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roomintheheart
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I have kids in grades 10, 8, 4, 2, & K. The highest I've homeschooled is my oldest through 8th grade. My current 8th & 10th graders go to public school.
On Monday night, I went with the oldest 2 for registration night, and my darling 15 yo son completely sprang on me that he doesn't want to go to PS next year. He wants to do PSEO (go to the local community college). I don't think this is a good choice for him; he has always struggled through school, and has a rather miserable GPA at the moment. It just doesn't seem wise.
So he went home, talked about it with dh, and ds is very angry that we won't let him do PSEO. So now he says he wants to homeschool. I don't know if that's a great option either--he hated homeschooling in 8th grade, and couldn't wait to go to PS.
So, we're meeting at the school today with a counselor to look at possible options. I really don't know where this is leading. I may or may not end up homeschooling him :0, which I feel completely unprepared to do. I also dont' know where I'd find the time--he's not great at independent work, I have three littles to homeschool, plus I work 2 part time jobs (one from home). I'm just a touch overwhelmed at the thought.
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jawgee
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Prayers. 
I haven't been in your shoes, yet.
Would some online classes that require some accountability be a good fit for him?
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Monica
C (12/2001), N (11/2005), M (5/2008), J (8/2009) and three angels
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Feb 12 2014 at 12:14pm | IP Logged
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Before I spent one second of time brainstorming options for this child, I'd want to do a couple of things:
roomintheheart wrote:
| I really don't know where this is leading. |
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Before I even THINK about where this is going I'd want to know where it came from!!!!
So....
1) Where is this coming from? Why the sudden change? What's going on? Is he running away from something? Why does he think PSEO will change that? What is going on???
...that answer would have to be legitimate, reasonable, and significant for me to continue with number 2...
2) IF...10th grade ds wants to homeschool, then he's in charge of living it - not Mom. Is he willing to exercise the responsibility needed to make this sudden course correction? Help Mom with last two year course outline? Help select adequate books? Assist Mom in coming up with reasonable plan for time and lesson management? Is he willing to live this? You're not driving - he is! You would be the guide, the chief brainstormer, the idea giver - he is the implementer, the do-er of the work, and the manager of his time.
Don't go a step further until you know WHY he wants this and until you and dh have had a chance to sit down and spell it out for him!!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Feb 12 2014 at 12:22pm | IP Logged
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Popped in to say.... exactly what Jen said!
And... if I was heading into that meeting I would have my son ask
What are my options?
Then he can go to the Community College and ask:
What are my options?
Then he can tool around online about homeschooling for high school and ask:
What are my options?
THEN if he has put in the time, to include asking you for help when he gets stuck, THEN you can start solving this challenge as a family. At this point you and your husband can bring concerns, limits, etc. to the table.
When a teen acts impulsively or abruptly, it is important to figure out why, look for options, and NOT JUMP WITH THEM!
You got this, Mom 
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Feb 12 2014 at 12:39pm | IP Logged
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I've also heard that some people who struggle with high school, can do better with college. The social side of things can be miserable and effect everything else and college doesn't throw people into each other's pockets in the same way.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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roomintheheart
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Yes, it is largely a social issue. He is 'friendly' with kids at school, but doesn't have any 'friends.' So they talk about what they did on the weekend, etc., and he is never invited/included. He has more friends in another district (we live on the line, basically, between the two). But switching to that district would mean sitting out of all district sports for a year and that is the one area where he excels and feels good about himself, so we'd rather not (though that is also an option).
He also says he hates his classes. He is at a small school, and doesn't particularly like his options. For the two years he's been there, he only liked one class, and ended up getting pulled out of that because of a scheduling mix-up on the school's part.
So, I agree-we are not jumping into anything. We're going to this meeting today to explore options and we'll keep doing so.
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guitarnan
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So if he goes the PSEO route, he can still play high school sports?
And if he homeschools, he can still play high school sports? (This is not true in my state.)
Is he prepared to deal with the idea that homeschooling or PSEO would require him to go out and make new friends anyway?
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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roomintheheart
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| Posted: Feb 12 2014 at 1:35pm | IP Logged
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You all ask such great questions :).
Yes, PSEO & homeschool kids can still participate in district sports.
As far as the social thing--I just don't know what to tell him. This district is known for it's cliquey and exclusive attitudes. I know many, many families who send their kids elsewhere (despite the fact that it has a good reputation, academically) because their kids had trouble with the social atmosphere at the school. I don't know how to tell him to deal with it. He has, for two years, but he's getting worn down by it.
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Misty
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Prayers - I don't have much to offer but I know that the power of prayer is worth so much.
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Misty
Mom to ds16, ds15, ds13, ds11, ds8, dd6, dd4
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roomintheheart
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Well, the meeting was a huge, huge, huge mistake. As in, it may have scarred him for life. I went into it trying to figure out what the school offers that might both interest and benefit him.
The counselor took the opportunity to haul in the principal, his advisor, and a few of his teachers to tell him that he is unmotivated, possibly depressed, and needs to buckle down because he's ruining his chances for college. Exactly the opposite of anything I would ever tell this struggling, easily discouraged kid.
I've been crying all night about it. That was a huge parenting mistake.
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guitarnan
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Oh, no. I'm so sorry this happened to your family.
I can't understand why the counselor would not have told you his/her plans for the meeting (bringing in all the other staff members) in advance.
I wish I had some advice to offer. I'll be praying for you today!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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juliana147
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I wish I had some advice, too. But please know that I will pray for your family today.
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- Juliana
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JodieLyn
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Oh no. Be sure to let your son know that you neither expected that nor approve of it. Somehow most things are endurable when you know mom and dad are backing you up.
Perhaps you could talk to the college first before bringing him in? Maybe they'd be the ones to help him find an alternative that will work for him rather than the high school, that apparently can't see past the end of their collective noses.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Angie Mc
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roomintheheart wrote:
Well, the meeting was a huge, huge, huge mistake. As in, it may have scarred him for life. I went into it trying to figure out what the school offers that might both interest and benefit him.
The counselor took the opportunity to haul in the principal, his advisor, and a few of his teachers to tell him that he is unmotivated, possibly depressed, and needs to buckle down because he's ruining his chances for college. Exactly the opposite of anything I would ever tell this struggling, easily discouraged kid.
I've been crying all night about it. That was a huge parenting mistake. |
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Hopefully the sting of this disrespectful encounter has worn off a bit. The good news is that your son is gathering a TON of information from this experience. If he is easily discouraged, then he needs to be someplace encouraging and/or he needs to find a way to be confident in himself in the face of others who want to knock him down. My boys (and daughter to a lesser extent) have had to deal with adults who can apparently read the future (you know, what a rotten thing it's going to be) and know exactly how to prevent the rotten outcome (because of their amazing wisdom) and steer you onto the perfect path (because theirs is the only way) <- NOTE SARCASTIC TONE!!!!!!
Shame on every adult who thinks that they can build up a young man by cutting him down randomly, subjectively, and without any meaningful relationship.
Now...let me think... this really wasn't a parenting mistake. This was life. This was a down and dirty rough and tumble challenge to your son to become stronger. He needs to be strong to face his adulthood. So in this way, this can't-believe-we-got-sideswiped-meeting is VERY purposeful. This meeting showed you and your son the truth.
So, dust yourselves off. Give yourselves a big ole pep talk. And get back to it. I'm rooting for you. We're all rooting for you. And God is certainly taking care of you You've got this.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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roomintheheart
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Well, things are not really getting better. Ds is now set on switching to the other school district IMMEDIATELY, and is really upset that we won't jump on board with it. His reason is that if he switches now, he'd be eligible to run track (at which he excels) for his junior & senior year.
We simply don't know what to do with him. He is so miserable at school right now. He came home and literally cried from after school until bedtime yesterday. And he's a wrestler--pretty tough, usually.
We'd like for him to stick out it until the end of the year, then have the summer to step back and think about options for next year. But he's so miserable every day, I honestly wonder if we should pull him out now.
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JodieLyn
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With everything you've said.. I'd get him out.
You don't tell someone to "learn to deal with" an abusive situation. Sure there'll be times when he needs to learn to stick it out in unpleasant circumstances.. but if you have the students excluding him (and bullying? that doesn't mean black eyes.. it's the snide comments no one else hears and such) and the teachers and the counselor and the principal all knocking him down as well.. who could deal with that? Even in a work environment you'd quit if the boss was down on you AND so was everyone you were expected to work with.
This is NOT a "real world" situation and it's not going to benefit him to stick it out.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Mackfam
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JodieLyn wrote:
With everything you've said.. I'd get him out.
You don't tell someone to "learn to deal with" an abusive situation. Sure there'll be times when he needs to learn to stick it out in unpleasant circumstances.. but if you have the students excluding him (and bullying? that doesn't mean black eyes.. it's the snide comments no one else hears and such) and the teachers and the counselor and the principal all knocking him down as well.. who could deal with that? Even in a work environment you'd quit if the boss was down on you AND so was everyone you were expected to work with.
This is NOT a "real world" situation and it's not going to benefit him to stick it out. |
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I agree with Jodie and I'd pull him out. It would take some serious prayer and thoughtful consideration as to whether I moved him to the other school district or kept him home for the remainder of the year to finish out the year. But, if it were me, I'd withdraw immediately.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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SeaStar
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I would also withdraw him.
He is tired. He has been unhappy at this school for almost two years, right?
He just sat through a meeting and listened to the powers that be at the school tell him he is basically a loser.
Can any good at all come from having him stay there a moment longer?
If I was unhappy with my job and where I worked, and my boss and coworkers held a meeting to tell me how subpar I was, I would just have to leave. Anywhere else would be better.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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cathhomeschool
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I'd withdraw him immediately as well and look at the pros and cons of switching schools now or homeschooling.
It sounds like one "pro" to switching now would be sports eligibility. With roughly 11 weeks left in the semester, switching might give you all enough of a taste of that school to know whether or not it might be a good fit for next year. And it would certainly give you a chance to speak with the counselors and teachers to see if they are "more helpful" and respectful than this current batch.
Would switching him cause further academic struggles? Do both schools cover roughly the same material at the same time? If not, how can the new school help your son transition? If you homeschool, can you use the school's texts to finish out the year? Or online classes? Can your son take placement tests to place out of what he would miss? If you homeschool and put him in public school next year, what proof does the school need that he completed this year's courses with you and is able to advance? (We have our younger boys in public school now and have been praying over options for next year and the remainder of this year so these are the questions I've been asking!)
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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roomintheheart
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I am concerned with how he'd do academically switching into different classes mid-term. It doesn't seem like the best plan, in my book. But his grades are falling right now anyway, so hard to say if they'd get better or worse.
My biggest concern is his Spanish class. He's been struggling through Spanish I this year, and the other school doesn't have Spanish, just French. So he'd lose that one credit he's worked so hard for, and have to start over if he were to take the 2 years of foreign language they recommend for a 4-year college. He says he doesn't care if he goes to a 4-year college and doesn't care if he loses the credit. I'd care, though.
As for sports--he'd have to stay on the JV for all his team sports for a full year, but if he switched now, he'd be eligible for Varsity track next year--which could be a big deal for him. He went to State last year, and would have a good chance again this year with his current school (which he'd miss if he transferred). I suppose next year is always a possibility, but the other school's sports programs are not nearly as competitive (not that I care that much--but sports are important to him).
Anyway, we're continuing to ask questions and try to work with him. He thinks we're totally against him and trying to ruin his life, but we're trying to work something out.
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Freaking out-just a little
