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ALmom
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| Posted: Oct 17 2008 at 2:43am | IP Logged
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Marianne:
It seems like you are coming up blank with local options that you like for sending them out to school or getting help in. I hope you don't mind me sharing some things that have worked at our house (I'm remembering back to when I had really littles and I do have a wide gap between the oldest and the 2nd so nobody worked at the same level) and the things I learned simply from my mistakes. Oh, and none of our 6 children ever napped. I was the only one that seemed to need one. Perhaps this will help you through until either something turns up or the children get easier. If nothing else, I'm sure you'll recognize some of the chaos and get a good laugh.
With a 22 month old, you will have to be available. Nobody else will substitute and attention/focus on a task for the child is not likely to last more than 20 or 30 minutes. If you kind of know that up front, then you have an idea about how much teaching time you will have and you don't expect more so it is a little (not totally) easier not to get frustrated that you cannot accomplish all you think you should. Try to plan the teaching time with your schoolers in 20 minute chunks. It is more likely to get accomplished that way.
It also helps overall if the toddler/preschoolers are in the same room as you - or at least within sight of you. This keeps everyone safe and saner. Notice, I didn't say sane - having them there will create a certain amount of distraction. My 7 year old always found the activity the littlest was doing much more enjoyable than her workbook or seat work. This is especially challenging to the schoolers under 10 or so. It helped if we were not doing playdough at the side while she was trying to "work in her most challenging subject." However, if I were teaching a writing lesson on how to make letters, I could actually make any number of individual trays of cornmeal. The youngers could play with funnels, scoops, cups (as long as none of these were noisy - so you get the idea)and dig their hands in to feel the cornmeal - and smell it and smear it .... while the older child and I wrote our new letters in the cornmeal. Perhaps that could be project time for the 10 year old unless he is taking advantage of the blessed silence to finish a particular subject that sends him crawling up the walls if there is noise. (The older, independently working children in our family always had the priviledge of taking work to another room with a table or desk area to work quietly. They had to be old enough to stay focused, come to me with problems and actually get the work done - it was a priviledge they earned). I actually have one child who does her independent work in dh and my bedroom because it is one place that there are no distractions for her and it is very quiet. Anyways, juggling the variety of ages with cornmeal trays will mean that you will be a bit frazzled and there will be a mess afterwards - but if it is all on the linoleum under the kitchen table, it really doesn't take a huge time to clean up and everyone who used the stuff, is helping in some way - even if it is just to hold the dustpan or be the one to dump it  . Oh, if the weather is nice, do some of this on an outside table or even take your table outside- then there isn't any mess to clean up. Bottom line, you'll learn by fire how to be extremely creative - even if you are totally uncreative by nature - at least that was my experience.
Oh, the one thing that seemed to confuse our youngest was when we had someone in a workbook - or someone else liked coloring books. These all were books, right, and you could write in them - correct? So why in the world did I get bent out of shape when said youngest decided to write too, only they picked our most beautifully illustrated copy of poetry and added orange and black crayon everywhere. I think I avoided all written in books as much as possible but since there are just times when there must be some independent easy to fill in kind of stuff, well, I had to show the toddler the difference - and I found a chape workbook that they could write in when they saw olders doing workbook type work. And I didn't care if they scribbled, tore it up, used scissors and shredded it. It worked for a time.
Ok, after each 20 minute lesson time, you will be a tad frazzled and need time to be rejevenated - so pick a nice read aloud that everyone likes while allowing the littlest to play quietly while you read (this means there are toys, but limited ones). It won't always be perfectly silent, but it will be tolerable for the most part - and when it isn't, you set the tone by laughing at babies antics and loving that your olders get to see what a baby is like all day long and not just for a few hours in the evening (though there will be days when they'd just love to do without destruction at every corner).
The other thing to do is note what areas said younger children find to do that wreaks havoc. Are they writing on the walls when you turn your back, then get butcher paper and cover a wall and let them have at it.
I remember one year we allowed the children to paint, color on, whatever in one bedroom (one was 7 and one was 3 at the time, I believe). It was their room so I figured Ok, what harm could it do. It really can be painted over whenever we want. For years there were two very large hearts painted on the girl's wall - one barely resembling a heart shape.
Of course, in either case you'll have to keep that back eye peeled to make sure they actually stay with the butcher paper or the limits of walls in this room only. If they start to wander too much, then of course, it is time to change the activity. If they are cutting holes in their pants, their hair, ..... then give them a pair of scissors and show them how to cut straight lines - and how to throw the scraps away and give them a place to collect all the treasures they've cut out. If they are dumping water everywhere, then set them up at the sink while you are nearby - and they will end up rinsing all your dishes for you. You may need to mop so it might not work so well if you have wood floors. Give them things to pour, to scoop, to string. Rotate the things but make it all simple to do, easy to set out, and intersperse the times you are juggling keeping an eye on said toddler and trying to help someone with times of relaxed play with the toddler while the olders do independent work but have you nearby (otherwise they cannot stay on task if they are younger) and can ask you an occassional question that might come up. (Have them bring you the book so you do not leave the toddlers side during these times). Intersperse some outside time and some physical exercise (  don't always follow my own advice here as I sometimes felt I was getting plenty just chasing said toddler - but a good walk in the backyard really refreshed and when we cut out outside time, we all regretted it).
Oh, on occassion (probably more often than I care to remember), the oldest would be utterly frustrated because the baby had colic, was teething, whatever and seemed to fuss non-stop and she couldn't concentrate at all. I would, on those days, take the baby/toddler for a walk in the backyard so the inside would be quiet enough for the oldest to concentrate. It really did help and I always dealt with a fussy baby better outside where there wasn't so much echo.
Sometimes when young children (7, 8, 9) are moving and seem to be inattentive, they really are getting more than you think. I'm the one who doesn't think too well with all the distractions. This is especially true with the kinesthetics - and for most toddlers that is the primary way they learn, so they have to be moving and doing. When you hit on whatever it is they are working on, you'll be surprised at what will keep them occupied. The cutting tray was always chosen for months and would keep one of my toddlers busily engaged for an unusually long time - until the task was accomplished and he started drifting again.
Colored macaroni noodles can be sorted or strung into necklace patterns or used to demonstrate math concepts. Everyone can sit at the table with the same fascinating stuff before them - and everyone is doing something at their own level.
The hardest part is that oldest, who at 10 is probably not interested in macaroni noodles unless it is lunch. You feel they are always off in someplace - anyplace quiet. They don't get lots of your one on one it seems and other than prayer time and a read aloud (which sometimes is punctuated by screaming toddler), there isn't a whole lot that will hold a 22 month old and a 10 year old even if it is something used differently. I found that I had to go to my older child occassionally and have times where I could ask how things were going and teach them to come to me, that even if I am juggling a toddler, or doing other stuff, a little, excuse me mom, but I'm having trouble with math, would you help me when you get a chance is needed so I know they need help. That is the time to employ the 9 year old for just enough time to tackle the problem. If toddler is playing quietly, yeah, you can do it in the same room, but if not, it might require a bit of peace and quiet. I also found that a priviledge of being up just a little later in the evening helped. Oh, and this sounds counter productive, but we've found, at our house, when 22 month old is getting into olders special things - or your own things, the best thing to do is to pull out the attractive toy or gadget (the owner does this of course, with mom close at hand to make sure it is not demolished)and show it to the child. I remember my daughter taking her American girl doll over to her very, very young sister and then later her brother and showing them the doll they had gotten into. She made sure everyone had clean and dry hands, then showed them the feet, took the shoes off, let them feel the toes, pat the hair very gently. Anything they seemed to want to explore or touch, she showed them how to do it carefully. Suddenly the littlest lost all interest and never, ever touched the doll again. I wish I'm the one that discovered this but I must admit that when my dh taught our under 2 year old how to push all the buttons on his stereo equipment, I thought he was nuts and told him I was not going to be held responsible for any destruction to the stereo. The child never touched it. The only child who has, is the one we never showed. He put a miraculous medal into the VCR and shorted it out.
Anyways, our littlest definitely learn with their hands and what seems destructive to us is mostly them trying to learn, so if you can figure out what it is they are trying to learn, do, etc. then you can channel it or make sure they learn all they want under supervision (so it is safe and nothing gets destroyed). Now of course this doesn't always work - sorry you cannot explore the medicines, the stove, etc. It does help to have these things to a minimum. I remember my sis telling me one of hers loved to hear the sound of plates and was dropping all her dishes one by one into the sink. This child is now a very musically inclined child and I inherited what was left of the dishes long ago when said sis first discovered the fascination and went with something unbreakable.
Oh, and in terms of accomplishing great things with the olders. Dad did any science experiments in the evening. When they all wanted to dissect an earthworm, I took the toddlers grocery shopping while dad led the troops. Generally, we accomplished much less than I planned or thought they had to do. In the end, I realized the best thing for me to do was to accept this - but become proactive. Ie I will only be able to focus on one or two things for each of the olders each day. What is most critical for this child, this day, this year? Religion is always given - we lived it, discussed it, etc. If a child was not yet reading, that was the focus and we had math manipulatives for everything else and I just didn't worry too much until the reading was in place and workbooks didn't require mom all the time. The endless stuff I did with the oldest, just didn't happen with the rest of them. Of course, #2 had severe vision problems so we had a year that is mostly a fog to me. All I really remember doing is therapy as far as working with the children on "school." She disappeared like Houdini as soon as any kind of seat work appeared. If a younger child is totally bored, they end up pulling out those same manipulatives and I really didn't have to plan preschool or K other than to remember that all those artsy things that I hate are important for this age - so I have to tolerate paint and playdough and ... A floor that is forgiving, no carpet under the table, and very, very old clothes are things for which I am grateful. Older children, I try to give them plenty of space in the areas of strength and passion- if they read in this area and not much else, they will retain it. I focus on one or two very glaring weaknesses. As we tackle one, we move our focus to something else. If I didn't set some things up as self teaching, I'd go nuts. So, yes, in a given year we may not have focused at all on grammar with a child. They might have done a CHC kind of workbook if they were able - but if not, we may have only brought up grammar concepts in terms of very informal and haphazard opportunities as written work came in without capitals or punctuation. Next year, we'd tackle it as one of our focused goals. It was more efficient for us to work that way. Yes, we had some study in religion, math, English every single day. I have to keep the overall picture in mind and prioritize most critical needs for each particular child. When it is one of those days, then those main focuses get the attention even when there isn't time for much else. When you have a 22 month old and are straining with therapy, those days stretch and stretch. However, just when you think you will not remain sane for one more second, something happens and suddenly attention spans lengthen, teething is over and the whines seem to reduce in shrillness and in numbers and everything seems to click again.
Oh, eyedroppers with colored water, tongs with pom poms, window washing kit (just put vinegar and water in a spray bottle and it won't hurt anyone), butcher block paper are all things that provide meaningful work that also occupies and keeps littlers out of trouble - as long as they are in the same room with you.
It is difficult, but you will look back and treasure every one of those frazzled moments. I hope it helps to realize that what you think is totally off the top circus, is probably a very normal life in the day of a homeschool mom with children those ages. We cannot totally eliminate the stress that comes with that, but there are things to do that make it workable and even fun - but always exhausting. I'm sure there are plenty of moms with ideas of ways to keep youngers engaged, happy and occupied while you are working with others. One of the biggest keys is to keep the toddler with you and somehow find things for them to do that are minimally distracting to the olders that are officially schooling. I do hopw this helps at least a little.
In any case, hugs, you are in the most difficult years as far as homeshcoolinh. It does really get easier - at least in terms of distractions.
Janet
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happymama
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| Posted: Oct 17 2008 at 2:33pm | IP Logged
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hi Mariann,
I don't have any ideas for you. I just want to say that I "feel your pain." It is hard to take care of toddlers while doing anything else; in your case, homeschooling older kids, in my case, having a tough pregnancy and then a new baby. I have 2 toddlers, and I constantly feel like they are getting a raw deal because of the baby and the ppd that came with her. My mothering & educating has been far from "ideal", but I am a "perfectionist" and God is surely teaching me to trust him, even when it doesn't make sense to me. Our kids aren't going to get perfect formation and academics no matter what. We aren't divine. I'm learning that, bit by bit.
In prayer, I keep coming back to what is most important, which is my relationship with God, who grants us peace & joy no matter what our circumstances are. That is the witness we are called to give our kids. "Thou shall home school" is not a commandment; don't feel guilty if you decide to send some or all of your kids to school. I think you just gotta do whatever you need to regain your peace of mind. For me, it's lowering my expectations, hoping that we can "catch up" on missed school work down the road when the kids are older.
The first miracle of Jesus was changing water into wine. In high school, this made me mad - why would He bother with such a trifling thing, when there were so many other big prolems out there? But water is what we all have to give. Water is how we form our children; God takes those efforts and changes them into wine. He doesn't expect more than we can give. Good luck with your decisions!
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: daycare for littles vs. school for olders
