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Magnificat
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| Posted: July 21 2014 at 8:42am | IP Logged
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Hello everyone-
It has been quite a while since I have posted. It is such a comfort to know that the 4Real family is here-alive and kicking. Due to time issues, I am only able to log in and peek around. But today, I am hoping to receive some words of wisdom, some advice and comfort.
My 15 year old ds has been giving me grief about homeschooling for quite some time. Just some background:
He is a middle child of 3. Everything comes with a struggle; nothing is ever "good enough", even though he is extremely good at sports-gymnastics is his specialty and he is on a team. He loves piano and hopes to be able to teach or assist in the future. He compares himself with his older brother, and unfortunately, his older brother is one of those who has "the Midas Touch". It has been such an issue. However, this year, there were some changes. My 15 year old now is working as an assistant coach at his gymnasium. He has an abundance of friends and is active in our parish. He is in Scouts-and complains the entire time. None of this is good enough.
There is always something better, everything he is doing is boring, and the kicker...according to him...he has no friends.
Now, the main purpose of my post, is that he has expressed that he does not like being homeschooled. To make matters worse, he tells his friends this as well. For me, it breaks my heart. My husband has talked to him many times-but to no avail. I am not sure if we are dealing with disobedience or what. Does that make any sense?
We have entertained the idea of putting him in school, and did about 2 years ago. It was a wonderful Montessori school. However, he did not do well and we decided to make some adjustments and return to homeschooling-which was, academically speaking, a good move. But his negativity and what is seemingly "hatred" of homeschooling is truly disappointing and is wearing me down to where I just don't know if I can continue. I am beginning to entertain the idea of school again, but I know it is not good for him on many fronts.
Any words of wisdom?
Thanks so much in advance.
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~~~Proud To Be A Mom To 3!!!~~~
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Aagot
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| Posted: July 21 2014 at 9:17am | IP Logged
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Some of this sounds like the struggle for autonomy but that doesn't decrease the heartache. Can he articulate what he hates about
homeschooling? I would ask him to list the pros and cons of both so you can discuss them. No promises of going to school but at least you could see where he is coming from. Then maybe he could have more input as to what he is learning etc. Also, if he wants more say he needs to act more like an adult. Number 1 on my list is quit complaining to friends. If you have a complaint bring it to mom and dad.
Hugs to you!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 21 2014 at 11:22am | IP Logged
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Kids can go through a period where being "different" makes everything awful. "too bad, so sad, suck it up buttercup, etc".
Sometimes it's because they're getting a reaction from us that they persist.. if hating homeschool pushes your buttons, he may be "hating" it just to get a reaction.
So sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all. No reaction.. just like if you act too much like the monsters under the bed are real that the child feels like their fear is real and it actually escalates because you sympathize. Sometimes what they need from us is basically a non-reaction.. yeah whatever, it's not changing get over it.
That may not be the case but it's something to consider.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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motherheart
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| Posted: July 22 2014 at 12:26am | IP Logged
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Does he feel inadequate? As I read you post it hit me that he doesn't think very well of himself. Sometimes kids go through a period feeling so down on themselves, even though from the outside it looks like their life would be great; the reality is that they don't feel good about themselves at all.
I'll keep you in my prayers. I have a 15 year-old ds and some of the struggles you mentioned are familiar. We need all the prayer and graces we can get!!!
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Mary
Mom to  ds 16, dd 14, dd 13, ds 9, ds 6, and 4 in Heaven
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: July 22 2014 at 5:20am | IP Logged
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Is is possible he feels inadequate because he doesn't feel "loved?" Have you read The Five Love Languages for Children? We can be loving a person as hard as we can, but if we aren't speaking their love language, we won't feel loved. I think we.all struggle more with our demons when we aren't having our cup filled, so to speak.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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countrymom
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| Posted: Jan 12 2015 at 8:31am | IP Logged
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I had a very difficult time with my ds between 14 and 16. I wanted so badly to send him away to school  My only advice is to keep doing what you and your husband thinks is best. For example, my son wanted to go to public school because he wanted to play sports and was lonely at home. My husband and I were not ok with that. We did let him attend drivers ed there. After that experience (and growing up a bit more) he stated empathetically that he did not want anything to do with the public school, drivers ed was enough! But that took time and pain of being together even when he was being extremely difficult and making me very angry and sad.
Go out of your comfort zone to get him involved with activities and friends outside the home. That is what we have done to help him with being at home alone with all these girls. For us, it has gotten much better at 17 1/2. It is so hard when you are in the muck of the moment 
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Mom's Heartache and 15 year old ds
