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Emma
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| Posted: Feb 23 2009 at 7:21pm | IP Logged
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We have two children (ages 2.5 and 14 months). We are Orthodox Christians and my husband is the priest at a small mission parish and most of the time I am either the only singer in the choir or the only soprano in the choir.
My children are basically the worst behaved children in the church (they are loud, wander around, get into mischief, etc). I don't blame them for this because neither of their parents are there to guide them/explain what is going on/explain why they must sit or stand quietly etc. In addition, they are just little babies!
I cannot really foist them off onto other people to be cared for because they are a handful and I cannot get out of the singing.
I am so frustrated after every. single. service. My husband thinks that I should just let them wander if they are being quiet and if they cry then I should take them out... but either way the service suffers and I am distracted as I watch them run wild!
I don't really think that there is a solution, but I thought I post here to see if anyone has any ideas.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Feb 23 2009 at 7:49pm | IP Logged
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you might consider wearing the littler one.. and then keeping the older one with you.. even if you are singing..
or simply stop singing until you've got some basic training down. At that point you can either do the above or won't feel like you can't ask for help.
And also realize that you are much more distracted by them than anyone else will be.. simply because you'll tend to be the closest and the most effected by thos particular children 
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Rachel May
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| Posted: Feb 23 2009 at 8:31pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
| And also realize that you are much more distracted by them than anyone else will be.. simply because you'll tend to be the closest and the most effected by thos particular children |
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I'll second this. And really, mine at those ages are/were similarly behaved. For a while our priest used to sit with my kids while I lectored since we were the only ones at daily mass. Once, they were so bad that after the first reading I paused and told them, "You cut that out!" Father blinked and looked at me and said, "Is that the psalm?"  He truly hadn't noticed and he was right next to them. Now we get compliments about their behavior. Hang in there!
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Rachel
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Feb 24 2009 at 6:50am | IP Logged
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I second wearing the younger one in a back carrier, but if you haven't been doing that and he's used to roaming, it might hard.I have sung in choir wearing my babies, but 18 mos is about when I start passing them off to my husband which you can't do!
Do you have daily services or just Sunday? Is it different on Sunday--is there something like a low mass during the week that doesn't require a choir? Then you can "practice" with the kids at a less high profile time.
I think that "retraining" them will not be easy. We have the "their feet can't touch the ground" rule in church because once they think they can, we find it takes a few weeks for them not to expect it.
I do agree that you are probably more aware than anyone else.  I get compliments on the behavior of my children, but I am constantly "on" and feel like I correct them the entire mass. I think that the child sitting still and quiet on their own is an illusion created by the people who don't notice the constant quiet intervention of the parents or the fidgeting of the child that the parent is constantly aware of!
Especially at 18 mos and 2 1/2! Those are challenging ages. I know a lot of people with well behaved children in mass, and I can't think of one who doesn't face challenges at those ages! Its just hard!
We don't do a lot of books and such at mass, but since you cannot sit with them the whole time, can you bring coloring pages for the 2 year old?
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dawn2006
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| Posted: Feb 24 2009 at 7:08am | IP Logged
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Quote:
| I get compliments on the behavior of my children, but I am constantly "on" and feel like I correct them the entire mass. I think that the child sitting still and quiet on their own is an illusion created by the people who don't notice the constant quiet intervention of the parents or the fidgeting of the child that the parent is constantly aware of! |
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I am finding this to be true.
You've been given good advice. Hope you find a good solution. ((hugs))
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Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
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monica
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| Posted: Feb 24 2009 at 12:31pm | IP Logged
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emma,
i am orthodox too!! and i can relate to your situation. i dont have a ton of good suggestions, and i think the ages of your kids tend to be the wiggliest age.
i am a big fan of keeping a bag of small, quiet toys (like little plastic animals) and special books (can be changed out for the season or holy day) that are kept just for church. they can only be brought out when we are sitting in church.
also, this seems counter intuitive, but i heard so many people say it works i tried it- sit up front. it helped my children see more of the liturgy and what is going on. we sit in the second row and no one sits in the very front row, so that is one less row of people to disturb. and i hope this doesnt gross you out, but i take my 2 yr olds shoes off once we are sitting down. he seems to bang them on the pew all the time.
now that i have written all that it occurs to me that your church may not have pews, but the congregation may just stand and kneel. i have been through that too and it is harder, but not impossible. my oldest is 6 and we have had a hard time with him just laying down on the ground  but if i remind him, he will usually sit up.
honestly, your kids ages are hard and i admire you for even trying to sing in the choir. my husband would like to, but i have told him he must take one of the kids with him if he does. so during prayers before the liturgy he takes our 2 year old while i go to sunday school with the 6 year old.
i would love to hear what orthodox things you do for homeschooling. if you have a blog or something, private message me and let me know.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Church Behavior...
