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lapazfarm
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| Posted: May 13 2006 at 8:11am | IP Logged
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I have 5 dc, but the older 2 no longer live at home, leaving me with only 3dc at home. So I have not considered myself really a part of the "Moms of Many" club any more. Until now, that is. No, I am not pregnant (I wish...) but it looks as if for Mother's day our family size will be increasing by 2. My grandsons.
To make a long story short, my oldest daughter has chosen a very destructive path in life. Time and time again she has shown us that she does not have the ability to make wise choices for herself or her two children. In fact, I am not sure how much lower she can sink at this point in her life. So yesterday dh and I asked her to consider letting the boys come live with us to provide them some safety, stability, and a family lifestle that she is currently incapable of providing. Despite it all she loves her boys and wants what is best for them, so she is considering it. I pray she makes the right choice.
Anyway, it looks like I will be visiting this board often to seek advice from you moms of many on how to incorporate a 7 month old and 2.5 year old into our routines. It has been a long while (10 years!) since we've had an infant around the house (our 4yo was adopted at age 3) though I have been watching these two quite a bit for dd since they were born. Add to that the fact that our 4yo is quite the challenge, herself...
So, prayers, advice and support, which I know I will find here, are the day's request as we join the ranks of the more the merrier.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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kingvozzo
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| Posted: May 13 2006 at 8:45am | IP Logged
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Theresa,
It surely does seem to be more and more common for grandparents to be taking on this role with their grandkids. I have several examples in my own family... Thank God you're still young 
I will keep your dear daughter in my prayers, that she will gain some wisdom and be able to be the mother that her children need, but I'll be praying for all involved.
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Noreen
Wife to Ed
Mom to 4 great kids and 10 sweet ones in Our Lady's arms
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: May 13 2006 at 9:24am | IP Logged
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Wow! Theresa, that's quite an addition. Definitely "more," and, with prayer, certainly "merrier." There are a few other moms on this list who share in your position. I hope they'll speak up. We're sure glad you're here!
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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mumofsix
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Hi, Theresa, yes I do think grandchildren count! I do so hope your daughter will allow you to parent your grandchildren if she is unable to do so herself. Maybe you will have to take steps yourself to have her parental rights terminated if that is really the best thing for them. There may be painful steps along this path, but I am sure that it will be very merry too, as your grandchildren blossom under your care.
I will certainly pray for your daughter. In the long run she will be happier if her children get the stability and love they need, even if that cannot come from her.
Jane.
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lapazfarm
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Thanks, Jane. I hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does, we are prepared.
My greatest hope is that she will eventually turn her life around and be able to parent her children herself. But these children cannot wait for that, so dh and I will step in in the interim.
All of your prayers for my daughter are greatly appreciated.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Leonie
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Theresa, I think you will do a marvellous job, you always seem so enthusiastic and energetic - and I admire you for taking this role. What a great mum and grandmother you are!
I will say prayers for you and for your new family  and for your dd.
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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Rebecca
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Theresa, I'll be praying for your daughter, your grandchildren and your new role as well. Your grandkids and your daughter are so blessed to have you!
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Servant2theKing
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Dear Theresa,
With much prayer and trust in our Lord's Divine Mercy, your family can be incredibly blessed as you make this "sacrifice of love", for the sake of your grandchildren AND your daughter! Our 5yo granddaughter has lived with us since birth (along with her 26yo mother). While it can be very challenging at times, it has also been a great blessing for all of us. Our youngest has found his niece to be his "best buddy" and often says he believes God brought her to our family for him "to have a playmate". In time, your 4yo may very well find the same in the dear grandchildren you are bringing under your wings! Our younger children are very involved with their niece and have learned a great deal about love, patience and setting a good example for younger children by helping us care for her. Continue to pray for your daughter and trust that the love you pour out upon her innocent children will also flow into her heart, mind and soul and eventually help her turn her life around! We've traveled a long, difficult road with our two oldest, and it isn't always easy living in a multi-generational household....by truly embracing Divine Mercy and trying to live a life of sacrificial love we have ALL been immensely blessed along the way. Pray! Hope! Trust! Hold Fast! You will be in our prayers.
Servant to the King
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Dawn
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Theresa, I just saw this thread now, and wanted to add my prayers. What a blessing you are to so many ~ your family first and foremost ~ but to all of us here as well. I'll be praying for your family and most especially for your daughter and you. God bless you!
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Dawn, mum to 3 boys 
By Sun and Candlelight
The Nature Corner
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lapazfarm
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I don't have the words to thank you all for your kindness and support. I feel such an outpouring of love from you all and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I will let you know how it goes.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Bridget
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Theresa, my parents raised their first grandchild till she was 6 and had her a lot after that. Now she is married with a baby of her own and she is still so close to my parents and has such deep affection and respect for them. I know they had a lasting, positive influence on her life.
I'm certain that if it is God's will for your family, you will do a magnificent job with them!
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Genevieve
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Theresa, I will be praying for you and your family. Should you be taking your grandchildren under your wing, I think you would have a wonderful, positive and loving infuence in their lives.
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Genevieve
The Good Within
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Elizabeth
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Bridget,
Your parents never cease to amaze me.
Theresa,
how did yesterday go?
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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wamegomom
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Theresa, my heart is with you! A little over two years ago I brought home my then 2 1/2 year old grandson. My oldest dd also has made very destructive choices.
When my grandson first came to our home, I honestly didn't know how I would cope with the changes at first. He was a very, very hurting child. He roamed the house at night, hardly slept, got into everything during the day, lasted exactly through two verses of the opening hymn at Sunday Mass--I despaired of ever getting through an entire Mass again. He was also a very angry child (with justification!) and would head-bang for an hour to go to sleep. At age 30 months he tested developmentally at 18-20 months for everything.
With lots of intentional attachment parenting and the help of a psychologist who has become like a family member to us, this sweet boy has become who he was created to be. He is happy, warm, affectionate, very healthily attached to my dh and me, playing checkers as I type this with my ds,8, loving his t-ball team and coach, goes to sleep easily with a couple of stories and songs and prayers (and ends up in our bed with a sleepy "I love you so much, Mom"--yes, he knows I'm grandma but calls me mom) and for the last three Sundays we can sit with the whole family and make it all the way through Mass. He has the most beautiful, loving, forgiving and generous heart. He is such a blessing to all of us. My dd has married again and is planning to go to Hawaii for 4 years (husband in military) so we are praying that he will stay with us for a good long time. We do have a legal guardianship.
You can be so important to your grandchildren,
Theresa. I'll be praying for your family. Please keep us posted and if you'd like some been-there-done-that encouragement, please contact me!
Mary Alice in Kansas
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lapazfarm
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Well, dd and I talked yesterday and she decided to go ahead and let the boys move in with us. Right now I am taking a break from re-arranging the house to accomodate them! The older boy will go in with my dd(4) and the baby will sleep in my room. They move in this afternoon. In fact, I expect them any minute now. You would think dd (21) would want to stick around and see them settled in, but no such luck. She already has "plans" for the evening. 
Mary Alice, some of the behaviors you describe in your grandson I see in mine as well. Not as extreme, but similar-the night roaming and getting into everything,lack of self-control, very needy. I have seen this also in my dd(4) adopted at the age of 3 from foster care with a history of abuse and neglect. I guess those are the habits one forms when left to fend mostly for ones self at such a tender age. So sad. At least the baby seems relatively OK. Happy and healthy. Though he is very clingy and needy. That's OK. He will get all the love he needs from now on. No more being put to bed with a bottle propped up on a pillow, that's for sure!
Thanks, everyone for your love and support and prayers. I will need all the help I can get because I am determined to not let this disrupt my dc school any more than possible. Within reason, of course.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Taffy
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Theresa,
I hadn't read this thread until now... 
I just wanted to congratulate you on taking these difficult steps and to say that I'm including you and yours in my daily intentions.
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Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
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Karen E.
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Theresa,
I just read this thread, and wanted to say that I so admire you and will be praying for you, your new little additions, and for your dd.
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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lapazfarm
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Well, the littles have moved in and the transition seems to be going very well so far. They are both sick with some sort of flu so I suppose we will all be feeling it soon (In fact, dd JBug has already caught it). The past couple of nights have been rough with the baby waking up every couple of hours. I'm not used to that anymore! He just doesn't know how to go to sleep without a bottle propped in his mouth so it will take some time for him to adjust.
I posted some pictures of the little sweeties on my blog, if anyone is curious.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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ladybugs
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Oh, Theresa!
What a loving gesture!
We had a different situation growing up but my grandmother played an integral part...my parents divorced when I 13 and we moved from Houston, Texas, to Cupertino, CA to live with my grandmother. During the time that my mom waited for the divorce to be final - a divorce she didn't want, mind you - my grandfather had a stroke and died. There were soooo many changes for everyone!
As my mom had been a stay-at-home mom during her 14 year marriage, she had to go back to work. We were left with very little money and when we moved to be closer to my grandmother (my uncle lived with her to help care for her), my sister and I actually slept in a tent in her backyard for 2 months and my mom and brother slept in the living room. Once my mom was able to get a job and a house for us - we ended up living 1 block away, we would go to grandma's house after school and have dinner. We would stay and help clean and my uncle would read to us - Laura Ingalls Wilder. Despite the fact that we were a hodge-podge family, it was the best we had. My grandmother's lovingness and openness (sp ?) and willingness to open her home to us and change her life is something I will never forget. She also was my Confirmation sponsor when I was confirmed. When she died four years ago, I had the privilege of being at her bedside. I live 2 hours away from her but something compelled me to go that night - I had NEVER left my children with anyone so you can imagine how strong that inclination was. I arrived around 6 pm. My mom was walking out of the nursing facility. We went into the building and I went into my grandmother's room. Her breathing was heavy and labored. I spoke up, "Hi GiGi. It's Marylu (my family nickname). I'm here." Immediately, her breathing calmed and steadied. I stayed for a few minutes and then the nurses were going to bathe her so I left. At 8:30pm, my uncle called and said, "You better get over here." When we got there, her breathing was once again labored and more heavy. I thought, "Have you guys called the priest?" They hadn't. I did.
The priest arrived around 9:30 or so. We prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. We also prayed the Three Very Beautiful prayers in the Pieta prayer book and the priest conferred the Sacrament of the Sick. It was 5 minutes after my grandmother had received the Sacrament, that she died a peaceful, quiet and loving death.
I mention this to you because of your love in action for your grandchildren will touch them and bless you and them in ways untold.
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Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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kingvozzo
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lapazfarm wrote:
I posted some pictures of the little sweeties on my blog, if anyone is curious. |
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What beautiful children! I'm glad you posted the pix on your blog. I have no doubt that your generous and loving example will have a powerful effect on these two little ones. God Bless you!
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Noreen
Wife to Ed
Mom to 4 great kids and 10 sweet ones in Our Lady's arms
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Do grandchildren count?
