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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Nov 07 2012 at 8:17am | IP Logged
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We have always tried to teach our children about wants versus needs, and I think we have done a good job distinguishing between the two feelings. We serve the community as much as we can (through AHG and our church), so we are making connections about what it means to give and help others. We also teach them about saving money, how to spend wisely, and I have no problem telling them no when they ask for something that I'm not willing or cannot afford to buy. So, I feel good about them not be indulged and understanding wants/needs.
BUT.....
My heart is aching this morning for my dear, dear daughter. She's almost 9 and such a sweet child, with such a sensitive nature (my mini-me  ). She is surrounded by friends that have a surplus of stuff and sometimes it just gets to her. This morning she was quiet and contemplative and asked how she could make money so that she could buy something she wanted. It was a good conversation, but it's just so hard to watch your child be sad. I know how she feels, because I feel the same way. I know all the discussion points, I know that I'm blessed, I know that all my needs are taken care of, but golly, sometimes I just want something and I'm sad when I can't have it all.
I don't know if there is a question in here anywhere, just some rambling. My kids have far less than what I had growing up, but then again my Mom was a working Mom. At least my kids have me with them during the day.
Oh, wait, here's the question. How do you keep their spirits up when faced with the excesses of others? I don't want them to succumb to envy or to feel guilty about wanting stuff either.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Nov 07 2012 at 8:24am | IP Logged
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First sympathize.. a child sharing that she's sad about not being able to have something is different to my mind than one that's whining about getting something. Maybe share a story about when you felt the same. And then offer something fun (make cookies?) that you CAN do. It doesn't make the other go away but it's better at grabbing the attention and so distracting than something like say.. chores  would.
And I do that for myself too. Actually I like Christmas music for distracting myself.. it's always so "feel good" even if you don't have much and I still get work done.
And getting a little distance helps with the saddness.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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JennGM
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| Posted: Nov 07 2012 at 8:37am | IP Logged
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Can she save some money for something?
I do find that delayed gratification is very rewarding. So saving up and planning helps make it worth it.
I also find giving some time makes me see what is really nice. Delaying often makes me change my mind on things, especially if it's hard-earned money.
I wonder if she has observed if this things make her friends happy.
Is she also seeing that she isn't fitting, and if she got some thing she would fit in better? I struggled with that emotion when I was younger, but also saw that even when I had or did what my peers did, it didn't make me fit in, nor did it make me happy.
Anyway, Jodie's advice is sound, and I agree she's not being greedy. Just running some other thoughts.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Nov 07 2012 at 8:51am | IP Logged
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Yeah, she's definitely not being greedy, but sad that so many other people have so much more than we do. We just don't fit in as a family in this area. Our values and goals are different (not good/versus bad, they are really, really good people, just different ways of living based on values and opportunity). So, maybe the not fitting in is another factor. I hadn't really considered that angle, thanks!
She keeps asking how she can make money, and honestly there's not much to be done. I cannot afford to pay her for anything, but I did send out an email to some family members to see if they had any odd jobs she could do for a little bit of money. I hope that pans out because she isn't asking for the stuff, she's more concerned with how to make the money to buy the stuff.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Nov 07 2012 at 2:51pm | IP Logged
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This is a struggle for my boys at times too. I usually remind them how much better they have it with a mom who is there for them all the time than those with all the stuff have that have two working parents who are not there as much. We tend to talk about the negative that happens when you have all that stuff too. For example, I ask if their friend is happy and satisfied with that toy and usually they say no and that friend is hoping to get something newer/bigger.  I also sympathize with them. This helps a little. I think it's normal to feel a little sad occasionally about stuff like this, but make sure it doesn't turn into greed and jealousy. Perhaps reading bible stories on the topic.
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Helping young child struggle with wants
