| Author | |
12stars
Forum Pro
Joined: April 25 2008
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 372
|
| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 10:58am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
to be more open to life?
Our youngest ds is 14 months and my cycles have returned along with a major change of heart, to accept the will of God.
I know having 2 under 2 is stressful. I can hear your  because I know many of you have many more.
So back to my question what resource can I offer my dh that can soften his heart. I have been praying non stop for him and I know God always answers. But he tends to listen to others other than me.
Does any one recommend any resources, dvds, books, cds? 
__________________
Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
crusermom
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 09 2007
Location: New Jersey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 878
|
| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 1:57pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Does he have any male friends that are open to life? I think it must be tough if they get no support for this life style from other guys. Prayer is the most powerful tool. I will pray for you both - to know God's will and accept it.
__________________
Mary
Army wife and Crusermom to 8 wonderful children!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
12stars
Forum Pro
Joined: April 25 2008
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 372
|
| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 3:31pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
No he does not. I think that he knows in his heart but intelectually he has a hard time. Everybody around us is not.
So I know this has not been second nature, although it should.
I was just curious as to how your dhs thought this through. Many of you have more than 5. What has encouraged him and helped him on in his journey of fathering so many.
__________________
Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
LLMom
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 19 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 995
|
| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 6:23pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Pray like crazy, don't nag him about it, and don't complain at all about how hard your job as mothering is. If he sees you ragged, he definetly won't want more.
__________________
Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 6:32pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
It is so very difficult to go against the flow. Especially, when all the worry over how to manage financially is put on the husband.
One thing I know rarely helps is anything that is percieved as nagging. No one likes to hear it and they'll shut it out.
Can you suggest any books or such without making him feel nagged?
Sometimes I think we all can use some information from "out there" that supports our decisions. It's so hard when it seems like everything you hear is about being "responsible" and limiting the number of children. It's so reassuring to hear from sources that support life and large families.. maybe that's why many of us are here at these boards. 
What are you doing that could impact how he thinks about it? Do you complain (or he's percieving it as complaining) about the difficulty of having many children? Do you complain or bemoan a lack of money? Are you keeping up on your responsibilities? Are you appreciative of his work? Do you do things that he feels is wasting money/resources? Remember it may not be your intention as much as his perception. It's worth it to change so that he isn't getting a message like that from your actions.
What a wife does and how she acts can effect how well a husband feels he is doing his job of providing for his family. And it has less to do with the actual provision than some might think. When everyone helps to stretch the funds as far as possible naturally without resentment, reducing complaints about not enough money, but collaborating on how to do reasonable things that might require extra funds, there's a lot of pressure taken off the husband.
Just for example, my 11 year old is the age to wish for her own bedroom. Well, I have reasons why that's not going to happen even if we could afford a 9 bedroom house so everyone would get their own room. So Her answer is not "we can't afford that  " but rather "even if we wanted to spend money on a bigger house "own rooms" is not going to happen.  " this is all a light tone.. as I said she's wishing not grousing so I keep the answer light and we laugh. It would be easy to say "we can't afford that." We can't. But by giving other reasons to it, it can take that pressure off your husband.. he may see anything that "can't be" from lack of money as his "fault".
Husbands need to know that we don't put their ability to make money ahead of their person. That there are more important things than making money. I often think of it as my job to make the most of the money dh earns. So while he makes the money.. how well we actually live on it falls into my hands.. and the better we live, the less pressure he feels from the outside.. because to the outside we look like we're doing good.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 6:36pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
oh and hgere's a thread that might have something..
Covenanted Happiness
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
12stars
Forum Pro
Joined: April 25 2008
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 372
|
| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 8:34pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
JodieLyn wrote:
What are you doing that could impact how he thinks about it? Do you complain (or he's percieving it as complaining) about the difficulty of having many children? Do you complain or bemoan a lack of money? Are you keeping up on your responsibilities? Are you appreciative of his work? Do you do things that he feels is wasting money/resources? Remember it may not be your intention as much as his perception. It's worth it to change so that he isn't getting a message like that from your actions.
What a wife does and how she acts can effect how well a husband feels he is doing his job of providing for his family. And it has less to do with the actual provision than some might think. When everyone helps to stretch the funds as far as possible naturally without resentment, reducing complaints about not enough money, but collaborating on how to do reasonable things that might require extra funds, there's a lot of pressure taken off the husband.
|
|
|
I think you hit the nail on the head or my head better yet!!! I probably have been guilty of some of those especially when you say if I have not kept my end of the bargain, he is unemployed and his destresser is cleaning just like mine is as well, lately though I know he has been taking care of the house a bit more because 1 I am the one that homeschools and 2 I started working partime on the weekends at home to bring in extra money.
I guess what I am looking for is his affirmation that if and when I do get pg I will have his blessing from the beginning.
Which I always do have but sometimes it is not apparent. That is just my perception not his. I hope that that is not tmi.
If any one would like to sell their copy of Coveneted Happiness I would love to buy it. I am so glad that you said what you said JodieLyn I needed to hear that and now I can take it to prayer.
 
__________________
Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
crusermom
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 09 2007
Location: New Jersey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 878
|
| Posted: Feb 19 2009 at 7:36am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Do you have any friends who have husbands that might "click" with your husband? Maybe in your homeschool group or parish? I really feel these male friendships are key. Someone who might encourage him, be a good example, help him grow in his faith, have a beer with him when he needs a break. We have been so blessed, despite our moves in the Army, to always meet a guy or two that my husband can relate to. He really needed that because he did not grow up in a family that thought this way. Now, I see my DH reaching out and encouraging some of the younger dads.
__________________
Mary
Army wife and Crusermom to 8 wonderful children!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
12stars
Forum Pro
Joined: April 25 2008
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 372
|
| Posted: Feb 19 2009 at 9:42am | IP Logged
|
|
|
The funny thing is that he does reach out to others and tries to change their minds and we laugh about it, because he tends to back pedal sometimes in his own life as we all do.
But most of his friends are secular.
__________________
Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
Forum Locked) 
4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: How can I encourage my DH
