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Donna
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My dear friend, Carolyn, who has been my children's evaluator since we began homeschooling, and a true inspiration in leading me deeper into the Catholic Faith for many years, is dying. She has been fighting a battle with cancer for over 5 1/2 years. She was told on Friday by her doctor that there is nothing more he can do for her.
I spent some time yesterday afternoon with Carolyn and her question to me was, "How do I die? What should I be doing to prepare?"
I so desperately want to help her find the answer to her question. I want to help her be at peace. Can anyone help me? Do you have answers that I can share with her?
I appreciate any thoughts to share with Carolyn....and please keep her in your prayers. Her days here are growing short....the doctor told her she will probably not see Christmas this year.
With a grateful heart ,
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Donna
DH, Keven
Jason, Stevie, Marie, Jackson, Clara, and Aaron
Jacob, Sam, and Regina with God
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Moments Like These
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Laura
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Oh Donna, I am so sorry to hear this news. I will be praying for Carolyn. My heart goes out to her and her family.
I came across this quote:
"Prepare for death by living more fully now. Work at loving more deeply, less discriminately, more affectionately, and more gratefully. Tell those close to you that you love them, and death will never catch you like a thief in the night."
Also, as I am sure she knows and is wondering how to more fully prepare, but I will include them all the same...
Go to Confession
Receive Communion
Speak to a good Priest
Pray the prayer for a Happy Death
and follow the advice of the wise quote above.
Again, I am so sorry to hear this sad news.
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JMJ,
Laura
wife to Ken and mom to 8 blessings with #9 due July 26,2009
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Bridget
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Wow, what a priviledge it is to help someone prepare for a holy death. Not fun like a birth but awesome in a different way. Pray for God to show you clearly what He wants from you in this situation.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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kingvozzo
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St. Joseph is the patron of a happy death, so he would be a wonderful intercessor. What a blessing it is for her to be able to prepare herself to meet our Lord.
I will keep her in my prayers.
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Noreen
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Angie Mc
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Hi, Donna. What a special and bittersweet time for the two of you.
I volunteered with Hospice in a small town. The gal who ran the office had a wealth of information on preparing for death. Although Hospice is not religious based, it is my experience that these folks often, in reality, deal with faith-based concerns. A call to a local Hospice office might help you.
Carolyn and all of her loved ones are in my prayers.
Love,
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Angie Mc
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Leonie
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Just popping in to say that i will keep your friend in my prayers.
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Leonie in Sydney
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Erica Sanchez
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Donna,
I second the recommendation to get in touch with Hospice. I was with my grandmother when she died - she had been in hospice care for a month or so - and it was incredible! They had very helpful information about the dying process on just a physical level in case you need that near the end. Something that I also need to find for my dying grandfather, is a booklet of Catholic prayers for the dying that was in my grandmother's room. Those were wonderful and Carolyn might like those for herself. Would this be an appropriate time for her to receive Anointing of the Sick? How old is Carolyn? I am so sorry. She is blessed to have someone who cares so much about her in these last days.
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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JennGM
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Donna,
What a wonderful privilege for you to be there and help out your friend. Is she leaving family and children behind? I'm dealing firsthand with my grandmother's cancer right now, so this is very timely for me also. I've had a few thoughts that might help.
The best way is through the sacraments, so if someone can bring her communion as much as possible, that will take her to the heights!
I found that there are several patrons for a holy death, including St. Michael and St. Christopher, besides St. Joseph.
I found these Prayers for a Holy Death which were nice.
Besides the above-mentioned preparation in the other posts, I would recommend to your friend to unite her sufferings with Christ, and dedicate her suffering as reparation for her sins. Her pain will be intense and it will be hard to pray and concentrate later, so her intentions now should be "I offer this up to You...and the times that I can't remember or in too much pain, etc. please remember this dedication."
There is a moving movie with Emma Thompson dying of ovarian cancer called Wit. It doesn't have a spiritual side and not appropriate for children, but there are some really moving themes in that movie. One thing that really struck me is that she never had the TV on during her last battle with the cancer. That struck me as key -- no outside noise, no distraction. She is going to meet her Maker and this time was spent knowing herself, her faults, her failings and uniting her sufferings with the Cross.
I would be doing some spiritual reading...until I couldn't read any more because of the pain. Maybe nothing too heavy...saints' biographies, especially those who have suffered physical and spiritual battles would be comforting and helpful. Some that come to mind right now are St. Therese the Little Flower, St. Bernadette, St. Gemma Galgani....
There will probably be spiritual battles. Temptation to despair is one. It will be hard to concentrate probably as the pain progresses and on pain meds. If she can't concentrate on reading or praying, have audio and visual reminders of the spiritual world...calming music (Gregorian Chant, Christmas carols), spiritual books on tape, rosary on tape, beautiful works of religious art...or just a crucifix.
Just some thoughts....
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Jennifer G. Miller
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JennGM
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Maybe someone can help me. Years (and I mean YEARS) ago my mother had a set of audio tapes that had a little nun talking about her life and suffering. The title had "Bread" in it. She had some degenerative back disease. It had birds chirping in the background. After her story, it had a later recording when she was close to her death. She was the sweetest sister, and her story was so inspiring...it would be uplifting to listen to...but I can't remember the name of the sister or the tape! Anyone have a clue?
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Robin
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If I were dying I would love for someone to read the Gospels to me. Very slowly and quietly... a chapter a day... and pray the rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet with me... speak about the glories of heaven... and definitely read the writings of Saint Therese... maybe she can make the Offering to Merciful Love? Say often "O Sacred Heart of Jesus, whom I adore, O let me Love you more and more".
Please tell Carolyn that I will pray for her and ask her to say a little prayer for me that I may Love Our Lord more. Her prayers are so powerful right now.
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Robin Dupre
"If we become what God intended for us to become, we will set the world on fire." ~ St. Catherine of Siena
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guitarnan
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Donna,
Currently I am reading a biography of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, who saw two children and two young sisters-in-law die before she succumbed to TB herself at 46. She had, always, such faith in the Real Presence. If Carolyn can receive Holy Communion often, that would be a real gift, especially as she becomes weaker and unable to attend Mass in person. Perhaps her parish has a team of ministers who could help with this? If not, perhaps you could be trained to do this?
I live in a tiny rural community, in which each person's passing is part of common knowledge and, thus, prayer. If there is a way to assure Carolyn that she's held up daily in prayer, I know that will be a comfort to her...of course we will do this, but it would be nice if it could happen in her parish as well.
I agree with Jenn; if Carolyn has a particular saint to identify with, and if she can find a way to unite her sufferings with those of Jesus for us, she will find meaning in her own passing, and, hopefully, find a way to share that meaning with you and with everyone else who's accompanying her on her journey into Eternal Life. It's never easy to walk this path with someone you love. She needs you, though, to be there with her; if she wants a lot of companionship, I'd suggest a roster of family and friends who can sit/pray/read with her.
You are such a wonderful friend, to be so concerned and aware at this important time for Carolyn! I'm thankful that she has you there to be with her and pray for her. Please tell her that she'll be remembered in my daily prayers.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Taffy
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Robin wrote:
If I were dying I would love for someone to read the Gospels to me. Very slowly and quietly... a chapter a day... and pray the rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet with me... speak about the glories of heaven... and definitely read the writings of Saint Therese... maybe she can make the Offering to Merciful Love? Say often "O Sacred Heart of Jesus, whom I adore, O let me Love you more and more".
Please tell Carolyn that I will pray for her and ask her to say a little prayer for me that I may Love Our Lord more. Her prayers are so powerful right now. |
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What a beautiful idea!
Sending up prayers for a peaceful death for your friend...
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Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
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Karen E.
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Donna,
I'm praying for Carolyn, and for you as you are with her through this time ....
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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JennGM
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Robin wrote:
| If I were dying I would love for someone to read the Gospels to me. Very slowly and quietly... a chapter a day... |
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Isn't this what St. Francis of Assisi did?
I think reading the Liturgy of the Hours out loud would be beautiful, too. The psalms and canticles are just beautiful prayers. The psalm writers really knew pain and hardship....
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Elizabeth
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Dear Donna,
sometimes I think we live parallel lives. I'm talking a friend through dying too. I don't have much to offer right now--no time to really write. I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. I hope the Holy Spirit infuses you and you are the instrument of the Lord at this time.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Donna
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Oh, thank you so much for all your beautiful thoughts and suggestions....and for all your prayers. I've written them all down to share with Carolyn.
Carolyn is 66, and has been like a mom to me for the past 13 years. She has been instrumental in reverting me back into the Catholic church after much wandering.
To all of us who know her....she is a saint already. So many of the suggestions that you've given me are things that she already does and has done for years...yet she is so humble that she feels she has not done enough in her lifetime for the Lord. I know she will be so encouraged to hear all the suggestions that you've offered.
My sister, who has been recently trained in Hospice care, is going with me tomorrow to visit with Carolyn. Not only is she trained in Hospice care...she is also a Third Order Carmalite. I'm sure she, too, will help Carolyn be at peace.
May I also add......I am so grateful for this board and all the women on it. It's so comforting to have a place to go to receive so much encouragement and prayer. We are so blessed .
With much love,
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Donna
DH, Keven
Jason, Stevie, Marie, Jackson, Clara, and Aaron
Jacob, Sam, and Regina with God
Grandbabies Leigha and Elsie
Moments Like These
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jdostalik
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Donna,
I just wanted to let you know that we are praying for Caryolyn as well. May she feel God's peace and love these last few days on His earth.
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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Caryn
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Donna,
I can always find something in the Psalms, no matter what my situation or mood, to comfort me and give me strength. There is such a wide range of style, content, and length there. That would go along with everyone else's suggestions, which are beautiful.
You have my prayers, too,because "midwifing" someone through death is a very intense experience. Listening fully and openly is probably the thing you will be called upon to do the most. Pray *your* favorite prayers, too, during this time.
Best,
Caryn
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Caryn (dh Rob, 18 years; dd Emmy, 16 years)
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krgammel
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I know someone who can help!
Sister Anne Sophie Meaney is a very dear friend of mine and happens to be both of my boys' Godmother. Her ministry is The Society of The Body of Christ. Her focus is the sanctity of life from the unborn to the dying.
She has written:
A Spiritual Guide for Being Born into Eternal Life
And has a CD On our way to Paradise
I have spoken with her about this discussion and she has graciously made herself available to anyone in need of assistance. You can email her at savesoul@swbell.net or pm me and I will give you her telephone number.
Praying for your guidance-
Kristen
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: How to die a holy death
