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stacykay
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| Posted: Nov 02 2006 at 3:27pm | IP Logged
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Dh was a devout and practicing Catholic when we met, (and he still is  ,.) I began attending Mass with him and his fellow Catholic buddies (this was in college.) I loved going to Mass, and started taking RCIA and became Catholic.
My boys know I would prefer them to date/marry a Catholic, for all the reasons stated above, but I am so glad that my dh gave me a chance!
When I pray for their future spouses (if that is where God wants them,) I pray simply that they will marry the girls that God wants them to. I do not want the responsibility of choosing for them, so I will try to withhold too much opinion when that time comes! My mil and fil were packing to go away the night before dh and I were married, because I was not a cradle Catholic. Dh had to beg them to come. It turned out that my fil and I were closer than he was to his boys, and my mil loves me a lot! It took a long time, but it is worth it! I have formed lots of opinions, now, of the type of mil I want to be. Eeeks! Someday I will be a mil!  
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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Rachel May
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Bill is Baptist.
We're sidestepping the spouse issue by encouraging them all to be priests or nuns.
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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Wendi DeGrandpr
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I was baptized in a Congregational church - my father is a cradle Catholic who had gone Native American in the past 20 years. My mother was Protestant and had a strong dislike of all things Catholic .... yes, I ask myself how they ended up together too. Anyhow, religion was not anything which was practiced in our home.
DH is a cradle Catholic - away from the church during his college years until about 28 - and was never confirmed until 3 years ago. I converted before we married and while I didn't really understand too much about being Catholic I knew that our children should be raised in a home of one faith based on my experience growing up. Dh and I have grown and learned as we go.
I would encourage my children to marry someone of the same faith and I do pray for their future spouses, however there is always God's Will and the choices my children will make - I know my choices have not always been what God would have wanted. 
Gotta run - the littles need me. ...
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God Bless,
Wendi
Mom to four blessings
"We can do no great things - only small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa
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Karen E.
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My husband was a "fallen-away Lutheran" when I met him, and I was an atheist. We were married by a judge.
Several years later, I was baptized, then five years after that, came into the Catholic Church. It was another five years before my husband came into the Church.
The 10 years that I was a practicing Christian and Tom was not were painful in many ways. And yet, God's grace was at work.
Soooo ... we encourage our girls to look at the beauty and unity inherent in marrying within the faith. I pray every night for "holy spouses for my children" (something I got from a friend -- it encompasses both the men they may be called to marry, and the Church, if they are called to religious life.)
My prayer for them is to marry the perfect Catholic man ... Or, to be perfect nuns ... 
But, knowing that God can work through imperfect circumstances, we will support them if it so happens that they fall in love with someone outside the faith. I've seen many wonderful conversions come from such relationships (of course, so does heartache, as others have mentioned.) But, we would encourage them to pray mightily about it, to look at all sides of the issues, to talk to their pastors, to enter into it with open eyes. After that, it's in God's hands.
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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Rachel May
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Kathryn UK wrote:
| We would both encourage our children to marry someone of their own faith, as we know this is the ideal. We know from experience that there are ways in which a mixed marriage is painful. We also know from experience that it can work. If our children wanted to marry non-Catholics we would not have a problem with it, so long as they had prayed about it and talked through the issues. |
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This is our true perspective although we would explicitly encourage them to choose Christian spouses.
Bill's committment to his faith and his ability to bow to the authority of the Catholic Church make our marriage work well. I can imagine that I could have picked a Catholic spouse who was less in one of these areas, and I would have suffered more.
One thing I often say is that I did not set out to marry a black man, but this is the color Bill comes in. I would say the same of his denomination. I think helping our children see where they can bend, what will be long term compatible and what won't, and allowing for grace are as important as having a specific denominational preference.
Interesting question, Nina.
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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Nina Murphy
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I have been inspired by these responses to trust more and fear less. Thank you, everyone.
I am inspired by your love, and your seeing God's Will in your specific marriages-- in all of their varying complexions and make-ups.
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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Natalia
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My dh is a cradle Catholic the same as I. We both were involved in Charismatic prayer groups and have similar stories. We met at daily mass in our university parish.
I would like my kids to marry Catholics. I can't imagine it other wise. I would encourage dating Catholics. I hope that their circle of friends would be made of Catholics that are serious about their faith. The more the hang out with people their own faith and values the more likely it would be they will fall in love with a Catholic. At least it worked for me
Natalia
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Dawn
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My husband is a cradle Catholic as am I. We had very similar upbringings - public grammar school, then Catholic high school and college (where we met).
My parents never said to me they wanted me to marry a Catholic, but I think my husband's parents wanted that for him.
I would love (and will pray) for my boys to marry nice Catholic girls. But whatever is God's will will be.
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Dawn, mum to 3 boys 
By Sun and Candlelight
The Nature Corner
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St. Ann
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Dh is also Roman Catholic. He was raised in a very catholic area of Germany.
Dh and I have not yet discussed this point yet, but I know that our faith is the foundation of our marraige. It is what brought us together and what keeps us centered on the important things. I pray that our daughters also marry men with a deep catholic faith. I can't demand it of them. But maybe in their teens, we can begin to talk about priorities and character traits...
mmmmmmmhhhhh good question.
Stephanie
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Willa
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Rachel May wrote:
Bill's committment to his faith and his ability to bow to the authority of the Catholic Church make our marriage work well. I can imagine that I could have picked a Catholic spouse who was less in one of these areas, and I would have suffered more. |
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I think this is a very good point.
My husband and I worked out in general terms, before we married, how we would approach our childrens' faith life. It was very important to me when we married to raise our children as Christians, even though I was a rather immature Christian myself. I was willing to bring them up as Catholics even though not one myself at the time.
The priest that talked to us told my husband that it was particularly his responsibility to ensure our children were educated as Catholics. So we had a "plan" and an approach set.
I think it could be that the most difficult mixed-faith marriages are the one where the parents aren't working somewhat together on the faith life, or growing together at least, or are actually opposed. If the two spouses can't come to some sort of functioning solution on this issue, formation of the children, which is so important to a serious marriage. You could have this difficulty or a similar one if one spouse was a nominal Catholic and the other a devout one. So it's not JUST the inter-faith aspect. I guess that points out that my broadest concern when my children are considering marriage is that they consider seriously and thoughtfully what God wants in their marriage, and whether basic principles are similar or compatible.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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teachingmom
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When I was single, I prayed for God to grant me a husband with particular traits. First among them was that he would be a committed, faith-filled, orthodox Catholic who loved the Church and the sacraments. He was/is all of the above.
We strongly encourage our daughters to marry committed Catholics some day. I think sharing the same faith and spiritual life gives couples an wonderful foundation for a successful marriage and makes it much easier to raise children in the faith. (Of course, I'm not in any way suggesting that mixed-faith marriages are somehow not successful or not raising committed Catholic kids. I hope you all know that!)
St. Ann wrote:
| But maybe in their teens, we can begin to talk about priorities and character traits... |
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Oh, please don't wait until their teens! We've been having discussions around here since the girls were very young about the importance of choosing a Catholic husband with good character traits. One of my girls has a bit of a crush on a teen actor she has seen in a few movies. She jokes about marrying him after she converts him to Catholicism.
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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mom2mpr
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My dh was born in Italy, near Rome, and baptized Catholic there. We aren't really sure about the rest of his sacraments-records not available and poor family history. Apparently, due to those family issues he wasn't taken to Mass regularly. Later, he was adopted by his grandparents in the states and raised Baptist.
I am a cradle Catholic. A few attempts to leave but never did.
When we were dating he wasn't attending any church. I was VERY involved. Having been down south for college and had negative experiences of people trying to "save" me I prayed for him but left him when I had to go to church-6pm on Sunday nights. One week, after a few weeks of leaving him, I told him if he ever did want to come with me he was welcome. A few weeks later he joined me and before we were married went through RCIA. I was thrilled! I never thought I was the type to "convert" people.
He is so good about wanting both of us to go to the same church. He insists on it. Many years ago when we couldn't find a church we both enjoyed I was willing to change faiths--"as long as I can get communion each week and my babies can be baptized." He looked and looked and we ended up back at our Catholic church. He had found a church he liked but it didn't meet my needs and he didn't want us to go to church separately. It hasn't been a perfect road, he still falls back into some of his Baptist ways--like faith vs good works discussions but I am thrilled our children see both of us at church together! And the homeschooling journey has taught me so much about the faith. My faith formation was pretty bad so I am learning it while teaching my ds-he knows more than I did in third grade
AS far as dating I always have said as long as they follow a Christian denomination I will be happy. I would be thrilled for them to marry another Catholic. In our family we are the only family of my 11 cousins(including my 2 siblings) still attending Catholic church. The only other cousin who is somewhat religious is raising his boys Jewish--his wife is a devout Jew. The rest have not baptized their children or even attended church--and most went to Catholic schools. None of them attended ds's FHC and we traveled 7 hours, and arranged it to be close to family, at the church we were married in so my Grandma could attend. I was a little sad. So, I would be happy to have my children at least believing in God and raising their children in some type of church than nothing. I am hoping by their having a lot of knowledge of the faith they will be comfortable defending it(I never was) and at least know the facts so they can make a good decision about where they go in their spiritual life. I only stayed in the faith by the grace of God--I certainly didn't understand a lot, til now.
Anne
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Karen E.
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teachingmom wrote:
Oh, please don't wait until their teens! We've been having discussions around here since the girls were very young about the importance of choosing a Catholic husband with good character traits. One of my girls has a bit of a crush on a teen actor she has seen in a few movies. She jokes about marrying him after she converts him to Catholicism. |
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I second this! It's never too early to plant the seeds of what they will want/look for in the future. Irene, my oldest wondered, too, if her celebrity crush was Catholic. She also almost dropped him when she heard him use the Lord's name in vain during an interview. (I guess she decided that God is a God of mercy, and that she would give him a second chance.)
Anyway, I agree that it's never too soon to discuss, at the appropriate levels, of course, this kind of thing.
I tie it into my overall message of them needing to listen for God's claim on their lives -- to what vocation is He calling them? Is He calling them to marriage? If so, the man they will marry is out there somewhere right now -- let's pray for him.
Is God calling them to religious life? Let's pray for open ears and hearts to hear and follow the call. We talk about it and pray about it in these contexts.
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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teachingmom
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Karen E. wrote:
| Irene, my oldest wondered, too, if her celebrity crush was Catholic. |
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Based on penpal letters, Karen, I'm willing to bet that we are talking about the same celebrity here!
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Same religious upbringing ?--husbands
