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MaryM
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That is a funny "diary" - it reminded me that Chris V also shared it in this thread last month - Thoughtfulness in Marriage. Good discussion and reflections in that thread that I would add as a resource here.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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CelesteMary
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Stef, that is great...hits close to home too!
As I suspected, I have been able to benefit already from the insight and wisdom that I have grown accustomed to on this site.
I can see how a mature marriage plays out and it's so helpful to me.
Thank you all and God bless. I will keep reading...
Celeste
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Wife to Jeff, mother to Abigail 00, Thomas 02, Elizabeth 03, Charles 05,Amelia 07, Laura & Walter 09, Annie 11, one Angel in Heaven 2013,baby Maria Rose due 4/26/15.
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CelesteMary
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Angie wrote:
The criteria is: Does this action increase my love for my husband? Does this action fill him with love? Does this action lighten his load? Does this action respect him at all costs?
Angie, I found my self memorizing these criteria in my sleep. This is really helpful to me. Thank you!
Celeste
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SeaStar
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I don't have much wisdom to add- just an observation. The internet is full of so many inspiring blogs- I have several I enjoy following and several I enjoy visiting occasionally.
Reading these blogs can be dangerous, though, because husbands are rarely mentioned, and when they are mentioned, it is always in a very positive way. Rightfully so- but it can give the false impression that problems never come up and everyone else is married to her best friend and lives in perfect harmony.
Which is not the case- at least at my house 
Comparisons are never good, but in this case especially I think we are very vulnerable.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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CrunchyMom
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I just came across this poem in my blog feed, and it reminded me of this thread.
I have heard that among the happiest couples are those who can use humor to diffuse tension and laugh together. 
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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CrunchyMom
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Quote:
In the Kitchen (After Work)
by Peter C. Blum
Laughter dies a cruel but temporary death
only seconds after my arrival home.
Withered amidst strain; slackening, slighted.
Bitten through, the instant hangs hateful and hard,
typically lacking grace and form.
Evening greetings are lost among refrigerator odors.
The kitchen walls give way to padded ropes.
Cloaks cast down, we slowly snarl and circle
(we two who pledged to keep us only to…).
Flailing with trembling and flaccid fingers,
better at keeping score than slashing sinews.
Yet laughter arises again, between us,
Casting a glow of embarrassing hue
across the sink and counter.
Blame the stress, or life, or brittle waiting
(but blame us too)
Laughter will die again, and die, and stiffen.
And laughter will surely rise...?
but no, not surely.
Under the weight of tentative trust,
many threads may fail to hold.
May we trust the laughter’s constant source,
despite the redundant rising of rage! |
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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CelesteMary
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That's great Lindsay. Describes some days to a T!
Celeste
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CelesteMary
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That's so true Melinda. I grew up on the Harlequin novels, no wonder I am a bit dillusional at times!
P.S.
Totally not related but how do you guys add those cute little emotion faces and how do you highlight something already said in a previous text? I had a good emotion for this one, but lacking any kind of technical savvy, my email remains black and white. Thanks!
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Wife to Jeff, mother to Abigail 00, Thomas 02, Elizabeth 03, Charles 05,Amelia 07, Laura & Walter 09, Annie 11, one Angel in Heaven 2013,baby Maria Rose due 4/26/15.
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JodieLyn
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for the smilies you just click on them to the left of the reply box.. if you click on "more..." right under them, you'll get a few more options. And you just click on them.
To quote someone go to the post you want to quote and in the upper right corner of the box is the word "quote" when you click on it their post will show up in the reply box with all the formatting to show up in your post as a seperate block.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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stefoodie
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SeaStar wrote:
| Reading these blogs can be dangerous, though, because husbands are rarely mentioned, and when they are mentioned, it is always in a very positive way. Rightfully so- but it can give the false impression that problems never come up and everyone else is married to her best friend and lives in perfect harmony. |
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Mel, very interesting that you should mention this. I needed to start the HOPE thread, because of what I was being exposed to.... not enough stories of happy marriages. I should have known to just find some happy mom blogs! :D
Lindsay, exquisite. Thanks.
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stef
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SallyT
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Great conversation. I have come to think that it's a really good thing to have a best friend who *doesn't* get emotionally worked up on the same wavelength as me. A group of women can get so whipped up emotionally about something -- this can be a positive force sometimes, but it isn't always, and while the companionship on that level does feed us in important ways (as in, reminding us that we're not alone with our female emotions), I really think that God knew what He was doing in pairing us with men.
In my misspent younger-married days, I used to rail at my husband for not going with me wherever I was going emotionally, and for being so maddeningly rational in his counters to whatever I wanted to argue about. Now I'm really grateful that somebody was there to pull me back out of the deep water I was always wanting to jump into, instead of jumping right in and drowning with me. I'm ever thankful for the empathetic support of my female friends, but glad that the person I live with loves me enough to do something other than empathize sometimes, because I need the corrective. I think (I hope!) that I complement him similarly, but I know that he does this for me.
And yes, I think that making that distinction between "I need somebody to fix this right now" and "I just need somebody to be a warm body while I talk right now" is important for marital harmony. My husband doesn't mind being a sounding board, but it's good for me to spell out that I don't actually want solutions, when I don't, because otherwise I get mad at him for co-opting my thought process, which is not what he means to do at all!
I don't know, I just think it's a miracle that two people can be separate people, with distincts likes, dislikes, modes of communication, and the like, and yet still one flesh. That marriage and family life is meant to suggest to us the life of the Trinity really does open things out, far beyond the level of friendship, to something bigger and more purely sacramental. I am much happier in my married state contemplating that *this* is what I'm part of -- it's not just me and my BFF, plus these kids who have somehow turned up in our house. I mean, when I do think like that, my perspective makes me happier where I am -- it's when I don't think like that, which certainly happens often enough, that the inevitable imperfections seem more like problems.
Does that make sense?
Sally
PS: And I agree, comparisons are odious. Everyone's life looks better viewed from the outside.
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CelesteMary
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Thank you Jodie!
Celeste
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CelesteMary
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Sorry for the error. I wanted to agree with Sally. I find one of the most beautiful things about being Catholic is the fact that marriage is a sacrament in the church.
For me as a convert, that is tremendous! Earlier in our marriage, I didn't see it that way. What a gift to realize that we are one in a new and spiritual way. Even when we don't feel like we are, we still are.
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knowloveserve
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Re: blogs and social media in general.
"Never compare their highlight reel to your raw footage."
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Ellie
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Erin
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SallyT wrote:
| In my misspent younger-married days, I used to rail at my husband for not going with me wherever I was going emotionally, and for being so maddeningly rational in his counters to whatever I wanted to argue about. Now I'm really grateful that somebody was there to pull me back out of the deep water I was always wanting to jump into, instead of jumping right in and drowning with me. |
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I LOVE the rationality of men, I find men so intriguing and love those man moments, considering I have six sons and five brothers this is perhaps just as well
SallyT wrote:
| it's good for me to spell out that I don't actually want solutions, when I don't, because otherwise I get mad at him for co-opting my thought process, which is not what he means to do at all! |
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Our first major 'communication issue' was about this very thing
SallyT wrote:
| I don't know, I just think it's a miracle that two people can be separate people, with distinct likes, dislikes, modes of communication, and the like, and yet still one flesh. |
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It truly is a miracle, I marvel over this alot 
Dh and I are big communicators, but we have this saying, he wants the 'Reader's Digest' version. He is happy for me to talk away,(sometimes requests the RD version) in fact prefers I share with him before friends, but... if I want to rehash and rehash, it's time to call a girlfriend
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
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TracyFD
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Piping in late in the conversation just to say I understand. My husband and I go through the same things when I really do expect too much from our relationship.
I realized over time that just as women would love their husbands to be more like a best girlfriend, husbands would like wives to be more like a man friend. They want to be shoulder-to-shoulder facing forward, chatting about things, laughing, watching something funny on TV. My husband can handling discussing logistics, but not hurt feelings - no matter how psychologically correct I verbalize them.
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Tracy
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1 absent-minded professor, and one adorable toddling terrorist.
Pinewood Castle
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CrunchyMom
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BUMP
One of my favorite threads, and Stef's post with the young couple's diary entries still makes me snicker when I think of it
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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stefoodie
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Hahahaha, Lindsay! Me too!
I actually have a personal story to tell that is along these lines....
We were driving to our monthly dinner date, a few months ago. It was in a part of town we don't usually visit, and we had the GPS on, the radio on, there was traffic because it was rush hour, etc.
I was so so so excited to be out with the hubby, a bit dressed up, going to one of the top restaurants in town (our eldest daughter's treat, she's friends with the chef), etc. and I was determined to make it a FUN, RELAXED night for both of us.
So I started chatting up a storm and asking him about his day, and asking him questions about this and that, just really trying hard to get a good conversation going.
About 15 minutes into the trip I was getting really bummed that he seemed so uncommunicative. He was answering me in monosyllables, he was hardly laughing at my stories and jokes, etc. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong, and finally I said,
"What's happened to us? Have we finally run out of things to talk about?"
He answers,
"I am just trying to get us to where we're going."
Turns out we're slightly lost, he's getting stressed out because of the traffic, the time, the fact that we still needed to find parking, etc., etc. I should have KNOWN all this, since I know his stressors!!!
I had to laugh through my tears (yes, I was crying by this time) and apologize. Imagine, after 23+ years of marriage, I was CLUELESS!!
OF COURSE he would be stressed, not able to pay attention, focusing on the road, the GPS, the turns, not to mention a couple of drivers who were driving dangerously close to us. And all I could think of was, "This is it! We've finally hit that point in our marriage where we can't even talk to each other anymore!"
WHEW. Needless to say, the evening after my short outburst was nothing if not marvelous. Hubby was his usual self (after finding parking) and paid 100% attention to me all evening. All's well that ends well.
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stef
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motherheart
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Thank you all for all of the great posts! This is a really good thread. I have another idea for communition: attending a Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend. My husband and I did last year and it helped us to reconnect and what we learned has helped us to stay connected more. I highly recommend attending a weekend! World Wide Marriage Encounter
You are in our prayers.
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Mary
Mom to  ds 16, dd 14, dd 13, ds 9, ds 6, and 4 in Heaven
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: husband as best friend?
