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Glenn
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One of my goals for the new school year is to take my three children (5, 3 and 18 mos.) to daily Mass. On Sundays we have quite good behavior when we sit up in the front row. Of course, then we have both parents and one of us can always take the baby out if he gets noisy. For daily Mass it will be just myself and the kids, and I don't know how to work it out. This morning we sat in the second row, the baby was very active and a bit noisy, but I didn't think he was noisy enough to take out. After Mass, however the lady behind me was quite upset and told me to either sit in the very back of the church, or leave the kids home. I will not leave the kids home, but if we sit in back the kids are too distracted to pay attention. The bigger kids have learned so much from watching the priest and altarboys from the front. Am I being ridiculous to think that my kids should be able to go to daily Mass and sit in front?
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Glenn
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JennGM
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Glenn wrote:
| Am I being ridiculous to think that my kids should be able to go to daily Mass and sit in front? |
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No, she has some nerve. There are no restrictions or rules on where a person sits for Mass, and if she says it again, you should ask her then what did Jesus mean when he admonished the apostles for the very thing that she is doing and said: "Let the Little children come unto me."
My son behaves better up front...but I do try to take him out quickly when he makes noise so I can reinforce that in Church we must be quiet...but then he's 2 years old, not as young as yours. But having others also makes it harder to go in and out. I have the blessing of other extended family members around that help me watch my child.
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Sarah
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Hang in there. Also, remember your kids are still very young, so don't be overly concerned about "paying attention." Sometimes just being there is enough for them. I don't have much of a solution. It is so true that the kids do better in front, except for babies. People should be somewhat patient with mild baby noises and activity, but if it is too loud or chaotic we ought to move to the back. I was taking the baby out this year and leaving my three year old and six year old. I would put them in separate pews so they wouldn't goof off with each other and they were toward the back, but could still see because there were about two other people there in the church. If your baby is good, ignore those stuffy church ladies. There's one in every parish.
Sarah
PS you could take the 3 year old out with you, leaving the 5 year old well within view (never completely alone).
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Molly Smith
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I am appalled that anyone would say that to you! My children are 9, 7, 5, 3 and 1 and we go to Mass on Wednesday mornings. Our daily Mass is in the chapel, and it's very small. It's usually us and one or two other homeschooling families and a bunch of older folks. We sit in the front pew because we don't want to take the kneeler seats from those who really need them. Anyway, daily Mass in only about 20 minutes long and my 1 year old does fine. He makes some little noises and I get an arm workout shifting him around, but he's not distracting to anyone but me. One time after a Mass when he was particularly chatty I asked some of the older folks if he was distracting. They all overwhelmingly said no, that they loved having the children in Mass and that it was so great that I bring them.
I encourage you to continue going to the same Mass every week and make a big deal out of it with your children. Sit in the front pew so they can see and hear everything. Go to Catholic Exchange in the morning and read the readings and give your 5 and 3 year old some key words (maybe a "secret" word) from the reading or Gospel then tell them to look at you and wink when they hear the secret word. With my one-year-old son, I will sometimes whisper very quietly in his ear about what is going on--I'm sure he has no clue what I'm talking about  , but it keeps him quiet and distracted for a minute.
I hope some of this helps. In the meatime, think of the graces you're receiving from bringing your children to Jesus!
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Molly Smith in VA
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Erica Sanchez
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Glenn, no, no, no, you are not being ridiculous! Don't give up!
Molly, I love your idea of a "secret" word....brilliant!! My kids are the same ages as yours just one year older - 10, 8, 6, 4, and 2!
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Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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mary
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I think it's a great goal and I have it in mind for myself. Next week, maybe sit on the other side of the church if she finds kids distracting? I do understand that it is hard to sit behind small children and stay focused.
I, too, love the idea of a secret word! I'm also going to have my kids bring their rosaries. (Fr. is going to bless them for us.) Here's hoping they don't lasso each other with them. 
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alicegunther
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Glenn wrote:
| After Mass, however the lady behind me was quite upset and told me to either sit in the very back of the church, or leave the kids home. |
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How sad. People who approach mothers with young children that way do not realize the damage they may be doing. A very dear friend of mine used to babysit for her one year old nephew every day. His parents, sadly, were no longer together, and he spent all weekends with his father. My friend knew that this meant the child would never attend Mass on Sundays, so she resolved to bring him (and her own one year old) to daily Mass at least once a week. The very first day, the two babies were good, but a tiny bit noisy (not crying, just making a few sounds--I was in the church, and I never even heard them). After Mass, a woman approached my friend and chided her for bringing them, reminding her of the existence of the "cry" room (which was *always* locked during daily Mass BTW). My friend was so embarrassed and discouraged, she did not bring the babies back. The sad thing is that 99% of the people there probably would have applauded the presence of the two babies, especially if they understood her circumstances and the sacrifice she was making to bring them there. I have often wondered if that lady realized that she'd doused a light with her sharp words.
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Mary G
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Glenn wrote:
| After Mass, however the lady behind me was quite upset and told me to either sit in the very back of the church, or leave the kids home. I will not leave the kids home, but if we sit in back the kids are too distracted to pay attention. |
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Glenn:
I read this on Thursday and so was a bit more paranoid on Friday when I took my li'l darlin's to Mass -- that's our goal this year is every Friday and Marian feasts.
Anyway, we sat in the front of the daily Mass chapel -- it has an easy-out door if my 2-1/2 yos gets rambunctious and I can still see my 6 and 5 yo darlin's....I was conscious of every squiggle, cough, loud whisper etc as we had many older people surrounding us. John-Paul and Maggie were periodically laying on the floor.....
After Father finished Mass and all were beginning to leave -- the people all around me came up and said how good the kids were, how they were acting so "big" and what a joy to see them in Mass.....
Glenn -- there is hope -- two or three weeks ago a woman wouldn't even give me the sign of peace because my littles were "active" in Mass!
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Kerry
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Please take heart, Glenn! Unfortunately, many of us have had the sad experience of being rebuked or shunned after taking our little ones to daily mass. From my experience of bringing 4 (6, 4, 2, 10 mos), most people at daily mass love that I bring my kids. I often get remarks about how well-behaved they are even when they've been just awful! Once my two boys had an all out wrestling match underneath the pews over the baby's toy!!! I do try to always go to the back when someone is particularly loud, but it is hard to do when the others want to follow you. I try and offer up any persecutions I receive from others( mean looks, uncharitable comments), and will often "church hop" to the 2 or 3 different churches with "do-able" mass times for us just so as not to inflict our noise on the same folks all the time. God Bless you for trying! Hang in there.
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Angie Mc
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We have also experienced the less than loving acceptance of our family at daily mass. To broaden this sad topic a bit, I've noticed that some folks who attend mass have a club mentality and exclude not only families with children but any "other." I've seen troubled adults looked down on, especially those in shabby clothes, those who are obviously burdened by drug and other abuses, those who just don't "fit." What helps me is to pray for the daily mass club . I pray that their hearts will soften and that they will cause as little damage as possible. I live in a retiree community...I know of what I speak! Also, here's a link to another thread on the topic of littles at mass.
I also think that it helps to hold my head high. Coming from a self-defense perspective, the more confident a person looks, the less likely they are to be a target of harassment. I try to hold my head high, focus on the mass, mother my children gently, and smile, smile, smile. Hard work!
Hang in there, Glenn, and give yourself a big pat on the back for your efforts. I'll pray that you find just the right solution for your family.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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alicegunther
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Angie Mc wrote:
| I try to hold my head high, focus on the mass, mother my children gently, and smile, smile, smile. Hard work! |
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Absolutely right, Angie--in this situation and many others. People will look upon your children as you do (or at least as they perceive you). If you appear frazzled, people get the impression that your your children are a "handfull," but if you are happy and calm, everyone compliments them on their good behavior!
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Marybeth
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Glenn,
I am sorry you had to endure a situation like that. I don't know why people have to act in such a rude manner especially after Mass!!
Praying for you to have peace, hold your head high and lead your little ones closer to Jesus.
God bless,
Marybeth
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JennGM
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I just wanted to share Elizabeth's beautiful column from this week called Mass Manners.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Karen T
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What do you do with little ones during the kneeling? My 4 and 5 yos know they are old enough that we insist they stand when others stand and kneel when we do, but that puts their face either below or right at the level of the back of the pew in front of us. Obviously, they can't see anything. I've been allowing them to kneel down lower so they are really sitting on their knees on the kneeler, which at least is more comfortable for them but not really a solution.
When my oldest ds was this age, I think we just let him continue sitting in the pew when we kneeled, and he has always been somewhat lazy about kneeling and everything else, even now at 12, so I am trying to instill more reverence early on.
Karen T
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alicegunther
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jenngm67 wrote:
| I just wanted to share Elizabeth's beautiful column from this week called Mass Manners. |
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Another great column, Elizabeth. Many thanks for sharing this, Jenn.
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
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Erica Sanchez
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Karen T wrote:
| What do you do with little ones during the kneeling? Karen T |
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Karen, I just have them stand while we're kneeling. They can stand on the kneeler if they still can't see over the pew. I try to have them right next to me or dh with an arm around them and whisper reminders that this is the most important part of the Mass. I don't like them to sit because I can't see them well and they just seem more tempted to wiggle.
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Karen E.
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Kerry wrote:
many of us have had the sad experience of being rebuked or shunned after taking our little ones to daily mass. From my experience of bringing 4 (6, 4, 2, 10 mos), most people at daily mass love that I bring my kids.
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I've mostly had positive experiences, too, but I do remember a day when (and this was when I only had two kids) a woman said to me after Mass, "Did your children have red juice this morning?" (With a smile, I replied, "No, my children don't need red juice to be full of such wonderful energy. They're like this naturally.")
Don't worry about the complainer, Glenn. I agree with Angie that there's usually a handful of people at Mass with the "club" mentality. We can't change that, but, who knows? Perhaps the Lord has prompted you to go in order to teach this woman some patience. Hang in there ... you have every right to be there.
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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Molly Smith
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I laughed at Mass this morning because we now have 4 homeschooling families attending the Wednesday 9am, with a total of 22 children and one on the way! Another friend, with 6 children, will probably start joining us next week. Our tiny chapel was packed and fairly quiet, aside from my little Patrick blowing raspberries .
I was wondering if you could invite some other homeschooling families to join you for a daily mass? We chose this day and time because it was convenient for us, but as more families have joined us it has turned into a wonderful mid-week fellowship opportunity as well!
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Molly Smith in VA
Mom to seven beautiful children, ages 1-14
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Topic: Daily Mass with little ones
