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Mary G
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| Posted: Oct 26 2009 at 6:17pm | IP Logged
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OK, so I'm jsut delving into Facebook and finding tons of folks that are far-flung that I'd like to get re-acquainted with.
My question ... for those on FB with teenage/college age kids .... do you friend them? I just feel like I'm checking up on my kids if I "friend" my college-age kids ... y'know? Or have their friends as "friends" of mine seems odd ... y'know?
What do y'all think? Am I being weird or ostrich-like?
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MaryG
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MaryM
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| Posted: Oct 26 2009 at 7:02pm | IP Logged
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So Mary, is that why we're not seeing much of you - you're FBing??? 
My perspective is not exactly what you are looking for because I'm not on Facebook, but I have had this conversation with my oldest kids. My oldest son has outright told me that he wouldn't friend me if I were  .
 I can't believe I'm admitting this because I assume people will be appalled that my son would not want me there, but I see his perspective. He has valid reasons for his view and we (he and I) don't need it as a means to communicate or keep up to date with each other. I respect his opinion and feelings about his space and friends circle.
My next son would have no opinion on it and in fact is now a pretty infrequent FBer anyway. My younger children, who I would friend if they had accounts, don't - so it really wouldn't be an issue.
So, I would say talk to them find out how that would be for the dynamics of your relationship - if it's all mutually fine, good. But I think it's also okay to not want to be there - to give them their space and not navigate the "friends" of friends world like you mention.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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joann10
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| Posted: Oct 26 2009 at 7:22pm | IP Logged
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My older kids are fine with me being their friends---but I don't generally ask their friends to be "my friend". Some of the friends have asked me to be their friend and I generally accept.
I have had the experience of "unfriending" and "hiding" some of these kids---mainly because of objectional things that turn up on their updates. ( Of course, a few a my relatives have been hidden also, for the same reason  )
My 15, 16 and 17 year olds are all my friends, and I have their sign-in names and passwords, and they know that my dh and I can "check up" on them anytime---I think this keeps them on the straight and narrow and very careful about who they friend.
I don't think I would be offended if my grown-up kids didn't want to friend me ( or to remain my friend) because I respect their privacy--and we are in touch all the time anyway.
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Mary G
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| Posted: Oct 26 2009 at 7:54pm | IP Logged
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MaryM wrote:
So Mary, is that why we're not seeing much of you - you're FBing???
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Not really ... I've actually been trying to cut down on my online time! 
marym wrote:
My perspective is not exactly what you are looking for because I'm not on Facebook, but I have had this conversation with my oldest kids. My oldest son has outright told me that he wouldn't friend me if I were .
I can't believe I'm admitting this because I assume people will be appalled that my son would not want me there, but I see his perspective. He has valid reasons for his view and we (he and I) don't need it as a means to communicate or keep up to date with each other. I respect his opinion and feelings about his space and friends circle.
My next son would have no opinion on it and in fact is now a pretty infrequent FBer anyway. My younger children, who I would friend if they had accounts, don't - so it really wouldn't be an issue.
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Well, and it's not so much that they're doing what they shouldn't (altho they might be ) it's more that I think they should have their own space. One of the things I'm finding with FB is that once you "friend" someone, their whole FB is open to them ... not just blogs that they may post but notes to others that are their friends, etc. It's a bit creepy-feeling!
But then I love that I CAN access folks from Bulgaria and Romania and Austria and Rome whom I knew in Austria -- that is very cool. And some of my family, it's a great way to keep up ...
I guess it's cause there don't seem to be filter capabilities that allow you to say ... "well, this group of friends can see this ... while this group shouldn't" Yknow what I mean?
I KNOW there are other FB'ers on here .. what do you say?
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MaryG
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kingvozzo
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| Posted: Oct 26 2009 at 8:39pm | IP Logged
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Mary G wrote:
I guess it's cause there don't seem to be filter capabilities that allow you to say ... "well, this group of friends can see this ... while this group shouldn't" Yknow what I mean?
I KNOW there are other FB'ers on here .. what do you say? |
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I believe there IS a way to do this, but I have no idea how . Isn't that helpful?
A friend of mine was describing to me how she has her work friends in some other category so they don't see ALL her posts.
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Noreen
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Mimip
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| Posted: Oct 26 2009 at 9:21pm | IP Logged
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Mary,
I don't have teenage kids but I am an avid FBer and can help you with the privacy settings.
I'll walk you throught this.
1. Open your fb account to Home
2. Next to your name on the right hand side is a Settings heading, click on that
3. Click on the Privacy setting with the manage button on the right hand side.
4. When you do that you now can navigate several ways.
:::There is a Block person list. These people cannot see you in ANY WAY on FB and trust me it works.
:::If you click on Profile you can no control who sees what on your profile. I have my set to only friends on everything, not friends of friends just friends. Now you can customize any of these settings. Simply pull down the bar and put the names of the people you want access to these.
:::Search- This setting will allow you to choose how others can search for you. For example, you have a friend from high school who puts your first name in and city, these settings will let you know what other see when they search for you.
::::News Feed- This will set what info comes up on others news feeds when they sign on. For example, if you comment on a picture if this isn't filtered all your friends will see that comment.
::::Applications- If you allow apps on your FB then read all of this. The Settings can be changed for any number of things. Read it al!!!!!
Okay so I think you have it covered. Oh and tell your college aged kids to use their privacy settings so you don't have to see their every move but could always send a note
Any more questions?????? I'm your girl 
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Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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Mary G
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| Posted: Oct 27 2009 at 5:00am | IP Logged
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Mimi -- thanks that was a GREAT tutorial!
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MaryG
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sewcrazy
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| Posted: Oct 27 2009 at 6:28am | IP Logged
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Mine are in high school, not college, and we are their "friends" as well as several of my adults friends. Also, a requirement of our church's peer ministry team, is that our youth minister is your "friend".
Chats are pivate, as are pm's. And as minip explained, you can set privacy settings to filter content.
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LeeAnn
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Natalia
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| Posted: Oct 27 2009 at 5:37pm | IP Logged
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I started FB because my dd (she is now 16) was on FB and I wanted to pay attention to what she was doing online. That was the requirement: if she wanted an account, I had to be her friend. Of course, once I started I got hooked and it has been fun. I don't spend as much time on FB as I used to since the novelty has worn off. I don't even check on my dd's page that frequently but it is nice to know that I can if I wanted to. If she had been in college, I think I would have ask her instead of making it a requirement. But, I think I would've have my feelings hurt if she would not have friended me.
As far as friends, I have never friended her friends but a lot of them have friended me. When that happens, I accept.
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Natalia
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Mary G
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| Posted: Oct 27 2009 at 7:02pm | IP Logged
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Well, the funny thing is that my 18yod (down at AMU) friended me (even tho I told her I thought it wasn't necessary) .... You notice my 20 yos is silent on the whole thing!  !
I guess I'm just being overly silly -- I just don't like my reading their email, mail, listening in on phone calls, etc once they're adults! It's not that they're doing anything wrong necessarily ... ykwim?
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MaryG
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Martha
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Hey wanna be my friend?
people fb for different reasons.
Personally I prefer the conversation atmosphere of a MSG board. For more personal and lengthy I prefer to blog.
But my dh has this small herd of cousins that like to stay in touch. And I have a sister that likes to fb (she actually prefers myspace which I detest) and nagged me to join.
I have a few friends on there but mostly I use it to stay in touch in a mostly superficial but better than nothing way.
I don't play any of the applications or games. A only update my status or comment in occassional spurts.
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Leonie
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I'm friends with the five of my seven kids who are on Facebook - even the young adults - it has become a good way for us to share stuff.
The funniest thing is when my twenty year old is upstairs in his room and I'm downstairs on one of the dining room computers and we are both on Facebook at the same time. We have beenknown to have a private Facebook chat about a sensitive issue, with no younger brothers "listening in"!
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Ruth
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| Posted: Oct 28 2009 at 10:21am | IP Logged
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Leonie wrote:
The funniest thing is when my twenty year old is upstairs in his room and I'm downstairs on one of the dining room computers and we are both on Facebook at the same time. We have beenknown to have a private Facebook chat about a sensitive issue, with no younger brothers "listening in"! |
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I love that!!!
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Ruth
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Facebook query
