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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Sept 18 2010 at 10:59am | IP Logged
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hylabrook1 wrote:
...LOTS of driving around in a car without a/c in record-breaking heat, only to return home totally *done in* and then looking at a dirty house ...
...attitude! The driving around ...one-on-one time with whichever child I'm schlepping. The waiting in the car time is for prayer. Picking up around the house, keeping surfaces fairly cleared off goes a looooong way toward hiding the reality that more complete cleaning hasn't happened.
Many years ago, someone told me that St. Teresa of Avila once said, "My interruptions are my life." BTW,does anyone have a source for that, or maybe even the correct quote? ...
You know, I'd bet that Mary wasn't looking to become a mother in her teens. But that angel interrupted her prayer time and she accepted what was being asked of her. Many Hail Mary's get said inside my head, an ongoing prayer to remember this truth. 
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Nancy, once I tied together HEAT + DRIVING = bad attitude, I was able to regroup  . It's still hot here but I hold onto the hope of cooler weather right on the horizon! And the driving is getting sooooooooooo much better. I especially love the one-to-one time with my 15yo. These days are precious (sans the heat  .)
"My interruptions are my life." Nice summation .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Lisbet
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| Posted: Sept 18 2010 at 3:41pm | IP Logged
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Printing this to read with my tea. Overridden - I have always called it 'taken for granted' - it's so easy for everyone to take for granted that mom can deal with it all...I can't wait to read the practical suggestions. I'll be back with my thoughts later. 
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: Sept 20 2010 at 2:48pm | IP Logged
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Yep, Lisa. This is exactly where I am today after an especially busy weekend. Each other person leans on Mom and then can't see why Mom feels overburdened. It's not just the needs of that one child (or dh) at that one moment, it's the total of all of the other family members. I'm not kidding - sometimes I go to the parking lot at Home Depot and look at the sheds on display and plan my private, personal life - which involves living in a small space, alone. I find it a good way to restore my personal balance, silly as that might sound.
Peace,
Nancy
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amyable
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| Posted: Sept 20 2010 at 2:54pm | IP Logged
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hylabrook1 wrote:
I'm not kidding - sometimes I go to the parking lot at Home Depot and look at the sheds on display and plan my private, personal life - which involves living in a small space, alone. I find it a good way to restore my personal balance, silly as that might sound.
Peace,
Nancy |
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LOL, I thought I was the only one that did things like this, although I've decided that I'll have to make it more like a dugout - something no one can even see from the house! Digging in secret, then one day I'll just disappear...
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: Sept 21 2010 at 12:22pm | IP Logged
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I actually have plans drawn up for a Hobbit Hole tucked into a hill on our land...alas, our LOTR fans would sniff it out in a heartbeat and most likely overtake it as their own private retreat. I need somewhere quiet and totally uninterrupted right now...we had to restore our computer over the past couple days...lo and behold, ALL our favorites were accidentally lost in the process!  Of course, we were doing the computer restore in the midst of much too much activity...so all focus was completely overridden by other pressing matters of the day! Ah well, 'tis life in a homeschooling household! (I am still quite sad over the loss of years of favorites....so many wonderful things, many lovingly shared by 4Real family, lost in a split second)
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Sept 22 2010 at 1:28pm | IP Logged
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Erin wrote:
Angie,
I was recently talking with a friend, we were reminiscing how when all our children were little and our pace of life was gentler we were able to maintain lovely routines. The fact is as our children grow older our routines are never the same, I've slowly come to the acceptance that it is all fluid.
My house is a disaster though, so thanks to this great conversation I'm having a 'moment' and thinking I will treat it as an opportunity to 'encourage' the children to be more self-disciplined about their chores.
...I'm becoming so flexible I'm starting to think of myself as "Elstagirl." |
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Erin, one of the ah-ha moments that has come to me has to do with the fact that the schedule I have now is *clearly not my will.* When the children were little, what we did or didn't do was my will, for the most part. Yes, I encouraged them to choose their own books and play creatively and follow rabbit trails. Yes, they had choices within the context of the container that I chose, I made. Yet, I chose the container, the environment, the schedule, the commitments. Now it's almost the opposite! I conform to the will of others.
This conforming IS good...even though I can't say that it FEELS good to me. I have to admit that I'm a strong-willed lady (for better and worse.) God is so good to give me this opportunity to practice conforming  .
And, yes, we too have had to become more organized about housework. My 5yo is finally being expected to chip in .
Can you tell that I'm going down the list of replies here and replying to each? This may take awhile but I want you all to know that this topic has been, and continues to be, a bright spot of hope for me! Keep 'em coming. Elastagirl...that's funny
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Sept 22 2010 at 9:38pm | IP Logged
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When I wrote my post on CM in a Busy Household I hadn't seen this thread.
Angie, I just wanted you to know that this thread has helped me immensely. It is, in essence, what I was (am) battling in my CM post.
Today I'm thinking God must have meant me to be a contemplative and I totally missed the boat.
Yet this is where I'm supposed to be and I'm immensely happy in my little cajun cottage. I just have to keep keeping on.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Tina P.
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| Posted: Sept 29 2010 at 12:18pm | IP Logged
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Willa wrote:
(2) Allow margin -- leave time envelopes around things. That's the biggest thing I do. It's hard, too -- very countercultural. Everything around us fights against it, says we should be maximizing productivity and efficiency. Those things are good, but in context. |
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I struggle with this. I never seem to leave enough time and am always in a hurry.
Willa wrote:
(3) Take it lightly -- reset the emotional switch when I feel like I'm getting steamed and thrown out of whack. Joking helps -- taking pictures -- saving it up for a family story -- sympathize with the person who feels even worse than I do. Remember that these things make the best memories sometimes.
(4) Offer it up -- I read once that somewhere in the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus is interrupted no less than 11 times during the course of going somewhere. Interruptions are God's agenda getting in the way of mine -- ouch  |
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My goal is to keep my mouth closed. Then, I take a deep breath and try to smile. This is life. Some would say that life is a series of interruptions.
If school doesn't get completely done over the course of the year but we're all relaxed, then I've done what I can despite the interruptions.
This year, my "interruptions" include a 2 yo who is, I think, currently working out her molars  , an infant, renovation going on in our house (we still have a bathroom cupboard and contertop in our front hall from this weekend), appointments outside and in the house (energy efficient windows, coming soon!), and a visit from my parents in a couple of weeks for which we need to prepare. I can't really complain about any of that, can I?
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Tina P.
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| Posted: Sept 29 2010 at 12:24pm | IP Logged
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Cay Gibson wrote:
| Today I'm thinking God must have meant me to be a contemplative and I totally missed the boat. |
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I have those days, too. But truly, God would've put us in monasteries if we belonged there according to Him. I admit to myself I'd go crazy with loneliness and silence if I think about it for any stretch of time.
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
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JennGM
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| Posted: Sept 29 2010 at 12:26pm | IP Logged
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Tina P. wrote:
Cay Gibson wrote:
| Today I'm thinking God must have meant me to be a contemplative and I totally missed the boat. |
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I have those days, too. But truly, God would've put us in monasteries if we belonged there according to Him. I admit to myself I'd go crazy with loneliness and silence if I think about it for any stretch of time. |
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I always think of the Cure d'Ars who struggled with this. His vocation was to be a parish priest, but he kept trying to join a monastery. God had other plans.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
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anitamarie
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| Posted: Sept 29 2010 at 5:56pm | IP Logged
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Cay Gibson wrote:
Today I'm thinking God must have meant me to be a contemplative and I totally missed the boat.
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I used to say that, now I'm thinking Hermit would be more my style.
Really enjoying this thread.
Anita
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Nov 03 2010 at 4:34pm | IP Logged
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Willa wrote:
Angie Mc wrote:
How do you deal with, in practical terms, your plans being overridden?
How do you avoid feeling personally overriden and deal with the related emotional and/or spiritual challenges?
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(1) Expect it |
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Exactly. Now that I've had some time to settle into this new season...to expect to be overridden by an amazing assortment of outsiders, it is my new normal .
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(2) Allow margin -- leave time envelopes around things. That's the biggest thing I do. It's hard, too -- very countercultural. Everything around us fights against it, says we should be maximizing productivity and efficiency. Those things are good, but in context. |
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I needed to MAKE margins. In the end, I realized that I needed to get up at, gulp, 5:30 each morning to reasonably expect myself to have any spaciousness.
Quote:
(3) Take it lightly -- reset the emotional switch when I feel like I'm getting steamed and thrown out of whack. Joking helps -- taking pictures -- saving it up for a family story -- sympathize with the person who feels even worse than I do. Remember that these things make the best memories sometimes. |
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With teens, this is critical, don't you think, Willa? Teens are much better versed at seeing the light side than I am!
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(4) Offer it up -- I read once that somewhere in the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus is interrupted no less than 11 times during the course of going somewhere. Interruptions are God's agenda getting in the way of mine -- ouch |
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Yep, yep, yep. If find great consolation in the fact that if something clearly isn't MY will, then grace is working toward God's will.
Quote:
| (5) Allow margins -- repeating it for emphasis -- on BOTH sides of the day, week, or whatever. If something has thrown you out of whack timewise, carve out a little space later in the day to get back in the swing of things. Otherwise life gets so reactive and the emotion and stress just build and build (in my experience at least). |
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I also am finding it helpful to allow myself to "get back on track" instead of back peddling to do what was meant to be done earlier. Sooooooooo, if we miss an hour of reading because of (fill in the blank), and I don't have a space later in the day, I let it go and just do what was originally planned for right now.
Quote:
(6)Sitting down prayerfully with the planner and figuring out how the new things are going to work with the 24 hours in the day and your priorities really helps put things back in equilibrium....(7)Talking it out with my DH really helps too (not venting, but just brainstorming for constructive workable solutions).
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I have finally sorted through the layers of our days/weeks/months/year. (I love the actual visual of Outlook calendar that can layer calendars on top of each other.) Praying with dh was key to getting this to work (to include me getting up at 5:30...have I mentioned that already ?)
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| (8) Remember how God has provided in the past. If He really wants this for you, He will find a way to make everything happen that needs to happen. |
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He has! Praise, God.
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| (9)Related to that: Be willing to reconsider priorities -- is this still top of my list given the extra time and energy it will take? Sometimes things take on a life of their own and stop being the best thing for the family. It takes some thinking through every now and then. Again, some margin or down times to consider the big picture can be really helpful. ... periodic retreats or the equivalent. |
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In retrospect, the biggest thing that I did for myself was to get up earlier and stay up later. Yes, I don't get enough sleep each night, but, I spent time figuring out how to re-energize during the day.
Quote:
| (10) I feel like I should have ten things but I am out of ideas.... Sometimes it helps to remember that you're in a season -- transitioning from summer busy-ness to September academics is not easy. People all over America are stressed right now. This too shall pass. There! Great thread -- I will be coming back to reread! |
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Amen, sister! August, September and even into October are tough!
Thanks so much for helping me through this time, Willa  and all.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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stefoodie
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| Posted: Nov 03 2010 at 5:29pm | IP Logged
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Angie and eveyrone, thanks so much for this thread!!! I didn't see it before and I need it so much, especially these days....
Offering up prayers for all of you -- I have no advice, kinda running on empty, but I appreciate all the thoughts shared here.
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stef
mom to five
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Willa
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| Posted: Nov 03 2010 at 6:58pm | IP Logged
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I think of this thread regularly, Angie. Thank you for starting it! 
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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sewcrazy
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| Posted: Nov 04 2010 at 9:18am | IP Logged
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A completely overridden week 
My youngest 2 are staying the week with Grandma and Grandpa in St Louis and I had grand plans to do major decluttering and organizing this week. Instead....we have the stomach flu. Each case 36 hours long, coming almost precisely 48 hours apart. I have spent my week doing laundry and cleaning/recleaning bathrooms. And being quiet so the sick one of the day can rest.
I was so hoping to use this week to pull myself out of the "crisis mode" I have spent the better part of a year struggling in. Evidentially that is not to be. 
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LeeAnn
Wife of David, mom to Ben, Dennis, Alex, Laura, Philip and our little souls in heaven we have yet to meet
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JennGM
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sewcrazy wrote:
A completely overridden week
My youngest 2 are staying the week with Grandma and Grandpa in St Louis and I had grand plans to do major decluttering and organizing this week. Instead....we have the stomach flu. Each case 36 hours long, coming almost precisely 48 hours apart. I have spent my week doing laundry and cleaning/recleaning bathrooms. And being quiet so the sick one of the day can rest.
I was so hoping to use this week to pull myself out of the "crisis mode" I have spent the better part of a year struggling in. Evidentially that is not to be. |
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and prayers for you.
Since school started we're in overridden mode. It's just been one thing after another.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Servant2theKing
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Ladies, whenever we are in crisis or overridden mode I always thank Almighty God that we have a greater say in our schedules, especially in how they can be changed or adapted...so many other families' daily/weekly schedules are dictated by outside entities, especially schools. It is an incredible blessing when we have illnesses, a death in the family, or any number of events that override our well-laid plans, to be the ones making decisions as to how we can alter or adapt our days to accommodate more important aspects of life, such as family members and souls! No matter what comes, those are the things that matter most!
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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4Real Forums : Planning and Ordering our Days
Topic: Overridden
