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alicegunther
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Dear Friends,
I have always planned to continue homeschooling during high school and truly look forward to the interesting topics and insightful conversations I will have with my children when they are on the cusp of young adulthood. Most especially, I love all my children's homeschooling friends, and I hope they will be able to maintain their friendships throughout high school.
Now, here comes my problem. One or two of my dearest friends, mothers whose children are loved by my children, do not plan to continue through high school. This casts a bit of a pall over my vision of happy high school years surrounded by *all* the homeschooled friends we have known for years. My question is, for those of you who are homeschooling teenagers, was there a point when many of your children's friends left your homeschooling circle to attend traditional school? If so, what difficulties did this cause for you and your children? How did you help your children to cope with missing friends they no longer see as often?
I am also interested in hearing about events, outings, and activities you plan for your teenagers. Do any of you have teen groups for homeschooled students?
__________________
Love, Alice
mother of seven!
      
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Elizabeth
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Real Learning
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Location: Virginia
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| Posted: Feb 07 2005 at 8:38pm | IP Logged
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Dear Alice,
I posted the following last night to another loop:
There are a bunch of teenagers in my basement watching the game. All but one has been homeschooled or is homeschooled.
1 child comes from a family of 3 kids.
3 come from families of 4 kids.
1 comes from a family of 5 kids.
2 come from families of 6 kids.
3 come from families of 7 kids.
2 come from a family of 8 kids.
3 come from a family of 15 kids
In the beginning, all of these children were homeschooled, then there was the great exodus at seventh grade. They went two one of two schools. I worried a bit about lost friendships. Instead, what happened was that the kids who are still homeschooling continue to socialize with the "formers." Meanwhile, the formers invite new school friends (from nice families). The circle got smaller, not bigger. I think the trick is really nurturing those friendships when they are little.
MIchael goes to one co-op class. That's it. The key here is that it's an art class taught by a very gifted mom who also knows that this particular subject lends itself well to socializing. So she encourages it. Beautiful friendships bloom there.
Now what to do with the nearly-teenager who would rather die than attempt art?
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Cindy
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| Posted: Feb 08 2005 at 8:44am | IP Logged
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alicegunther wrote:
Dear Friends,
Now, here comes my problem. One or two of my dearest friends, mothers whose children are loved by my children, do not plan to continue through high school. This casts a bit of a pall over my vision of happy high school years surrounded by *all* the homeschooled friends we have known for years. My question is, for those of you who are homeschooling teenagers, was there a point when many of your children's friends left your homeschooling circle to attend traditional school? If so, what difficulties did this cause for you and your children? How did you help your children to cope with missing friends they no longer see as often?
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Hi Alice-
This is a subject close to our heart, too. We have seen several homeschoolers (mostly boys) go back to school around the 8th grade level. It has been for a variety of reasons: some families planned to have them attened a Catholic high school, some felt unable to teach the high school years, some felt the social pressue (kids wanted the school experience).
The good news is, this past year we have had many children this age brought home from school! So in total our TORCH count of pre-teen and teen kids has grown.
We, too plan to homeschool all the way through.
My boys and I have really had to work through this, when we see a freind leave for school.
The first, my boys don't understand why their friends would want to go back to school. Why are they leaving us? It gives us a chance to talk about different personalites and families and their views on things. We can bring up carefully and charitably the fears they may have and how they feel this is the solution. Or it might be we talk about why they are drawn to school and what they are looking for that they feel homeschooling can't give them. IOW, it gives us a chance to have empathy for their particular situation and of course their right and responsibility to follow what they think God has for them.
These discussions have been very valuable, I feel, to help my boys have empathy and understand differing view of others and respect that.
It also give us the chance to talk about our values and decisions. Why do we make the decisions we do? Under what circumstances would they ever go back to school? It gives them comfort to know what our goal is. I think it scares them a bit when they see a friend (so far not their closest friends) return to school. What kind of things are our friends' children going back to school to find and how do we satisfy those needs at home? Our discussion helps them know where we all stand and gives them comfort to know what to expect from their world.
I think, like many hard things we experience, it can be positive and build our relationship, but it is hard to see a friend go. 
Alice, I know we are blessed so much in that my boys are each others' best friends. Though it is hard to see a friend go, we still have our basic social unit at home. When I was a child, my brother was not my best friend and when we were moved across the country when I was 14, I was lost (REALLY lost..) without my peers. Hopefully we have the sibling relationship to sustain, and though sometimes rocky, it is always there, while friends will come and go. This doesn't help the immeidacy of the problem, but may be the long lasting difference that families make.
Also on coping... We had a friend leave for school last year. I though we would call, keep up, etc. But I find it is very difficult to keep up with those who are way off our beaten path without a gigantic effort. So, we never see him or his family. We talk about him, the "Taco Bell,Living in the Apartment, 'Carl' Era" we call it as that was the large part of our life for a couple of years! So we talk of memories and laugh.. and I do need to call and see them.
My 11yo just walked in and I asked him how we cope with friends going back to school. He shrugged and said.."I guess we just lose touch. " And started listing the two or three friends who have left the past years..)
A last thought- we moved away from my boys' best friend in Ohio. They keep up with email now and then and visits. His mom is a good friend of mine. So, I guess if the friendship is deep enough and the parents share a friendship as well, we can keep up, with effort.
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Cindy in Texas
It Is About The Journey
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Cindy
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| Posted: Feb 08 2005 at 8:52am | IP Logged
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alicegunther wrote:
Dear Friends,
I am also interested in hearing about events, outings, and activities you plan for your teenagers. Do any of you have teen groups for homeschooled students?
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Cindy in Texas
It Is About The Journey
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Cindy
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| Posted: Feb 08 2005 at 8:58am | IP Logged
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alicegunther wrote:
Dear Friends,
I am also interested in hearing about events, outings, and activities you plan for your teenagers. Do any of you have teen groups for homeschooled students?
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Hi Alice.. here is part two.. !
I have found as my boys became older, we naturally began to shift our time to finding things that older kids can do. As I mentioned our TORCH group teen and pre-teen population is growing. I hear more moms talk about "we need to get the teens together".. so I think more will happen.
It is the moms that make it happen.. when the need comes up, things start getting planned.
I find if one person will plan something, it often gets the ball rolling. That is what is happening here.
Some things that have happened:
- A teen discussion group of Catholic faith, 2 X month by a homeschool dad with a degree from U of Steubenville
-Older boys' Friday afternoon get-together at rotating houses- to hang out. Some unstructured activities- tramploine, tennis, ping pong, eating, , etc.
-Community service work- The teen boys will work to put mail out a newletter at a local Prengancy Aid Center
(many other community service projects can be done, too)
Dances- (though not a favorite with us, there have been a couple scheduled in Houston that look to be very well done)
I have a feeling that soon our TORCH group may have a teen group as the numbers are growing of kids in that age group...
__________________
Cindy in Texas
It Is About The Journey
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alicegunther
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| Posted: Feb 08 2005 at 9:33am | IP Logged
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Cindy, I can't thank you enough for the excellent responses, and I will be printing them out to save. Thanks also to Elizabeth--it's great to see friendships can be maintained even when some children return to school.
There will be many changes in the next few years, and I am glad to have experienced friends to help me prepare.
If anyone else wants to add anything, please, I'm still listening!
__________________
Love, Alice
mother of seven!
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Mary H
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Hi Alice,
We are very fortunate to have a very active youth group for homeschoolers. We have a weekly Bible study taught by various guest speakers (the archdiocesan vocations director, various parents, a chastity speaker, other priests, etc.) We also have a monthly community mass for some small home based communities in the area belonging to Presentation Ministries. The kids have music practice every Friday in preparation for leading worship at that Mass. Annually they present a full scale musical witten by a homeschooling dad and some of other older kids and young adults. (My daughter and her best friend wrote "Tobit" for senior English class).
In August each year, they spend a week with Fr. Ralph Beiting in Eastern Ky helping him out with the poor. This August most of them are going to World Youth Day in Germany so fundraising is a big thing with them these days. They hang out and watch movies, play basketball, etc. Last Friday was skiing, and next Sat/Sun is an overnight with some moms and dads in a cave complete with wild cave tours. Every Sunday night, they go to adoration of the Blessed Sacrament at a local convent. then they spend time with the sisters in their rec room (pool, ping pong and bike riding).In the summer, the Cincinnati recreation commission tennis classes seem to be made up entirely on homeschoolers. They even teach the classes. They also attend each others sports games, recitals, and other special events.
Talk about socialization. They can be out every night of the week if we let them. It can be great motivation for getting schoolwork done, although I have a hard time saying no to adoration.
It helps immensely that very few homeschoolers put their kids in school. Around here it is cool to homeschool. The friends that do go to school tend to have too much homework to keep up such a social schedule, but a few have. We still keep in touch.
Mary in Cincinnati
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Mary in Cincinnati
dh Mark , dd Megan (25), dd Ellie (23), ds Lucas (21),Samuel (15), John Paul (10), Timothy (6), Maximilian (4), dd Kateri (1)
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Topic: High School Friendships
