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Martha in VA
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I need some wisdom about an issue that has literally caused me to lose sleep. Our dearest friends are all reformed protestants. Even through this journey of conversion, my two closest friends have stood by me, not understanding, but loving me all the way.  I'm very thankful because I'm realizing how rare that is. Anyway, years ago, we assigned guardianship of our daughters (in case anything ever happened to us) to one of these families. These couples love our daughters as they do us. Now, with our conversion, Dh and I are wondering if we need to change guardianship. The problem is we know no Catholic families well enough. To be a thrown into a family of near strangers would be so traumatic for a child. Yet, to leave it as it is would mean they probably would be raised outside of the Church. I'm just at a loss for how to think through this. Any help would be appreciated.
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MrsKey
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Martha,
My husband and I are in a similar situation with our daughter. There are no Catholics in our family and those Catholic families that we do know, we don't know well enough to ask something so important.
My suggestion is to do what we did with our daughter's potential guardians. Talk to them about the Catholic faith. Ask them if they are willing to raise your children in the Catholic faith and allow them to practice their faith.
For instance my parents are not Catholic but if anything happened to us I would trust them to take dd to Mass and to do all that they could to raise her as a Catholic.
If they are not willing to do this for you and your children then I would definitely start looking for alternative arrangements.
And in the meantime in this as in all things, pray!
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Carole
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Carole N.
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We have a simular situation. My family is not Catholic. My dhs family is mixed, but those that are still Catholic are in name only. It is a distressing situation.
We have not stayed in touch with the family we choose when we wrote our will. But that was years ago, and we have undergone our own reversion since then. There is no one that we are that close to that is Catholic. We are perplexed. 
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momwise
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We still haven't chosen our guardians. We have older children that are our most likely choice but at present are not practicing their faith. The only thing we can do is talk with them. Most of our dc have good godparents, so we need to talk with them also and find out how far they can go to make sure the dc stay in the church (as much as they choose to do so).
Do you all who have converted have good godparents? I would want the guardians to agree that the godparents will be the ones to teach the faith.
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MrsKey
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momwise wrote:
| Do you all who have converted have good godparents? I would want the guardians to agree that the godparents will be the ones to teach the faith. |
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Unfortunately, no. Our daughter was baptised years before we converted. One godparent has died and the other is Catholic in name only. Based on the catechesis dd's godmother's children have received and the amazing lack of knowledge she and her children exhibit about the Catholic faith I believe it would be worse for dd's godmother to have a hand in her faith formation than for dd to go it alone.
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Carole
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insegnante
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Seems like how much effect the guardians' religious beliefs have might depend on how old the children are and how much they have learned before the parents died, and the relationship they had with their parents. I suppose one older sibling already formed in the Faith could make a big difference for the younger siblings' upbringing.
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teachingmyown
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Martha,
I would say don't change anything yet. Talk to the family that you have already chosen about how important it is to you that the children be raised Catholic as much as possible.
In the meantime, try to get to know good Catholic families around you asking God to show you His will in this matter. We are really in a similar predicament as well. The family we asked long ago has grown at the same rate as ours, seven children each, and we are not in the same town anymore. So, I do wonder if they are still the right choice. None of my brothers would be willing to take seven children into their families.
BTW, where are you in VA?
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Molly
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Martha in VA
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teachingmyown wrote:
BTW, where are you in VA? |
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I'm in Charlottesville. Why, are you considering volunteering to be guardian for our daughters?!? 
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Martha in VA
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Thanks everyone. Although there's isn't an obvious, clear-cut answer, at least I know I'm not alone in this predicament.
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teachingmyown
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Martha in VA wrote:
teachingmyown wrote:
BTW, where are you in VA? |
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I'm in Charlottesville. Why, are you considering volunteering to be guardian for our daughters?!? |
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We would be glad to! We have five daughters, ages almost 11, 7,5,3 and 8 months today, so they would fit right in. Not sure what my two boys would think, however.
Honestly, we would not hesitate if you, or anyone, needed a home for their children. But you are right about the children needing to feel comfortable. And I will pray that you, as well as all the 4Real families, never find yourself in such a sad position. It is really such a scary thought.
We are in Fredericksburg, so not so far from you. I am sure you could find a nice group of Catholic homeschoolers down there in C'ville. I am thinking someone else on the forum is from down there, but it isn't coming to me.
God bless!
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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alicegunther
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Gang, this is truly such a serious decision, and honestly, we have not assigned anyone yet. My mother would be the obvious choice, as she has cared for my children all their lives, but she is not as young as she once was, and my father passed away almost four years ago.
A woman from our local group lost her husband to colon cancer several months ago. Heartbreakingly, she too has now been diagnosed with cancer. Although I do not know her well, I heard that her family members are not practicing Catholics, and she is looking for guardians for her two teenage boys.
When I saw this thread, it occurred to me that some of you might have advice I could pass along to this poor woman.
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Lissa
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Martha in VA wrote:
teachingmyown wrote:
BTW, where are you in VA? |
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I'm in Charlottesville. Why, are you considering volunteering to be guardian for our daughters?!? |
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Martha, you're in Charlottesville??? How did I not know this? We just moved away from there. (Crozet.) Wah!
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Martha in VA
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Lissa wrote:
Martha, you're in Charlottesville??? How did I not know this? We just moved away from there. (Crozet.) Wah!
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Actually, Lissa, we DID know each other a ways back. Remember that sweet little co-op we did 4 or 5 years ago at the Burzumato's home - along with the Jones family and some others? I was the blond with the (then) three asian looking little girls that looked nothing like me - although I have the stretch marks to prove they're mine! Sanusi is our last name.
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alicegunther
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Oh my goodness, Martha--judging by the ages of your four girls, I'd say your family was perfect for Lissa's! (Mine too, come to think of it!)
Your stretch marks comment has me laughing out loud. Don't I know it after seven!
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doris
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Back to the original question
We've asked my sister to be guardian. She is not Catholic -- not Christian, even -- but she loves the children, and they her. She knows that we would want them raised Catholic and I think she would do her best in that regard -- take them to Mass etc. We would also hope that the godparents would go up a gear. God forbid that it should be necessary...
I know it's not ideal, and originally we had asked some friends precisely because of the faith issue. But then we really felt that blood is thicker than water and that they would be better off with their auntie.
Btw there's a great short story by Tolstoy, 'What Men Live By' which is a wonderful living book on this subject.
Elizabeth
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Lissa
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Martha in VA wrote:
Lissa wrote:
Martha, you're in Charlottesville??? How did I not know this? We just moved away from there. (Crozet.) Wah!
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Actually, Lissa, we DID know each other a ways back. Remember that sweet little co-op we did 4 or 5 years ago at the Burzumato's home - along with the Jones family and some others? I was the blond with the (then) three asian looking little girls that looked nothing like me - although I have the stretch marks to prove they're mine! Sanusi is our last name.
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OH MY GOODNESS, you're THAT Martha???? Hi!!!
Oh, I am so bummed that we lost touch after the co-op ended!
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SuzanneG
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We have friends that were in a similar situation to yours. They kept the guardians as the non-Catholics, but had a discussion with them about the importance of teaching the faith to them and would they be OK with "appointing" someone to make sure the children were being catechized (sp?).
The guardians said yes, so they had another Catholic couple established as the "godparents" of sorts....and had them meet the legal would-be-guardians, just for a dinner, adults only. It was a "meet and greet" sort of thing. so, the idea is.....if anything happened....the Catholic couple would have met the guardians and would be in charge of passing along the Faith to them.
It certainly made it clear to the guardians (in a NICE way, of course) how important this was to the parents.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Guardians for our children?
