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KauaiCatholic
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| Posted: Oct 06 2009 at 4:06am | IP Logged
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you know, like "I'm bored," "I don't WANT to do this," "do we HAVE to do school today?"
does anyone have any quick and easy quips for responding to these types of negative comments or other bad attitudes? my DS has really been pushing my buttons with this lately. my responses range, depending on my state of grace at the moment, but I was wondering if any experienced moms had any advice. do you ignore it? engage it? try to redirect? (oh please, don't let me be the only one who hears this!) 
some background: this usually crops up when he's faced with the basics of our (very short) school day. I really have tried to make things as dynamic and engaging as possible. we do very little desk time, but some things just have to get done. (in fact, since I'm pregnant and also being "helped" by a rambunctious 4yo, I'm really just trying to nail down the basics and am actually worried that we're not spending ENOUGH time on school. that's another post, but it makes these sorts of comments even more frustrating to hear.)
after typing this, now I'm wondering: is it possible I've somehow spoiled him by so much of school being fun? faith, science, geography are all big hits. but getting him to concentrate on math, writing, reading are like pulling teeth. we get through them eventually, but sometimes we're both in tears and that CAN'T be a good sign of real learning.
any ideas?
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 Viviane
Grateful mama of Jonah Augustine ('01), Sophia Marie ('05) and Luke Dominic ('10)
We can do no great things; only small things with great love. -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
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TxTrish
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| Posted: Oct 06 2009 at 6:10am | IP Logged
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I have a girl this same age who has major impulse control issues. I have always said it was a good thing I homeschool her, because if she attended school they'd have her on drugs before lunch 
When I have these issues, I assign work. Unpleasant, hard physical labor(well, relative to her age). Scrubbing baseboards - doorframes or walls, scrubbing toilets, moving books (we are currently reorganzing the house for my parents to move in - I have a lot of books to be moved), picking up doggy doo doo in the back yard, scrubbing the kitchen floor and so on. She can pick, she does school work or she does unpleasant work either way it is work time. Once she discovers I am dead serious and committed to following through it usually ends pretty quickly with a sweeter and more compliant attitude toward doing school work. Rarely do we have to take the work path anymore - she'd rather do school  But, when we do one 15 minute session usually resolves the issue.
We always describe it to the kids in terms of jobs - daddy's job is at Pepsi, mom's job is teaching them and keeping our home, their job is school. We all have a job to do.
I quote 2 Thess 3:10 to them - it basically says if you don't work you don't eat.
Being a "hard worker" is just about the highest praise you can get in my family -
Then I follow up with 1 Cor 10:31 - do all for the glory of God. The point being that we all have to do our best work, for love of Christ.
That's what works here............
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Paula in MN
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| Posted: Oct 06 2009 at 6:35am | IP Logged
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KauaiCatholic wrote:
| oh please, don't let me be the only one who hears this! |
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 Definitely not the only one!
I'm like you - my response depends on my mood. Sometimes we drop everything and go for a walk outside. Other times we clean, or have a snack break. I try to let her pick what order her subjects are in, and this seems to help.
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A Catholic Harvest
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Sarah M
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| Posted: Oct 06 2009 at 10:18am | IP Logged
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I hear a lot of "I'm bored" from my oldest. I think she has a harder time engaging herself independently than the other two- and I'm inclined to think that's a first-born trait.
When she says she's bored, I say, very calmly, "You are, huh? Well, I'm sure you'll find a way to fix that." If she continues to whine about it, I offer her a chore (and I do kind of make it seem like I'm doing a favor: "Oh, I'm sorry you're still bored. The bathroom floor needs scrubbing, so maybe while you're washing it you'll think of something interesting to do next." It does usually work. ;)
Of course, if I'm not in finest form, my response may come about a bit shorter or crankier.
As for your reading/writing/math dilemma. Hmmm... would it help to offer him a week's worth of work (menu-style perhaps) and let him pick and choose what to do each day? You could still have your usual set time for doing it, but just allow him to choose which subject he wants to work on each day and for how long- as long as he gets done what you've set out for him? Not sure if that would make him feel a bit more in control of what he's having to do each day. Just a thought!
Blessings, Viviane!
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JodieLyn
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I've discovered that it helps my kids to have a calender with their work on it. So that they can see that math will only last until a certain page and then they can be done for the day. And they can cross it off when they're done.
I sat down and figured where I wanted them to be at the end of the year and then worked backwards and did 4 days a week.. that way there's an extra day they can get caught up if they're behind. It's been working GREAT since I started it. And it's been a month now I think.. so long enough that they've gotten behind and gotten caught up and it just is really working out well.
I used windows calender so that I can just print out a new one if the old gets lost.. and I use lots of different "calenders" so that I can show which I want to see or not.. so I can put in things like family birthdays and anniversaries on one, and holy days on one, and legal holidays on one, and math for each child can each be on it's own calender, grammar too. Scouts stuff for each child has it's own calender. And then when I'm working with it.. I can check which things I want to see or print. I can look at several children at the same time.. or plan chores (like dinner dishes) so that the kids aren't scheduled to do those on the evenings they're out of the house.
Can you tell I'm having a lot of fun with this? 
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ekbell
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| Posted: Oct 06 2009 at 7:13pm | IP Logged
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I'll trade the boy who fights (as long as he gets his work done within a couple of hours) for my eight year old girl who can patiently sit for five or six hours NOT doing her work
I've found that time limits and timers work best for writing and math. I think it's because there is an end point literally in sight if the child buckles down and *works* for the set time. For reading I trade she reads/I read to her.
With my oldest dd (now 11) I've found it well worth having a choice of two curricula for writing, math and reading . I have our regular books but I also have some additional non-consumable books or printable ebooks which I could use for the same purpose. That way I can give her a choice if she's continues to be unhappy for more then a week. It turns out that when given a choice, she'll stick to the familar math, grammar and spelling but she really likes to make periodic changes to her reading material. She also likes checklists.
BTW for various reasons related to moving and homesickness, we barely got 1/3 of a regular school year done with my oldest when she was eight. We've regained the lost ground since then  If your child is given the tools to learn with and learned what it is to be a child of God then you've given them the essentials, everything else is gravy.
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hmbress
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| Posted: Oct 07 2009 at 2:56am | IP Logged
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My ds6 does the same. I think it probably is a firstborn issue, so I'm also focusing on nipping this in the bud now so it doesn't rub off on his younger brother. Part of the firstborn issue stems from me having expected too much last year when we began Rightstart B. Even when only trying to get through half a lesson, in hindsight, was too much too expect. I made the mistake of thinking that he could handle 30+ minutes because he's academically advanced, but developmentally he's a normal, very antsy little boy.
Here's what's working for us this year:
First, as others said, is time limits. I'm keeping it to about 15 minutes. If he has a worksheet to complete I don't necessarily ask him to do the whole thing in one sitting.
Then, if he does complain, slump over sighing, whine, or show ANY kind of resistance, I take away minutes of his later screen time, one minute per infraction. In the beginning, he'd lose 3-4 minutes before realizing I was serious, now it only takes one. Sometimes I set a timer for 15 minutes and tell him if he finishes before it beeps (and it's done neatly and well) he can add the extra minutes to his screentime. That works wonders! For me, at this age especially, it's less about learning math and more about learning to be disciplined, and even MORE about learning that negative thinking costs. I talk a bit about how even for me as a grownup, if I look at a sink full of dirty dishes with a complaining/I don't wanna attitude, it's miserable and takes longer because I procrastinate. But if I tell myself "this won't take long at all!" and just do it, it only takes a few minutes and I feel really good about myself. A good lesson for every area of life, one that I wish I'd learning at his age - it would have saved me a ton of grief
For copywork I've also backed off on what I expect - only 5 minutes. (We've gone back to individual letter practice, not because his handwriting was particularly awful, but because I'm seeing the value of the CM habit of perfect execution.) So I tell him he only gets to work for 5 minutes , and if he can do 5 perfect letters before the timer beeps he can also add those minutes to his screentime. It's motivation for him to focus and encourages positive thinking.
I like the idea of assigning extra chores! I'll have to keep that one in my hip pocket for when the screentime consequence is no longer effective.
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KauaiCatholic
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| Posted: Oct 12 2009 at 4:06am | IP Logged
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thank you all so much for these wonderful suggestions! I already tried implementing some (to great success I might add) and am filing away others in my mama bag o'tricks for future reference.
most comforting of all, during a very trying week, was this:
ekbell wrote:
| If your child is given the tools to learn with and learned what it is to be a child of God then you've given them the essentials, everything else is gravy. |
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oh, I hope and pray that's true ...
anyway, I wanted to say thank you, everyone, for the excellent advice as well as the awareness that I'm not alone in this particular battle. blessings on your Monday and new week!
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Viviane
Grateful mama of Jonah Augustine ('01), Sophia Marie ('05) and Luke Dominic ('10)
We can do no great things; only small things with great love. -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: how do YOU respond to complaints?
