eighteen months later but I haven’t. I am juggling my balls, I appear to be holding it all together and in some ways I am, but I know I’m not doing a great job.
Nicole-amdg wrote:
| As someone who's right there with you when it comes to the kids' responsiveness, I think this sounds like a good idea, or at least abandoning the seatwork for something more project-based. |
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Nicole that is precisely what we have decided to do since all of your prayers came flooding in. I have long been an admirer of Theresa’s project based learning. After discussing some issues with the dc we are embarking on our first project. We are studying Native American’s and have started building a NA village. The dc spent yesterday between morning tea and lunch building tepees. It is like a lightbulb has finally gone on. Often we read lots then maybe get to writing, an activity and hopefully a craft. Now it is like changing the direction of the floodlight we focus on the hands on activity and through that the dc learn. What would the NA’s wear, eat, etc?, how would they build their tepees, canoes etc?. They have to learn these things to be able to build the village. These hands on activities are what my dc love, they are really happy, okay I am stepping out of ‘my’ comfort zone but it is worth it as I can see their enthusiasm returning.
Julia and Rebecca
Thank you for your kind words, do you know I have been pondering what ‘nutures my soul’. I know its important but I can’t think what I want to do. I am enjoying writing in my blog, that’s something creative I have started. I feel like I need to do something else but I can’t think what?
Molly,
Hugs to you, do you know writing about all this has really helped, didn’t you have a really difficult year yourself last year? Everyone’s advice to me is great, and really is applicable to you, let’s share.
teachingmyown wrote:
| But, really for me, it is the all-at-once, constant talking of six kids saying "Mom, look, Mom, help". I desperately need to find a way to make homeschooling enjoyable to me because as much as I love being with my kids and can't see them going to school, I dread "schooling". I have for years |
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This is how I feel about our table time some days, everyone at you all at once. And then I worry that the dc would have to be picking up that attitude, I just can’t see how to change it though, not with seven dc to attend too. Once upon a time with a kindergartener and pre-schooler and baby it was a lovely fascinating time, I could see all that John Holt wrote was true children did learn all the time, now with seven it isn’t so easy. Don’t get me wrong I love having my dc they are a blessing but I just can’t seem to get it all done in such a relaxed manner. I miss that.
Teachingmyown wrote:
| Lots of good ideas here, to ponder and pray about. I love Julia's idea of finding something she enjoys. I would say there is nothing in my life right now that I do for the sheer enjoyment of it. I don't have a hobby or particular interest outside of my job of mom and wife. Perhaps that is why I feel so deflated. |
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Maybe the good ladies here would like to start a list of suggestions for us as if there is you and I feeling like this perhaps there are more.
Sarah
Hugs to you too.
ALMom wrote:
| My dc - esp. my teens, wanted more time with me as mom and didn't want all our conversations to be school related. My toddlers just wanted mom time of any kind and I could sense it in the trouble making that can start when they need my attention and havent' gotten enough. (I'm a bookish person by nature and not a very good conversationalist so this meant I had to work on different skills, myself in order to meet the teens needs, planning some sort of school for the toddlers to do with me means that they don't get pushed aside) |
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Ah Janet,
Now this is a whole can of worms you have opened here. The pulling in many different directions, the feeling that everyone wants you and there is only so much of you. Fortunately I don’t feel this way too strongly at present but I have in the past. I have been getting this feeling under control a little with the Montessori activities and my ‘mystery boxes’. I am slowly making progress in spending time with my teen at where she is at. I can see myself sometimes sliding into meeting their educational needs and then being so tired out from that and not meeting their other needs, (I feel very brave here tonight admitting this, I may come back and delete)
Kristin wrote:
| I find myself longing for the days when I was just mom and didn't have to try to balance my homeschooling role with my mothering role |
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It was to this end yesterday that I stopped doing my things and just went and cooked cakes with my little girls, we had a lovely afternoon. I need to remember to invite myself into their world, to just take time away from the distractions and enjoy my dc’s company and for them to enjoy mine.
Lapazfarm wrote:
| I think it is important to see the homeschooling role not as separate, but as an extension of the mothering role. Just as it is the most natural thing in the world to teach our children how to say mama, to pray, and to eat with a spoon, it can be natural to teach them to write, to subtract, and to interpret poetry. I think we run into trouble when we try to make learning something that is unnatural or forced. |
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Once upon a time it all flowed naturally however the more dc I add to the mix the harder it seems to be to flow it together naturally and I’m saying this as a person who only uses one textbook and many living books. It should be natural but there is a difference and I don’t quite know how or if I can make my way back.
Meredith and Kristie
Thank you for your kind words.
Kristin wrote:
| But it seems to me that just because something is "natural" does not mean that it is easy. If we're talking about living a lifestyle of joyful learning together, I would agree that this can be natural. But I'm not so sure that "teaching" all of the subjects comes naturally to every mother and I'm sure it isn't always easy. |
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There are certainly areas that I am not comfortable in and have to encourage myself to attempt.
Kristin wrote:
| Everyone has different talents and we are bound to feel challenged in our own personal areas of "weakness". Is it possible to home school and never really end up "teaching" something we don't feel completely comfortable with? |
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Absolutely. BTW feel free to hijack
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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Willa
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| Posted: Aug 03 2007 at 10:14am | IP Logged
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teachingmyown wrote:
Okay, but what if teaching them to write or interpret poetry does not come naturally at all? I do not feel that these things flow naturally from me, especially not in a home with 7 children so far.
Could it be that this is a defining difference between those of us who really struggle with home education and those of you to whom it really is "natural"? |
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I've been thinking about your question. I'm one of those unnatural teachers -- I mean, people to whom teaching doesn't come naturally. My kids didn't even learn to tie their shoes from me -- they either picked it up from someone else or a couple of them still stuff their laces in the shoe tongues.
On the other hand, I would think Elizabeth Foss is a natural teacher if there ever was one, and yet she wrote the article on burnout.
My guess is that melancholics are more subject to burnout, whether they are gifted in discipling or not .... melancholics are idealistic, perfectionist and easily discouraged, and many of them find it difficult to get quickly enthused or to adapt easily to something new. This makes it difficult for them to go with the flow when a new season in life comes up or when they have to learn something new in order to be helpful to their kids. This is certainly true of me -- I ALWAYS get thrown by a change, even a good change. Knowing this, I know it isn't effective for me to use a spontaneous type learning style, but nor is it effective to use a highly structured one with lots of busywork, because that will clutter my outlook and discourage me when we can't "keep up".
On the bright side, melancholics are usually thoughtful and have that idealism and high expectations for themselves as well as others -- it seems to rub off by osmosis on the kids in their family. And very often, they are gifted and intelligent. This is the up side; it's not all bad to have the melancholy trait.
Melancholics have to remember to have ways to notice their progress. If they don't they will spend all their energy looking up at what's left to climb of the mountain, wondering why they haven't been able to make more progress than they have, berating themselves for their slowness, and forget to look back and see how far they've come. Then burnout is almost inevitable.
Personally, I love poetry but dislike "teaching" interpretation. Therefore I do it strictly by conversation and exposure to good poetry; this has sufficed.
There are other subjects I don't enjoy and don't know much about. Car mechanics and athletics might be two examples. With those kinds of subjects, I think:
Is it absolutely critical they need to know this or do this before they leave the home, or can they pick it up later on a need-to-know basis?
If it is necessary, can I delegate the instruction to someone else? Either an instruction manual, or an actual tutor or guide?
My oldest son did math, Latin and Greek in high school -- subjects where he got past my level -- by studying well-devised textbooks that suited his learning style. On the other hand, he never did pick up much about car mechanics. He'll have to tackle that someday when he needs the skill.
I agree with what Theresa and others say that homeschooling is inevitably an extension of mothering.
To me this means I have to let my homeschooling flow out of what kind of mom I am. I am not a particularly hands-on, interactive mom; I am not a "natural teacher". Therefore I have to plan to be interactive and affectionate (since children have a need for warm involvement) but I can't rely on a homeschool method that involves heavy-duty teaching and lots of hands-on. I rely a lot on books and environment because that is my comfort zone as a mom. I let them devise their own hands-on activities, keeping the materials at hand and supporting their ventures. (Thus, we have the most beautiful set of homecrafted, wooden, enamel-painted and carefully decorated swords in the CA Sierras; and my daughter can sew well, though she never received instruction from me except when she had a problem and asked me for tips).
Also, homeschooling is an extension of mothering in that parents naturally have the responsibility of their child's education as part of their general responsibility for formation and preparation. And they have the matrimonial graces to help them adequately fulfill that responsibility (thank God! I've relied on those graces again and again!)
Education is not really a fixed entity. The primary and enduring responsibility is religious formation.... moral, doctrinal, devotional. I say this with trembling because I am not naturally good at it at all, but it IS the bottom line. In all other areas, as GK Chesterton points out, education is sort of discretionary. At one time needlework and pianoforte and a smattering of spoken French were considered essential for young women; at another time swordsmanship and horse riding were first priority for a class of young men. This is no longer the case. Fagan taught thieving; I do not. You teach by what you are and what your goals are for your kids.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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ALmom
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| Posted: Aug 03 2007 at 2:17pm | IP Logged
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Willa, you said what I was trying to phrase in response to Molly's question. The truth is I don't teach naturally. I am very bookish and love to write - research papers were my favorite activity in school. I hated projects, I hated having to talk, and I especially was awkward in a group. I am still a very awkward social conversationalist. I also am not very confident "teaching" any subject. My school will by necessity look different than the mom who is a natural leader or teacher. Things may seem more natural in this mother's home and she may find these rhythms that work much more easily. Schoolishness doesn't necessarily mean unnaturaleness depending on the inclinations of those in the house. My oldest was happiest with very set assignments - the structure gave her security from which to really learn. I think we have to shed our own prejudices for or against traditional ways of doing things and make whatever we do work. I started out totally opposed to traditional schooling - I viewed it as the memorize and forget mode - but I've had dc that have really, really been much more comfortable with this and much more able to really learn this way. I have to accept this. We do tend to have a very big mix of traditional, real books, lots of reading and a few dc who go off project based. Now, I found that planning the projects made them uninspirational, but having supplies, books, descriptions, etc. those dc who are so inclined will take off. I also have found that despite my best intentions strewing didn't work well here - the dc stayed forever in their one area of passion and neglected all else - so I like to leave them free in areas of passion and require something in other areas. But it really isn't the specifics of how family A does things or family B - but really finding the rhythm that works for the year in your home.
Theresa's description of learning in her home is delightful and I wish it could be that natural in my home. It isn't, for whatever reason - either my inabilities, the learning difficulties of my dc that require me to be an active therapist/teacher for a time, the temperments of the dc. Of course, we continue to look for something that will inspire - which is why I'm easing into some Montessori (be the sole lessons for the younger) and will always continue family read alouds (but my olders have already had this so these highschoolers won't be a required part beyond the devotional Bible reading - tend to discuss with them most naturally over supper). It is also why I've gone and downloaded just about everything Theresa put up to share with us all on science. I just have to work at accepting things when we try something and as beautiful as it works in someone else's home it just doesn't work really well here.
Also if this other mom happens to have a positive outlook, she will tend to see and report on all that is accomplished and if she has had classroom experience, she knows, they don't accomplish everything they set out to do either, so this is hardly a hiccup in their year. I tend to be negative, so I have to force myself to focus on the positive - but I am a perfectionist and very lacking in confidence so when I'm trying to do things, I can panic and knee jerk and we end up getting lost. I have to work really, really hard at seeing what is done. I will always have more stress than others of differing temperments because of my own weaknesses. I am not saying I use this as an excuse not to soften these tendencies in myself and improve - but I also cannot beat myself up over them. We tend to laugh at these foibles of mine in my house and learn from the errors of one year for a better next year. I am the kind of person who would probably be stressed no matter what I did - and if my dc were in school, it would still be there - just different. It helps to know this isn't all homeschooling.
I do have to discipline myself to stick with the course (doesn't mean I'm unflexible) and I have to work harder for everything to blend in a balanced way in our home. Yes, teaching is an extension of mothering, but as the children get older, there have to be some distinctions that aren't there when they are younger. For us, setting up academics where the olders are mostly independent and I am tutor really does help - but you have to have clearly stated goals and plans to do this. It is funny because I resisted this more schoolish approach for so long and my dc always hated the various project, group based things we tried to do. When I only had one child, it was easy for me as we just naturally led each other deeper and deeper and followed trails - but since I only focus well on one thing at a time and my dc are very widely spaced (God's plan) once we had more than one it never worked. When we tried to do read alouds together, the younger was distracting the older and making the whole thing unenjoyable for all. It was better to each have their own time on things suited to their own age (4 years is huge when they are 7 and 3 and then again when they are 10 and 6 (who cannot read or sit still) and then again when you are talking 13 and 9 (these were the ages of my oldest 2). Now I have a group of boys that are closer in age but other dynamics and some learning challenges to contend with so while we do more academics together with some (10 yo leads all in some science esperimenting,etc - the oldest boy in this group really needs to be left to work things himself without a lot of others looking over). It wasn't that we didn't have family fun time all together then or now - but academics together just didn't work well excpet when it happens naturally in the normal sharing in the family. Our school plans don't necessarily look as natural to someone else - and don't always seem as natural but there is lots of natural sharing. The trick really is in the balance in the home - you have to have time for leisure and plain fun with the dc. When there are so many different children, widely spaced in age with very different needs, everything is always a loving attempt to meet everyone's needs that involves some give and take. Sacrifice is just a part of this. And sacrificing "my" dream of academic super learning cause I wanted us to have the time to dig into all I never had time for in a brick school - and all the fun we were going to have .. well, I have to look at what is adequate and what is something that I simply provide the tools if they want to take off and what is where there are definite signs of God given talent and interest where I may have to sacrifice and find outside help in order to develop this. I have to embrace the bigger goal and let go of some of my more grandiose ideas. The spiritual must be above the academic (not that this are totally seperate - but I have to have clear in my mind that this is the highest priority, etc.) That is where remembering that we are a family and I am the mom or heart of it must always stay out front spiritual/God first, then our family life, then academics - then we make the right sacrifices.
My dc wanted structure as they got older - ie give me detailed plans. We could do a lot of freewheeling well into middle school and then the "give me structure" hit. I would read and listen to all the descriptions of how different people brought their families together for group rabbit trails, group lessons on basics, etc. I really do admire what I see in these people's children and they seem to naturally lead their children to conversation. My children went nuts if I tried to do this as I was so awkward that they felt like I was prying or every conversation was about something we were learning. I tried to learn, but in the end accepted myself as I am and figure I will get my oldest dd to help me develop conversationally in social situations. I need to use my strengths when trying to communicate with dc at home or they will be grown and gone by the time I learn enough to make learning more natural in these settings. (Now children that naturally have this need/inclination, I still do try to notice and provide them with plenty of idea books, supplies, etc. and time to do these things is in the plan - may even lead the day. So with my science fan, he chose his history, we are getting lots of the cut and make as per his request and I am putting some books on the reading list for him to choose from. We are following a text.
So I write little notes - or let them lead the discussions or projects or... But in order for all this to happen, we do have to have clear and realistic goals for the year - something achievable and something that we can set out. I just cannot focus on more than one thing at a time and during the school year, I'm trying to make sure we have supper, the house is cleaned tolerably, all 6 children are being nurtured and loved in ways that actually reach them, that we are hitting basic skills so that in the end I am at least not neglecting the duty to educate. Now, education isn't just academics but academics are part of that. We were really laid back for a long time and in our house, that doesn't work. Some of it was due to eye problems, but some is also due to really intense likes and dislikes. So leaving things open and going with the flow would mean I'd have one child doing experiments all day (never writing anything down, and still not capitalizing or putting a punctuation mark at the end of a sentence) and one child who whould read history all day and never ever touch any science or math in her entire school. So I do have to direct some. Now, how to do this needs to realistically take into account your own personality. I've seen people who can leave everything seemingly loose and flexible and though there is certainly planning they are good at being under the radar and leading their children in subtle ways and with this things do seem like they just happen. In my house, the kids go nuts because we end up rudderless because I cannot even remember who had what chore or... yet alone where we were going to be headed. So I write mine down - and to save time, I use plans and ideas from everywhere and merge it. Our best years are the years that are best planned. But I don't just go off and decide - Oh, Kolbe said this was important. I look and consult with each child one at a time (or if they are younger we tend to be looser but look at big picture with dh and plan so that I know we are not neglecting leisure). We decide on what we think are each child's strengths and weaknesses and how best to accomplish a few main goals for each child. Now, my dc are probably not ivy league and no one would stand in awe of their brilliance, but they are good, loving, accomplished children and I am trying to nurture the gifts we see there without totally neglecting the areas of weakness. My science fan already shows signs of where he may be headed - and it will not be English composition or literature - but we won't neglect that in the process but neither will I sweat it for him if he isn't reading the same things as my more literature loving child. He will be able to write decently by the time he leaves home even if he won't show any proclivity to be a journalist. Of course, I plan to use his science interest to get him to write but writing will be on the lesson plan - papers to be handed in every week (1 week lab, another week a paragraph). Now this is for a 5th grader.
I guess for me, planning has reduced my stress significantly - and please no tomatoes - as I know there are lots of people on this board who are so gifted that they are able to have very loose plans and give their children plenty of guidance - and their children seem brilliant. I guess what I'm trying to say is that looking at the positive (forcing yourself to focus on what is accomplished if you must), keeping appropriate leisure in the day, having priorities straight (I had to remind myself to play with dc as I am not a natural at playing - I am way too serious and the type that often misses the joke), keeping balance in your day to day, having a plan that is adequate for you family (ie whatever detail is enough to keep you on track - since I am a side tracked home exec - detailed plans work best for me and help me keep everything straight. I know someone else said a list of general goals and computer folders with ideas for the year were what works - just we need to remember that we have permission to do things the way that works for us) and keeping communication going with all the family both about school academics but also just in jest and play or sharing heart secrets.
Now, if you have a large family and particularly if someone is suffering at the moment, this is going to seem overwhelming at times and it helps when you expect that. Don't we all have moments of feeling overwhelmed no matter what the worthwhile activitiy at least from time to time. But when you know that it is normal, well it doesn't freeze you and you know it is just normal.
Yikes, I think I'm thinking outloud and probably going to bore folks to tears but I don't have time to go back and reread as I've got to get to my planning.
Janet
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Aug 04 2007 at 12:40am | IP Logged
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Kristin wrote:
Theresa wrote:
"I think it is important to see the homeschooling role not as separate, but as an extension of the mothering role. Just as it is the most natural thing in the world to teach our children how to say mama, to pray, and to eat with a spoon, it can be natural to teach them to write, to subtract, and to interpret poetry."
I appreciate the truth and beauty of what is described here by Theresa and agree that the home learning that we do with our children is a natural extension of all the other "teaching" we've done with our children from the moment they were born or came into our care. But it seems to me that just because something is "natural" does not mean that it is easy. If we're talking about living a lifestyle of joyful learning together, I would agree that this can be natural. But I'm not so sure that "teaching" all of the subjects comes naturally to every mother and I'm sure it isn't always easy. Or maybe it is?! If so, someone please tell me the secret!
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No, it isn't always easy. Sometimes it is very hard.
Kristin wrote:
If someone else was "teaching" our son to read, I would not be feeling this stress and the sense of responsibility that comes along with it. Perhaps this is a better explanation of what I meant when I said that I sometimes long for the days when I was "just mom"? Am I making any sense at all here??? |
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Makes a lot of sense. As both Mom and teacher we have tremendous responsibilities. I think we all can appreciate the occasional feeling of wishing someone else could ease a bit of our burden. Sometimes I'm tempted to believe it when folks think I'm nuts for doing this homeschooling thing!LOL!
Willa really says it much better than I:
WJFR wrote:
I agree with what Theresa and others say that homeschooling is inevitably an extension of mothering.
To me this means I have to let my homeschooling flow out of what kind of mom I am. I am not a particularly hands-on, interactive mom; I am not a "natural teacher". Therefore I have to plan to be interactive and affectionate (since children have a need for warm involvement) but I can't rely on a homeschool method that involves heavy-duty teaching and lots of hands-on. I rely a lot on books and environment because that is my comfort zone as a mom. |
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WJFR wrote:
Also, homeschooling is an extension of mothering in that parents naturally have the responsibility of their child's education as part of their general responsibility for formation and preparation. And they have the matrimonial graces to help them adequately fulfill that responsibility (thank God! I've relied on those graces again and again!) |
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WJFR wrote:
You teach by what you are and what your goals are for your kids. |
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__________________
Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Kristie 4
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Excellent Willa.
I also am not a 'natural' teacher. I am a bookie and a 'hands on encourager' (I provide the materials and enthusiasm!).
I could put some of your quotes here but I think I would quote your whole post 
Thank you all for your wise words...
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Kristie in Canada
Mom to 3 boys and one spunky princess!!
A Walk in the Woods
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TracyQ
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I am a *natural teacher*, but it still isn't easy! I think God is teaching US every bit as much as we're teaching our children through this journey of home educating our children, and stretching us all in our family through the process as well to become more than we could ever hope to be otherwise.
And my belief has always been that in the call to home educate, the most important part of the education is not in the academics at all, but in the learning, practicing, and embracing of our precious Faith. Though I'd be doing that even if our kids weren't home for schooling, I wonder if they'd be as receptive to learn it, practice it, and embrace it if they weren't.
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Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
 homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
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Angel
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ALmom wrote:
Yikes, I think I'm thinking outloud and probably going to bore folks to tears but I don't have time to go back and reread as I've got to get to my planning.
Janet |
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Janet, I just wanted to thank you for your thoughtful posts in this thread. They certainly did not bore me. Today has been really tough, and I don't trust myself to say anything on the subject of teaching, learning, or burnout. I came here thinking about what Erin had mentioned on the subject of discipline problems -- that they can sap your energy to the point where all the "fun" stuff seems like too much work, and everything gets whittled down to basic skills, and even that seems like effort... throw in some special needs, on either the disciplinary or academic end (or both) and it certainly *is* a lot of effort. This is sort of where I'm coming from today, because all I have seemed to do is referee big kids and restrain toddlers who are trying to bite, kick, pull hair, and hit. So this afternoon I have no energy to really think about learning, I am not sure if it's even worth it to prepare any of the activities I've been thinking about, I'm not sure if anything I do really makes a difference, and the differences in my kids' learning styles and all their various needs for me just as a mom seem completely overwhelming.
But then again, it's a bad day. So what I am grateful for is to be able to read the thoughts of other homeschooling mothers who are farther down the road than I am (my oldest is only 10), because this helps to put everything in perspective. As homeschoolers we're blazing our own trails of necessity, but I think that sometimes we have a tendency to become sort of closed-in on what is happening in our own families without realizing that many other people have dealt with the same issues. I think that often just the sense of not being "the only one" helps me out a lot when I am feeling un-enthused and burnt out.
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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Erin
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Angel wrote:
Today has been really tough, and I don't trust myself to say anything on the subject of teaching, learning, or burnout. I came here thinking about what Erin had mentioned on the subject of discipline problems -- that they can sap your energy to the point where all the "fun" stuff seems like too much work, and everything gets whittled down to basic skills, and even that seems like effort... throw in some special needs, on either the disciplinary or academic end (or both) and it certainly *is* a lot of effort. This is sort of where I'm coming from today, because all I have seemed to do is referee big kids and restrain toddlers who are trying to bite, kick, pull hair, and hit. So this afternoon I have no energy to really think about learning, I am not sure if it's even worth it to prepare any of the activities I've been thinking about, I'm not sure if anything I do really makes a difference, and the differences in my kids' learning styles and all their various needs for me just as a mom seem completely overwhelming.
But then again, it's a bad day. So what I am grateful for is to be able to read the thoughts of other homeschooling mothers who are farther down the road than I am (my oldest is only 10), because this helps to put everything in perspective. As homeschoolers we're blazing our own trails of necessity, but I think that sometimes we have a tendency to become sort of closed-in on what is happening in our own families without realizing that many other people have dealt with the same issues. I think that often just the sense of not being "the only one" helps me out a lot when I am feeling un-enthused and burnt out.
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Oh Angela
Many, many  I CAN SO relate to your post. Discipline problems trickle down and escalate and at times you just don't know where to start or whether a period of the Nazi mum is in order to get your 'house in order'.
For me it has helped alot the support and prayers from here I can just feel them pouring in, and I am adding my prayers to everyone of you special ladies who are at this particular place at this time
Angela, you write so well describing just what it is like. May I share my day yesterday? It was a great day, I don't intend on being insensitive by writing this but to let you know I started tackling my discipline problem; you know where one child makes 'noises loudly' all the time, others scribble on their siblings work to annoy them which leads to an all out fight, someone throws erasers/pencils, mum loses it and yells so then a child storms off as she can't handle the yelling. Oh yeah and the little ones start name calling and poking each other which leads to... I'm sure you understand Well that was a bad day, onto the good
I have been reading the Well Trained Mind, more with my 14yr old in mind, but it occured to me that all my children could do with a good dose of drill, something we lack in and at the same time dh and I had a long talk about the discipline problems described above (please don't anyone think my dc are little rotters, if you met them you would think they are delightful I'm sure, that is just describing an out of control day and I do so to encourage other mums they are not alone and besides it is a good act of humilation )
Dh felt that they are playing far too much computer (true) and from now on HE will give permission for the computer and before he does so he has to see a large amount of written work, they have to put in a big effort. Most likely computer won't be turned on until the holidays. Anyhow I added to it and told the dc that they will be gradeded ( they have never been graded in their live)for attitude and application daily which would then be converted into an average for the week. and then Dad would take that mark into consideration regards computer time.
Well drill started well then we sat down to the table to do a spelling lessong and two boys started, making noises, yelling etc nothing too bad at this stage but all contributing to the spiral effect  Well I warned the first child, he continued, I walked over to the whiteboard and wrote his name and a 'B' under it, he asked what it was for, I explained, he did it again, he got a 'C'. Well he sat up after that and stopped. His brother tried the same thing with the same results. Another ds sat up straight restrained himself with great effort and recieved an A. It was hilarious This is so out of character for me but it was very funny. The dc started putting up their hands to ask me a question, and were calling me Miss Hannigan (she is the nasty orphanage lady in 'Annie' ) They enjoyed being good. It was such a nice day without the discipline issues, even ds8 told me how proud he was of himself for behaving and how much more work he got done. Best of all I then had the energy to read aloud and in the afternoon I did some cooking and the little girls and I started making skirts. I haven't done anything like that for months and months.
So I encourge you to be 'Miss Hannigan' Praying that you have a better day today, and praying for all the other mums who have shared, I'd love to hear if anyone is feeling a little better.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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Sarah
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I had a Miss Hannigan morning  .
I nicely warned the boys this morning that ANY acts of disrespect or fighting were immediately going to be dealt with by a serious loss of a privilege. When the request to pick up some items was ignored, the computer time was gone. It seems obvious that I should have been doing this all along, but sometimes I have erred on the side of too lenient.
So, the computer was shut down all day (both sons daily check Major League Baseball Stats, but aren't allowed to veer from that site).
Later in the afternoon, attitudes improved and we spent hours watercoloring and listening to a homeschooling talk on tape. Somethinng we have never done before. And the boys saw I meant business. 
The day went pretty well. . .
Angel I have had so many of these days lately. I see that I need to switch gears and make getting along a more serious goal. Keep posting here if you need to "talk." Don't suffer through stress alone. It does help to hear you're not alone
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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Erin
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Sarah wrote:
| I had a Miss Hannigan morning . |
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Sarah wrote:
| I have had so many of these days lately. I see that I need to switch gears and make getting along a more serious goal. Keep posting here if you need to "talk." Don't suffer through stress alone. It does help to hear you're not alone |
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To you to Sarah,
You know something that occured to me the other day, often as a mother I often underestimate/ don't have high enough expectations of my dc. Now this may not apply for all hsing mothers but I'm sure it does to at least two!
I was chatting to my irl friend's husband at soccer practice last week, my friend was away for several days (nursing mother's conference) I asked him how he was coping, he said that they had done 'schoolwork' that day as the boys were being ratty. I asked his son7, whether he had done much, Isaac said 'yes' Dad agreed. Now I knew that my friend had been having discipline issues with her five boys, so I asked, 'no problems?' Nope was the answer 'I just told them to sit down, do their work and then they can go.' He told me he can't understand why the boys can't see the logic in this. Occasionally my dh has had my dc for lessons as well, he gets far more work out of them then I do as he has higher expectations, and he also takes the same approach, knuckle down, get your work done, then you can go.
As a mother I expend so much energy into making their learning 'enjoyable' and 'natural' I twist myself into knots sometimes and yet I look at the experience and attitude of these two men and wonder.. Just wondering out loud here and not too sure what I'm proposing
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Erin
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Erin
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I've been praying for all you wonderful ladies here who shared and supported. I've been wondering if any of you are feeling a little better? or worse? I'd love to hear from you.
I've been improving since I shared and was so well supported here. I've made a few changes that have made a big difference, firstly I've been trying to go for walks daily, secondly I realised I had slipped and wasn't observing Sundays. I now take off Sundays, no housework or planning. And I've been thinking of myself as 'fragile' you know when you've just had a baby and you take extra care of yourself, well like that I've been cutting myself slack. Just trying to accept where I am and taking baby steps to change what I can.
The biggest realisation is that my hs will never be what it was when I had all my dc under 11  It is different, I loved those days of non-stop reading and literature based unit studies, but life changes and we have to bend. So I've stopped grieving for that and am trying to look forward.
I've had to accept that for the moment covering the basics WELL is important for us, and then after that every day I feel really great if I read to the dc particularly the younger dd5 and 3. Also it is okay for me to not be the one to organise from the roots up all the time. Next term we will be using RC History, for me this is flexible enough but yet will give me accountability. It meets where I am at at present.
Praying for you all
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
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teachingmom
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Hi Erin,
I was on vacation when this entire thread took place and entirely missed it. But it fits my situation to a T. I chimed in here. That conversation assumes that the feelings were at least partially due to being over 40, but reading your post and the comments here make me think that my feelings are likely more due to the number of years I have homeschooled, along with the stretch of teaching from 8th grade (with some high school level courses) down to preschool -- with an infant too.
I can say that planning our history unit for the year has helped some with my motivation and enthusiasm. I just need to figure out the balance between the basic seatwork stuff and the more interesting, delving more deeply type of learning.
We start school tomorrow. I plan to begin my day with an early morning walk. I realized that regular exercise will be key to helping get rid of these feelings I've been having, and my kids are now old enough to leave unattended while I walk. Those of you who know me will probably be laughing to yourselves. "Irene? An EARLY morning walk? You've got to be kidding!" So please say a prayer that I can do this -- and continue it on a regular basis.
And now, this night owl had better get off the computer and get to bed so I can follow through with this plan!
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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Erin
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Irene
I've been reading the other post with avid interest but haven't wanted to jump in as I am still shy of 40 by several years and I didn't want to horn in. I realise that being over 40 could well contribute to sheer exhaustion, mind you years of broken sleep due to nursing babies is taking a toll at present. However I did find that I really related to many comments.
teachingmom wrote:
| That conversation assumes that the feelings were at least partially due to being over 40, but reading your post and the comments here make me think that my feelings are likely more due to the number of years I have homeschooled, along with the stretch of teaching from 8th grade (with some high school level courses) down to preschool -- with an infant too. |
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So very, very true. And mixed in it all is the grief of the dreams we have had to leave behind on the way. Janet's post said it so well,
ALmom wrote:
| I grieve the loss of how perfect I was going to do this all and how wonderfully excited all our children were going to be over any kind of learning (I expected my children would just begin to pick up books to read and tell me about them and find out things and get excited and we could follow their trails. |
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So much of what Janet wrote I could quote, all so relevant and well said.
teachingmom wrote:
| I can say that planning our history unit for the year has helped some with my motivation and enthusiasm. I just need to figure out the balance between the basic seatwork stuff and the more interesting, delving more deeply type of learning. |
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As part of my'revitalising program' I am turning some of my focus to my younger children. This is helping, I enjoy those years
What are you planning to do for history? Ah the balance, that is alot of the problem.
The 'early morning' walk. My family are like that with me, at present I am slack again, dh was telling me that he heard a radio program with the most amazing excuses as to why people didn't exercise. My current one is the baby is waking early When I get in the habit it, it is good, I enjoy God's nature and I have a beautiful track. If I'm up early enough I get to see a big mob of kangaroos grazing up in the back paddock, mmm I'm nearly inspired to start again, now that spring is here I can't say that it is too cold.
And sleep that's another thing, how many of us moms feeling like this are going to bed early enough? I know that I struggle to get there by midnight, I just find I'm needing time to unwind after the dc are in bed but then I'm not getting enough sleep.
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Erin
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hereinantwerp
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I could have written your initial post, or something very like it. I haven't been on this forum much for months--dealing with personal issues, and then lately, just lack of motivation. So I clicked on tonight thinking, maybe for some encouragement, or that I would post something very like this--"somebody please tell me why I am putting myself through this??"
I was feeling so discouraged that this morning I told dh I was THROUGH with hsing, at least for my middle child--I just keep feeling sure someone could do a much better job with him than me. My oldest is easy--he pretty much "self educates", and always has. But my 8 yo--he's not a natural student, and I'm not a natural "teacher" (I love books and discussing ideas, but I am very impatient and intolerant when someone doesn't "get it" right away, and he needs a ton of patience and extra support, and I'm afraid I just do damage!).
I told dh that I still agree with the theories behind hsing--I just don't want to be the one to have to PRODUCE it all, all day, every day. It all feels like it is on my shoulders. He said he feels I am taking too much on myself. He's always willing to help and take on things, but realistically, he has to work SOMETIMES, he just isn't the one here! I'm happy with the curriculum we're using, so that isn't the problem--when I've tried to do more "unschooling/rabbit trailing" style I've found it MORE work to be really engaged and coming up with the stuff "on the spot", and more stressful for me. But I am just feeling frustrated, angry at the kids on many of our days, uninspired, and right now a little weepy/pitiful/feeling sorry for myself!
It's not that I need a "sabbatical" from school either--I just took one. I'm just trying to get back into it!
re. being "just mom" and not a teacher, I've had that thought too (especially with a toddler right now). what I have felt in that thought is not really the "style" of teaching but just the sheer AMOUNT of stuff to be dealt with, in taking on all the school on top of the normal mothering. And I'll just be really honest here and say that what I am really craving sometimes is just--quiet. Not to be with kids 24/7. I DO get breaks, dh is really, really good about that. But for some reason (am I just really selfish and greedy?) it never feels like enough. And I feel like I'm coming to the slow realization that I'm not very good at the mothering thing, not to mention school. I had these "ideals" and in the end I can't live up to them, they don't really fit me at all. And maybe I have to give myself a little grace in this season, because I have never handled baby-toddlerhood very well. That is not the easiest thing to admit with other mothers--I have WANTED to be that kind of person very much--but in reality I do so much better with my kids when they get a little older. Maybe in another year or two I will not feel so frustrated through the days. If I last that long. I am not writing off the ps option though , for this particular child it really could give us both the support we need. ?????
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Angela Nelson
Mother to Simon (13), Calvin (9), and Lyddie Rose (3)
my blog: live and learn
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teachingmom
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Erin wrote:
| What are you planning to do for history? |
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We are spending the year on early American history, from Columbus through the colonial era and the Revolutionary War. It's my favorite historical subject. Partially due, I'm sure, to growing up in Virginia and attending college in the colonial capital of Williamsburg.
Erin wrote:
| The 'early morning' walk. My family are like that with me, at present I am slack again, dh was telling me that he heard a radio program with the most amazing excuses as to why people didn't exercise. My current one is the baby is waking early When I get in the habit it, it is good, I enjoy God's nature and I have a beautiful track. |
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Well, I have to report success with my first morning's efforts! My 7yo got up and came with me. I hadn't even thought of early morning walks as a way to connect one-on-one with my girls. I do way too little of that in our days because other people are always around.
Erin wrote:
| If I'm up early enough I get to see a big mob of kangaroos grazing up in the back paddock, mmm I'm nearly inspired to start again, now that spring is here I can't say that it is too cold. |
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I had to stop reading your post at this statement, Erin, and tell my girls about what you wrote. I still find it amazing that I can be sitting in my kitchen in Virginia while having this conversation with someone I have never met who lives on the other side of the world. Someone who can spot a mob of kangaroos when she goes out walking! The internet sure does make the world a smaller place.
Erin wrote:
| And sleep that's another thing, how many of us moms feeling like this are going to bed early enough? I know that I struggle to get there by midnight, I just find I'm needing time to unwind after the dc are in bed but then I'm not getting enough sleep. |
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I am right there with you! Midnight is my new goal. So I had better get off the computer again soon.
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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cfa83
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Erin wrote:
I plan and the dc are not that enthusiastic, or maybe one or two are but not the others and the topic falls apart. I feel that if I am not enthusiastic about a learning area then it will filter to the dc. I truly can not remember when we last got into an area deeply. CM says 'we are educated by our intimacies' well frankly I don't feel we have been too intimate with anything much.
I feel like I have a lot of balls in the air and I'm not juggling any of them too well. Dd is 14 soon, I feel like the clock is ticking away wildly with her and I don't have much time left. So many needs, so much to do and I am unmotivated.
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Hi Erin,
Have you read Homeschooling For Excellence by the Colfaxs'? It was the very first book I read in my homeschooling journey (12 yrs ago). That is a great little book. Keep it simple, simple, simple. Focus on the 3 R's when they are little the Colfax's maintained. When they reach about 10 or so, start adding on grammar etc. However, engage each child in their own interests. Those are *their* intimacies. That is where *their* enthusiasm is. After their chores, schooling basics, the Colfax boys dove into their interests.
Long of the short of it, the Colfax had 4 boys, 3 of which went to Harvard.
Concerning your 14dd...I'm right there with you. I think of it alllllllll the time. Let's make the most of our time with them. Enjoy each other. Make some precious traditions together that turn into beautiful memories. Have no regrets. Do it now. Don't wait for everything to fall into place. Each day I spend frittering away I lose time with my precious children, especially my eldest. What a joy they are.
You can do this Erin. You have a great support in your husband. You have a cheerleading section in this group of excellent ladies. You have your guardian angel. You have the adoring love and affection of your children. What more can I say.
__________________
Linda
Married to an incredible man, mother to 6 precious (and I mean precious) children: Grace, Michael, John, Faith, Hope and Andrew
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Feeling uninspired about hs for long time
