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Nina Murphy
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| Posted: Sept 16 2007 at 12:00pm | IP Logged
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Stephanie, you are very insightful. This is what I was referring to up above. We have HAD to homeschool this way, with independent learning; but we have also experienced just what you mentioned---the loneliness and lack of actual physical support.
There are goods and bads to homeschooling, which is part of the myth being shattered and the grieving which we were talking about on the other thread. I thought these things could be avoided and homeschooling would assure well-rounded, well-adapted, happy children. I really did. That our family bonding and relationships would be enough. We are VERY CLOSE as a family and bonded....and it never hit me that hey: it may not be enough---just us, just home. But that's how everyone paints it.
Now, of course I don't have children away from home yet, choosing vocational paths and really living in the world. I haven't seen them "in action" on their own. Maybe it will show itself then, the fruits. It's hard for me to see the big picture as of yet. But I do have great consolation that we all love each other so much, have prayed together every single day, and have amazing memories.
Again, you were so perceptive in putting your finger on the truth that perhaps we can't do it perfectly, and will have to be humble enough to look outside of the home and outside of the family for assistance---because aren't we doing this all FOR THE CHILDREN'S SAKES?
Maybe there is some pride in refusing to acknowledge that this may indeed be the call of God....and that there IS a better option AT THIS TIME for THIS CHILD. That is why we moved our present lonely, Melancholic Junior to a small classical Kolbe-like school. And he is thriving and coming outside of himself for the first time. I know it's hard to hear, and disappointing. Because we didn't want to admit it. But he is so brilliant and was withering, just sluggish without the attention. He now responds and rises to the challenge of having to deal with (impress?) these awesome and interesting Catholic teachers.
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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StephanieA
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| Posted: Sept 17 2007 at 7:45am | IP Logged
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<<home and outside of the family for assistance---because aren't we doing this all FOR THE CHILDREN'S SAKES?>>>>
This is a very good thought. For the children's sake - what IS best for that child at the time? Maybe the ideal choice (the one we conjure up in our minds) isn't even realistic or an option, and so, like life, we make do with what we have.
It is humbling to see our kids grow up and not need us, especially when we really could "still set them straight on a few things". Homeschooling or not, it is our relationship with them and the foundations of our Catholic faith that counts.
Realistically we can't do as much as many of us want, especially with large families. Regardless, our efforts will have to be supplemented with much prayer as our kid's leave the nest....homeschooling or not, Catholic college or not. I just had this thought that if I just did the RIGHT homeschooling in grade school and high school, my kids would be well-rounded, educated, and love their faith. If I did the Church's liturgical seasons, they would respond and love the Church. Then
reality, like the terrible lose of the Von Trapp's faith (everyone of her kids have left the Church) and other situations forced me to realize that something else was going on too and that this will be a life-long
vocation for me. Maybe I will be needed physically for schooling now, but I am in it for the long-haul with my prayers. Honestly, that has the potential of overwhelming me, but am also learning that "God takes care of the sparrows", and so I better just cool my jets.
So while I plan the school year out, I am SO open to opportunities as they arrive. I have just learned that my sister would be willing to tutor English once a week with my 15 year old next semester. This will only last a semester, and then she will be back in Spain the following year. But I am going to take this opportunity and try not to worry. The brick school options in our area are non-existent for this child.
Blessings,
Stephanie
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BrendaPeter
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| Posted: Sept 17 2007 at 10:11am | IP Logged
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LisaR wrote:
I did not go into Seton with the attitude of preparing him for Catholic High School, but I think all of the testing, and deadlines of enrollment made for a very smooth transition.
So ds, 6th grade asked to be enrolled this year. He loves the control of getting on the website, checking in and printing out what he wants to get working on. He likes entering his grades and the whole "school at home" thing- go figure!!?
then the 3 and K sons are just doing most of the books, but I can't see enrolling much before 6 or 7 grade.
Never in a million years did I think we would be "one of them".
whew! it is more freeing in ways I never dreamed of, and somehow we are reading more living literature and living the liturgical year so it is all good! |
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This is exactly what we do & I believe we've had the same results - very freeing & time to do lots of literature (FIAR) and liturgical year things. For some reason, boys especially like to just be told what they need to do & pointed in that direction. Molly, like you, I had some negative feelings about Seton but I'm so grateful that they offer courses "a la carte" as that has been an excellent option for us.
Another thought popped into my head that might be helpful to Molly. I realized (I suppose from all the praying I did about homeschooling!) that I get overwhelmed very easily & must keep things very simple for my own sanity. All the jumping around with curriculum was too much for me. Finally, finally (she says jumping up & down), we have settled on things that work for us & I can already tell you how we'll school the 2 & 4 year olds who haven't even started school yet. Honestly, my mantra is often KISS - "Keep It Simple Stupid" - as I get myself in trouble when things get complicated. I've even gone so far as to limiting the bulk of my curriculum purchasing to just a few providers. This does take a bit of mortification though as it's easy to think "oh, that looks good" with every bit of curriculum we see.
Also, I've definitely had to let go of my perfectionist side as it was forever coming into conflict with reality. Of course, this goes into areas other than just homeschooling. I loved one of Elizabeth's posts on her blog about having a weekly menu. What a great, simple idea! I also try to buy the kids the minimum, clothes-wise as that can also be overwhelming. Before most purchases, I wait & pray. Whether you can afford it or not, there's a different kind of price that comes with having too much stuff.
This has been such a great thread for so many of us. All the thoughtful comments have been excellent food for thought. We are much more connected than we think! Homeschooling is certainly a path to sanctity...
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Blessings,
Brenda (mom to 6)
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Kristie 4
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| Posted: Sept 17 2007 at 4:15pm | IP Logged
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that I get overwhelmed very easily & must keep things very simple for my own sanity
This is me to a 'T'. There are days when we can do some pretty creative wonderful things, when one day can be jam packed of great ideas. But I burn out very quickly if I am the one orchestrating it. I also must keep things simple like the daily rhythm, curriculum we are using, and especially the number of 'subjects' we cover a day.
Homeschooling is certainly a path to sanctity...
Yes....needed that today 
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Kristie in Canada
Mom to 3 boys and one spunky princess!!
A Walk in the Woods
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time4tea
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| Posted: April 08 2008 at 2:52pm | IP Logged
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Sorry I am getting in on this post so late. There is so much wisdom to glean here! Molly, like many of the other moms who responded, I have a very similar personality to yours. I do not like to teach, by and large. I could discuss things of interest with my dc endlessly, but like you said, I pick up a book and my eyes glaze over. I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to implement creative ideas into our homeschool, only to fall flat on my face in total burnout in record time. I loved reading Karen Andreola's A Charlotte Mason Companion and A Pocketful of Pinecones, not only because I enjoyed her writing style and the turn of the century illustrations, but also because it allowed me to live almost vicariously through someone else who is the type of teacher I wish that I were and who has the kind of homeschool I wish that I had. The truth, though, is very different from what I wish for.
We also have a growing family, and added a new baby to the mix right as the school year was getting started. Between that and all the illnesses we have all had, it will be a miracle if this year ever ends.
What has worked for us has been the single coursework from Seton for our oldest two dc and full enrollment for our youngest two school aged dc. this has been a humbling experience for me, because we had used Seton back at the beginning of our homeschool journey and I left it by the wayside to pursue what I liked better - narration, picture study, poetry, natural history, etc. Unfortunately for me, I can't seem to get these more creative ideas to work for me across the board, and I experience serious burnout every time I try to beat my personality into submission over this issue - it just doesn't work. While Seton is by no means the "perfect" curriculum in terms of what someone who waxes romantic over CM methods would look for, it does allow me to homeschool with sanity right now, and that is what I need. Yes, I would agree that with Seton, you are more of a facilitator, but deep down inside that is okay with me because when push has come to shove, I have never been truly comfortable with being the end-all-be-all for my dc's education, even though I have never really wanted to admit that to myself or anyone else for fear of being viewed as less than a successful homeschooler. Sometimes I have even been self-conscious of posting to the 4 Real Learning board, because I feel like such a misfit in terms of my lack of energy in creating and living out the CM homeschooling lifestyle. I've tried, I just seem to come up short each time.
The CHC catalog arrived on my doorstep a few weeks ago, and I leafed through it. Once again, the temptation to jump to another curriculum reared its head, and the temptation is always strong and always there. But I had to remind myself that it is at least equally important to match the curriculum to me, the home teacher, as to making sure it fits the dc. Being honest with myself, I know that no matter how neat CHC (or any other similar materials) look, I can really not imagine myself actually sitting for long hours doing arts and crafts and collecting books for science unit studies a la Easy as 1-2-3 Catholic Science program. So next year we will probably register with single courses from Seton again. Not because it's my ideal, but because it enables me to homeschool - at all.
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Blessings to you!
~Tea
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Leonie
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time4tea wrote:
| So next year we will probably register with single courses from Seton again. Not because it's my ideal, but because it enables me to homeschool - at all. |
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Very wise. I think this is why we are unschooly - with our busy lives, it is the only way we can homeschool at all! 
And because I love books and am SO not crafty, literature lists like Sonlight work best for me...
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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ALmom
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| Posted: April 09 2008 at 12:47pm | IP Logged
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Molly,
I am late coming in on this thread and you may have already come to something that gives you peace. If so ignore everything here - heck, don't even bother to read it. But if not maybe something I say will help since everytime you post, I hear more of myself.
Yes, I am not a natural teacher and I feel overwhelmed by too much activity and have never, ever even been able to do an art project/lapbook or any such sort of thing with my children. Heck, I cannot even handle unit studies. I tried once or twice and have several unit study curriculums lying around. I enjoy interacting with my children, but not the pressure. I feel totally inept at many things and even the subjects that are my strengths, I simply do not teach well. I did enjoy tutoring (note in tutoring someone else is responsible for the plan and you simply listen to the child and figure out problem areas and help them through it - now that is something I generally can do or find a way to do). I am a stubborn perfectionist who is learning to let go some. Anyways here are a few things that have helped us.
1) Realizing that I am not a natural teacher, that I need planning and organizational support but am very, very picky and have children with very unique interests and needs so I cannot tolerate being tied to a set curriculum, that I have children who will not naturally become well rounded by being left to choose - they have one track minds just like their mom who can only seem to grab and keep one thing at a time in my head. I have some children who would never, ever touch anything science or even go outside if I didn't kick them out and others that would never, ever write the first thing or read anything relating to history. I have some who wouldn't do math unless it were required and others who will eat it up but hate to read anything but science and math.
2)I am not a natural discussion leader but a ponderer/philosopher and I have a good instinctual sense for problem areas in the home and given enough opportunity to hash out ideas, can generally come up with a solution but need help actually implementing it and staying on the course. I am better able to organize my ideas in writing. Speaking, I often sound like a complete airhead.
My kids hated discussion time because, quite honestly, I wasted so much of their time here. I couldn't remember the points that I wanted to be sure to discuss (these had come clearly to mind as I read and reviewed what they would do with this in the year but were completely lost by the time the child was ready to discuss) without totally rereading the book - and while the child's eyes got glazed over while I tried to re inspire myself by reading what they had already read outloud. 
The solution for discussion is so simple it is not funny and pathetic that it took me 20 years to figure out. When I look over plans for the year and decide what we will and will not do and those ideas start flying - I stick it right there on their lesson plans. I discuss with my children in writing making sure those things I don't want them to miss are brought out - but then our discussion time becomes me listening to them. What a novel idea . They enjoy it a lot more now. Obviously if there is something they don't understand or need help with, then add in more insight. I'm still not one of those great discussion leaders that helps the child discover for themselves but we are much better in this regards doing things this way. It is a cheap solution and no new curriculum - just lots of paper  .
The solution for the need for planning support without being tied to a program has been a bit harder to come to and it took some steps that I'll try to outline:
1) What did I like about what we were using. What didn't work. I talked to my children and got their input too. They were very, very honest. Most of my children said things like, "I just want to know what is expected. Even my children who are not prone to textbook/workbook learning and do not like a lot of constraints told me this to some extent. One child told me he wanted projects (my hands on learner) Yikes, now how is a hands off mom whose least favorite thing in school was lab, projects and group activities going to arrange for a project oriented child. I certainly couldn't lead it!!!!!
2)For each child, what were the things they really weren't getting. I had a 13 yo who still could not distinguish nouns from verbs (obviously what we were doing didn't work), neither boy had any sense of the subtleties of literature and both had horrible trouble getting thoughts on paper. A lot of this was the physical aspect of writing, not just the organization of ideas but that was a problem too. Their minds raced faster than the hand could write it and the hand got too tired after just a tiny bit of writing. We needed to address this. I had a highschooler who still avoided science and math. I had a toddler who simply needed my attention and a first grader who needed my time for learning to read, etc. I had some insights (between my own observations and my children's comments about our school)into what might work best with them.
3) Sitting down with my husband once I'd gotten some sense of what the children were saying. I could share my instincts. "Gee I'm seeing a lot of potential in the Montessori stuff - cause it is self taught and because I could have cards of basic science stuff that I don't know and would take me longer than the kids have for me to learn well enough to teach, but what if I'm wrong. I've jumped on every bandwagon up to this point and wasted tons of money and this stuff is expensive.... You get the picture I'm sure ....
I expressed word for word something that Nina said, " I am not a multi-tasker." and "The stress of feeling like all the decisions are on me, the implementation is on me, it is on me to notice when and if something has to change and I feel totally responsible when something doesn't work. I cannot take this kind of stress - this stress is killing me and it is also taking any joy out of the whole thing. My husband wisely listened to me patiently and discussed with me. I think he really understood my limits as a teacher for the first time (up until this conversation, I think he was just happy and thinking I was doing a good job while I was rapidly moving towards total burnout). We revamped the budget, tightened it in some places, prioritized, etc. and ordered some things that seemed like they would be particularly beneficial in some of my toughest teaching areas. My kids were not learning science from a textbook but neither could I teach it. I simply did not have the background. My husband did not have the time to present an organized or consistent program though he always does random science things with the kids. The answer was so obvious, somehow we were going to have to set our children up for teaching themselves science - other areas, of course, we strive for greater independence but I have some background and can at least answer questions in those areas - science I was totally lost.
The rest we could more gradually tackle - but using what we already had on hand, with the minor exception of switching a grammar that was not working, we sat down together and wrote plans for each and every child to meet their need for clear idea of what was expected. They have a looseleaf notebook sheet 1 page per day. Honestly, a lot of the plan in a lot of the subjects was copied from a lesson plan I bought from somewhere - Kolbe for some, Kolbe mixed with CHC with some, RC History plans for most of my children (though for the boys who hate history it boiled down to simply writing down the sequence of reading (I put things one days work on a page but consulted them - OK, here is your spine, how much can you read in this for a day and still retain what you have read. They told me and that is what I assigned along with a list of names and events that must be included on the timeline. I interspersed the spine reading with other reading or reading choices and was generous on the time it took. For my projects oriented child, I ordered a few punch out type projects and stuck them in the plan to do, interspersed with map work. Anyways, this is how all my planning went. In these plans, I included my discussion ideas for the day, if any, and at points in the plan I wrote things like "Get mom to discuss ...."
Each child has certain subjects they discuss or do with me a couple of times per week for the youngers, less for the olders unless there is a certain challenge area.
Before I couldn't remember who I was supposed to do what with, I didn't have the materials together and we often lost hours looking for stuff or trying to figure out what I had planned to do with that child.
I will say, that while we don't meet the sanctity level, we are certainly doing much better. My biology hater still does not love Biology but she finished the course and she remembers at least basic vocabularly - ie she has a foundation upon which to build if she ever does get interested enough or has a need to know. The other side benefit is that the passions of my children are beginning to rub off on others. My science lover is always telling us about his latest discovery or testing our knowledge (pathetic) of the periodic table, whereas my history lovers are doing the same with history. We are all learning from each other even though we do not technically school together and have our own individual plans with individual time with mom. I also, like someone else said, jump on any and every opportunity that fits for my children. When my nephew's therapist offered to do mini science units for my nephew, you bet all the children were in attendance. We hired a Latin tutor who was with us for 2 years worth of Latin study. He cannot do this anymore as he accepted a college teaching position but he got my dd to the point that she can proceed on her own and his tutoring is what helped me discover what my oldest really needed (she tends to do her own thing and learn her own way but she does that better on her own time and likes her school time to be direct, this is what you need to get done, these are the papers you need to write, etc. Her Latin teacher was a great teacher and though I cannot imitate is oral presentation technique, I can sure imitate the organizational aspects - deadlines that are known in advance, clear indications of assignments and when they must be done, breakdown of work day by day. I don't need to spoonfeed this child by any means but the structure is what she wants to help her learn to be organized and systematic. She is already immensely creative and self directing, but tends to be one focus only. Currently her one focus is WWII.
Finally, we did sign up for Kolbe - don't hand a single thing in to them but they are great people for me to hash ideas out with, call when I don't have time or the knowledge to answer a question - and my children like to get immediate answers to things like why this particular phrase is a adverbial phrase and not an adjectival one.
I have become a resource gatherer (a skill at which I excell based on my number of books and such), and general mentor. I am happier and my children are happier and as a result my husband is more often met by a happy wife at the door and not the frantic, teary eyed, I'm desperate, you need to fire the teacher. This, I'm sure, makes him happier. It also doesn't hurt that I have more time to manage to get something on the table for dinner instead of still franctically trying to finish up the school day and the table covered in school books.
Certainly we all have to find what works for us. I hope this helps and if you need any more ideas of what we came to, I'm happy to share - just know our choices were based on our own family and children.
Janet
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: This is my family- which direction?
