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Anne McD
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| Posted: March 11 2009 at 3:27pm | IP Logged
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Hi Ladies,
First of all, I should start off by saying that I have never been diagnosed with ADD, but from all I've learned about it, I wouldn't be surprised if I do have it. If I don't then I certainly carry many tendencies! 
I was wondering if anyone here had ADD and has found ways to get and stay on track with homeschooling. Its tough enough as mothers to keep our focus on something like sitting down to do schoolwork with the kids when there are so many things comepeting for our attention, but I feel like no matter the schedules, routines or curriculms I come up with, I just can't stay on top of schooling. Also, whenever I sit to do planning, it turns out to be much more laborious than I had anticipated, and just can't "get my head" around what I'm doing. Every time I make a schedule, its shot, and I don't seem to have the willpower to follow the prescribed routine.
I sometiems feel like things would be better if I had someone shadowing me to say, "Okay, Anne, now go do this, now clean up and get ready for lunch, now do this..." and so on.
Maybe I just need an assistant.... 
Does this make any sense? Is anyone else struggling with this? It seems more than just "there's too much to do in one day," its more like, "there's so much to do and I don't know where to start so I'm going to go do something else instead."
Clear as mud?
__________________
Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 11 2009 at 3:44pm | IP Logged
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I also have many of the traits of ADD.. I also have many work arounds, compensations, adaptations that I've learned that help many of them seem to "disappear". If I was as I was as a child in schools now.. I would have high odds of a label. 
I find it can help greatly to personify something.. for example..
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| Are you going to let this thing, this so called ADD, take away something that you want??? Are you going to let it influence your children, teach them bad habits? Control your life? |
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OK so you can't just make it go away by thinking that but it gives me that feeling that I can fight it and win.. I just have to use different strategies than others might.
I naturally resist doing that which I should do  .. and it can be even worse when I make a schedule.. because I'll do something else *only* so that I'm not following the schedule
But I'm slowly getting better.
I find I do well with things on the wall. (prayers to memorize, list of words one daughter is working on etc)
A list, not tied to times except where really needed.. like meals or outside appointments. And less specific, not more.. I don't have blocks of time labeled "math" or "reading" I just have blocks of "school".. it gives me that flexibility that I crave but still holds me accountable to doing something for school.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Maryan
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| Posted: March 11 2009 at 4:01pm | IP Logged
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I am totally scatterbrained!!
I put stuff on the wall and on the refrigerator too, so my children remind me.
Our new cleaning routine, our prayer and poetry memorization, our calendar, our plans for each subject -- on the wall. My oldest will never let me forget our plans. 
__________________
Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 11 2009 at 4:15pm | IP Logged
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You have one of those too Maryan?
I'm considering making my oldest my secretary.. she remembers names and faces and lists and...
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Maryan
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| Posted: March 11 2009 at 8:39pm | IP Logged
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I have to admit that I *prayed* for an oldest like that.
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: March 12 2009 at 6:42am | IP Logged
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Well,one of the things that I did to try to keep myself more focused is "give up" my time here at 4real. So what have I been doing? Lurking! Anyway, I can totally relate Anne. One thing I did that has helped with the planning element is make myself a checklist. It starts with "gather materials" and under that I list all the things I need to gather in order to do my planning. The list includes: my planner, my wall calendar, my liturgical year notebook, the syllabi I'm using for my 5th grader, my lesson plan book, etc. Then my list goes through, step by step, what I have to do to plan. This probably sounds ridiculous, but if I don't follow the list, I go off on some tangent and never finish planning for the week. Monday morning comes and I have no idea what I am doing! It took me a while one Saturday to sit down, figure out the process and write it in checklist style. I guess I'm a scatter brained ducks in a row type person
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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10 Bright Stars
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| Posted: March 12 2009 at 7:35am | IP Logged
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I can totally relate to this thread! I feel very scattered most of the time and have also day-dreamed about having someone come and direct me too!!!! I also do not follow my schedules. I was making a "new" schedule recently only to find a huge stack of "schedules" that I had stuffed in a plastic tote!!!! So, that was a little discouraging and I wondered if I made up schedules all the time to try to feel a sense of control only to not use them. Something in life always seems more pressing to me than what is written on paper.
I think what Becky said is so true too. Maybe some people would think having to have a detailed list of how to go about breaking down a simple task would be overkill, but that is a great idea! I often feel paralyzed by lesson planning and having to FIND a pencil and the lesson planner, and then FIND my kids school books. I am completely worn out before I even begin planning from searching for things, or thinking about where to start. I also have trouble defining a "home" for things in my house. I have been trying to work on that lately so I will know where things are. Yes, I know that is a no-brainer for organized types, but for me, it is really hard to remember where I made a home for this or that! Sometimes if I find a hair-tie under a couch cushion, I will just leave it since I will remember it being in the wrong place, whereas if I put it someplace more appropriate, I will never find it again!! So funny!!
One thing that I have noticed too, although I haven't been diagnosed with ADD, but I sure do seem to have the symptoms, is that I am very affected by stimulation in my environment. Even a bombardment of colors from my husbands side of the basement as I walk down to the basement school room "bugs" me. That can of WD-40 on the shelf, that RED plastic container. It screams for my attention since there are many fun and exciting things over there, and I just have to not look. I told him about this and asked if he could put all of his stuff in cabinets and he looked at me as if I were a bit whacked! (Since he doesn't have ADD!!! ) So, I am currently trying to order my environment slowly. I am getting rid of a lot of stuff that I have to deal with each day. I am repainting my house here and there with more soothing colors and not as many colors. (When I first moved in I painted each room a different color, and my kitchen is red. I am re-painting it a soothing blue and the rest of the rooms a pretty beige.) This stuff matters! Having different colored towels for all the bathrooms, since we just use what people have given us over the years for gifts mainly, bothers me. I would prefer that they were all white or something, or all blue. Does anyone else have this problem who thinks they may have ADD too?
I think the wall idea as far as posting things is so fascinating because we all seemed to have mentioned that! Yesterday, I was telling the boys how we might go back with Seton for High School. Anyway, I was telling them that the main problem I think I had with them is my lack of organizational skills, and somehow always forgetting several of the assignments that always seemed to have been missed somehow on the quarter report, OR missing work due to lack of order! So, I was going to post a big bulletin board with each child's quarter report forms on there so they could check off that work as they did it AND place the completed work ON THE WALL in some sort of plastic file. It really does have to be RIGHT THERE and visible I think. If it is tucked away in some folder in a filing cabinet, I would totally forget about it.
And, yes, God in his mercy sent me a VERY highly functioning oldest child who keeps me in line. "MOM, aren't we supposed to be doing this now. MOOOOOM it's time for lunch. Mom and Dad it's time to get up for Mass. It is often annoying, but a blessing too.
I think I probably would have been diagnosed with ADD as a child too since I can recall being overstimulated by smells, sounds etc. If a copying machine was going and the teacher was talking, all I focused on was the copying machine. Or those beautiful daffodils on the teachers desk right in front of me; I would smell them all during English class and feel nauseus by the end of class!!!! Sounds ridiculous now in telling it, but that was me back then!!! (around 4th grade)
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Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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Anne McD
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| Posted: March 12 2009 at 11:13am | IP Logged
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Eight Wonders wrote:
One thing that I have noticed too, although I haven't been diagnosed with ADD, but I sure do seem to have the symptoms, is that I am very affected by stimulation in my environment. Does anyone else have this problem who thinks they may have ADD too?
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YES YES YES!!!
My husband was out of work over the summer for three months and I drove him crazy because I would mutter to myself as I walked around the house, "this place is a mess! Its driving me crazy, its such a mess!!"
Visual clutter drives me bonkers! I can't focus on the task at hand when there is a mess to pick up, and its mostly paper mess that has to be dealt with. Unfortunatley, I don't know what to do with most of the paper in this house (and I hear the mailman dropping more paper into my mailbox as I'm typing this!!)
I'm convinced that if I were in school now, I'd be labled ADD. Its very frustrating to not have the ability to really focus on the task at hand and finish it, not just because little people are competing for your attention, but because you just "CAN'T". I think some of you might understand that feeling?
I have posted things like schedules on the wall (which I find I've made over and over, every time I need to get control of things, and its always almost identical!), but it almost becomes background noise, and I don't notice it anymore.
I've been trying to work backward to figure out why things aren't getting done. For instance, if I had planned things out the night before, and had the kitchen cleaned up the night before, then things would have a starting point first thing in the morning. Okay, why isn't that done? Because I'm exausted after putting the kids to bed and its so late. Why is it so late? Because dinner was late. Why is dinner late (constantly???) because 1. my hideous time management skills (or lack thereof!) and for the life of me, with or without a meal plan, I just can't get myself motivated to do it.
Maybe my question is, how do you get past the mental block that is holding you back?
I've been working on the time management problem, in terms of estimating how long I think something will take, and then recording how long it actually takes, so that I can correctly look at a block of time and say, "I need to do these things, they'll take this long each, so I need this much time to accomplish this so I'll start at this time." Unfortunatley, I just fall into my old habits constantly (again, someone walking around behind me reminding me to do these things would be fabo!). I think I'm really frustrated that some people just seem to do this automatically, but I have to make the effort each and every time I want to do something. Honestly, I can't blame the kids for our being late to Mass every week. I've asked dh to help me by gently reminding me of the time and where I should be in my "getting readiness", but I think he doesn't want end up harping on me over time.
Darn its tough not being perfect!
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Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
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10 Bright Stars
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| Posted: March 12 2009 at 3:52pm | IP Logged
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Anne,
I say the SAME thing ALL the time under my breath or loudly too! "This place is a mess...This place is a mess.." All the time!
Ditto dinner always being late..Ditto the kitchen never getting cleaned well enough at night since I am too tired to check the kids dishes job or finish up what they left, or there is other work to catch up on like laundry and that WEE bit of time with husband is necc. and precious. So, I wake up in the morning, almost wanting to kick myself, since I am behind already instead of, like you said, having a starting point.
So interesting how we see to all have a common thread of problems. I wonder if we could literally try to work through this and break it down. I have joined in on other great threads on housekeeping and organization, but they are usually great ideas from people who may not have our "undiagnosed ADD". Maybe we should approach it differently or will HAVE to approach it differently since we all keep trying the same things to no avail
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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anitamarie
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| Posted: March 12 2009 at 3:59pm | IP Logged
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This may or may not help with the immediate situation, but here goes. I'm reading a book called Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv. He cites a lot of research that people with ADD can be helped by spending as little as 20 minutes in a natural space, i.e. walking through a park. It seems to soothe the brain and helps children and adults with ADD function better. Not going to deal with the immediate disporganization, but something to think about. Just thought I'd mention it. I think there's a spectrum of attention, and we're all in different spots on that spectrum. It takes all kinds, right?
Anita
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Anne McD
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| Posted: March 12 2009 at 4:22pm | IP Logged
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That makes a lot of sense, Anita! I find that when I get out of the house and in the great outdoors, I relax so much, and come back to my home with a renewed sense and my mind is more at ease. All of a sudden, I can tackle whatever was practically making me break out in hives. Seriously, I could look at my cluttered house all day and want to jump out of my skin, but if I get a walk around the block, I can make a plan and jump in and get the place picked up. Unfortunatley, a ten minute walk around the block requires a 20 minute effort to get the kids outside with me, then the debate over bikes or no, which direction we're going in, why aren't we going to look at the pond, because they REALLY want to go to the pond and halfway through someone trips and falls and needs to be carried while I pushing the stroller and the other has decided they're exausted and are going to complain the whole time.
Whew. I'm exausted just thinking of it!
So, I don't bother! Then, I go nuts and find myself sitting on my back porch with tears streaming down my face (stupid pregnancy hormones!), absolutley praying that the neigbors don't notice that I'm losing it, as I try to eat a bowl of strawberries by myself while the kiddoes sit in the kitchen and stare at me.
Okay, yesterday was tough.
Kim, I'm sorry you're struggling through this, too, but misery does love company, right? I think we DO need to work differently, because I don't want my kids to suffer because of this! I have a nephew who has been diagnosed ADHD, and it pains me to see what the meds do to him. I don't want to go that route, but at the same time, I feel like my hands are tied.
Now, if you'll excuse me, my 19mo son has eaten yet another marker and so he looks like he's wearing classic red lipstick. You know, because we have too many and I can't keep them out of his reach.....
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Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 12 2009 at 4:24pm | IP Logged
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Eight Wonders wrote:
| the kitchen never getting cleaned well enough at night |
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Who made that rule?
I actually asked myself that once and then looked at what I was dealing with.. dh gone often, all small children.. and decided I was beating myself up over a situation that really was not going to change..
so I looked at the reasons.. hmm kitchen clean at least once a day
keeping pests down
space to work in
and determined that after lunch would work better for me.. I could get littles to nap or rest or watch a movie, I hadn't hit my late afternoon slump yet.. we didn't have a problem.. and I would have a clean kitchen for making dinner..
you know what? it worked.. at least for a time.. things are all cattywhampus here again and I'm training children and DST always messes me up because it doesn't feel late enough for dinner at dinner time and that messes things up..
But it's just an example of a "conventional wisdom" that may not work and it's ok to not use it. 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: When mom has ADD
