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mom2mpr
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Our lessons aren't going smoothly. Between dd(3 years) and the puppy(9 months-lab)and their interruptions and ds(8 years) and his preference to play, we aren't getting a lot done. Now, I am not a task master asking for 3 hours of work a day--today we did maybe an hour--but it took ALL day. We did 4 Shiller Math lessons(about 20 minutes of work), two questions or sections of a LLATL lesson(maybe 15 minutes) and one lesson of My Path to Heaven(which goes well most days-religion as a whole, I mean). I am exhausted trying to make this work  If I get him focused, I might have to leave to take the dog out or deal with dd and next thing I know he is away from the table running around the yard, playing MAtchbox cars, arghhh!
Now, we have taken MANY breaks. Over the past 3-4 years as a matter of fact-miscarriages, baby, move, dh traveling, our traveling, visitors, just needing rest, etc. Now, I know ds is only 8 and that really isn't a big deal but I am starting to worry he is not up to par in some ways with his peers. He is for sure behind in Math-we are just starting to work on subtraction facts(and dh asked him about multiplication the other night  )
I have to pull and pull him ALL day. He is jealous of dd and her ability to play while he "toils."
My other issue is to get the work done, I do a lot of the writing for him. He will do a page or two of HWT but that is about it. He can verbally tell me what to write but I could wait all day for him to write something. He is missing focus--he will do whatever(make paper airplanes, etc.) and keep telling me he is coming or going to pay attention.
How can I motivate? How can I get him to understand how wonderful it is to be home and be able to get it all done before the other kids get home? How can I make it work for all of us? We love to read together, and we do. Dd wants me to play with her ALL the time and he just gets mommy asking him to do stuff.
Ideas from those who have gone ahead, please!
Anne
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mom3aut1not
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Anne,
I have just a couple of things to say....
One is that when my older kids (now all grown and all ADHD) were young, I deliberately thought of my lessons as short and intense -- for one dd her lessons were about 5 minutes each! (This improved over time, and she is now pursuing a degree in computer security.) I thought of it as "Punch in and get out." I would do a lesson in something then turn my attention to something else and then do another. The breaks were also short and intense, and the girls got used to lesson-break-lesson-break-lesson-break-... Sometimes I was turning from child to child; one child's break took place during another child's lesson. When I started juggling three students, it got somewhat harder, but followed a similar pattern.
As for his envy, perhaps you could do short things with his sister -- Mother Goose rhymes or something --in a similar format?
Can you cover more of his material in a game format? RightStart Math has some math games, and there are books of other games (Family Math for one -- I love Pico, Fermi, Bagels) as well as games for other subjects.
As for him telling you his answers.... my kids did that for years. In fact, my autistic 18 yo dd still does for reasons that are not appplicable for you. What is *your* goal here? Do you *want* him to write out his answers or is it 1) that kids write out all that stuff in school or 2) you want him to be more compliant? What do *you* want? At 8 yo, personally I wouldn't sweat it.
As for math (my area of special interest), if he is doing well with Shiller (and four lessons in a day sounds good!), then don't worry. Math facts are handy, but less important than math concepts and applications in the real world. Just keep on keeping on if he is doing well *now*.
It is not surprising that he doesn't fully appreciate hsing. For him hsing is the norm, and he probably takes it for granted. That's normal even for much older people.
It *is* hard to juggle the needs of your children. (That lesson-break-lesson-break pattern worked for us years ago. Right now our needs are different, and that pattern would not work for my autistic 6 yo ds now. Fortunately he is my only young child right now.)
In Christ,
Deborah
Mother of Lisa 23, Katie 20, Kristin 18, and Joseph 6
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Leonie
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mom2mpr wrote:
| Now, we have taken MANY breaks. Over the past 3-4 years as a matter of fact-miscarriages, baby, move, dh traveling, our traveling, visitors, just needing rest, etc. Now, I know ds is only 8 and that really isn't a big deal but I am starting to worry he is not up to par in some ways with his peers. |
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I found that short activity breaks throughout the day helps my dc - for example, Anthony (10), on a day we are home  , does a page in his maths book then jumps on the trampoline. Then he does a page of handwriting and jumps on the trampoline. Then plays with his toy figures for a bit before reading his current book or his religion book or before working on his French computer program. 
And all those break years you have listed above are not really just break years - lots of learning there, real learning.
I'd like to share Julie's latest blog entry on relaxed homeschooling - this, with the activity breaks throughout the day , might help.
I'll say a prayer.
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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JodieLyn
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One thing that I've started doing and find helps.. is that my kids start going off in multiple directions.. partly it's the 6 of them and 1 of me.. but partly it's the kids not being able to settle and focus.. I send them out to run.. my designated running course is probably close to a quarter mile.. but somehow running that, while it won't tire them out  does seem to help them focus.. and I can get them to sit and do something.
I have a friend who.. when a child expresses envy of all a younger child doesn't have to do.. will suggest that the child can do exactly what the younger child does.. including naps, and not getting any privledges of an older child.
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Cheryl
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No ideas for you, Anne, but I wanted to let you know that your house sounds just like mine.
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Cheryl
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KC in TX
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Cheryl wrote:
| No ideas for you, Anne, but I wanted to let you know that your house sounds just like mine. |
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That's what I was thinking, Cheryl. Once we establish the basics, I usually try to add one more subject like art or music. This has been working for us. My 8 year old is only on MUS Alpha and is currently halfway through the single digit addition facts.
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mom2mpr
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JodieLyn wrote:
| I have a friend who.. when a child expresses envy of all a younger child doesn't have to do.. will suggest that the child can do exactly what the younger child does.. including naps, and not getting any privledges of an older child. |
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I wish he had some older kid "priviledges." DD does not really nap anymore. They both go to bed at the same time--hey, I am the bedtime queen as dh is not into that stuff and this is the easiest way to do it. There really isn't much difference between them right now--except 5 long years oh, and some development which at 8 he just doesn't get He doesn't care that he gets to go to choir and piano and she doesn't. That is about all he does that could be considered an older kid priviledge.
She is also coming out into her own and he is having a hard time. She can blow bubbles with bubble gum--he cannot and is just so angry. If anyone has ideas of things I can give him as priviledges let me know. It hasn't been easy some days......
Anne
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mom2mpr
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[QUOTE=Leonie]
I found that short activity breaks throughout the day helps my dc - for example, Anthony (10), on a day we are home , does a page in his maths book then jumps on the trampoline. Then he does a page of handwriting and jumps on the trampoline. Then plays with his toy figures for a bit before reading his current book or his religion book or before working on his French computer program.
Leonie, how do you get him back to his lessons? That is a major thing-he gets so caught up in stuff, I have even tried a timer.
Anne
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JodieLyn
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hmm ok.. some ideas..
let him get the mail out of the mail box.. even if you all walk together to the box.. make it a priveledge to open the box.
Put them to bed all at the same time but let him keep a light on for an extra 15-30 minutes for reading/looking at books.. (which of course you can yank if he won't stay in bed.. all it should require is you to turn off the light after the set amount of time)
And you may have to stop letting the 3 yr old try and do things just because she's cute and wants to try even though mama mostly does it. Deal with the 3yr old and make it a priveledge of age/ability.
You won't want the 3 yr old believing she should be able to do everything just the same as her brother as they get older anyway.. so you might as well start now while it's much easier to deal with any tantrums and meltdowns than it will be in a few years.
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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Bridget
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Anne, I would not worry about the facts he is or is not learning right now as much as the behavior/character issues. (It sounds like you are doing a great job with the schooling- short lessons, lots of breaks...)
He is old enough to understand that he is 8, he has school work. His sister is 3, she does not. Nothing builds a sense of responsibility and maturity like chores. And that will carry over into school work.
At this age they are ready to stretch a bit into being big kids. He should be the one taking the puppy out. He could load and unload the dishwasher, fold his clean clothes, sweep, vacuum or wipe down bathrooms.
Teach him to do things slowly, building them into the course of the day. When I am teaching new skills, a little treat goes a long way in helping them enjoy the process.
Along with more responsibility comes more priviledges. At our house those are playing computer games, watching a video and listening to story CD's at night in bed. Those kinds of things are rewards in the evening for doing school work and chores well during the day.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Cheryl
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I thought I'd expand on what's going on here. I'm typing with one hand though. When ds 7 was in K it went pretty well. I saw schoolwork as optional. When he didn't want to do phonics, we didn't do it. We did math activities. He already knew the stuff you're "supposed" to know in K. Then in first grade I tried to do short lessons and time them, etc. This is really the approach I'm attracted to. Short lessons, then lots of reading aloud, art, music, go outside....
About 4 weeks into it he asked if we could wait to do lessons until he was 7. I took a few weeks off. My dh thought he should have to do the lessons, we went back for awhile. Then school became read-alouds and a bit of the rest as we built a house, had a baby, sold our house, packed and moved.
This year he'll turn 8 in Dec. We started out following a schedule. Our ds 5 may have adhd and he does better with structure. I think what's hard for me is that there are so many different ways to homeschool, that I feel guilty if I force ds to do schoolwork. I wrote how our week 3 went here. I backed off on the math workbook for week 2, because ds was resisting it and I thought I should make math more fun. My dh thought we should continue with the lessons as planned, so the result was week 3. We are using CHC for math, and LA and from what I've read, CHC is "light." I should also say that we do play math games and read stories, but we are using the workbooks to make sure we cover everything and for drill.
So this week 4 we are sticking to the lessons. It's draining and difficult, especially when there are 3 others to care for and they are interrupting and needing their turns. I'm hoping the consistency will pay off. When he wants to, he can do the work quickly. When he doesn't, it can take all day. (Much like the dc's morning routines. Why can they do them in 3 minutes when they're going somewhere fun?) I feel bad for him because I was not consistent in the past. He probably figures if he resists some more, he'll be able to do whatever he wants. I have my doubts that what I'm doing is right when I read about unschooling or better late than early approaches. It's so hard to know what to do sometimes. I think prayer and meditation and talking with my dh is probably the best way to go with this deciding.
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mom2mpr
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I also wonder if by pushing I am doing the right thing.
When we moved here 2 years ago and had our portfolio review done by a teacher she said to relax-go to museums, play, etc, when he balked. It was a different time in my life and he was a lot younger and I could relax then. I said to her I was trying to protect his "specialness" by homeschooling him, and she encouraged it and mentioned what a beautiful person he was--she talked to him for over an hour. Ds is quite bright, but also quite lazy and spoiled. But, dh is the same-akkkkk--there are 2 in this house!
For some reason, I am feeling a lot of pressure now-he is almost 9, would be in third grade, should know x,y, and z. Does he? Someday, and maybe soon, he will go to school-is that what is causing me to stress? If he were in school he WOULD do his math, writing,etc. Wouldn't he? For the teachers? What is wrong with me? Am I coddling him? Or would he be just sitting there causing trouble and wasting time?
It is nice to know others are going through the same battles. I have cleared our weeks to be home to school Monday, Tuesday and Friday. We only have co-op on every other Thursday and piano and choir on Wednesdays. I am hoping to be consistant like you Cheryl-no matter how long it takes on those "home" days. I wanted homeschooling to be fun though--it is a journey I guess and it unfolds as we live it.
Thank you all for your ideas and kind words.
Anne
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Bridget
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Cheryl wrote:
| It's draining and difficult, especially when there are 3 others to care for and they are interrupting and needing their turns. I'm hoping the consistency will pay off. |
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Cheryl, that is a good point. Sometimes draining and difficult might mean you are on the wrong path, but most of the time it means you are on the right one. Like anything worth doing, it can be challenging. You have to persevere through the hump and usually you begin to see the fruits on the other side of that hump.
It's character training for the whole family, especially mom!
One other thing about boys this age is that they are needing less and less of mom and more and more of dad. How that works out will be different in every family, but it's something to keep in mind.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Cheryl
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mom2mpr wrote:
I wanted homeschooling to be fun though--it is a journey I guess and it unfolds as we live it.
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Yes! Me too! The ironic thing here is that one of my reasons for beginning homeschooling is my belief that schools waste so much time. At the rate we've been going, school would be faster.
My other early reasons were that I thought homeschooling would be so much more fun for my dc. I envisioned them blowing quickly through their least favorite subjects and spending lots of time doing what really interests them. I also thought homeschooling would be good for my relationships with my dc - we'd be much closer than if they went to school.
Hopefully this is a bump in the road. Thanks for your input, Bridget. I think what you said about more Dad is true, especially with ds 7. I like how - I think it was Kathryn - described her bumps in the road on her blog. She called them hiccups.
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lapazfarm
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Bridget wrote:
Anne, I would not worry about the facts he is or is not learning right now as much as the behavior/character issues. (It sounds like you are doing a great job with the schooling- short lessons, lots of breaks...)
He is old enough to understand that he is 8, he has school work. His sister is 3, she does not. Nothing builds a sense of responsibility and maturity like chores. And that will carry over into school work.
At this age they are ready to stretch a bit into being big kids. He should be the one taking the puppy out. He could load and unload the dishwasher, fold his clean clothes, sweep, vacuum or wipe down bathrooms.
Teach him to do things slowly, building them into the course of the day. When I am teaching new skills, a little treat goes a long way in helping them enjoy the process.
Along with more responsibility comes more priviledges. At our house those are playing computer games, watching a video and listening to story CD's at night in bed. Those kinds of things are rewards in the evening for doing school work and chores well during the day.
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This is exactly my thinking on the subject. Your ds is 8, not 3 and when he was 3 he didn't have school, either.
Though I try very hard to make school interesting and fun for my dc, they also have to do their part and put in the effort. Sometimes it will be fun, sometimes not. But we can't always cave in to our children's laziness just because we think we didn't make it fun enough. We are not doing them any favors that way. I'm not saying we shouldn't take the occasional break, but consistency is also important. Once ds understands that there is a routine and you plan on sticking to it,there will be fewer battles. I find my ds dawdles much more wqhen I have been less than consistent myself.
I suggest some delayed rewards. Something along the lines of "if you do your math quickly for three days, you get xyz." This will help ds see that there is reward for consistency and it will help to slowly build good habits.
Just my thoughts.
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Theresa
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marihalojen
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It almost sounds like your ds might be very competitive as well. In your co-op is there another child of similar age that you could work with - like come to my house for science and we'll go to your house for history. But don't do anything special, just their usual work. It will let him see other children do seatwork as well. Treat it like assigned homework if you want - you two need to turn in a report on Zebras by such and such a time. Third graders in schools have loads of homework and planners to organize it all. Perhaps a little more responsibility would help.
I have a very competitive daughter who thrives on interactions with other children. She was so slow with flashcards until I brought a deck of cards to our co-op and she and another similar aged boy played War (each slap down a card and add or multiply, first correct answer gets the cards) she was rattling the facts off so quick but playing with me, I don't think she felt was *fair* but against an age mate she thrived. They set up a competition and both got the facts down to under 1 second each, I was amazed! If I'd suggested that it would have flown like a lead balloon.
You can see some of that if you check out Theresa's son here and my daughter here. She had never, ever even noticed these huge books until Superboy got his hands on them. Then they leapt right off the shelf into her beach bag and have gone everywhere with us - thanks, Theresa!
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lapazfarm
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marihalojen wrote:
You can see some of that if you check out Theresa's son here and my daughter here. She had never, ever even noticed these huge books until Superboy got his hands on them. Then they leapt right off the shelf into her beach bag and have gone everywhere with us - thanks, Theresa! |
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LOL! Superboy is SO jealous of Marianna right now it is not even funny! Well...maybe a little!LOL!
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Theresa
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Willa
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Cheryl wrote:
| Yes! Me too! The ironic thing here is that one of my reasons for beginning homeschooling is my belief that schools waste so much time. At the rate we've been going, school would be faster. |
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Yes, but it's different. I struggled with this the first couple of years I homeschooled my oldest. He had gone to a parochial school through 2nd. We seemed to do so much wheel-spinning those first couple of years homeschooling especially since I had 3 littler ones, got pregnant, moved, etc. But in the long run I can see the kind of study skills and "zeal" he developed through all this mentoring. It was so worth it.
Those early years are so much input, input, input. You don't always see the fruits right away.
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Willa
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Cathmomof8
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As to the writing and your concerns - maybe check out Julie at Bravewriter. Love her perspective.
For a couple of my sons, it helped to have a list taped to their desk of speicifically what needed done and in that order. I also gave them there own timer so they could work on something for a set time (i.e. work on poem for 5 mins). This was a list of things to tackle each day on their own. And then I would jump in when I was able to work with him on certain things.
Oh, and the list was in a cut page protector so he could use a vis a vis marker to mark off where he was for the day. I did include some of his hygiene and chores on that list and even a break time. For school things the list was general Math 10 mins, poem 5 mins, read ___ 10 mins, etc. When I worked with him then I would make a specific list of other things for him to do that needed finished up that day. The last thing on his desk list was 'do assignments from Mom'.
Possibly work some sort of incentive program? A regular time out with his Dad - no littles? A special snack/treat for the BIG boy after a hard days work? Just musing...
Theresia
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mom2mpr
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I am just thrilled and shocked here. It is now 8:26am and ds has completed his math and LA for the day!!!! I have no idea of what happened, or if it will stick for a long haul but it is nice to know he CAN be motivated. I spoke with him yet again yesterday and it seemed something clicked. He got it that if he completed his schoolwork, which really isn't much, he is FREE. He was up and dressed by 7:30 and downstairs asking to do something special with me while dd slept. I offered school so we could get out earlier today and he was really OK with it.
Just thought I'd give you all an update. I know we will continue to battle some, but for today I am just enjoying that most of our work is done-ahhhhhhhhh, we can play,play, play....
Thanks for your ideas and support.
Anne
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Topic: just frustrated
