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MichelleW
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| Posted: April 29 2005 at 4:05pm | IP Logged
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I am fascinated by the idea of unschooling. But while I think I can let go of "my" educational goals for my children, how do you live? I have tried relaxing completely the past four weeks, and have seen wonderful things from my children, except in the area of chores. They are writing stories, making up their own experiments, it is an educational dream come true. Except the house is a disaster and I CAN'T clean up after all of them by myself.
How do you maintain order in daily life while being relaxed with learning?
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Cindy
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| Posted: April 29 2005 at 4:18pm | IP Logged
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MichelleW wrote:
How do you maintain order in daily life while being relaxed with learning? |
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Hi Michelle- (this got kind of long- sorry)
Great question! I think it has to do with the mutual respect between mom and kids and the way the day is scheduled or pegged out.
First--- I was advised when I let go to unschool to give it a year. It takes a long time for changes to sink in deep.
One of the premier changes I saw was when I stopped trying to micro-control my children was that the respect level went way up. I let go of having to know who was doing what at every moment and whether they werebeing 'productive' in either acadmics or chores at every moment. Oh, that was a heavy load. 
When I did this, two things happened. First, I relaxed and truly saw what they were learning, which is sounds like you are seeing, too. As you all know, when mom is happy and relaxed .. the whole house is happier.
Second, when they felt less 'controlled' by me, they were able to blossom into who they were. They felt a new level of respect. I had always loved them, but now I was showing them more value, listening to them more, considering their ideas more and recognizing what they did with their time as valuable. As we used to say in the business world, their productivity went up! 
Mutual respect grew. Attitudes improved. Now when I asked them to help me, they knew I respected their time and they showed me more respect. My boys do not like lists. They prefer to join me during house cleaning time and dole out ideas for them to do- when they finish they come back for the next one. Some kids like lists, but I think they knew that I took the time to find out what method suited them best. They could sense that respect so they gave me more respect and cared about my work load, too.
If something they were responsible for didn't get done, we talked about it, instead of me automatcily repremanding them. Maybe they didn't remember how, couldn't get the supplies to work, were in the middle of something.... Do I like to be interrupeted in the middle of an important project?! So, if I can wait, then I do. I let them arrange their time as much as possible. That really made a difference because it showed I valued their time. (They are born persons, too!  )
Your question may have more to do with the schedule of the day...?
I relied on pegs, as first described to me by Leonie. I could not copy anyone elses pegs, but took ideas and fit it to our interests and personalities. I also read Mother's Rule of Life and took some ideas from there.
I have a schedule printed out that I use as a guide. We do certain things on certain days such as: grocery shopping, workouts, Mass, tennis, etc. I grouped it so we have 'out' days and 'home' days.
We look at the schedule at the beginning of the week so they can see what is on tap. I let them input into when we do what things, as much as I can. Somethings they have no choice in, but I try to let them impact the things they can.
The boys know they have to do some short chores every morning. (I do, too) I also peg for us to meet mid morning or so and that is when I bring in things I want - we read aloud, or I share articles, we look at math, etc. I have an idea book and plan these things.
We also do fly lady (just started again) so I will have them come help me do a 'room rescue' or we do the 'house blessing- cleaning' together on Thursday, etc. They know they are a big part of keeping this house running.
I made a list of all the things that need to happen and put it on a schedule that can be changed if needed. When we get the bones done, then the rest of the day is free to pursue our interest and live.
Now they will even occasionally do things without my asking... not often but sometimes!
I know it is hard when projects abound. Oh for years were were knee deep in LEGOS--- and homemade trading cards.. and projects that were laid out meticulously and I could see LEARNING everywhere.. but also a mess everywhere! I just had to sit back and restrain myself from picking up everything or telling them to move this junk! Sometimes we would survey and if they were really through (which often they were, but didn't want to face the clean up) we would put somethings away. They were usually willing to be involved in the clean up so I wouldn't throw something important out. Again, I think the key is to involve the kids in the decision making and responsibility.
Right now my son's room has every open surface covered with LEGOS. That was his passion from age 6-13. I can't dust in there. It is hard for me to go in that room and not clean it. Now he is past LEGOS  , and we have agreed to slowly start packaging them up. We will spend about a hour a week. But he is involved. I hope this is making sense.
Also- we would go through really messy project times, and less messy ones. So, things change. (And then I miss the mess! - because of the good times asoociate with it)
Oh.. one more thing. When I would be present with them and involved in the project and really understood what they were up to, the mess turned into *treasure*. I saw what they were doing and how much they valued it. It was their "work".
There are more examples I could share (such as the new puppy and their level of responsibility taking care of him).. but I will stop. I guess my main point is that when respect grew, all relationships in the house bloomed and that positiveily affected the running of the house.
Hope this makes sense... or at least was on the topic of your question!
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Cindy in Texas
It Is About The Journey
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Willa
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| Posted: April 29 2005 at 8:21pm | IP Logged
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Cindy wrote:
[QUOTE=MichelleW]
The boys know they have to do some short chores every morning. (I do, too) I also peg for us to meet mid morning or so and that is when I bring in things I want - we read aloud, or I share articles, we look at math, etc. I have an idea book and plan these things.
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Cindy, when you say an "idea book" do you mean a notebook of yours where you keep track of things you want to share? Would you mind giving an example---- please?? 
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Cindy
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| Posted: April 29 2005 at 10:35pm | IP Logged
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WJFR wrote:
Cindy wrote:
[QUOTE=MichelleW]
The boys know they have to do some short chores every morning. (I do, too) I also peg for us to meet mid morning or so and that is when I bring in things I want - we read aloud, or I share articles, we look at math, etc. I have an idea book and plan these things.
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Cindy, when you say an "idea book" do you mean a notebook of yours where you keep track of things you want to share? Would you mind giving an example---- please?? |
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Yes, exactly! Mostly because my mind is a sieve and I can't remember things unless I write them down.
I use a three ring binder and have dividers in it. When I find neat books, have ideas of things I would like to share, etc, I put them in. I have it divided into subjects (old habit), but it helps me because when I think of them I often don't have the time or moment to bring them up.
Some examples of what is in the book now are:
Shakespeare- books and movies pulled off this and other lists- I want to introduce them and me to Shakespeare one day...
Snowflake bently ideas from the LA list- websites, etc.
Art- I bought a calendar of Escher and sat down one night and Googled him and wrote done some ideas- printed out some articles, etc.
etc...
Anyway, I just wanted to place to keep ideas as they came up or I researched them. I also keep a lot of things on the bulliten board in the kitchen and the guys will check it out.
Hope this helped. Do you keep resources and ideas organized somewhere, too?
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Cindy in Texas
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Leonie
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Michelle,
I think Cindy answered everything so well and so succinctly. I have always liked her notebook idea.
I guess I think of unschooling as life with preschoolers or life on holiday ( vacation). We still have paramenters to our day - mostly set around meals and meal time chores and prayers ( I have boys! )
From there, we have had meetings and sharing of resources and strewing of resources. We have planned outings and books to read and movies to watch. We take the attitude that everything counts - all our activities can and do count as learning.
Over time, it becomes obvious what is working and what is not, what things may need to be worked on or added into the mix. And this changes over time, too - so, unschooling often requires some journaling and reflection on the part of the parent(s). This takes time - but we save the time normally spent on lesson plans.
Sometimes, like now in my house, we have added in a time peg - right now, it is a stopping point at twelve noon for read aloud and teatime or for an outside nature time.
At other times, I can see that there may be a need for more writing or for more Maths - earlier this year, I got into journaling and we all bought new journals and placed them ( strewed them?) ,with writing implements and writng starters, on a coffee table. For easy access. We have been working on making a time for journaling.
I guess I have not let go of my educational goals for my dc - and I am not sure if I need to. I just need to make sure these goals don't interfere with my interactions with my dc or with what God may have planned.
What I am doing is blending my goals with the goals of the Church and stirring in any state /university requirements, with the current interests and passions and goals of my sons.
There is often an overlap between all these goals. 
Regular reflection time and meetings/discussions with dh and the dc makes our unschooling day and week, within our normal daily and weekly parameters.
Leonie in Sydney
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Willa
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Cindy wrote:
Hope this helped. Do you keep resources and ideas organized somewhere, too?
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Cindy,
I do keep an idea book though much of it has been on the computer, nowadays. I like the way it sounds like you use it as a "sourcebook" for ideas to share with your kids. My idea books are usually more like an extension of my brain where I think on paper, hmm, bet you couldn't tell I think things out by writing??? 
Just trying to get a fly on the wall view of this (hmm, there's no fly emoticon, too bad)  Do you share your ideas with your kids and ask them what they are interested in following up on? How does this meeting time look in your house?
I hope you do not mind these questions! I am intrigued by the idea of collecting ideas and then using them as a springboard for projects and topics. I could see working this into my time with my 12yo and 9yo.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Natalia
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Leonie wrote:
we have added in a time peg -
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Leonie,
I keep hearing about Leonie's pegs. What are they? Whatever they are
they seem interesting.
Thanks,
Natalia
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Cindy
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| Posted: April 30 2005 at 8:53am | IP Logged
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Natalia wrote:
Leonie wrote:
we have added in a time peg -
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Leonie,
I keep hearing about Leonie's pegs. What are they? Whatever they are
they seem interesting.
Thanks,
Natalia |
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Natalia-
Leonie's pegs have been awsome for me. Leonie.. You are just going to have to write an article about them.. or dig up an old description.. you have been asked to share them so much! They are great. Would you like to share again? Do you have it written down somewhere....?
I am off to my workout this am... I can look later to see if I have an old email of yours!
(Willa- I will be glad to try and answer your questions.. I still am working on this area.. so would love to hear what others do, too.....)
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Cindy in Texas
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Cindy
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| Posted: April 30 2005 at 1:32pm | IP Logged
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WJFR wrote:
Cindy wrote:
Hope this helped. Do you keep resources and ideas organized somewhere, too?
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Cindy,
Just trying to get a fly on the wall view of this (hmm, there's no fly emoticon, too bad) Do you share your ideas with your kids and ask them what they are interested in following up on? How does this meeting time look in your house?
I hope you do not mind these questions! I am intrigued by the idea of collecting ideas and then using them as a springboard for projects and topics. I could see working this into my time with my 12yo and 9yo. |
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Hi Willa-
My idea book is really more just for me. I read this list and others, or hear of great books and resources and I just needed some place to put them all. Maybe like you do? Sometimes I will add a lot and open it often, sometimes it sits for a while gathering dust.
My boys don't access it directly, though I would happy if they did. I use it mostly for projects I am interested in doing or things I would like them to hear and then share with them.
Our meeting time is very informal. I might read aloud or share an article- prayer time, gospel reading, etc. Sometimes I ask them to read short selections from my finds, or we work on Latin or math together. We are learning Latin together for our coop and working through LOF math together.
We catch up on what they are doing just through daily interaction. I get my 'narrations' from them mostly in the car! through conversation...
Can you share your idea book and what you find is working well? I would love more ideas.
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Cindy in Texas
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Leonie
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Cindy,
If you can find an old post about pegs, that would be great! My workout today was SO hard and I am exhausted
(don't try the Slim Series Tear It Up workout DVD. lol!).
Basically, pegs are finding natural rhythms and breaks in your day.
You start by looking at your day and seeing where you have natural breaks - perhaps for meals or when Dad comes home or when the morning cartoons are finished.
To these breaks you peg other activities that you and your family want to adopt - clean up time, cooking, laundry, read aloud, nature study, singing. You name it.
It is just easier to peg these things onto an existing event into your home and thus this makes a new routine and a new activity habitual.
You can also add pegs to your day - an afternoon teatime peg with music, for example.
Mostly, pegs don't need time slots but sometimes you can add peg to a time slot - one year, it was 5.00 pm phonics time for one son ( my only free time in my day at that stage and my son really wanted some reading time with me!).
Right now it is 12 noon drop everything and have tea and reading or outside nature.
Clear as mud? lol! I am TOO tired.
Leonie in Sydney
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cathhomeschool
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| Posted: May 04 2005 at 10:25pm | IP Logged
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Cindy wrote:
I know it is hard when projects abound. Oh for years were were knee deep in LEGOS--- and homemade trading cards.. and projects that were laid out meticulously and I could see LEARNING everywhere.. but also a mess everywhere! I just had to sit back and restrain myself from picking up everything or telling them to move this junk!
Now he is past LEGOS , and we have agreed to slowly start packaging them up. |
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Cindy, this really helped me put things in perspective! I have 4 boys who are obsessed with legos. One bedroom is usually a virtual sea of legos, with every surface (except beds at bedtime) being covered with bricks. It's a bit frustrating, but I will miss it when this phase has passed (in another 30 years ). I must savor the moment, especially since I know that they ARE learning so much, and are enjoying being children!
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Marybeth
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It was so nice to read about how you all manage your days. The peg idea is exactly what we need around here!!!
We, too, have plenty of toys and such around the house. We aren't into Legos (yet) but have trains, tracks, animals and dinosaurs all over the place. I have to remember to keep my shoes on this summer b/c I stepped on countless toys and they hurt!!
Marybeth
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Unschooling and Real Life
