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herdingkittens
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| Posted: July 07 2010 at 11:01pm | IP Logged
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My sweet, laid back 8 year old child (she is my oldest) has been developing some unsavory habits lately. She is becoming very sensitive to the things I say to her and will get mad and have a very hard time letting it go. It peaked today with her yelling at me today (a first in this house - pretty sad and shocking to my system I must say...  ).
So, is this the beginning of some sort of normal change girls go through at this age? I was thinking I had a couple more years at least... sniff sniff.... She really seems SO different.
Any advice on how to handle these situations or how I can be a good mother to her? My greatest fear is that we could grow apart during this time, you know?
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Belle
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| Posted: July 08 2010 at 3:41am | IP Logged
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Welcome to the age my mother dubbed "The age of perpetual pre-menstral tension".  (I have four sisters...)
I have always worried about growing apart from my daughter too. (She's almost 15) I need not have worried after all. (AT least so far)
We seem to have grown closer. I just include her in a lot of my interests. And talk to her about her own interests. (Which sometimes means sucking it up and listen to her babble endlessly about Taylor Swift until I want to vomit, but I figure at least it's not Taylor Lautner she's obsessed with!  )
The only thing I did different with my Dd was being mindful that she IS going through a stage of being that little bit more sensitive so I try to reign in my teasing a little! And give her lots of hugs. My girl still loves to snuggle, even more so when her hormones are high.
She's still your little girl. She always will be. I find it helps to remember that.
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: July 08 2010 at 6:17am | IP Logged
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Sigh, my dd started the same thing around 8 and now she's 11 and there's no sign of it ceasing. I try to keep from getting too flustered by it, but I have had to have a few talks with her about being respectful even when she's in a bad mood. She's never yelled at me but she will occasionaly say things that I know are meant to be "jabs" when she's angry. Right now, nothing is "fair" and everyone she knows has a better life than hers  . I think these are the years when moms need extra grace! My DH just said the other day that while he would be thrilled if we had another daughter, sometimes she makes having 5 sons seem like a stroll in the park!
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
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leanne maree
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| Posted: July 08 2010 at 6:47am | IP Logged
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My dd started this at around the same age. She yells and yells particularly if i have seemed to being unfair to her in some way.
I just go and hug her, sit with her, let her talk, let her cry and try to listen.
Some times she just is reacting to a situation she has no control over.
I find if I just leave her after that, she has learnt to say sorry for her outburst and we can discuss it further.
After 2 other dd, much older than her, I know that I know this dd much better, and we have a very close relationship. She talks much more openly that her other sisters. ( they were not homeschooled)
Leanne
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Leanne
Loving wife to Dermot and Adoring mother to Louise, Kristie, Kieran & Brid
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: July 08 2010 at 9:37am | IP Logged
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Yep, typical for many girls from about 8-10. It kind of takes you by surprise and you really don't know how to behave as the mother. Having gone through this with 5 dd's, I would say don't take it personally. It really has very little to do with whatever seemed to trigger the outburst at the moment. I agree completely with what Leanne says. If it's any consolation, my dd14 has fewer and shorter outbursts than she used to.
Peace,
Nancy
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 08 2010 at 9:40am | IP Logged
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Yeah.. you expect the mood swings to be with the developing body.. but the worst really does seem to be prior to the developing.. my 13 yr old is much more stable (most of the time ) than my 8 yr old who thinks EVERYTHING "hurts her feelings".
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Mimip
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| Posted: July 08 2010 at 6:03pm | IP Logged
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Well I have a 10 year old and an almost 8 year old and I am praying for the teenage years to come!!!! They are sooo moody. I have to be really careful with their protein intake. I have to make sure they get a steady amount of protein all day long.
When they were younger they usually ate breakfast after a while but now they go straight from bed to the breakfast table (with a potty break on the way  ) The protein in the morning REALLY makes a huge difference and then they can get on with chores and stuff.
Also sugar intake goes without saying!
We are going through a ton of changes right now and the moodiness is crazy!!!! We even started saying the fare is something you pay to get on the bus and then my daughter started spelling "f-a-i-r" out
I'm with Becky, my house is "NOT FAIR" right now 
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Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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Bethany
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| Posted: July 08 2010 at 6:14pm | IP Logged
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Well, you all are making me feel a little better (and worse). My oldest started this at about 7 1/2 yo or six months ago. She has grown a tremendous amount in the past year and I think looks older for her age. It is really grating on my and Dh's nerves. Everything is the end of the world and worthy of great theatrics.
I'll have to try the increase in protein and see if that helps.
It made me feel worse because you can see below she is my oldest of 5 GIRLS!!!!! Oh no! I hope my DH can make it .
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Bethany
Wife to Mike, Mommy to Amelia (6/02), Sarah (10/03), Martha Grace (10/05), Rebecca Anne (12/07), Laura Catherine (3/10) and Reed Michael 7/4/14.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 08 2010 at 6:23pm | IP Logged
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Mimip wrote:
We even started saying the fare is something you pay to get on the bus and then my daughter started spelling "f-a-i-r" out
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Oh we don't give them that chance..
it's not fair
Nope, the fair isn't until September (county fair).
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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-Sir Walter Scott
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Kathryn
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| Posted: July 08 2010 at 9:58pm | IP Logged
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Well, although I honestly can't offer advice from a "been there, done that" b/c my 11 1/2 year old DD is one of the sweetest natured child EVER and continues to be, it scares me a bit as I have an almost 3 year old daughter that will most likely be like this if based on her attitude now!! She is already sooo different from her sister was at this age. And then I have another girl on the way. YIKES!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 08 2010 at 10:31pm | IP Logged
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Hugs are a great way to help diffuse this.. so is giggles..
My 8 yr old was having a melt down because brother asked her to get some dishes out of the living room.
I called her to me and put my arm around her.. told her she did have to do it, that she was on a seek and find mission to give her brother more work (which got me a giggle).
but that combination.. the security of the hug, and diffusing the emotion with laughter (instead of tears).. seems to really help when I can pull it off.
Sometimes though I find that I just have to insist on acceptable behavior and generally running off to your room crying because you've been asked to do your chores is not acceptable But calmly insisting on the acceptable behavior also seems to help. Boundaries are security for children.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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Belle
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| Posted: July 09 2010 at 3:31am | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
Mimip wrote:
We even started saying the fare is something you pay to get on the bus and then my daughter started spelling "f-a-i-r" out
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Oh we don't give them that chance..
it's not fair
Nope, the fair isn't until September (county fair). |
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If we ever said that it wasn't fair my Dad would use a rather common saying here in Australia.
My oldest child said life wasn't fair last night when she got reprimanded for her attitude....I opened my mouth and my fathers voice came out.....
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leanne maree
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| Posted: July 09 2010 at 6:54am | IP Logged
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This age has also been an age when we can guide her in the way she reacts to situations.
our DD occasionally gets upset when her eldest ds22 talks to her unkindly- as siblings sometimes do to each other.
This has been a time of discussing ways of making more mature decisions than sulking off to her room.
We have said to say quitely "that makes me feel sad", to these comments.
These are great teaching moments, and she is at a great age to take it all in.
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Leanne
Loving wife to Dermot and Adoring mother to Louise, Kristie, Kieran & Brid
http://leannemaree.blogspot.com/
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herdingkittens
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| Posted: July 10 2010 at 7:36am | IP Logged
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WOW!! Thank you everyone for sharing. It is nice to know that she is not turning into a horrible beast but simply becoming a woman! Ha ha! Now her and I can relate on many more levels!
I am soaking in all this wonderful wisdom. It is so helpful to know what I am facing, so I can hopefully not be as annoyed and be more compassionate.
I did have a chat with her and let her know that her body was starting to change. She seemed relieved to know that she was not just crazy. It actually was kind of fun talking like that with her. It's amazing - I think that for the first time I realized that my littles will not always be littles. I am looking forward to our relationship growing in a new direction. Ahhhh, motherhood.....
Thanks ladies!!!! 
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leanne maree
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| Posted: July 14 2010 at 7:58pm | IP Logged
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Hi
My dd12 was very relieved to know she wasn't the only one as well. She asked me, "did u go through this Mum". It was like a wait lifted from her. She likes to come and talk to me about those changes.
It does open up such wonderful conversations.
leanne
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Leanne
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: July 14 2010 at 8:14pm | IP Logged
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You all are scaring me. My oldest is approaching 8, and she's always been super-sensitive, anxious, whiny, and dramatic. I can't imagine it getting worse. 
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Barbara
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leanne maree
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| Posted: July 15 2010 at 5:19am | IP Logged
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Don't be scared Barbara, you will just cruise into it, and now you are aware you will be able to just know whats happening.
Its not all bad. DD12 is adorable majority of the time.
Leanne
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Leanne
Loving wife to Dermot and Adoring mother to Louise, Kristie, Kieran & Brid
http://leannemaree.blogspot.com/
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: mad 8 year old girl - who is this child?
