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mcchatty
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| Posted: April 08 2008 at 8:18pm | IP Logged
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Well, if that heading isn't the most pathetic introduction- I don't know what would be. I have thoroughly enjoyed browsing here and know that I will learn so much from you wise and comapssionate ladies.
here's my conundrum:
I was raised a totally secular Catholic- hubby was raised Lutheran. Many moons ago, we enrolled our oldest son in a truly wonderful Catholic school. The extremely liberal parish (and I mean OUT there) was very welcoming to us. We loved (still do) the commitment to social justice and diversity (we have tow headed birth children and daughters from China). The loving and gracious Priest made enough of an impression upon my husband that he underwent RCIA and joined the fold 3 years ago. Together we have watched blossom our faith into a new and wonderful thing.
Now, it gets dicey- the very things that drew us to this parish- the respect for all cultures and traditions, the "Catholic Lite" atmosphere, the focus on good works, the "no judgement Priest" are now negatives for us. We WANT sacraments that resemble sacraments, we want openness to life to not be dismissed as "socially irresposnible". We want our family to mine the riches that Mother church has made availalbe to us -We
LOVE the community, four of our children are currently in the school, our dearest friends are there, the community supported us immensely during the near death of our son. but- it is barely Catholic. "Dignity" a group for homosexual Catholics has a large presence. Altar girls are at least as common as boys. The school and the church don't seem to acknowledge any saints (except kinda- sorta the one it is named for). Our 8 year old is in the program for FHC and I hate it! When I explained to the kids in our 'small group' what transubstantiation is- I was SHUSHED by the program director, her exact words, "No smells and bells, please , it's all about unity" (which means WHAT by the way????
So we are struggling, because we feel ungrateful. We were drawn by the openness and the feeling of being immediately welcome, and now we want to actually be CATHOLIC.  (emoticans sent courtesy of the little on on my lap) So, are we shmucks if we look for a different parish? Do we stay and try to make changes (which is unlikely , and are we as relatively new to the whole devout lifestyle, pretentious to even consider it???
any and all advice very welcome.
Mcchatty
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chicken lady
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| Posted: April 08 2008 at 8:29pm | IP Logged
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Be assured of my prayers for you. Listen to the Holy Spirit, sounds like He is already leading you  Run into the arms of the church, you will not be abandoned. If it makes you feel better, I walked out of a Catholic church on Holy Thursday. It was VERY hard to do, but we had to, we could not expose our dc to such scandal in the name of Catholism. That is VERY confusing to young children. When I told a wonderful priest about our walking out, he assured me that it was very courageous, not easy, but the right thing to do!
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Maddie
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| Posted: April 08 2008 at 8:57pm | IP Logged
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I have been Catholic for 14 years and we have driven an hour to Mass (every Sunday) for a Catholic Church that resembles what I actually converted for. My children are only young once, it's my only chance to give them the truth. We tried ever so briefly to stay in a parish like you are describing but we decided it wasn't worth it.
(ETA: Friends tried to convince us to stay in the liberal parish and help change the parish, sorry if it wasn't clear.)
Praying for you!
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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guitarnan
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| Posted: April 08 2008 at 9:29pm | IP Logged
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You know, from your post it sounds like you've tried hard. If you don't feel spiritually at home in this parish, perhaps it's time to go. No one makes this decision lightly, of course, but I would run away from a sacramental prep class that tried to avoid discussing transubstantiation, of all things!
I have friends who have 8 kids and plan for more, and they were made miserable at their "home" parish, where people pestered them to use BC and stop having children. They changed parishes (a hard deal, involving a 1-hour each way drive) and are blissfully happy. Their talented daughters were welcomed into the youth choir; they were made to feel special because of their large family. It's a change they should have made long ago.
Pray hard and try attending Mass in a few neighboring parishes. Take a lot of time to make this decision. You really don't have to stick with "Catholic Lite" - I'm sure more people here will share their stories!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: April 08 2008 at 9:44pm | IP Logged
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I think if you all are ready to move on to another parish that meets your current needs go for it!! Your dh is with you and you want certain things for your family then you should do what you feel is best for your family. Our faith journey takes us down so many different roads. Many have been drawn into our faith by these churches. It is good. Some people go the direction you are headed. Some stay where they are. God loves us all the same. Your friends don't need a huge explanation. You can still be friends.
I will pray for your family.
Anne
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Erin
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| Posted: April 09 2008 at 1:42am | IP Logged
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Mcchatty
Welcome
You know our relationship with God is/should be growing all the time. God has bought you back/your husband into, the Church via this parish. Praise God. Now it sounds from what you have shared that He is calling you to take further steps, another road. Embrace and enjoy the journey.
mcchatty wrote:
| So we are struggling, because we feel ungrateful. We were drawn by the openness and the feeling of being immediately welcome, and now we want to actually be CATHOLIC. |
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You are not ungrateful, your priest and fellow parishioners were 'vessels' used by God. Continue to pray for them, pledge to say at least one Hail Mary daily for your priest and the parish. God is calling you elsewhere.
BTW,We have recently left our parish of many years with great sadness, and God is opening some very surprising doors. We never know His plans, we just have to follow where He calls. (I told dd6 yesterday I would like to email God and ask Him just what was going to happen, "Well why don't you mum, don't you know His email name?"  )
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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msclavel
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| Posted: April 09 2008 at 8:55am | IP Logged
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Your post made me think of the pull our culture can have on our children as they grow. The Church is our mother and it is a grace that you hear her voice calling you home in a deeper way. I can see in you post that it will be difficult and painful...but trust in the grace, Molly is right, she is a very good mother and will not abandon you. Be assured of my prayers.
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MaryM
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| Posted: April 09 2008 at 9:05am | IP Logged
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We were in a similar parish for many years and it was very hard to leave but ultimately that is what we decided as well. When we first joined it was because of the vibrant community and opportuntity for much involvement and service. It was generally okay with liturgy - nothing great, but not full of liturgical abuses either, though it was always known for social justice-y tone.
After a couple years the parish became a diocesaen parish instead of an order parish. It was during this time that it slowly but progessively got more what you described as "Catholic Lite." I would cringe at some of the things that were taught - there was no respect for the magisterial teaching or Truth on some issues. The liturgical abuses started to increase. We found it very distracting to be at Mass and I was angry not joyful when attending. I knew from being on the "inside" of staff relations (I had helped coordinate a couple educaiton programs) that we could not hope to make changes or influence anything. We began attending some Masses elsewhere but still being a part of the parish. It took a couple years to make the complete change to another parish.
Now some may say that should have been a very easy decision but it wasn't. We grieved leaving a place that had been our spirtual home for 11 years, where we had many friends. But our choice was best, especially for the children and has been a good change. It isn't a particularly active parish, but it is faithful to the teachings of the Church and Mass is a holy and solemn celebration. I will pray for you because I know it is not an easy decision and there is sadness even though spiritually you don't feel at home there.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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LisaR
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| Posted: April 09 2008 at 9:06am | IP Logged
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I really apreciated your post because you were so charitable and honest about the "good" that you see in the Priest and the parish. The smells and bells comment reminded me EXACTLY of what I got growing up in Oregon, and yet those same people were influential in my coming into the Catholic faith ("ohhhh once Lisa becomes Catholic, she'll become a Priest for sure some day down the road!!"  )
I am confident that you might be able to find a parish that still has some of the charisms that you like, and yet remains faithful to Church teaching. My dh works for a diocese, and has quite a few connections within the US with different parishes and DIocese's. pm me if you want to chat about where you are and maybe he'd have some suggestions.
We belong to a Franciscan Parish (the Marytown/Maximilian Kolbe Priests) and it is nice that social teachings/love for the poor/all cultures is built right into our parish, and yet always spoken of/lived through Church teaching, encyclicals, etc.
praying for you! welcome here!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: New and struggling
