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Connections
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In light of all of the talk about simplicity and decluttering, I am wondering about the Church's direction on keepsakes.
Should we detach ourselves from the (over-abundance of) photos, old letters, pictures drawn by our little ones, journals, ticket stubs, etc.
Sometimes I feel like I am supposed to be living the present moment and that, by holding onto these things, I leave myself open to living too much in the past.
What about the time spent organizing things from the past?
As a Catholic mother, what example should I be setting for my children. What part should the past play in our present?
Please share your thoughts and any Church guidance you deem relevant.
Thanks.
_______________
Tracey
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insegnante
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I would be surprised if the Church has any direction specifically on keepsakes.
I have been thinking as you describe in order to keep perspective and allow myself to err on the side of throwing away stuff that could have sentimental value if I let it. I'm someone who if I did not check my impulses could assign sentimental value to way too many things. I remember when my mother got a new furnace for our home in 1999 when I was 20, I was sad and saved the label from the old one which I think is ridiculous now  (I had a father and brother who died before I was 10 so I think that contributed to my idealized memories of childhood and wanting to retain all imaginable connection to that past.) But now that I am married with three kids think of the possibilities of accumulating clutter to "remember" by...
I have also been pondering the ease of accumulating digital photos of so many moments of varying significance in our kids' lives. I am now making myself delete some of the shots I take that aren't that great, rather than thinking, "But when she's 25 I'll cherish that view of the back of her head!" Partly because they do take up computer space and partly because of what you discuss above. It is so hard to resist taking lots of pictures though which can lead the people with the cameras not to be as involved in what is actually going on. I know that not every trip to the playground or time out in the snow was photographed when I was a kid, but it's hard not to feel disappointed when we forget the camera.
Certainly not every picture I drew was saved, let alone every scribble I made before I could draw. That's one of the more difficult things to do, but I do eventually throw away most of the *everyday* drawings our kids have made, while saving some.
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Barbara C.
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When I was a pre-teen/teenager I was avid about scrapbooking (in my own cheap way). As I went into college, though, I began doing it less and less. I remember talking about it with a co-worker once who wondered at me being so sentimental; it seemed unlike me in her opinion.
I realized then that the reason I scrap-booked was because I was very lonely within my family and my peers. I scrapbooked because I want to prove to the world that I existed and that I did stuff and that I had been alive in case something happened to me. Once I was able to make deeper connections with people I felt like I had less to prove. At that point, scrapbooks became photo albums just to aid with memory.
I still keep up the kids' baby books, although there are gaps in each one. I want the kids to have a sense of their history. I have a small memory box for each child with their hospital things and other little things. Unfortunately, the age of the digital camera has allowed our photo albums to fall way behind.
I look at keepsakes as mainly being a memory aid of the big things and for giving a sense of history. And I feel that they should be able to tell a story long after I am gone (in other words shouldn't be dependent on a living person to be significant). And most importantly the keeping of such things should not interfere with relationships ("I can't make new memories with you now; I'm to busy preserving our old memories.") or the overall well-being of those living in the present (for instance, no pack-ratting).
So, in a nutshell, I think you have to look at your reasons for holding on to such things. (memory-aid, proving something, too much attachment to the past, longing to avoid the present, enjoy as a hobby) Then you have to determine at what point it may be detracting from your happiness, home, relationships (especially your one with God), health, and pocket-book.
Just my 2 cents.
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Gloria JMJ
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This is the most timely thread  .
So, do I need to keep workbooks from the elementary grades? With 8 dc that takes up a lot of space, but of course, I feel guilty tossing them.
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Barbara C.
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Insegnante: I remember when my mother got a new furnace for our home in 1999 when I was 20, I was sad and saved the label from the old one which I think is ridiculous now
LOL. In 2008 when we replaced our stove and fridge at the same time, my then five-year-old freaked. She cried the whole time the delivery men were here and said, "You've stolen a piece of my childhood!!" Never mind that we had only lived here with those appliances since she was three.
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Paula in MN
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I bought two huge plastic totes, and have been filling them up with all their creations. Every year I let them go through the tubs, and they decide what to keep and what to "recycle". When they move, the tubs go with them.
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 Paula
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Marcia
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oh I like Paula's idea. I do let them keep their best work at the end of each year. But we still have WAY TOO MUCH. I have baby boxes for them, but really I haven't been so good at keeping those most important. Like who really needs every birthday card that grandma ever sent to them?
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TxTrish
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I toss 'em! Oops, too slow - I mean the workbooks several posts up 
Each of our children has a "treasure box". When you are little, mom keeps it. Baby books, baptismal gowns (if they were not on loan from family), stuff like that. Jewelry my brother gives the girls - baby bracelets and the like.
They start wanting to keep them themselves at some point. And they get to. I never have to worry about them tossing anything out.
Barbara - brilliant observations - and a mirror of my early experiences.
Both sets of grandparents have TOO MUCH STUFF! I hate that - it causes them to have no life becuase they are too busy hoarding and keeping their things maintained.
So, given that, and because we move fairly regular I do not err on the side of "keep it all" and regularly sort and purge. The memories must fit in just the one box.
You know, my mother gave me a box of "memories" from when I growing up. Honestly, it was mostly trash that I tossed. So, now my memory box consists of a Mrs. Beasly doll, and a couple baby items made by my grandmothers. Those handmade items were worn by all my daughters when they were babies.
So, that experience is always on my mind when I add or subtract from their boxes.
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MaryM
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Like Theresa I would doubt that there is specific direction from the Church on this issue - as it relates to our daily lives and specific material things.
But I can't help but think about the example the Church does set through years of history. Just think of the things that she saves and holds in such regard - relics, statues, writings of holy people from the past. Very much within our Church and our Faith there are those visible ties with the past - our history, things that tie us to other generations of very holy men and women. They are meant to be reminders to us - in this case ones that bring us closer within the body of Christ.
I found an interesting article by apologist Mark Shea that maybe doesn't answer your question directly but gets to the heart of what struck me in reading this. He says in the article "Relics, heirlooms, keepsakes are profoundly human things. And since God has chosen to reveal himself in a human way by the incarnation of Jesus Christ, we do well to cultivate such physical connections between us and between generations."
So I would think that the best guide for what/how much to save, would be to contemplate what are those things that will help you retain that connection to our earthly family's past in a positive and affirming way. In a way that is reflected in what Mark Shea said - I like that.
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Betsy
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This might be a bit off the original topic, but it think it pertains to discerning whether to keep something or not. (For clarification, I feel it is VERY valuable to keep sentimental objects, but I think that in today's society we can keep too much and possible for the wrong reasons.)
I have done major decluttering over the past five years as I have moved twice and we have had family deaths were we either received a bunch of "stuff" or had to clean out houses with lots of "stuff".
After this process, I made one big observation. To me, it seemed that a lot of 'stuff' that was kept and continued to be kept was because it had been saved for a number of years NOT because it was particularity sentimental or valuable.
Because of this fact, now I try to discern if this object is truly sentimental, useful, beautiful, worth keeping,etc before I keep it. So that later I don't continue to keep it just because I have kept it for x amount of time. (I hope that makes sense)
This process has kept my sentimental collection down to a manageable size of very special objects. Also, as a side note, I have rarely (if ever) regretted throwing something out, if I can even remember what it was.
I hope this helps...
Betsy
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Willa
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Connections wrote:
In light of all of the talk about simplicity and decluttering, I am wondering about the Church's direction on keepsakes.
Should we detach ourselves from the (over-abundance of) photos, old letters, pictures drawn by our little ones, journals, ticket stubs, etc.
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I think the Church generally teaches that anything that is holding you back from a closer walk with Him should be treated cautiously.
Certainly keeping keepsakes seems like a charming and wholesome thing in itself but I'm sure that like anything else it could go overboard and soak up too much time, energy and space.
Something I do with some sorts of keepsakes is simply take a picture and keep it digitally stored on my computer or on CDs.. Then I can still look back over those things and enjoy the memories without having the actual "footprint" of the thing hanging around in real life.
I think if you are a more sensory person that might not seem like the same thing at all -- the thing itself matters to you. But it might be something to consider with the marginal cases, where it doesn't mean that much to have the actual thing and just a visual reminder will do.
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guitarnan
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One other perspective...
We are military, as was my FIL and his father before him. We don't really have a permanent "home" - which is both good and bad. Good, because we've learned to make our home wherever we are. Not so good, because it's the familiar things, sometimes from many years ago, that make our house or townhouse or whatever seem like home for us all. We have a lot of weird items we've collected...  Sometimes a thing is all we have left to remind us of an old "home."
I have a hard time detaching myself from things we've "always" had, and I see my children struggling with the same thing. Old toys, books, etc. that we could pass on to cousins are still here.
I'm working on this for myself, hoping my son and daughter will understand that it needs to apply to them as well. Let's hope!
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DominaCaeli
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TxTrish wrote:
Both sets of grandparents have TOO MUCH STUFF! I hate that - it causes them to have no life becuase they are too busy hoarding and keeping their things maintained.
So, given that, and because we move fairly regular I do not err on the side of "keep it all" and regularly sort and purge. The memories must fit in just the one box.
You know, my mother gave me a box of "memories" from when I growing up. Honestly, it was mostly trash that I tossed. So, now my memory box consists of a Mrs. Beasly doll, and a couple baby items made by my grandmothers. Those handmade items were worn by all my daughters when they were babies. |
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I can relate to this too. When I went through all the stuff in the memory box that my mom kept for me, it was mostly just stuff that I ended up tossing too. My grandmother recently sent me a box of things she had saved from my childhood too, and though I appreciated the thought of it, most of it went in the garbage too. I am a sentimental person in some ways, but I do try to be pretty rigorous when I decide to keep something long-term. I will occasionally go through their memory boxes/files and purge--I think a little time often makes me forget why I put it aside in the first place, which can be a good thing.
I am really, really thankful for the digital age in that we can keep as many photos as we want without the physical clutter of them. I often take photos of the children's drawings and whatnot before discarding them--helps me not to feel so guilty.
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Fwiw, I try to imagine myself years and years from now, showing old homemade birthday cards, pictures, etc, to my grandchildren when I'm in my 70's. At that point, what will I want to show them? I imagine a small box per child, with a few really special pieces of artwork, a beloved stuffed animal or doll, a boy scout sash with all their badges on it, some photographs that span the ages of their childhood. I imagine one box of my own special items that might include a few engagement/wedding momentos as well.
I don't want to overwhelm a future child with too much too look at. In the end, I don't need 25 pictures from each summer vacation, each Christmas, etc. Maybe small collection of pictures from each year, over 18 years, will add up to plenty to look at. Its not that I'm not sentimental. But I've also had the experience of being asked to look at 350 pictures of someone's 2 week vacation, and I've also been expected to exclaim (year after year) over 30 yrs worth of reel to reel "family movies" that aren't my family.
I want the experience of looking at and showing these treasured items to be special. I'd like the experience itself to be a moment of simplicity...taking care not to get prints on the 3 pictures of a particularly special Christmas, rather than not caring if anyone ruins one, because after, there are 300 more pictures that are similar. Too much of anything, in the end, makes it less special, to me.
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Books, those are some good scenarios to consider. Personally, I keep getting handed momentoes from my own childhood that are extremely trivial--concert programs from sixth grade band, girl scout handbook, etc--stuff that has been stored and kept in my mother's or grandmother's houses for three decades now. I am recycling or trashing all of it.
I'd be happy to have just one small box of stuff as keepsakes. Right now I'd estimate there are six banker boxes of stuff here in my house and who knows how many more in my mother's or grandmother's.
For some reason, my mom kept my baby clothes and toys boxed up when I had infants. Now she is looking for them to give them to me (she's prparing to downsize to a condo) and my youngest is nearly four years old and a boy!
Choose your keepsakes wisely and only a few of them! It is so hard to get rid of them later but I've come to the conclusion that my mission in life is NOT to become the family archivist and my home is NOT the family museum. So as I have time to sort through it all, 90% of it is going away to donation, to trash or to others.
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Connections
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| Posted: Jan 02 2010 at 7:43pm | IP Logged
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Thank you all for helping me think through this.
Blessings,
Tracey
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Topic: Keepsakes/Detachment
