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Bookswithtea
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Is there any official Church teaching that says that a miscarried baby needs to be buried in a Catholic cemetary? Is there anything sinful or wrong about someone reverently creating a Mary garden with a statue of the Blessed Mother/Angels, flowers, etc, and burying the preborn child on her land instead?
I find myself in the awkward situation of perhaps having to offer counsel regarding this, and I don't even know where to begin.
Can you help?
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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Christine
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I do not believe that there is any official teaching regarding the burial of a miscarried baby. It would really be dependent on whether or not a priest would be willing to assist. However, the person might want to consider that they may not always live where they are.
Our little one was very lovingly buried at the same Catholic cemetery as my mom.
I will keep this mother in my prayers.
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Christine
Mommy to 4 girls, 5 boys, & 2 in God's care
Memories of a Catholic Wife and Mother
Pretty Lilla Rose
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Bookswithtea
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I should have clarified that the mom made her decision a few months ago. She keeps bringing it up in conversation though, and I don't think I can continue to "just listen" and not comment. There are some hurt feelings now (not between she and I...between she and one priest).
My friend counseled with 3 priests...2 said its a gray area, and one was emphatically against it. A priest did come and officiate at some type of service at her home.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Jen L.
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When I miscarried out tiny baby (at about 8 weeks gestation) last year, our priest told us it was fine for us to bury the body wherever we felt it appropriate. We did not have a funeral mass (but you could). The body must be treated with respect, which your suggestion clearly gives.
I bought a beautiful wooden box and placed the baby in there. My husband sealed the box shut, we wrapped it in a baby blanket and planted a day lily on the burial site. It was a very difficult thing to do, but we are very glad that we did it that way. 
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Jen
dh Klete,ds (8/95),dd (12/97), dd (11/00), and ^2^ in heaven
"...the best state in which to glorify God is our actual state; the best grace is that of the moment..." St. Peter Eymard
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Jen L.
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From the CCL website:
Regarding miscarriage: Draw close to God and close to your husband and kids. Spouses and children grieve and respond differently to loss. We cannot more highly recommend Kimberly Hahn’s book, Life Giving Love: Embracing God’s Beautiful Design For Marriage, especially Chapter 10, "Miscarriage and Stillbirth." The Hahns also lost three of their children to miscarriage and offer practical and spiritual help. Mrs. Hahn’s entire book (which is available from CCL) will be the friend who understands how you feel when other people in your life do not offer support. Some of her suggestions that are worth mentioning to the entire CCL reading audience are the fact that the Catholic Church allows and encourages the burial of children who are lost prematurely. Too many people are not aware of this fact! Our first three children are all resting in the Holy Innocents section of our local Catholic cemetery. It does not matter how far along you were in your pregnancy — the Catholic Church recognizes your child from the moment of conception. It is so helpful to be able to visit the cemetery on the due dates and miscarriage dates of our first blessings. Also, name your lost child and ask for their intercession. As the Hahns suggest, “Perhaps your child, as part of the communion of saints in heaven, could be a special intercessor for your family.” (p. 245)
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Jen
dh Klete,ds (8/95),dd (12/97), dd (11/00), and ^2^ in heaven
"...the best state in which to glorify God is our actual state; the best grace is that of the moment..." St. Peter Eymard
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Jen L.
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These are some prayers that really touched me (still do)
____________________________
My Lord, the baby is dead!
Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?
“Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.
You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”
I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity. &nb sp; &nb sp; &nb sp; &nb sp; &nb sp; &nb sp; &nb sp; &nb sp; &nb sp; &nb sp; -- Mother M. Angelica
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Blessing of Parents after a Miscarriage
When a baby dies before birth, the parents may seek the prayers of the Church. A priest, deacon, or lay minister of the parish, or a member of the family may lead this blessing.
Make the sign of the cross.
The leader begins: Let us praise the Father of mercies, the God of all consolation. Blessed be God for ever.
All respond: Blessed be God for ever.
The leader may use these or similar words to introduce the blessing:
For those who trust in God,
in the pain of sorrow there is consolation,
in the face of despair there is hope,
in the midst of death there is life.
(Name) and (Name), as we mourn the death of your child,
we place ourselves in the hands of God and ask strength, for healing, and for love.
Then the Scripture is read:
Listen to the words of the book of Lamentations:
My soul is deprived of peace,
I have forgotten what happiness is;
I tell myself my future is lost,
all that I hoped for from the Lord.
But I will call this to mind,
as my reason to have hope:
The favors of the Lord are not exhausted,
his mercies are not spent;
They are renewed each morning,
so great is his faithfulness.
My portion is the Lord, says my soul;
therefore I will hope in him.
-- Lamentations 3:17-18, 21-24
The reader concludes: The Word of the Lord.
All respond: Thanks be to God.
After a time of silence, all join in the prayers of intercession.
These conclude with the Lord's Prayer.
Then the leader may invite all to extend their hands over the parents in blessing.
Father and Creator,
in whom all life and death find meaning,
we bless you at all times,
especially when we have need of your consolation.
N. and N. entrust to your care a life conceived in love.
May your blessing come upon them now.
Remove all anxiety from their minds
and strengthen this love
so that they may have peace in their hearts and home.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
All respond: Amen.
All make the sign of the cross as the leader concludes: May the almighty and merciful God bless and protect us, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit
All respond: Amen.
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Jen
dh Klete,ds (8/95),dd (12/97), dd (11/00), and ^2^ in heaven
"...the best state in which to glorify God is our actual state; the best grace is that of the moment..." St. Peter Eymard
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Christine
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Your friend will remain in my prayers. Hopefully, the hurt feelings will be resolved.
Although I know that this is not relevant for your friend, I thought I should mention the following. I miscarried in a hospital. The hospital would not let us take our baby without verification that she was going to be buried at a cemetery. This was our intent and my dad had made the preparations for us. However, had we wanted to lovingly bury our baby as Jen mentions, it would not have been possible for us to do so (due to hospital or possibly state regulations).
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Christine
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Memories of a Catholic Wife and Mother
Pretty Lilla Rose
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Sarah in SC
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Three of our nine angels are under my Mary statue in my back yard, surrounded by mums, marigolds, and begonias. It was the best I could do.
The Church of the Holy Innocents in New York City has all of our babies listed in the Book of Life, and masses are said for them each day. That has been of great comfort to us. Here's a link:
http://www.innocents.com/
Praying for all of us who have been changed by miscarriage and loss.
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Happy wife to Tom and mama to Mac, 12, Hannah, 8, Rosemary, 6, Luke, now 1! and the 9 little angels that Mary is rocking.....
"What good shall we then do with today?" --Benjamin Franklin
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Elena
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My baby boy Raphael was stillborn on All Saints Day in 2002. I wrote out his story and have it saved here. http://ww2.ikeepbookmarks.com/browse.asp?folder=1137535&clie ntWidth=0
I love visiting his grave site. We still go out there regularly and bring flowers. On his birthday the kids wear their costumes and I bring flowers and birthday balloons. We have had cake out there a few times too.
One thing stands out for me from his burial, the deacon commended an angel to watch over his grave site. I wish I had the actual prayer that was said. However when I go there I try to visualize all the little angels over all the little saints. It makes it a nice visit for me somehow that I can't put into words.
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Erin
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Books,
I did not realise that there was any problem in this. I'm most interested to hear if there is. Here in my state up until the age of 20 weeks you can take your baby home, if you miscarry after that time you have to bury your baby in the cemetry, that of course on a very practical level will incur substantial cost.
Now when we lost our baby at 18 weeks we brought her home and buried her in our front garden, which we have lovingly planted. Our priest came and we had a burial service and he conditionally baptised her and went back and recorded it all in the parish register.
From what you are indicating your friend has done something similar? If this is a grey area there musn't be any offical teaching, so although the priest friend may mean well it could well be just his opinion. If you do find out that there is church teaching to the contrary (and I'll be interested to hear if so) well your friend was in ignorance (like me) and really shouldn't beat herself up about it.
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Erin
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Jen L.
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I just read your postings about Raphael. I am really glad that you linked to it -- beautiful.
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Jen
dh Klete,ds (8/95),dd (12/97), dd (11/00), and ^2^ in heaven
"...the best state in which to glorify God is our actual state; the best grace is that of the moment..." St. Peter Eymard
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Elena
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Thank you Jen. I'm glad I wrote it too. I just re-read it the other night and already little details had started to dim. The best I can do for him is to remember I think. Thanks for reading.
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Catholic burials/miscarriage...help?
