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Angel
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| Posted: Aug 13 2007 at 9:42am | IP Logged
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A quick question: What would you do if your 4 yo decided that he didn't want you to read aloud to *anyone* during the day, particularly his older brother and sister, and only wanted you to read stories to him and his baby brothers at bedtime? And what if your 4 yo did everything he could possibly do to make you all *stop* reading during the day?
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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Mary G
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| Posted: Aug 13 2007 at 10:16am | IP Logged
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Angela -- are you living in my house???? 
Wish I had some advice -- just know that I'm in a similar situation with a VERY strong-willed 4 yo who needs to come out of the "dark side"!
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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MommyD
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| Posted: Aug 13 2007 at 10:36am | IP Logged
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Everyone talks about "terrible 2's" but nobody told me about the even bigger challenge--4 year old stubbornness!!
What would *I* do? Give 4 year old something to do in another room while you read with the others and realize "this too shall pass".
Melissa
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ShawnaB
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| Posted: Aug 13 2007 at 11:25am | IP Logged
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Hi Angela,
I struggle with this too. However, lately I have started to accept the reality that reading aloud is really foundational to my homeschool curriculum, and therefore is really not optional. Just as I could not allow my children to prevent me from preparing meals or washing clothing, I cannot allow them to prevent reading time.
That said, during certain seasons of life, the meal prep becomes quite simplified as well as the house chores! I think there is certainly room to compromise when reading aloud higher level books for the older children. Like I try to keep these times under 15 minutes (although longer if the younger ones are settled and playing contently). I have aloud my 4 year old to listen to a story CD or play a computer game or Leap pad with headphones while I read a very "meaty" read aloud to my older ds. I have also allowed the 2 year olds to watch 15-30 minute video if they are really off-the-wall.
However,I think a 4 year old should probably be given some limited choices during read aloud times...like a few quiet activities OR they may choose to listen quietly, but they may not interrupt. And if they do, you probably need to negotiate a consequence ahead of time and be prepared to follow through.
A reward for good behavior after read aloud time can be helpful too.
I'm trying to communicate to my 4 year old (as well as my 2 year olds...with limited success!) that reading time is simply not optional. It is the heart of our school day, and while I hope it to be enjoyable for all, likely not all books read, at all levels, will be enjoyable to all children everytime. Nevertheless,a certain level behavior and respect is required.
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Shawna, wife of Jacob, mom to Abraham 8 Amelia 5 and Jillian & Jonathan age 3 years http://www.psalm121family.com
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CKwasniewski
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| Posted: Aug 13 2007 at 11:26am | IP Logged
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Okay ladies, I have to take back my disciplinary post of before. If it is an attention issue, this is good advice.
ck
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cathhomeschool
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| Posted: Aug 13 2007 at 5:18pm | IP Logged
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Sounds like your 4yo may want the attention that the older kids get during read aloud time? What types of books are you reading aloud to the older ones? Are they books that would/could capture 4yo's attention? Could 4yo be given an "important job" to do during your read aloud time? (Perhaps something involving "working with" the twins?) How many books on tape are available at your library?? Playing those during "read aloud" time might be a way around the problem. Can you agree to have one-on-one time with 4yo at some point during the day if he agrees to cooperate during read aloud time? (Maybe you already do this.) I *would* suggest explaining to the 4yo that if you don't get to read aloud to the older ones, then you're not reading aloud to him and twins either, but I doubt that would help. At least it wouldn't help with the 4yos I've had here! (unless the older read aloud time came right before or right after the younger-set read aloud time).
Hmmm... This, too, shall pass. And our "4s" were much more terrible than our "2s." The 2s were easy...
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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missionfamily
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| Posted: Aug 13 2007 at 6:14pm | IP Logged
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I have a four year old who responds just the way you are describing a lot of the time--to read-alouds, singing songs, laughter. He has been getting better for a few weeks now, and I have learned to prevent it a bit by giving him something kinesthetic to do while we read--lacing cards, warming up the beeswax and then kneading it, or entrusting him a special playset (like one from our Good Shepherd atrium)during reading time. MOstly I've come to realize I have to not reward him by stopping and giving him the attention, because that is exactly what he wants. If he begins to be really distracting, dangerous, or mean (all of which he can be), I pick him up, bring hiim to my room, and plop him on the bed with a basket full of board books without saying a word, then return to his brothers and our reading. Usually he either gets interested in them and looks for a while, brings me one to read (to which I say, if you are patient while I read to your brother), or settles into the fact that this is reading time no matter what and joins us. If he does choose to have a fit, it's in another room and we can sort of ignore him until we can pause and deal with the situation. Hope some of this helps. I must admit, sometimes he frazzles us all so much, we just put it down and come back to it when he's asleep!
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Colleen
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mom to Quinn,Gabriel, Brendan,Evan, Kolbe, and sweet St. Bryce
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Angel
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| Posted: Aug 15 2007 at 7:02pm | IP Logged
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Thanks to everyone -- it helps to know I'm not the only one! My 4 yo's behavior has just been somewhat confusing to me because my older two would listen to me read the phone book if I got it out and started reading it.
I do try to incorporate my 4 yo into the same read-aloud time I have for my 8 and 10 by adding in at least one picture book that I think he will be interested in. I know that part of this is an attentional issue as well, because he *is* the middle child... and generally he is pretty happy and easygoing. I have been trying to give him more activities of his own to do, spend more time with him, etc. It wasn't working very well -- which is why I posted my question out of desperation -- but the past few days have been better. Turns out he may not have been ready to stop reading our ocean books. I've read _An Octopus is Amazing_ 6 or 7 times now in the past 2 days.
I think maybe I've just got to focus a little harder on determining his interests. When his older brother and sister were 4 we spent all our read aloud time just reading books that *they* picked out. I think maybe I've gotten away from that approach a bit as I try to do somewhat more formalized work with them now that they're older -- which has been fine for them, but possibly *not* for the 4 yo. (In contrast to our morning read alouds, he picks out his bedtime stories all by himself.)
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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monica
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| Posted: Aug 16 2007 at 6:37am | IP Logged
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good to hear im not the only one with a strong willed 4yo. just remember, that strength is a gift if it is harnessed and channeled in the right direction. maybe you have just discovered a budding marine biologist!
a little off topic, but im interested to talk with other moms of 4 year olds- what videos/ shows do you allow them to watch?
we have found a short 30 min show a few times a week is a great behavior motivator for my 4yo son. but there is no end to twaddle out there for little kids. but i figured you all, if anyone would know great, educational, not seizure-inducing shows.
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doris
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| Posted: Aug 16 2007 at 6:04pm | IP Logged
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I'm rushing off the computer so haven't read all the replies, but my 3.5 yo is just like this. At least at bedtime, I read her a picture book first. Then she goes off to her bed (not as a punishment!) while the older two have their fix of Wheel on the School or whatever. Then she comes back for prayers etc.
The rest of the time, it helps if her mouth's full of food (ie during a meal time) or hands busy while we read. I might also try a tape of nursery rhymes or whatever at the other end of the room. Or read while they're in the bath!
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Home educating in London, UK with dd (2000) ds (2002), dd (2004), ds (2008) and dd (2011).
Frabjous Days
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Problems with a 4 yo
