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St. Ann
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| Posted: March 17 2007 at 8:56am | IP Logged
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Since my bout with pneumonia before Christmas and the realization that no, I am not Wonderwoman, I have been feeling a bit insecure about my witness as a Catholic mother of 4. I know that 4 children is probably an average number for 4real families, but here , it is a lot. We are the only family in Kindergarten with 4 - out of 75 children(3 groups of 25). One mother blamed my lack of strength and susceptibility on having too many children so close together. I was taken aback and wanted to rebuke this statement, but was left speechless instead. Just a month before falling ill I had begun talking to a young mother of 3 about Church teachings on Family Planning - she told me bluntly, that she knows no one who would consider learning more about it or NFP. And then I go and get sick and land in the hospital for 10 days. She probably thinks, that I am just nuts or brainwashed for wanting more children.
If you have been able to follow my erratic thoughts here and can figure out what I am trying to say, then THANK YOU:
In addition - I don't look good. I look exhausted still. I am actually a very attractive woman (on a good day), but now...I am just looking old and worn out. So I feel like I am a poor witness for the Faith.
Has anyone else been through this?
I am trying to take care of myself...
I don't think I would call this "BURN OUT", just deep down tired.
I hope someone can encourage me here!!!!
edited to add that I am 44 yrs old.
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Stephanie
Wife and mother to Hannah '96, Maria '99, Dorothea '01, Helena '03
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Mary G
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| Posted: March 17 2007 at 9:35am | IP Logged
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All I know is that Thomas (8) said we had a "small" family (and I have 5 kids!).....
Stephanie -- please remember that Spring is just around the corner ... in other words, all will be fresh again. I've noticed lately (I'm 45) that if the day is dreary (rainy, cold, cloudy) I am dreary and just want to cuddle and read ... on sunny days (even if it's not warm out yet) I'm raring to go and want to conquer the world. We do so much more when there is lots of light and cheeriness -- open windows (curtain/blind and window cracked a bit), outside time and just playing ....
As a witness for the Faith in Germany -- that's a tough one regardless of how you're feeling because much of western Europe is slipping away .... we saw this when we would travel around Austria: even in our little village, most of the folks who were active Catholics were those who were involved at FUS, ITI, Ave Maria or in some way related to the overall campus.....
Hang in there and know that "it truly is darkest before the dawn" -- Spring will spring and you'll be fine ... don't be so hard on yourself and remember that you've always got folks with great advice and counsel around here 
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Nina Murphy
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| Posted: March 17 2007 at 12:34pm | IP Logged
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Stephanie, YES, yes, yes!!!
You are not alone. I go through these periods when I feel this way, exactly, and it's usually when I am pregnant or postpartum. IGNORE the feelings! You are doing something holy----so the Devil wants you to be DOWN, distorted and discouraged. It WILL get better and things WILL look up, and your naturally beautiful self will feel light and shining again. (And by the way, just cuz you feel like your light isn't shining doesn't mean God isn't working all the more powerfully through you in your weakness and helplessness.)
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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chicken lady
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| Posted: March 17 2007 at 1:01pm | IP Logged
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I have these same thoughts during the last year. The stress as a dear friend told me has "aged" me! I feel old, tired and plum worn out. I don't want it to appear it is because I have so many children and HS that I can't pull it together! So I make a great effort here lately when going out in public to be an ambassor for Catholic HS moms. I clean up the kids, comb hair, put on clean dresses etc.
I also just yesterday cut 4 inches off my hair, and I am amazed how much better I feel! It also helps that last week we had very warm weather with the sun shining. Now yesterday we had another snow storm, a blanket of snow is covering everything again, and I want ot go back to bed 
Hang in there you will feel better soon, very soon 
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 17 2007 at 1:37pm | IP Logged
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hmmm you could be an encouragment to some.. if you look perfect then what you're doing is "superhuman" and there's no way that "I" could do that with so many children
It takes a long time to get over something like that.. I was tired and coughing for weeks after a near case of pneumonia.. and I was a young, single, college student.
By not being perfect you show you're human but that following God and the Church ARE important.. and you're approachable.. you're not some perfect being who's got it all together and therefore unapproachable.
But, in today's society.. especially in Europe that's worse off than we are here in the USA.. having a lot of kids no matter what you look like is seen as just bizarre and of course anything that goes wrong is "well it's your own fault for having all those kids.. God gave you a brain.. you should have used it and gotten on birth control" 
Even if the problem is something like getting sick (can happen to anyone) or having your oldest child break an arm falling out of a tree (like that wouldn't have happened even if that child didn't have any siblings) it's totally illogical.
It's ok for a mother of one.. or two.. or even three if they're not too close together to just have a bad day.. but it's been years since I could just have a bad day.. nope.. if I do it's just another excuse "it's all your own fault for having all those kids" 
Keep your attitude positive, work on getting well, the sun it out more.. get some sun, rest, take some good vitamins.. and be easy on yourself, since no one else will be, and get yourself really well.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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St. Ann
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| Posted: March 17 2007 at 2:36pm | IP Logged
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Dear Mary, Nina, Molly and Jodie,
Thank you all for your encouragement!
I will have to reread your posts daily as a reminder that even in our weakest moments God can still use us to touch others. You all have definitely touched me.
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Stephanie
Wife and mother to Hannah '96, Maria '99, Dorothea '01, Helena '03
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Helen
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| Posted: March 17 2007 at 2:57pm | IP Logged
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St. Ann wrote:
| but now...I am just looking old and worn out. So I feel like I am a poor witness for the Faith. |
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I would look at the suffering from your illness as the foundation of your witness.
The blood of the martyrs is the foundation of the Church.
The suffering of Stephanie's winter is the foundation for bringing the faith to the hearts of her neighbors.
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Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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aussieannie
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| Posted: March 17 2007 at 4:32pm | IP Logged
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Dear Stephanie,
I relate totally, as this is what I had 4 months after the birth of my youngest,(baby no 5) almost 2 and half years ago...I have only just come out of that deep hole it caused, not trying to frighten you though, I had a nuclear radiation scan on the lungs at the time and it further damaged my very serious thyroid problem...but I know that the pluerisy and pneumonia are so hard to recover from. I think you can realistically say it could take a year or so....in olden times even younger people died from this condition, so it takes time for the body to completely recover.
I had my herbalist say at the time, "No more children, right?!", I have relatives cautiously suggest similar things....so it is disheartening  I feel that if I fell pregnant, I would receive verbal disapproval...but I tell you what - they had better not  - it is between my husband, myself and God! It is I who knows the true state of my body and whether I have serious health grounds for longterm NFP, but in truth in the past I have been wrong, I thought I had serious grounds after Joseph and then Michael surprised us and came along and disproved this, so I leave this to God rather than myself.
This is still a recovery period for you Stephanie, you will get back to you normal self, let me assure you! But what you are experiencing and noticing are signs for you to be easy on yourself, not to put the normal expectations on yourself or your house etc and to take as much care health-wise - I am very alternative with my health and I feel that the things I have done to restore my health have been valuable.
I read once that adrenals are badly effected in pneumonia, in fact it is due to a cortisol crisis during the sickness that some people die, they have no fight left... you sound like a person whose adrenals are taxed to the max and adrenals do not recover quickly. I had a 24hour test with my doctor to confirm the state of my adrenals. I would strongly suggest some natural product that will nourish the adrenals and to spend this year keeping away from stimulants that will tax them further (coffee, products with caffeine) also herbs for the lungs would be a suggestion as well. If you want some suggestions of products Stephanie, please pm me and I will give you a list. Also keep away from all stress where possible and try to be at peace over your situation, these things run the adrenals down.
Maybe a novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots? This is a big knot for you at present as it was for me, I can pm you a copy if you are interested - I believe this orginal shrine is in Germany...maybe a pilgrimage to it with your petitions (if it is not too far away) Prayer during this time is important, praying for your complete recovery and health...keep knocking on that door ~ prayers are always answered. My breakthroughs with my health or being led to the right help has come from the generous prayers of others and novenas where I am begging for help.
I am soooo long in writing this so sorry to drag it out!
A big  from Australia all the way to Germany!
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Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Am I a good witness for the Faith?
