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Patty
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| Posted: April 08 2010 at 8:21pm | IP Logged
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I don't know if this is the right place to post this...
My failures in planning are because I want to make the perfect plan and then follow it perfectly. You'd think by now I would realize this is not going to happen! It's a sort of pride, really, to think this way.
Then when my plans fall short, or I fail to follow my plans, I get discouraged and don't want to plan anymore...school, or the running of the household. Does this make sense to anyone else?
I love plans and I still have certain days/times when we do certain things, but I would love to be able to have a more flexible written plan, or to at least realize that whatever I wrote down is likely to change.
I'm not good at keeping it all in my head! Of course I write things down on the calendar (appts and such) and grocery shopping is done on a certain day, etc., but I do think things would run more smoothly if I planned more. I loved reading A Mother's Rule of Life, and liked how she planned things more in blocks of time, not down to the half hour, and I REALLY loved how she explained that our sanctification is found in the fulfilling of our vocation.
If you have had this problem of perfectionism getting in the way, and are conquering it, how did you do that? I would love to hear. Blessings!
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Kathryn
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| Posted: April 08 2010 at 9:41pm | IP Logged
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Hmmm...sorry I don't have an answer to your question but may be this goes in line with my "WHEN do you plan thread" I just posted earlier?!?! I could have written some of your words! Gives me some food for thought. 
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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Mackfam
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I really believe that days need to bend and flex with our vocations and what we're being asked to live in our vocations. Plans are a good tool insofar as they help and assist us in anticipating the routine events of the day, but if those events are neither routine, or if life's season provides a fullness that requires moment to moment prayerful abandonment to Trust, plans should reflect and accomodate that.
Recognizing that the every-day needs wide margins has been a huge help for me! It means that when I get off our routine (I do)...lose focus (happens all the time)...feel distracted (I'm terribly prone to flitting from one happy thing to another)...unmotivated (yep...happens here)...have to focus my energy elsewhere (who among us doesn't have to deal with this?)...I can just pick up where I should be in the day and keep right on moving. No guilt. No looking back. If I've made a mistake in time management...I try to pick up with the routine and try to be faithful to my vocation...wherever I should be with it.
Humility says that I am...or should be...wherever He needs me to be in the day. If I'm faithful to my vocation, that sometimes takes me off my anticipated plans. Thanks be to God! I need not cling to them so tightly that I am unable to see His plan of redirection in my day. How much more ordered He is!!! Sometimes however, grace is in the obedience to those daily plans, the daily duties, and the routines with wide margins. Thanks be to God our plans exist to serve our family during this season of life!
I feel so weird posting links to my own blog posts.  but...I'll add this here in case it's helpful or offers an idea of something that might work...or might NOT work and you can at least eliminate something!  One caveat...I have transformed the details and flow of my lesson plans significantly since this post based on feedback from my children.
Organization of the Day: A Mothers Rule of LOVE seeking HARMONY
I hope this could be a starting point, Patty. This is definitely something I think many/all home educating moms can relate to. No one's plans go exactly *as planned*. The key is to view them as a tool, sometimes we use the tool exactly as it was intended, sometimes we improvise and use it in a different way, sometimes not at all...there's a better tool in the toolbox.
Let's brainstorm this some more if this didn't help. Get down to specifics if needed! Others here will offer great insight!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 08 2010 at 10:55pm | IP Logged
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start with a schedule that only shows the things you are pretty good about getting done. Then you will be much more successful at following it.
Then you can also see better where new things can fit or where you want something you already do to be done slightly differently and work only at the one section.. then add another etc.
Much easier than planning out the perfect schedule and then running into real life 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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JodieLyn
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oh yes, and this method also means that each day has to be done.. you can't do a schedule that is M-F every day the same.. at least I can't.. there's sure to be something different each day (shopping, meeting, lesson, sports, etc) When you do each day independantly, you don't run into things like having to make dinner at 5:30 (when you normally have it at 6 except that one night) in order to make the same schedule work for all days.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Servant2theKing
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Writing plans with no dates, while including spaces for checking off completed tasks or lessons, has really helped me overcome the feeling that we weren't accomplishing things as planned. The entire family can tweak the plans, giving plenty of wiggle room for whatever life brings our way. Making plans loose from the beginning helps alleviate the feeling of not getting things done "on schedule" and affords us the freedom to adjust the plans to a family life that is continually changing. Like you Patty, I love making plans, but easily get discouraged if I don't follow them perfectly.....an all-or-nothing kind of situation. Creating a looser planning system has been a real sanity-saver for me.
Another thing which has helped me overcome perfectionistic tendencies in this area has been focusing on all the things we DO accomplish, rather than looking at what we haven't gotten done. I also made a conscious decision years ago to never compare our homeschooling efforts or schedule with anyone else's. One of the saddest comments I've ever heard is when a homeschooling Mom declares, "We're so far behind!". The beauty and blessing of home educating is that we are able to determine our own schedule and our family's own style of learning.....we should never measure ourselves by what others are doing.
I loved the things that Jennifer/Mackfam wrote, especially regarding humility. When we humbly submit our plans and our days to the Lord, He helps order our days, according to His Perfect Plan for our families. Years ago, I realized that I needed to be more like a balloon, that God could tap gently in whichever direction He determined...a completely freeing concept! I still make plans, but I try to remain always ready to float in whatever direction God sends me. May our Lord and Savior free your soul to soar in whatever direction He chooses to lead you.
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: April 09 2010 at 1:47pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
| I can just pick up where I should be in the day and keep right on moving. No guilt. No looking back. If I've made a mistake in time management...I try to pick up with the routine and try to be faithful to my vocation...wherever I should be with it. |
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Love this thought!
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Patty
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| Posted: April 10 2010 at 8:26am | IP Logged
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Thanks everyone for your replies and ideas! Jennifer, thanks for sharing your daily plans from your blog. That is the only thing that would work for me, a "block" of time instead of detailed times. And honestly, I never did have down-to-the-half hour plans. I used to use a homeschooling program with its own detailed teacher plans, and every day we ate breakfast at 7, followed by about 30 min. of chores, school at 8, lunch at 12, and then at 3 p.m. we'd have a general pickup of the house. And that was when I had several littles!
Now I don't have small children. You'd think I'd have it more "together" but I think part of it is premenopausal stuff...tiredness, emotions, etc. Plus, my mother passed away in May 2008 after a long illness (several years) and I grieved for a long time, both before and after her death. It seems I just went into a tailspin.
Now I see a need for change, but still don't have the energy to do everything I want to do. I need to get back into exercising. That helps so much! Also, there are nights when I have a difficult time sleeping. I really think that is hormonal. The days of very little sleep are so hard...I just drag.
Sorry for the whining! I truly do want to make some positive changes. I will prayerfully consider what you ladies have said. God bless!
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Servant2theKing
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Patty, I can really relate to struggles with hormones, lack of sleep and grief. BTDT with menopause and insomnia, and I'm still grieving my own mother's death as well. One thing I've learned is that herbal or homeopathic sleep aids, while being helpful, can build up in my sytsem and eventually become less beneficial or even counter-productive. I rotate every third day between three different remedies. Lack of sleep definitely impacts every aspect of life. Take hope, many perimenopause symptoms diminish as time goes by. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
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Patty
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Servant,
Thanks for posting that! I know I'm not the only one but it is still good to hear from others that they've gone through it (or still are) and have survived. I do take melatonin for sleep, but only occasionally.
The light at the end of the tunnel is visible to me and becoming brighter. I'm doing another reading of A Mother's Rule of Life and finding so much good stuff there. I read it a few years ago when it came out but maybe I just wasn't ready to implement this in my own life.
She does emphasize making your OWN rule, not copying hers, which of course would not work. Things like FlyLady can be helpful but Holly's book focuses on our relationship with God and putting that first.
I'm in the process of writing my own rule...and putting our boys' room back together after a small basement flood!
Thanks everyone for all the encouragement and advice! God bless.
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10 Bright Stars
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Patty,
I know how you feel. If I can't do it perfectly or if it doesn't go according to how I planned it in my head, I feel like I failed and abandon things. (plans etc.) I also feel as if I messed up the whole day if I get up later than I had planned or if I get to the classroom later than I planned. I also used to get upset when I was a kid when I would write the first thing in a new notebook incorrectly. I felt as if I had spoiled the entire notebook and I STILL to this day purchase notebooks and journals and usually end up writing a page or two and then abandoning it too!!!! My husband asked me one day, "What's with you and new notebooks??" I hadn't really noticed it before but then remembered how I would feel in elementary school during the first week of school or so when I would carefully try to write in the notebook to keep it looking new! I also tend to repaint all the time to keep things new. But, back to school, I tend to LOVE planning but have trouble getting it out of my head unless I can focus on that one thing at a time. Doing everything that is required for so many grades is problamatic.
Obviously being able to be flexible is a requirement in a large homeschooling family so I have to try to tell myself,"What is another way that I can do this?" For example, I used to get hung up if I couldn't find the perfect tool or required tape or color required for said craft but now I think...what else might accomplish this job just as well? SOunds simple, but it has been helpful for me. Also, realizing that I HAVE to make a list has helped me. It takes humility to "know thyself" I actually took some time at the beginning of last summer to write down every problem in our homeschool on one list and in our home on the other list and came up with a solution for each thing. That has really helped me too!
Good luck!
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Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
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JodieLyn
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you might consider some good B-complex supplementing. Those are used up when you're under stress and they make a HUGE difference in how you feel, both in the happy-sad spectrum and in your energy level.
I was taking those and a vit.D supplement after I didn't need the other handfuls of pills after a miscarriage.. it helped so much with the grief. It doesn't make it go away.. it just lets you function between the bouts of grief.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Kathryn
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| Posted: April 12 2010 at 6:34pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
| I can just pick up where I should be in the day and keep right on moving. No guilt. No looking back. If I've made a mistake in time management...I try to pick up with the routine and try to be faithful to my vocation...wherever I should be with it. |
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First, my apologies for asking a question from someone else's post on someone else's topic but I'm wondering, Jen, exactly how do you pick up where you should be if you haven't covered what was in those previous plans? May be I'm looking too literally.
Thanks,
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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JodieLyn
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Kathryn, if you think in larger less specific blocks of time, you can do it.
For instance.. if you have a couple of blocks during the day that are just labeled "school".. and you get all off track and it's time for lunch.. you pick it up at lunch and then the next school block you do your priorities.
So it's not like you end up skipping specific subjects alot.
Or if blocks for doing chores are just labeled "chores".
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Mackfam
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| Posted: April 13 2010 at 8:20am | IP Logged
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Kathryn wrote:
Mackfam wrote:
| I can just pick up where I should be in the day and keep right on moving. No guilt. No looking back. If I've made a mistake in time management...I try to pick up with the routine and try to be faithful to my vocation...wherever I should be with it. |
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First, my apologies for asking a question from someone else's post on someone else's topic but I'm wondering, Jen, exactly how do you pick up where you should be if you haven't covered what was in those previous plans? May be I'm looking too literally.
Thanks, |
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It's like Jodie suggested...I move in very big blocks of time. If I realize at lunch that I've completely mis-used my morning, we break for lunch and I regroup. I am always candid with the kids, I let them know I didn't do very well on a particular morning, but that we're back on track for our afternoon learning block. If I've misused a half a day, I will probably require only basics completed during the afternoon lesson block - that's religion (usually a Baltimore Catechism lesson and continued reading from whatever book they're currently reading), reading/short writing of some kind (this is language arts and this reading could be from history or science), and math.
Big blocks allow me some freedom to pick up where I am in the day. If I missed an entire morning, I would not go back to 8:00 am and try to pick up with everything I missed from 8-12. But, having big blocks in my day means that if I get a little messed up or off track somewhere, I can pick up where we should be in the day and let go of the part we missed. Does that make sense?
If you think of your day in big chunks, it's easier to pick up where you should be. If you think of your day as a hundred tiny details, it seems overwhelming to think of missing 5...or 20. My day consists of 6 big chunks which I call blocks. Very briefly:
** Morning time (5:30/6:00 ish - 8:30) - Breakfast, visiting, morning chores, early morning bird watching and nature walking from the windows.
** Morning block of lessons (8:30 - 11:30) - begins with morning prayers and devotions. This is set up in my plans to be mostly independent work for the older children; it's time for me to be present to my K'er to work on reading, and to be present to my toddler. I float wherever I'm needed and answer questions and give brief direction to the older children if needed.
** Lunch and clean-up (11:30 - 1:30) - this consists of clean-up from lunch and a quick tidy of our spaces. The kids and I have free time until...
** Afternoon block of lessons (1:30 - 3:30) - this consists of our tea time read alouds and together work. All of this work used to be in our morning basket, but the big kids requested a change because of the constant distractions in the morning (my little people are very needy and demanding in the mornings and we couldn't get very far in our morning basket) - we moved the morning basket to the afternoon when the little people have quiet time (which as I mentioned on another thread, is firmly enforced). (Notice that the morning block and the afternoon block are basically inter-changeable! This is so I can swap them if needed...big blocks also allow me to move the basics around if needed)
** Afternoon/Evening (3:30/4:00 ish - 8:00) - This starts with another quick tidy. The kids have free time IF they have used their time well during school hours - otherwise, they have homework here. I work on dinner and afternoon chores, and the kids have afternoon chores here. Then, there's dinner, clean-up, family prayers, and read aloud or game time in the evening with dad...and bedtime for littles.
** The Remains of the Day - IF I've been faithful to the daily duties all day, this is my time to read, watch a movie, do computer research, quiet planning...whatever. IF I've failed to keep up during the day, I'm probably trying to do some catch up work, tidying, folding, sorting, putting away, preparing, setting out...whatever...so that things run more smoothly for me on the next day.
Does this make sense, Kathryn? I do have more detailed lesson plans and lists within each block, but these blocks give me the wide margins in my day so that if I get lost somewhere, or life happens, I can look to whatever block/chunk I'm supposed to be in, quickly assess where we should be/what we should be doing, and pick up right there!
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Jen Mackintosh
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Wildflowers and Marbles
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Kathryn
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Ok...yes, I get it now and love the BLOCKS of time. I prob. do focus so much more on the tiny details and may be that's why I feel so overwhelmed so often that I just throw my hands up. I'm going to start by restructing my blocks of time (and I need to visibly POST IT). I think I was doing this better pre-Christmas so this def. helps get me back on track.
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Mackfam
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How great if this gives you some different ideas to work with, Kathryn.
I wanted to come back and emphasize that the times I listed above are the times that work for us. Some folks enjoy being late risers and doing lesson blocks in the evening! That's great!! Each family can develop a rule/routine with big-wide-margins that works for them...in their home! Just wanted to say that...because I always have some people look at that 5:30 am rise and shine and think, WHAT???? And really, that's what I think too! I'm not a morning person by nature!!!  But, my little family is, so the time just works for us....BUT...here's the thing...your rule or routine or whatever you call it should be pretty intuitive for your family. Sure, it will need to be tweaked and will need to change as changes come in your family (like the new baby), but if you built a rule and you *ROUTINELY* found yourself missing or skipping or re-arranging...you probably ought to rethink it entirely. Maybe you just need plenty of free time in the mornings and everyone doesn't really settle down til 10 or so? That's fine. We have dear friends that are very naturally night people. They're a great homeschooling family and get so much done - encourage so much creativity, but at hours much later than we normally operate and that's great because it works for them! Just think outside the box a bit and set up a routine that works for your family.
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Jen Mackintosh
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Wildflowers and Marbles
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Patty
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JodieLyn,
I did just recently start taking a B-complex vitamin! (in addition to other supplements)
Kathryn,
I don't mind at all that you asked a question on this thread started by me! It's still related to the topic and I enjoy reading the questions and responses and seeing how others handle things.
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Patty
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About the perfectionism--I will give you an example. Our basement storage room is a complete wreck right now. People have opened the door and just thrown things in, and it looks it! It's got a lot of shelves and a LOT of stuff, and it's very hard for me to think about tackling it because I KNOW I will not be able to do it all at once and put everything perfectly in order.
Yes, I should just focus on doing a certain area or shelf, but I don't. It would seem like I hadn't done anything because the room is still a mess. I couldn't see the progress very well. Does that make sense to anyone else?
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 13 2010 at 2:03pm | IP Logged
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Oh Patty I get totally overwhelmed in a room like that.
This is where I use my start in the corner and wear blinders technique.
I literally pick a corner and toss everything out of it that doesn't belong there.. now I can stand in my corner (sometimes a very small corner when I start) and see order.
Then I take a step back.. and I can put away the things that have come into my view.. and make my clean corner a little bigger... then maybe move along a wall to creat more clean space.. etc.
That way I can always move into my corner for that break of seeing the cleaness, orderliness.. and that let's me work on a bit more of the room each time.
This might also work if you walked into the room backwards.. or at least stepped carefull in and then turned and faced the door rather than the room. then you can cleana round the door.. and sure.. toss stuff over to closer to where it belongs.. if you don't make a clean space pretty fast, this doesn't work.
Sometimes even making piles can be fast and then while the piles are still there you can see that around the piles is picked up
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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4Real Forums : Planning and Ordering our Days
Topic: Perfectionist tendencies get in the way
