4Real Forums: Dh doesn't want to go to church

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: Dh doesn't want to go to church

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Angie Mc
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Joined: Jan 31 2005
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Posted: Jan 28 2008 at 3:08pm \| IP Logged

I there are a few very helpful threads on how to take little ones to Mass. Here is one. This includes a link to Mass Manners. Be sure to check out other topics on this subject through the search engine...you may find just the right practical suggestions and encouragment to help!

Love,

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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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At_His_Feet
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Joined: April 28 2007
Location: Australia
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Posted: Jan 28 2008 at 3:26pm \| IP Logged

If you were trying to get to Sat./Sun night mass, would this help?

Have your main meal in the middle of the day, then have something simple in the evening. We have done this many times and it's lovely. I find it more relaxing to prepare the meal in the middle of the day and then you have time to enjoy it without being so aware of time and the bed time routine. Not to mention more time in the evening as there is less to clean up. Friends of our have breakfast (ie cereal) on Sat. nights so they have more time together as a family.

If you tried this then the dinner rush might not be such an issue??

Thanks for starting this thread. I too know where you are coming from. My dh converted 3 years ago, but is not connected. It can feel very lonely to be the one who has the whole responsibility for the spiritual education of the children.

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Tricia
Mum to 3 boys 17, 15, and 10.
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JuliaT
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Posted: Jan 29 2008 at 9:13pm \| IP Logged

Emily, I will be praying for you as well. I know about the pain and the utter sadness of having a husband who is not interested in church and all that it means. My husband stopped going to church with us in the summer. My situation is different from yours in that I do drive so I take the kids to church twice a week by myself. We live 45 minutes from church. You pile this on top of the driving I do for extra--curricular activities and you come up with a whole lot of time in the van. I had major problems with this in the beginning. I had alot of anger towards my dh. He has fallen far, far away from God. I feel like I am raising my kids alone in our faith. This was really hard for me to deal with.

It was also very humbling to go to church on my own with the kids. I had to deal with questions from fellow church-goers. I also had to deal with my kid's tears during the church service because Daddy wasn't with us.

I feel like God has been refining my soul with this experience. I have had to work through alot of negative and damaging emotions. I have learned to offer this up to God. I daily give this up to Him and let Him take care of it. I do what I can do here, but the most important part (getting dh to church) is up to God. He is the only one who can change dh's heart. So I don't talk about this anymore with my dh. I just bathe this whole situation in prayer. I am learning through this difficult time how to be the kind of wife that God wants me to be. Sometimes, though, I wish it wasn't at such a cost.

You are in my prayers, Emily.

Blessings,
Julia
mom of 3 (8,7,5)

teachingmom
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Virginia Bluebells

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Posted: Jan 29 2008 at 11:56pm \| IP Logged

Emily, I am sorry you are going through this painful experience. I pray that God grants you many graces to remain true to your faith while showing love and respect for your husband.

One thing that I would suggest is to consider allowing your mother-in-law to provide transportation for you and your daughter to attend weekly Sunday (or Saturday vigil) Mass with her. Due to the lack of space in her vehicle that you mentioned, it would mean leaving the younger children at home. Normally, I am all for having all the children attend Mass every week. We always attend as a family. But in your current situation, I think it's more important for you to get to Mass than it is for your younger children who have not received their First Holy Communion.

The image comes to mind of an emergency situation on an airplane. Mothers are instructed to put the oxygen mask on themselves BEFORE they help their children. It is counter intuitive to our mothering instinct, but it is what makes us capable of then helping to save our children. In your case, I think that your spiritual life needs to be nourished so that you can provide for your children. It's not a perfect situation, by any means, but if you and your daughter can attend Mass each week, while the younger children have some time with daddy at home, it would be much better than all of you missing Mass. Hopefully the situation will change in the time between now and when your other children receive their First Communion and all of you will be able to attend together when that time comes.

I'll pray for you!

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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)

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