| Author | |
Sarah M
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 06 2008
Location: Washington
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1423
|
| Posted: June 04 2009 at 10:37am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
After reading Elizabeth's latest column, I find myself worrying: my kids whine too much! Elizabeth wrote, "I do not whine. I do not allow my children to whine."
Mine whine. Kind of a lot, I think.  I don't whine a whole lot (too sanguine for that, probably), but now I'm scratching my head, trying to figure out WHY my kids whine so much and WHAT I can do about it.
What do you do to curb whining in your home?
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
teachingmyown
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5128
|
| Posted: June 04 2009 at 11:06am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have some whiners too. Mainly around the age of 3-5 they whine. Now, I haven't seen the show, but I am wondering about the extent of the whining Elizabeth is talking about and how it is dealt with.
Your kids are little. Whining is normal to a certain extent, just like some kids bite or hit or tell lies. By ignoring it, or calmly informing your kids that whining doesn't work, it will stop.
I am assuming that the whining of the kids on the show is either rewarded by giving them what they want, or just met with more whining from the mom.
I certainly think that kids who continue to whine do it because they have learned that it works, and often learned the behavior from their parents. On our strawberry picking outing a few weeks ago, there was a family of whiners. Every one of them, mom, dad, son, daughter, whined in that really annoying whining voice "It's so hot, I'm so tired" and so on. It drove me crazy in the very short time that I was around them!
I am certainly not above complaining, being quite melancholic, but I don't whine, and I am very aware that it is a vice I need to continually battle. My children know that I battle this and I am helping them to do the same.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
LLMom
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 19 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 995
|
| Posted: June 04 2009 at 11:10am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Well, I have had a few whiners, and I don't give them anything they want or ask for when they whine. I tell them I don't speak 'whinese'  and to repeat in a tone of voice I can understand. This has been a slow process for some of my dc as in turtle-like slow. But I don't give in, and they eventually stop. What I see way too much is kids whine, the parents give in because they don't want to hear it and the kids are always like that. They never grow out of it. I also give my kids a strict talking to before going anywhere in public and I let them know whining and begging won't be tolerated. I tell them they are an example for large families and homeschooling and if people see whiney kids, they won't want many. They know they won't get to go again for a long time if they act up in public. BTW, they are very good most of the time in public. They get lots of compliments. I find that most homeschool kids are fairly good at least in public.
__________________
Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Maddie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 27 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1804
|
| Posted: June 04 2009 at 11:15am | IP Logged
|
|
|
My big guys ask the little ones when they whine, "Would you like some cheese to go with your whine (wine)?" 
__________________
~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
wahoo92
Forum Rookie
Joined: Sept 30 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 59
|
| Posted: June 04 2009 at 11:53am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Before they are talking, I will rephrase the question for them.
From talking well through age three or so, I will ask them to repeat themselves without whining. I never give in without something being stated with a proper tone of voice.
After that if it is ongoing (we all have a whiny day here and there) I will give them "tickets" (little squares of colored paper). For a serious offender I would start with ten. Every inkling of a whine gets one taken away (and the child must repeat what was being said correctly) and after all ten are gone some sort of consequence will occur. No reminders, no lectures, just matter of fact, "That's whining. Your fourth ticket is gone." For us the usual consequence is the removal of all privileges for the day and/or in room for the remainder of the day. (For a more compliant child it might just be room time until the next meal.) A repeat offender might only start with five or three tickets.
Like many misbehaviors it just gets to be a habit. The tickets work well with my kids since it is a visual reminder clearly within their control that calls attention to the problem each time. It's a system I've borrowed/adapted from John Rosemond (rosemond.com).
I have one child who will stop the "offense" (we use this system for a variety of misbehaviors) at the mere mention of tickets. Another will need several days in her room at least.
Good luck!
__________________
Sarah
Ellie,11, Madeline, 8, Lucy, 5, Evelyn, 1
herdingturtles101.blogspot.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Cay Gibson
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 16 2005
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5193
|
| Posted: June 04 2009 at 12:39pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I wonder how much of it is a natural temperment to be pessimistic. But even a pessmistic person learns that nobody likes a complainer.
Did any of you read Katherine's Knit One, Purl One blog post? It uplifted me on this issue.
The older I get the less I tolerate whining and complaning but with seven people in a household there always seems to be someone who is dealing with something!!! 
It's hard to stay upbeat sometimes but it's important that our Christian spirit shines forth in the face of negatism...starting in our home.
I'm still working on that spirit in my home so, no, you are not alone. 
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
KerryK
Forum Pro
Joined: June 30 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 265
|
| Posted: June 04 2009 at 1:20pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I agree with Molly on this- I think if you ignore and discourage it, it goes away in time. My 12 year old, who has a very pessimistic temperament, no longer whines. He does complain, though, so that is what we are trying to deal with now! The whining, I think, can just be how the younger ones complain. I'm not surprised at all that you get a bit of whining with a three and five year old around. My kids are further apart, so I've only had to deal with one whiner at a time!
If you consistently reinforce that you won't tolerate, it will go away eventually!
__________________
Kerry
Mom to
Matthew (10)
Mary (6)
New baby Samuel 2/26/07!
and 9 angels in heaven
The Eyes of My Heart
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
teachingmyown
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5128
|
| Posted: June 04 2009 at 1:26pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Cay Gibson wrote:
The older I get the less I tolerate whining and complaning but with seven people in a household there always seems to be someone who is dealing with something!!!
|
|
|
Oh my, isn't this the truth?! I have yet to figure out how to get through the day when I am always putting out someone's fire. It gets exhausting. That's why whining cannot be tolerated! My nerves can only deal with so much and whining hits that "spot" that pushes my limit.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Sarah M
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 06 2008
Location: Washington
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1423
|
| Posted: June 04 2009 at 4:28pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you all so much- you've really lifted my spirits. All day I've been thinking, "What have I done wrong?!"
My whiners (for the most part) are the 3 and 5 year olds, especially the 5 year old, who is VERY melancholic in temperament. So that makes sense, I suppose. I'm going to work on being better about not giving in to make the whining stop. And now that I really think it through, my 7yo was pretty whiny when she was little, and that has subsided. Well, for the most part. Keep the ideas coming- I'm finding them helpful.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Anne McD
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 21 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 499
|
| Posted: June 04 2009 at 5:01pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Same here-- my 4 and 6 year olds are the biggest culprits. I'm in behavioural crackdown mode around here and one of the things we're working on is whining. I'm usually saying, "I can't understand you when you speak to me like that," and after several repeated whining attempts on thier part (it has a tendancy to get worse as I'm trying to get them to speak without whining!) I reword what they're trying to say and repeat it over and over until they finally say it without the whine.
Don't be too hard on yourself-- I'd be VERY surprised to hear that there is a family out there without one child who doesn't/ hasn't whined.
__________________
Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
hsmom
Forum Pro
Joined: Aug 24 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 253
|
| Posted: June 05 2009 at 6:58am | IP Logged
|
|
|
We're sort of in crack down mode here as well. I have started addressing the complaining with a dose of reality since ignoring it doesn't work. My dd is a little older but she complains a lot. So when she complains about having to do something she doesn't want to do I have her do more of it, for example, a chore. If she says anything negative I give her another chore when she's done to practice doing a chore w/o complaining. Or, if she fusses that a friend isn't able to play when she asks one of her friends to play, then the reality is a little different. She may not go and ask another friend to play for a period of time until I think she is strong enough to handle any potential dissapointment. This has helped to curb a lot of the whining. I haven't quite figured out what to do with the "I wish I hadn't cut my hair" type of regretful complaining. I may try just ignoring the whining that has no built in reality discipline?????
This also may need more of a shaping of the behavior for my dd. It has cut down on the verbal complaining but, she still may scrunh up her face, etc. I plan on making that the same as if she had said something. I also like what I read in Have a New Kid by Friday, say it and walk away!
Thanks for starting this thread.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Whining
