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Misty
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| Posted: Feb 24 2015 at 10:22am | IP Logged
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Ok.. So I'm sure most of you are all wonderfully practicing Catholics. Which is why it's hard for me to share a very tough subject and ask for help/suggestions.
My dh is and was raised Lutheran. We married in the Catholic church, and our children are all home schooled and raised Catholic. For the most part we have very few conflicts in the religious part. He attends mass with us almost every week. Our kids go to youth nights and retreats.
Our issue is about when we go camping/vacationing. My parents have a lake place and when there we still attend mass. As said above he usually more than not goes with us. So when we decided to get a camper mid last year I figured it would be normal for us to continue to attend mass while camping. We were/are planning on camping bi to tri- weekly (ideally). Then the 1st trip was planned and I said something about mass and all went RED. He said we're camping and when he was little they didn't worry about mass while away, so this was nuts. He made me feel absolutely miserable when I took the kids and he gave me the stern/silent treatment the entire way home.
I love camping, the kids love camping. But I'm hurting. Every time I try to talk about it just ends up him being mad at me and the church being to strict/unreasonable. Then there comes the tension. I have made it clear it's his decision if he wants to go and it's up to him. Then I get the comments about all different things.. (you can think of your own I'm sure).
I love my husband. He's hard working, a great husband, a loving & fun father and totally involved in me and the kids. So how do I try and bring this up again with out the RED coming out?
Just a little extra.. when we met I was not a faithful, practicing good girl Catholic. For reasons I don't even come close to understand God has continued to grow in me, rest in me and ask me for more as I have grown and our children have grown. For my dh I'm sure God hears my plea's and see's my tears but he is stubborn and feels his relationship with the Lord is good and is happy where he is. So as I have grown he has stayed were he was when I meet him 20 years ago. This is a big deal because it will come up during these issues from time to time, that 'well when I meet you, you didn't worry about this or that or practice what the church teaches'. It's hurtful and I wonder why God is calling me so much and yet my dh is stagnate.
Any help, suggestions, or even just prayers would be great. I need to figure something out before camping season. How to respect my dh and yet still feel right inside?
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Misty
Mom to ds16, ds15, ds13, ds11, ds8, dd6, dd4
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Feb 24 2015 at 10:40am | IP Logged
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Misty- 
This is a hard one. Maybe God is also calling your husband, but for whatever reason right now he is choosing not to hear. I think we are all that way at times. 
Also, people do change. Beliefs change. Interests change. I don't guzzle diet Coke now like I did in my 20's. I don't read the same books or even enjoy some of the same activities that I did when I was younger. Old things are replaced with new ideas... I think that is pretty normal. The hard thing is that people change at different rates.
When we camp or travel, I tell my dh/kids that we aren't taking a vacation from God. If anything, we need God more when we are out and about in new-to-us places or in the wild or when we are on the road.
I love visiting new Catholic churches and try to put a positive spin on it-
maybe get doughnuts or go out for breakfast after. It's fun to keep track of how many new churches you visit in a year.
I will be praying for your family on this one!
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Feb 24 2015 at 4:28pm | IP Logged
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Misty, I will pray for you! I am wondering if you might be able to find an evening Mass? Even one near or on your way home on Sunday evening? Would that be more acceptable to your dh? Perhaps after working hard all week, he'd like to just have a few relaxing mornings?
I know how upsetting this is, but I will pray especially that you can remain peaceful and loving. God knows your heart and will open a path before you.
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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Booksnbabes
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| Posted: Feb 24 2015 at 5:01pm | IP Logged
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Praying, Misty. This is a tough one as Melinda said. I grew up in a household with that same mentality (vacation means vacation from church too), but dh and I have made it a point to plan Mass into our vacations, and our visits to different parishes have always enriched our family time. I pray that you might be able to broach this issue without the drama, and that if you lovingly make it a non-negotiable that it will become the accepted norm. It sounds like you are mostly supported in the practice of your Catholic faith, and that is a blessing!
Perhaps if you bring it up as, "I have been thinking about our upcoming camping trips, and I've found the following Mass options in the area/s. Which time do you think would work best for our family?" As Caroline suggested, a different time might work better in his idea of how the weekend should go, and if he is part of choosing that, it might go over better. I would think outside the box on this too--often we have worked Mass in as part of the trip, getting a couple hours down the road and then using it as a little break in the drive as well as a chance to visit a different parish. This takes some pre-planning, but with masstimes.org it is not very difficult. (I do recommend a quick phone call to verify Mass times when you have chosen one, just in case!)
Hang in there, Misty! May your faithfulness, like that of St. Monica, yield fruit in God's time.
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Wife to wonderful DH, mom to SIX beautiful gifts from God!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Feb 24 2015 at 10:04pm | IP Logged
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Consider also getting home early enough to make a Sunday evening local Mass.
And we've had time where it simply could not be done.. the schedule crunch was just more than we could manage.. but we were dealing with family stuff on one end and work stuff on the other so we tried.. but there simply wasn't an option due to distances involved. 
And sometimes we plan for an option and fail to manage it. Plan to be home early enough for instance and then due to one thing and another that weren't planned for, we simply don't get home soon enough to make the plan work.
As far as actually talking to your husband. It'll go easier if you don't bring it up after he's started planning for a specific trip. Having your plans disrupted on top of adding in something you're resisting will not make for good communication.
And then I agree, give him some control in there.. talk about planning for attending Mass, and offer to find all the possibilities in the area and have him pick which would work out better for him.
But I really don't know how you'd bring it up. With my dh if he's that upset I really just need to back off and give him some space to assimilate a new idea or even just to cool off.. then I can ask him if we can talk about __________. He's good at letting me know if he's ready to talk about it without me feeling like I'm hounding him on it.
What works for you in other areas? Perhaps that'll give you more ideas of how to approach talking about it.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Misty
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| Posted: Feb 25 2015 at 9:13am | IP Logged
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Thank you for all the suggestions, and thoughts but most especially for the prayers. As I can feel them working in my heart more than anything. I will look around for evening mass in our area but even our parish which does a Sunday mass puts it on hold in the summers. 
I appreciate the kindness I feel in reading your words also. I know that I am not being judged although I was scared about asking.
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Misty
Mom to ds16, ds15, ds13, ds11, ds8, dd6, dd4
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Erin
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Never be scared to ask, nor fear to be judged Misty
Praying for you
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Erin
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Camping/Vacations & Mass
