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saigemom
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| Posted: Feb 23 2009 at 7:13pm | IP Logged
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We are having some issues with our ods. He is 9. His favorite thing to do is read the encyclopedias off our shelf and write or tell us about them. He is several grades ahead in math and he can read extremely quickly and retain the information. -These are his choices, not us pushing.
He is also acting out right now. I don't know if he needs to be challenged or if it is just an age thing. Part of why I started homeschooling was to be able to let him progress at his pace, but still keep him around kids his own age. I am just not sure what to do now.
Part of the problem seems to be that he doesn't fit in with kids his age. They want to play football and he wants to discuss the latest book by Dr. Robert Ballard that he read. Sometimes he wants to play those things, but the other kids don't really want to play with him. He is athletic and plays sports, but not ball sports.
Then when he is around these kids he tries to play the clown or he takes their behavior and magnifies it by 10 to try and fit in with them. He just ends up annoying when he does this, but they don't accept him for who he is and at this point I think he has decided negative peer attn. is better than no attn. Unfortunately, this behavior then comes home.
I don't know what to do.
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sewcrazy
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| Posted: Feb 24 2009 at 9:58pm | IP Logged
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My "gifted" son is now almost 16. We went through a similar stage. One thing we did was make sure he got a lot of physical activity. His choice was to read, so he needed prodding to get moving, but once he was up and being active, he would enjoy himself.
Also, scouts, has been a great "social" outlet for him. We are with a Catholic scout troop, and he is now the Senior Patrol Leader for the troop. A good troop will help him learn to work in a group of boys. I found that boys truly active in scouts, are usually "good" kids. Yes, there have been issues, but nothing that couldn't be worked out.
Encourage depth in studying. I would expect him to really dig into topics. We did a fair amount of hands on learning. That wasn't his nature, he just wanted to read, but when I involved him in projects he would usually get really into them and wonderful things would emerge.
Good luck!
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LeeAnn
Wife of David, mom to Ben, Dennis, Alex, Laura, Philip and our little souls in heaven we have yet to meet
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hereinantwerp
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| Posted: March 05 2009 at 12:00pm | IP Logged
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My ps teacher mom tells me they call it the "neurotic nines"-------Nine for my first (and gifted) child was a simply horrible year. Now my 2nd (and normally easy/sweet) son is nine and, it gets a bit tense with him, too! Waldorf calls it "the nine year change".
Socially is a big issue with gifted kids. They are so adept with their brain, but sometimes clueless with other people. I started to think of social awareness as a "school subject", and realized that while I didn't have to teach him much adademically (he did that himself!), he DID need help with social basics! Things like, "You need to look up at people when they are talking to you, and respond" or "here is how you introduce yourself to someone." You might need to TEACH him empathy--how other people feel when he says things, how to react if someone nearby gets hurt, etc. THese things just really might not occur to him. We expect these things to come naturally, but sometimes they do not. For some reason thinking of this as a school subject helped take the pressure off and helped me have more realistic expectations, vs. just feeling frustrated with him--and we saw some progress!!
Actually this son is in ps now. It is good in that it has forced him to see in some ways how he affects others, and also to need to work in groups. I'm not recommending ps here, but I do think that for some kids it is really important to find situations where they HAVE to do this! No matter how he acts fitting in socially IS very important to your son, he would probably appreciate some understanding and help! Speaking from hard-learned experience here, it is also important that he knows that YOU love him and enjoy him, that you think he is fun and cool to be around, that he can relax and not feel pressure at home. Oh, so many regrets for me here---but we're on pretty good footing these days :)--mostly because I have relaxed a lot!! Joking around with him also helps, to diffuse a situation and just make it all not so serious. (He tends to be serious and intense on his own. So do I, actually. Other people don't always get that and it's good to lighten up!!) He needs to see you as his ally--and someone he can talk to!
Scouts was a terrific outlet for my son as well. He loves the "ranks" aspect, and is now working on his eagle scout rank. Sports has also become an outlet but you know what he likes is---the statistics! He is on his computer making charts and calculating probabilities for all the NCAA teams, he will do this for HOURS. I think it is good to work really, really hard to find some areas where your kid can connect. A library in a nearby town has a lot of programs for teens--book groups, etc. The kids who attend look a bit nerdy but they all seem to have a good time, maybe they've found their spot :). 4-h is another thing where kids have a lot of freedom in choosing areas of interest, but do group things as well.
But don't forget the neurotic nine factor, either 
My son loved Robert Ballard books, too!
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Angela Nelson
Mother to Simon (13), Calvin (9), and Lyddie Rose (3)
my blog: live and learn
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Birdie
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| Posted: March 05 2009 at 9:52pm | IP Logged
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My son is a bookworm, in fact that is our nickname for him. He is 11. His vocabulary is larger than most children his age and he seems more mature. Scouts has been a huge blessing with this, the boys in his troop are from age 10 to 18. Two of his good friends are 14 and 16 though he does have another best friend who is 12. Maybe you could find opportunities for your son to find more mature friends.
I would also do some role playing on how to fit in. I would talk about how not everyone is as well read as he and how there is such a thing as small talk and how to make small talk by asking and talking about what the group is talking about. Talk about how to act in a group and how to make friends. I would call him on any behavior at home that you find annoying.
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Sarah
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| Posted: March 06 2009 at 7:32am | IP Logged
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My gifted son has a similar problem, but its not acting out, its correcting his peers. He's right in the facts and things he corrects them on but it is intimIdating for the friends.
The best thing ever for him has occurred this year. It is another homeschooling friend who is equally as smart but very laid back and quiet, but not shy. They compliment each other well and can spend hours at intense board games and such.
Also, as ds has gotten older he has wanted more friends. He and I have discussed ways to be a good friend and his correcting habit. It has improved.
9 yos are silly, goofy anyway. I wouldn't panic. Role play correct social behavior. Some settings may bring out the worst. Try to find a quiet child that will be patient with him and remain his friend through the goofiness and perhaps he'll learn he doesn't have to try so hard.
Also, soccer and baseball were a godsend for my son. He had to conform to working as a teammate and the time was busy and structured. Feeling part of a team was a good thing, even though we haven't pursued friendships beyond the games.
Baseball is fun for gifted kids who get into stats, not that regular kids cannot. But baseball is a pretty brainy game.my son loves it!
Altar boy training also helped with friends and behavior control. But the boys at our church all homeschool.
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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Betsy
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| Posted: March 06 2009 at 7:47am | IP Logged
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I second the idea of what I call STRUCTURED SOCIAL. Whether it is sports, groups lessons, chess club, etc. they can be prepared for what to expect and then work on refining social skills. In group settings with no structure there is too much brain work that needs to be put into what to play/do before anything else can be focused on.
I also think that with STRUCTURED SOCIAL time you can use the leader and positive peer pressure to you advantage. Having someone else besides Mom & Dad correct can sometimes make more of an impact--if it's done in a kind and generous way.
Betsy
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: What did you do with your gifted child?
