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LLMom
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| Posted: June 12 2009 at 10:32am | IP Logged
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Does anyone know the "rules" about attending weddings? My niece is going to get married. She is not Catholic but the man she is marrying is or was. He has been married before and so has she. I don't know if this young man had an annulement or not. I don't think he is a practicing Catholic because he has been living with my niece for over a year.  Of course my family expects us to attend. I was very close to this niece when I was young, but she has chosen a very different lifestyle. What am I to do? Am I allowed to go since she is not Catholic? My dc have no idea about their lifestyle.
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Lisa
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Michaela
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| Posted: June 12 2009 at 10:39am | IP Logged
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I found this at Catholic Answers: Rules for Attending Weddings
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Michaela
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Bethany
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| Posted: June 12 2009 at 11:02am | IP Logged
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Well, I don't know any rules either, but I will say that when my husband and I got married he did not have an annulment. I was not Catholic, so I had no idea about any of these things. We did not live together, but now were Catholic with four daughters and hopes of more! So God can definately work in any situation.
However, we're facing a similar situation. My husbands brother is getting remarried. They are both Catholic but have been living together for probably a year or so. He's does not have an annulment yet, though he is going through the process. Their having the wedding in an Epicopal church, we're told, because all priests have Friday off in the diocese and only a deacon could perform the ceremony. Well, what would that matter, because they couldn't have Mass without the annulment. Plus, I find it hard to believe EVERY Priest is off on the same day  . So I'm finding this whole thing a little ridiculous.
But, this is all to be expected. My MIL, who's Catholic, is living with her boyfriend. What's so offensive to me is that they are both living with someone while petitioning for an annulment .
I don't know the answer. We have to go since my husband has been asked to be the best man and feel its best to keep peace since this is our immediate family.
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Bethany
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Bethany
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| Posted: June 12 2009 at 11:09am | IP Logged
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Lisa, I don't want to hijack your thread, but after reading the link Michaela posted I'm even more confused. I always felt it was ok to attend the marriage of someone of a different faith if they were acting in good faith and that seemed to support that position. However, it looks like were held to a higher standard with regards to Catholic weddings. AFter reading that I'm even more concerned about the upcoming wedding we're to attend.
So should we even take part?
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Bethany
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Helen
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| Posted: June 12 2009 at 11:18am | IP Logged
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I'm not a canon lawyer but here is a link to some rules:
code of canon law
1070 and 1071 seem to list reasons not to attend a marriage.
At our Franciscan meeting, I remember being told that it was against canon law to attend a marriage in which you know a Catholic is not following his faith.
I don't think Michaela's link (which I also found first -- It must get more hits Michaela!) reflects the same attitudes expressed in the canon law link.
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Ave Maria!
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LLMom
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| Posted: June 12 2009 at 11:42am | IP Logged
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I don't even know if this young man has had an annulment, and I don't really know about asking him. I barely know him and it seems a bit awkward to ask him. I tend to think not because he is not practicing his faith. These things are so difficult. There is a possibility that they will just have a private ceremony in Vegas in which case I will be let off the hook. I hope and pray that is what happens.
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Lisa
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Helen
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| Posted: June 12 2009 at 11:58am | IP Logged
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LLMom wrote:
| These things are so difficult. There is a possibility that they will just have a private ceremony in Vegas in which case I will be let off the hook. I hope and pray that is what happens. |
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These things are very difficult LIsa. I'm sorry.
I'll pray that things work out for you.
Ave Maria!
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Ave Maria!
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Helen
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| Posted: June 12 2009 at 12:43pm | IP Logged
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Bethany, I'll pray for you too. 
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Ave Maria!
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RA's Mom
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| Posted: June 12 2009 at 9:57pm | IP Logged
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I am not a canon law lawyer either but codes 1071 and 1073 seem to pertain to pastoral responsibilities, whether ordained officials should witness a marriage on behalf of the church. I think Michaela's link about the "rules" for a layperson's attendance show good common-sense.
The problem is that in this case, the guidance seems to put you back in a position of prayerful decision-making. I'd like to reiterate Bethany's message that God can work in all kinds of situations. So I don't think it's a problem for you to add your prayful presence to the family celebration if that's what you decide. Since you're currently praying that the couple elopes to Vegas, you may have already decided that any ceremony for this union is superficial and not a joyful occasion you want your children to witness.
In either case, I'd look back at Michaela's link and the recommendation that if you decide not attend a wedding on principle that you write a letter to the couple telling them that you love and pray for them. This seems like a good, quiet way of expressing your belief in the sanctity of marriage and perhaps reminding your niece and nephew-in-law that God has a role to play in a happy marriage.
One gift my husband and I received after our civil ceremony (before I converted) was this verse: Ecc 4:9-12 "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken"
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Helen
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| Posted: June 12 2009 at 10:11pm | IP Logged
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RA's Mom wrote:
| I am not a canon law lawyer either but codes 1071 and 1073 seem to pertain to pastoral responsibilities, whether ordained officials should witness a marriage on behalf of the church. |
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Yes, I also thought those canon's pertained more to the priest's role. I'm not sure where the canon is. However, it remains that at our Franciscan formation class, (Franciscans of the Imamculate) who are loyal to the magisterium and very sound theologically, I was taught that one is not to attend a marriage of a Catholic who is not following the rules.
I hesitated to post my response originally because I didn't have the exact canon law section. But when one has good formation, it is a charity to share it with others.
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Ave Maria!
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MaryM
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| Posted: June 12 2009 at 10:31pm | IP Logged
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RA's Mom wrote:
| I am not a canon law lawyer either but codes 1071 and 1073 seem to pertain to pastoral responsibilities, whether ordained officials should witness a marriage on behalf of the church. |
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That's how I read the canon law sections as well...though it's all legalese to me...
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Mary M. in Denver
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: weddings
