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homewith3
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| Posted: July 29 2008 at 9:17am | IP Logged
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I so desperately want to have a PEACEFUL home for our family but I feel like I am so far from that right now. Between arguing kids, the constant messes....I just get really stressed out. I feel like I have so much CHAOS in our home and I just don't want those memories for ANY of us.
So, how do you keep a peaceful home and life?
Debbie
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JSchaaf
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| Posted: July 29 2008 at 2:07pm | IP Logged
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I have no answers...because I have the same problems!! I will be watching this thread closely...
Jennifer
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monique
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| Posted: July 29 2008 at 3:02pm | IP Logged
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JSchaaf wrote:
I have no answers...because I have the same problems!! I will be watching this thread closely...
Jennifer |
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Me too! I keep praying for peace. I cannot take the fighting/arguing, etc.
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Monique
mom to 5
Raising Saints
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Mackfam
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| Posted: July 29 2008 at 4:54pm | IP Logged
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Ok - I'm going to take a stab at this, but my attempt in no way signifies my expertise or that my home is always peaceful! I'm hoping others will offer their perspectives and other ideas...
When life turns chaotic here, and it does, I tend to put the brakes on so that we can all enjoy some refreshment and hit the reset button so to speak. I start by stripping away all that is making noise in our lives. Life is never predictable, and there are seasons that leave us all feeling unsettled, tired, irritable and less than charitable. When that happens, I do a few things...
Simplify...just about everything - lessons, meals, trips out of the house, expectations, clutter. I just start turning to simple meals, I temporarily say "no" to outside the home requests, I allow for some transition time, and I spend a little time to restore visual order and routine to the home. Accomplishing these things allows me to address the needs of refreshment that the children and my husband need when life turns chaotic - sort of like making sure you strap on your oxygen mask before helping anyone else with theirs.
Slowly restore routine...the children crave it! Turn off the tv if it's been on. Turn off the computer. Unplug them if you have to. Set up a ***VERY*** simple routine to follow. If you do nothing else, ensure that you and the children are having morning prayers, a time to read together and individually and evening prayers with daddy. Giving the children some direction and purposeful but enjoyable work alleviates the "I'm bored so I'm going to pick on you because you're sitting here and I have nothing better to do" syndrome.
Establish boundaries with realistic consequences...As you restore routine in your home, make your expectations clear. If you've had trouble with grumbling of late, be clear that the consequence for grumbling is "x" and then be prepared to disrupt your time frequently to enforce that consequence. I get overwhelmed when I try to focus on too many discipline issues at once, and with multiple children it gets freaky trying to be consistent with one and then run to another room to offer a consequence to another and then right back to the other child to meet out another consequence...so...I focus on one biggie at a time per child! Be strong-hearted and vigilant here! Nothing you do is more work, more exhausting, and nothing offers bigger payoff!
Read...read...read! I try to read picture books, chapter books, fun books, bird books - we just read together. If life is chaotic, I can almost guarantee you I've dropped the ball on quiet, daily reading...time to set my feet on the right path again.
Get outside...nothing restores peace and awakens a sense of beauty and wonder like walking out of doors. Nothing brings my little family back to the center and refreshes weary spirits like a nature walk. No need for anything planned or superficial here. No need to drive a gazillion miles - walk in your backyard or look through your front flower gardens. Just go outside together. Decide you are a child again. Look at the bumblebee with your children's eyes again - look at all you see in the out of doors with a child's eyes again. Verbalize your sense of wonder in God's Creation - the children will follow suit. You will come inside refreshed, happy, joyful, and invigorated.
Probably nothing is more important for me than morning prayer to focus on the "one thing needful" before I start plowing through the daily duty that is sometimes suffocating with all of its activity! Favorite saints I go to...The Blessed Mother first of all - I pray to have her gentle mother's heart in all things, then St. Anne, St. Martha, St. Mary and I ask the Divine Child to help me raise His children. I specifically ask each child's guardian angel for help during the day and assistance during the trying moments because I know I'll forget during the heat of the moment!
Let Us Work Wholeheartedly!
Praying for all of us!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Waverley
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| Posted: July 29 2008 at 4:59pm | IP Logged
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I'm listening for some good answers too.
A couple of things that have worked for us are:
1. eliminating clutter by really simplifying our possessions. We don't buy a lot and purge several times throughout the year. Eliminating visual clutter helps set a peaceful tone.
2. the children's playthings are very organized (not my stuff as evidenced by my closet  ) but the kids play things and clothes. They are absolutely required to put things away as they finish with them. At night before they go to bed they are expected to walk around the house and put away all their things.
3. When my children start to argue or get wound up, I will make that child or children stop and redirect their behavior. A couple of things that work are: rocking them in a quiet room (depends on age), putting on a book on tape for them, reading to them, putting on quiet music, putting them in a room by themselves with one toy like the dollhouse or a lego set. Sometimes they need me to help them take a break and feel better after they have had a chance to collect themselves.
Again, these are things that have worked for our family. Maybe they will work for yours too.
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: July 29 2008 at 7:13pm | IP Logged
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Wonderful food for thought being shared over here:
Morning Silence
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: July 29 2008 at 7:38pm | IP Logged
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Well, as my dh is always good to remind me when I go to him complaining of unruly children: "the mom sets the tone".
It's not always what I want to hear, but I find pretty much without fail, that if my children are out of sorts then it is because I am out of sorts.
I am either cranky, bored, distracted,spending too much time on the computer, or otherwise not being as "present" to my children as I should be. And believe me, they respond in some pretty unpleasant ways.
What do I do? Once I face the fact that I have set this tone, I have to take responsibility for setting a new one. This means humbling myself in prayer, asking for God's mercy, and begging Mary to lead ME to a place of peace so that I can shower that peace on my children.
And if I really, really listen, it never fails.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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mama251ders
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| Posted: July 29 2008 at 10:07pm | IP Logged
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lapazfarm wrote:
| Well, as my dh is always good to remind me when I go to him complaining of unruly children: "the mom sets the tone". |
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 Who thought that up anyway! I should get to be a grouch whenever I want and my children should always be sensitive to my mood and be angels exactly when I need them to! Oh...wait...no, that was in a movie once. 
I know perfectly well that I set the tone of the house and I firmly tell myself so all day long; when I'm yelling at them to get in the car, when I'm yelling at the to do their school work, when I 'm yelling at them to stop yelling...you get the picture!
Things do go much better when I get a grip on myself and act right. Things also go better when I can find that elusive balance of firmness and kindness and respect. Too often I find myself yelling automatically and the only thing that does is create hurt feelings and disconnection.
I also find that things go much better when the house is in some semblance of order, dinner is planned, beds are made, clean laundry is plentiful and picture books are being read. Yes, this has only happened once in 10 years, but I am hopeful that once the kids are grown and out of the house things will go better!
I too, will be watching this thread, but as everyone else is watching too... 
Blessings,
Betsie
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Wife to Oliver
Mama to 5 Wonders
Benny, Braidon, Olivia, Anna and Saragh
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Angi
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| Posted: July 29 2008 at 10:39pm | IP Logged
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mama251ders wrote:
I 'm yelling at them to stop yelling...you get the picture!
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This used to happen a lot in my home. Now every time that I think about yelling at a child to be quiet, I remember my neighbor. My dh and I had just had our first daughter. We lived in a townhouse and coslept. The neighbor lady used to wake dd up by yelling at her children that they were being too loud. We lived next door to this family for 2 years and NEVER heard the children, but heard the mom all of the time.
So I figure if she drove me nuts, and I thought it was ridiculus to yell about yelling, then WHY and I doing the same thing. Stops me in my tracks all of the time.
Things get out of control when I spend too much time on the computer :(
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monique
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| Posted: July 29 2008 at 11:56pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
Get outside...nothing restores peace and awakens a sense of beauty and wonder like walking out of doors.
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I have to agree. This summer, I'm gardening again and making sure I go for a walk often. It has done so much to clear my head and give me a sense of calm. I think it also helps the kiddos because they can run off their energy. I've also started sitting outside with them after lunch. It's so much fun to watch the littles play. Plus the extra supervision outside for the big kids helps make for less fighting.
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Monique
mom to 5
Raising Saints
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graciefaith
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| Posted: July 30 2008 at 11:26am | IP Logged
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Lots of prayer, quiet time and getting outdoors jelps here. I will normally cut out TV and computer time as well.
I use to be a yeller. There is so much i regret. The only thing that worked to break that bad habit was prayer. Now, i still do yell(no one's perfect), but definitely not as much as i use to and now i think more about how Mary would act before i act.
My attitude definitely sets the tone. It use to ruin an entire day for all of us. Through much prayer, i've gotten better about it.
So, for me, prayer is the key. I'm more peaceful and even though my days still get crazy, God gives me the grace to handle the daily struggles. There's a notable difference when we stop praying together as a family and when i neglect to give God the time he deserves.
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Blessed wife and mom of 3 girls, Sept. '01, Dec. '02 and Oct. '07
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Leonie
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| Posted: July 30 2008 at 4:57pm | IP Logged
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I'm with Theresa - it starts with me. I tend now to try to smile more and speak more quietly when I am very stressed or upset. Makes the situation better.
And I am a big fan of taking some time out to write down everythng that stresses me and then writing a plan of action - just seeing it on paper makes it all seem do-able.
Am planning to do that right now ( see my tired unschooling post! ).
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Promoting PEACE in your home?
