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Essy
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 9:12am | IP Logged
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I know that this varies from agency to agency, but I was just wondering if you have a personal 'cut off age'. It just clicked for me today while I was blogging that my personal cut off age will be 'menopause'...that I will be working within God's own time table.
I know that this is not right for everyone...some have reached an early menopause or whatever...but it just feels right for me...and since I haven't reached that age yet...lol...there is still hope.
How about you?
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mavmama
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 2:23pm | IP Logged
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That is an interesting question. As for myself, I feel that my age doesn't matter as much as the feeling that we are "missing one." It is hard to explain, but I believe their is one more waiting for us.
Age, though, IS a factor for us because of the Indian laws. Right now they have a combined age limit of 90 years for the parents, and they usually lean more towards 85. Our agency told us that for a special needs child, they add the parents' ages, then subtract the child's age, and if it's under 90, that is acceptable. Go figure...
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Liz
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Jeanne Marie
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 3:20pm | IP Logged
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I haven't really thought about it in that way. We adopt through the state, so there is no age limit. I am in my mid-40's and we are waiting for our third child right now. We really wanted a third, especially after reading something Pope John Paul II said about children needing a community of siblings and two did not make a community. He talked about how the older ones join together to care for the younger. It really made sense to us, so despite my age, we definitely wanted to continue adding to our family. I don't know what we are going to do after this. I really, really want a much larger family for my children, but I am getting pretty old! We will just keep praying, because God has always been very obvious in His leading of us for each adoption. And Mary, Oh Mary!, she has led us and comforted us in this wonderful journey of adoption!
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Waverley
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Essy,
This is a great question. I have to think about it some more and get back to you.
Waverley
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Helen
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| Posted: June 21 2007 at 12:32am | IP Logged
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In my mind, there are intelligent/rational rules for adoption and then there is inspiration. There are some things that one says in their head (I would like a large family. Now that I have one child from China, it would be a good idea to have another one from China. Etc) but one knows that these are his own ideas. Then there are times that adoption ideas come into your mind and despite all the obstacles you find that the Lord has given you the grace to follow through on the idea. This I would call inspiration.
I will tell you my intelligent/rational rule for adoption cut off - but inspiration trumps the intelligent/rational rule. I looked around at my family and saw that many aunts had children up to the age of 43. I have thought that I should continue to try to adopt (without age hesitation) until that age.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t think anyone or that I should not adopt after the age of 43. Rather, since adoption is so difficult to discern the Lord’s Will, I wanted some reasonable parameters to work in. Although, maybe this is an outdated method - Relying upon the age of a previous generation? Doesn't it seem that women are having children more often in their forties nowadays?
It’s easier to discern the Lord’s Will with fertility. He sends you a baby! Presto – the Lord’s Will is evident. It’s a bit trickier with adoption. There’s so much more personal involvement. I know that I can personally torture myself with the question:
IS this TRULY the LORD’S Will?
mavmama wrote:
| That is an interesting question. As for myself, I feel that my age doesn't matter as much as the feeling that we are "missing one." It is hard to explain, but I believe their is one more waiting for us. |
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Liz, we've also felt that "missing one" feeling. The whole family seems to feel it. I guess that falls into the inspiration category.
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Ave Maria!
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wamegomom
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I can SO relate to the "we're missing one" sense. We were so sure that we would adopt again from China, and then Beijing changed the rules so that no parents who use wheelchairs could adopt (my dh is perfectly healthy but had a benign spinal tumor many years ago so uses a chair to get around). Based on our experiences with China adoption over the course of 10 years, they will make exceptions to the rule eventually, but by then we will have aged out, as we are now 52 and 54. Every once in a while the awareness that there is another daughter we are supposed to have just brings a flood of tears and deep grief.
We adopted our 9 y.o. son from Hong Kong via a disrupted adoption 5 years ago, so maybe there will be an older girl (ideally 8 to 11 y.o.) who also comes to the states with the "wrong" family, and needs to find that we are the right one! I have written to several agencies where I know the staff asking to be remembered should such a situation come up with a child with a medical special need (we believe we are called to adopt children with a med. need like c.p., congenital heart stuff, orthopedic stuff......). We just can't shake the feeling that there is an empty spot on our laps for a special little girl. It's hard.
Mary Alice
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Helen
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| Posted: June 21 2007 at 10:51am | IP Logged
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wamegomom wrote:
We just can't shake the feeling that there is an empty spot on our laps for a special little girl. It's hard.
Mary Alice |
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Mary Alice, I heard of a family where the mother/father were convinced that they were called to adopt a child with down's syndrome. No one took her seriously but somehow she managed to keep her paperwork pretty up to date. (I don't know the person but heard this from a reliable source.)
Then around Christmas time one year, an agency (don't know the details) called her desperate to find a family willing to adopt the down syndrome child.
They adopted the child.
I also saw on TV once that a nurse who had raised 6 children came into contact with a handicapped baby. Some how the 53 year old nurse adopted the baby. I cried a lot when I saw the (60 year old) woman with the 7 year old beautiful girl. Very moving.
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Ave Maria!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Cut off age for adoption...
