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robinhigh
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 1:08pm | IP Logged
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Forgive me, but I'm going to complain...
I really don't know how to handle this with my 9 year old daughter. She is very attached to her stepmother, My daughter mimics her and just seems to adore her. Like I've said before, it's a "party" all the time over there and there is no discipline whatsoever. She does as she pleases regarding the Internet, music, TV and movies and clothing...
My daughter and son are going to be spending three months out of the year with these people.  I feel helpless and don't know what to do or say to strengthen the bond of trust and respect between my children and I...
I ask Our Lady to detach my daughters heart from this woman and to give her the wisdom and strength to reject that lifestyle for Jesus' sake. God's Will in this situation be done!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 1:18pm | IP Logged
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Don't stoop to their level. Your children may be temporarily swayed but they'll respect you more in the long run if you treat their father and his family with respect whether they deserve it or not.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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robinhigh
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 1:29pm | IP Logged
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Thank you, Jodie. So you think it's best to keep silent about everything?
I certainly can do that and it's a lot less stressful... I just wasn't sure if that would be shirking my duty...especially since I feel that keeping silence in the past is what got me into so many bad situations... I wish God Himself would tell me what to do  . (Don't we all.)
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 1:38pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
| Don't stoop to their level. Your children may be temporarily swayed but they'll respect you more in the long run if you treat their father and his family with respect whether they deserve it or not. |
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I second this excellent advice.
We have a blended family (for nearly 18 years now) and have been through some very similar situations. It is never easy.
In the end, it always works out best if you are the better person. Try not to insult the step mom (and certainly not the father) even if they totally tear you apart. Simply point out how you expect dd to behave and why. Always be the peacemaker, but always be very matter of fact and clear about your rights as mother. These situations are never easy, and are always hardest on the children, who as you know end up feeling so torn between loyalties to both families. Let your dd know it is OK for her to love you all 3, that you will not feel hurt if she has a good relationship with step-mom. In fact, it really is best if she does. The step-mom may indeed be a bad influence, but your dd has to live with her and it is best if they can get along well. Unfortunately, you'll just have to accept that the rules will be different in her home than they are at yours. Trust me, that is a battle you cannot win. Luckily, dd will have your GOOD example for the most part of the year. Keep your heart and your door always open, and your dd will figure it all out in the end.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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robinhigh
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 2:54pm | IP Logged
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Thank you Theresa and Jodie. Your very good advice gives me peace of mind. I will try my best to put it into practice.
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folklaur
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 3:27pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
| Don't stoop to their level. Your children may be temporarily swayed but they'll respect you more in the long run if you treat their father and his family with respect whether they deserve it or not. |
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This is such good advice.
And I am sorry you are having to deal with this - it sounds terribly hard.
(and for the record, I am a total Twilight fan, but my 8dd - who would love to watch the movies - knows that she has to be about 14 before she gets to see or read any of the books or Movies. I would be upset about my 9yo seeing them, especially against my wishes, too. But, I am not sure of a way to *do* much about it in your situation. Ugh.  )
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robinhigh
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 3:44pm | IP Logged
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Thank you, Cactus!
And please, no offense to the Twilight fans.  I'm just not into it myself, have never read the books, or seen the movies... only read and watched reviews.
I wish the only problem was Twilight. 
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Paula in MN
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 6:37pm | IP Logged
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Robin,
I'm going to agree with Jodie and Theresa. You all know that I'm going through a very similar situation. There are times when I have to bite my tongue, so hard that my eyes will tear up. It hurts right now, I know. I do understand what you are feeling. We have no choice - we need to be the better person. Take comfort that others are in the same boat as you and are praying you through; that your kids will be with you and your rules more than they are with the other family; and count down the days.
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 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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robinhigh
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| Posted: July 13 2010 at 7:08pm | IP Logged
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Thank you Paula.
Yes, I'm counting down the days... less then 2 weeks until decompression begins... First day, drive home and rest.. Second day, adoration, long nature walk, rosary, massages, lots of kisses and hugs, and a good long read aloud. Third day and so on, may God guide me and give me strength to deal with the anger, sadness, and whining... NO TV, computer, radio for quite a while...
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StefA
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| Posted: July 15 2010 at 2:00pm | IP Logged
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Robin, DH and I are in a similar situation, except I am the stepmother and her mother is the one who lets DH's daughter run wild when she is home. She watches as much television as she wants when she is there, and often doesn't even see her mother because her mother works so much. Her mother also tends to share things with her daughter that should be shared between peers, not mother and 9 year old daughter. It is hard, but thankfully, her mother isn't too pushy about what she wants us to be able to do (she let her go to a Christian summer camp, for example), and we have a decent relationship with her. (At least right now, it tends to go up and down...but it's wonderful for at least the past year, so maybe we're past a lot of that arguing.)
What DH and I try to do is pray for her as much as we can, and talk, talk, talk, and model, model, model good Catholic Christians morals as best as we can when she is with us (which is generally every weekend.) It's not an easy situation. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
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~Stef, wife to Tsion, mother to Keegan (2-15-07) and Gianna (10-01-09), stepmother to Jayden (5-3-01)~
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robinhigh
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| Posted: July 15 2010 at 4:09pm | IP Logged
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Yes, Stef, good example is the strongest teacher, and together you and your husband will have a very strong impact on your stepdaughter's life... but in my case I don't really have anyone but myself who even tries in the least. Sooooo, I can come off as odd, strict, boring, even crazy... when many different people put you down in front of your children, it makes it very, very hard. At least I can have peace of mind knowing that I am trying.
"If God is for us, who can be against us?" Gotta love Saint Paul!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Daughter/stepmother
