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Angie Mc
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| Posted: May 01 2006 at 4:21pm | IP Logged
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My dh and 10yo ds went on a weekend retreat at the invitation of another Catholic hsing family. There were many things that they enjoyed to include the beautiful campground, spending time with other Catholic boys/men, praying in a group, playing games and just spending time together as dad and son. There were also issues that my dh wants to address and, fortunately, he has been asked by the retreat directors for his constructive criticism.
Can you help us to forumlate our ideas so that he can send a letter of feedback by the end of the week?
When we were asked to attend, my dh went to the organization's webpage and found this philosophy...
XXX is based on Catholic principles of spiritual development. Its programs are designed to instill virtue, develop character and encourage spiritual growth, while offering its participants challenging physical, intellectual and spiritual activities within an atmosphere of adventure.
Recognizing the obstacles and false ideals that youth encounter in today's culture, XXX empowers boys to face and overcome these difficulties rather than ignore and succumb to them. XXX organizes exciting adventures and challenges; through these experiences boys learn that human and spiritual development can go hand-in-hand with many of their favorite activities.
XXX, through its athletic, educational and creative programs, provides a wholesome atmosphere in which boys naturally develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, their brother and friend. This bond will awaken in each boy a desire to serve as His apostle; it will motivate him to serve Church, home, community and school. In short, the program is designed to produce mature young men who live their Catholic life authentically.
XXX accomplishes its mission through a network of year-round clubs and summer camps directed by Catholic leaders who are committed to the highest Christian ideals. In order to aid the family in guiding a young boy through the process of becoming a mature young man, XXX utilizes a pedagogy specifically designed to provide an integral human and spiritual formation. All activities promote friendship, fun and formation in a wholesome, structured and challenging environment.
In retrospect, it is pretty vague on philosophy and process. Here are our general and specific issues that my dh wants to address:
General Issue: Can a retreat, in its innate "artificial" construct, be a conduit for Real Learning and growth in faith? If so, what would this look like? In other words, is our family's Real Learning philosophy and family-centered approach to life incompatable with retreats in general.
Issue 1, Token Economy: Can a token economy be used as a conduit for Real Learning and growth in faith? If so, what would this look like?
The main mode of "teaching virtue" was based on a token economy. The boys were divided into teams and awarded team tokens. The boys also received individual tokens. At the end of the retreat, the tokens were tallied and awards were given.
Tokens were given in a very arbitrary manner, to include fathers giving their own sons tokens to boost their totals.
Issue 2, Teaching Virtue: Can virtue be taught in a retreat setting? If so, what would it look like?
Interestingly, no virtues were listed as goals in particular. It sounds like it was more about earning tokens through team projects (results ranked and judged by the coordinator, a priest, and other adults) and finding helpful things to do, like clean up after lunch or carry someone's tray for them.
Issue 3, Competition and Winning: Can competition facilitate learning and growth in faith in a retreat setting? If so, what would it look like?
I have come to see the beauty of competition, especially for certain temperaments (my ds and dh) and under certain circumstances (like baseball when the rules are clear and every day offers another opportunity to try again.) For this weekend, the competitions had unclear expectations and arbitrary judging. This was combined with the goal of winning, which of course left losers. Interestingly, the adults running this tried to say "there are no winners or losers" but some kids got prizes, while others didn't. Some kids got fancy prizes, others got little prizes. Some kids got accolades, while others didn't.
Issue 4, Meeting Boy's Needs: Can the special needs of boys be met outside of the family in a retreat setting? If so, what would it look like?
There were boys at the retreat without their fathers, but most had their fathers in attendance. Yet, the fathers were not a part of the program. They were able to give tokens and help out here and there.
Connecting Faith Dh has learned a lot as a clinical therapist and a dad/husband about what children need. Working with the most extremely needy people (juvenile delinquents, criminals, severely mentally ill) has given him a very different perspective on how to raise a mature man, one that looks less like corporate America (token economy) and more like a suffering servant and, well, Real Learning. As a relatively recent Catholic revert, he wants to connect Catholic teaching to his experience and confidently share it with others. Any words of wisdom?
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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ladybugs
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| Posted: May 01 2006 at 5:10pm | IP Logged
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This is interesting, Angie.
I think, just my little observation, that the idea of suffering servant is found wanting as the basis of spiritual formation for children - it can be a tough concept to articulate but we sure have a great model in Holy Mother Church...Jesus' washing the disciples' feet, the 5 sorrowful mysteries...the role of the Holy Father and the roles of priests and parents. The "living out" of these titles should reflect the concept of suffering servant.
Putting my children in the school co-op that they go to (for 3 days a week), was a very hard decision for me even though it was one that had to be made because of my health issues. I didn't want my children to think that their worth was contingent on performance...faith vs. works? Is that the argument that sufaces here? Really, I'm thinking out loud.
I'm interesting in hearing from those whom I believe have more wisdom than I to share....
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Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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MaryM
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| Posted: May 02 2006 at 3:56am | IP Logged
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Angie Mc wrote:
| General Issue: Can a retreat, in its innate "artificial" construct, be a conduit for Real Learning and growth in faith? |
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Lots of thought provoking questions here, Angie. I'll just address this now - I do think that a retreat can be a part of this process, but only in that it reinforces what the praticipants experience in their "real life." In and of itself a retreat I don't think can do this - like you said it's an artificial environment. The retreat experience when it is part of a bigger "program" that teaches and reinforces living a virtuous life makes so much more sense.
If they are done well (and it sounds like the activities here really didn't hit the mark in your dh's opinion) a retreat that is in addition to a solid ongoing program with fathers and sons is going to yield a stronger outcome in teaching virtues.
I think your husband's input to these retreat directors could be very valuable. It sounds more like the approach I would look for in a father/son retreat than what they experienced. Interesting topic.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: May 02 2006 at 7:10am | IP Logged
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The role of "Suffering Servant" in our families is one we all ought to embrace. Such a focus in a retreat setting could have powerful and lasting effects.
Pope John Paul II said, "To maintain a joyful family requires much from both the parents and the children. Each member of the family has to become, in a special way, the servant of the others."
If fathers and sons were exposed to living examples of true servanthood in a retreat context, and heard how they can truly connect faith, real life and servant living, there could be everlasting results! Too often our efforts to convey such spiritual concepts is sterile and contrived. Prayer, grace-filled activity, and sincere efforts to model servanthood could form a more meaningful and indelible retreat experience.
Angie, your dh Dave has an incredible opportunity to make a powerful difference in many lives through his grace-filled input. May the Holy Spirit give you both wisdom and discernment in presenting a response. Those who prepared the retreat obviously have a desire to bring grace to those they are serving. May the Lord help them go even deeper in helping fathers and sons bring servent living back to their families!
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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Sarah
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| Posted: May 02 2006 at 9:11am | IP Logged
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Angie Mc wrote:
. . . a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, their brother and friend.
Love, |
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This probably would have to be reworded. I'll get back to this later. No time now.
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Retreat Learning? Long...
