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Kathryn Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 05 2011 at 7:29pm | IP Logged
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From the time my oldest were in preschool, I always thought about, pondered, envisioned homeschooling. Keep them close, teach them all they need to know, grow closer...all the wonders of homeschooling. However, somehow they were always enrolled in these wonderful preK programs and then a wonderful small Catholic school and then our local parish and things just worked so I took it year by year.
Two years ago it became evident that our local parish school couldn't meet my son's needs and I felt an even greater calling to homeschool. My oldest decided to join us and I thought "ok, this is the time" to nourish our family all together even now that I had a (then) 1 1/2 yr old and all work and grow and love together.
Even though I felt like I could do it, was being called to do it, was (somewhat) excited to do it, I still entered with so much trepidation because the MAIN reason I was finally taking the plunge was my son's learning and attention difficulties in the classroom.
Here we are 1 1/2 yrs later and I still don't feel like this is THAT much better than where we were. Not only have I added another baby in the mix, the sweet darling 1 1/2 yr old is now 3 and no longer naps and needs more attn, my son's issues still aren't resolved, he's still not moving fast enough (for me?) and I feel stuck. I don't even feel like I could re-enroll them (him) back in regular school b/c at the parish school, I don't think they have the time or desire to meet his needs and at the public school, well, that's just not an option. He's still at least 2 grade levels below where he should be and I'm just not seeing the progress that this homeschooling should bring him.
We're doing more testing but it's exhausting. The constant driving here and there and questionnaires and forms and tutoring that seems to no avail. The endless hours at home where his time is not occupied wisely. The bickering among siblings, mom's frazzled nerves.
Homeschooling in theory is so beautiful, but in reality it's so very hard and if my son didn't have these issues, I don't think I would be doing it. I'm not sure where to go from here. I "dream" of sending them back to regular school to get more control over my day and our house w/ just the 2 little ones but then again, I don't think that solves the problem of his issues. Hmmmm......anyone want to take a stab at this and help me brainstorm?
__________________ Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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JodieLyn Forum Moderator
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Posted: Jan 05 2011 at 8:01pm | IP Logged
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Kathryn I think you need to remember that having a child stay at home does not automatically solve any issues that they may have.. those issues are something they may struggle with no matter where their schooling takes place.
What staying home can solve just by movign school to the home is less dealing with other kids opinions on his set backs.. allowing him to work at a pace that helps him more than working at the set pace for a whole class, allowing more work arounds like if the child is struggling with reading, you're not sending him out of class for reading help but then expecting him to keep up in other areas like spelling or history that requires reading skills at the same level at the rest of the class.
Then you can start looking at how he can learn best.. what things help.. using programs that play to his strengths rather than his weaknesses. Allowing things like if he gets in a groove doing a subject.. letting him go and do as much as he wants.. or if he needs to you can break lessons into smaller parts and do them a couple times a day instead of in longer sessions. He can be hearing good books as read alouds (books on tape?)
Progress is different for different children.. and you can't measure the ideal of homeschool students working ahead to the child that will struggle no matter what.
I always think of how my oldest simply could not learn to read with phonics.. she was well behind in reading but we kept trying different things and at the end of 3rd grade was just barely starting to read.. but at the end of 4th grade was reading at grade level and has been above grade level ever since. But think of the things she missed.. the being pulled out of class for extra help on reading, the sitting in class unable to read the directions for other subjects, the discouragment when everyone around you is doing the work and you simply can't do it.
And yet here we are several years later AFTER the issue was resolved.. and she's catching up in everything.
The point is not that she could have gotten ahead at home WHILE dealign with the issues but that we could deal with it and protect her from discouragment at home and then she was able to improve at her own speed.. which is often quicker than moving a group forward.
__________________ Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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cathhomeschool Board Moderator
Texas Bluebonnets
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Posted: Jan 05 2011 at 10:18pm | IP Logged
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Beautiful, Jodie.
Kathryn, from what you've written above it sounds as if you've determined that, for now, homeschooling is your only option. I would encourage you then to close the door on your dreams of "what if" this were not your situation. It *is* your situation, and I don't think any good can come out of looking wistfully at what seems so green on the other side. I say this as one who has frequently spun her wheels thinking about *many* "what ifs" and finding that it only makes me unhappy. Those moms may have more control over their day but they lose out on other things. Today was our first day to have all 4 kids "in school." It was a profoundly sad day for me. Homeschooling is hard and it's not for everyone, but I miss it and hope to go back next semester.
Now about your son, I would continue the testing even though it is exhausting. Maybe something will turn up that will provide you with some insight. I have never had to go through that, though, so maybe someone else has better suggestions there. With my slower learners I have used lots and lots of books on tape (for everything from history and lit to math and science), computer games, Turbo-twist for math, songs (school house rock, geography songs), videos. Lapbooking has helped my son who doesn't retain information well. He likes looking back over (and over) at the lapbooks so it's built-in review. (Lapbooks are labor intensive but when we do them, everyone does it together.) Could you keep a stack of audio books on hand (from the library or free online audio book sites) for those hours in which he needs to be occupied but you can't help?
__________________ Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Becky Parker Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 06 2011 at 6:03am | IP Logged
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Kathryn, sometimes I think the only reason I am still homeschooling is because my 9yo ds could never make it in a regular classroom. He has ADHD and he's very smart, but he would be in trouble all.the.time.
Then I look at my dd who is 11 (going on 25!) and wonder how she would handle school. She's such a social bug, I know she would love it, but ... would she follow the wrong crowd in order to be popular (like I did ). I'd like to protect her from all that for a little longer.
When we've had a bad day, I dream of what life would be like with my two little ones here and everyone else at school. (Wow, I might have time to actually clean this house!) My ds who is 17 always brings me back around though. He goes to school now. He started at the local Catholic Highschool (very small) in 9th grade and has exceeded my expectations in all areas. He get's straight A's, has nice friends, starts on the football team, the teacher's all love him and are amazed at how well he knows the Faith (and even some Latin ). Forgive the brag, but I say all this because he will say it's because he was homeschooled all those early years. Even though there were many times that I thought I was doing a lousy job at teaching him. Even though his writing and spelling were (are) atrocious. Even though he's always been a quiet kid that comes across as being shy....
He attributes his self confidence and faith to the years that he was homeschooled. I think those two things have helped him more than anything else he could have received here. Those are the things that get him through his days at school, not just to get by, but to thrive. I'm hoping he will have them all his life.
That's not to say he couldn't have a deep faith and self confidence if he had gone to school, but when we pulled him out at the end of 2nd grade he was really struggling. When a child has learning issues, it's not just the LD or whatever he has that I see as the problem at school. It's the attitudes some teachers and children have towards them. (I was a classroom teacher and then a principal before we started homeschooling, so I saw this a lot.) That is what damages our kids self-esteem. Many give up trying.
My 9 yo knows he has struggles but he also feels nothing but love and acceptance from his family.
I guess I'm rambling now but I want to encourage you, that unless you honestly feel God is leading you to put your kids in school or if you and your husband are not on the same page, to keep on keeping on with this.
I'm sure the women here will have many great ideas if we brainstorm. Could you describe some of the struggles your son is having so we can be specific? I have received many helpful ideas here for my children that struggle and often, it's the understanding from others who've btdt what keeps me going when things get rough.
__________________ Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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hylabrook1 Forum Moderator
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Posted: Jan 06 2011 at 7:53am | IP Logged
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I agree whole-heartedly that hs-ing a child with learning differences probably won't make those things go away. But having you and your family be the ones to help him work with who and where he is can be a better idea than putting him in school.
More than one of my dc had major ants in the pants, not officially LD, but really unable (more so than unwilling) to sit at a desk, be in an atmosphere where there are all the distractions that go with being part of a classroom (too many other people to look at, etc.). Only the first 3 ever were enrolled in school because I saw how their needs were being misinterpreted by the teacher, staff, etc. What I *knew* was an inability to sit still was frequently being viewed as disobedience, lack of respect for classroom rules, etc. One of my dc in particular was completely bewildered by the punishments that were being meted out because she really wasn't *being bad* - she just wiggled too much and did math problems out loud to herself (at the age of 5). She felt very bad about herself because she was getting in trouble when she believed she was just doing her schoolwork.
When she was homeschooled it was okay to do math out loud - hearing herself saying the math facts helped her learn them. And she got over her need to do things that way without being the kid who always was denied recess because she was* talking* during class time.
Not to make this response all about my family, but just to illustrate that homeschooling might not transform a child, but the atmosphere at home may be more conducive to a particular child learning in a way that isn't wrong but just doesn't *fly* in a classroom. Maybe most of the benefit isn't in the area of academics, but in preserving or promoting the child's sense of himself as a worthwhile person.
Peace,
Nancy
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amyable Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 06 2011 at 10:40am | IP Logged
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Agreeing with what everyone has said, but I just wanted to give you a huge, huge because I, too, feel forced to homeschool right now (dyslexia, ADD, multiple anaphylactic food allergies in multiple kids, anxiety, alopecia) and it really *is* hard, emotionally, intellectually, physically. Plus you are not just "homeschooling," you are homeschooling special needs, and it's that much harder. Most of the time, I just want a hug, a shoulder to cry on, because I know I can't fix it, so here is mine for you.
__________________ Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Kathryn Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 06 2011 at 11:46am | IP Logged
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Thanks ladies! I knew I would find the encouragement and support I needed to keep putting one foot in front of the other. You each offered words of wisdom and each surprisely had some aspect that really hit home for me. I'm pondering and will be back later.
__________________ Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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mamaslearning Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 07 2011 at 6:36am | IP Logged
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cathhomeschool wrote:
Beautiful, Jodie.
Kathryn, from what you've written above it sounds as if you've determined that, for now, homeschooling is your only option. I would encourage you then to close the door on your dreams of "what if" this were not your situation. It *is* your situation, and I don't think any good can come out of looking wistfully at what seems so green on the other side. |
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I needed to hear this as well. I also feel somewhat forced (we cannot afford Catholic school and public is not a viable option here) and sad that my first choice is not available to us right now. I'm also perplexed because I've *always* wanted to homeschool, and even helped run a preschool co-op. Now that I'm doing it, I having those 'what if' feelings.
I'll say a prayer for you today!
__________________ Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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mamaslearning Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 07 2011 at 6:38am | IP Logged
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Kathryn, I just realized that we had babies on the same day last year. My son was born on 9/28/10 and we will be married 17 years this year!
__________________ Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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Kathryn Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 08 2011 at 6:52pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
allowing him to work at a pace that helps him more than working at the set pace for a whole class, allowing more work arounds like if the child is struggling with reading |
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If we keep at this pace though, he'll still be doing elementary school in high school! I signed him up for ALEKS math on-line and he just did an assessment and literally at the pace he's working it'll take 71 WEEKS to complete this Level 3 math. So, I told him that we had to up the amount of time spent on math to pick up the pace. But just like everything...I have to sit with him for everything and trying to coordinate scattered times through-out the day for him causes so much chaos in my schedule. He does very, very little work on his own b/c I can't trust that he's doing it or he just doesn't get it. A lot of this goes back to the poor reading ability tho too.
JodieLyn wrote:
Then you can start looking at how he can learn best.. what things help.. using programs that play to his strengths rather than his weaknesses. Allowing things like if he gets in a groove doing a subject.. letting him go and do as much as he wants.. or if he needs to you can break lessons into smaller parts and do them a couple times a day instead of in longer sessions. He can be hearing good books as read alouds (books on tape?) |
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I think this is the struggle is that it almost seems a full-time job just catering to him and his needs and I have 3 other children. I asked my husband the other day if my son had gotten more difficult or if I had become less tolerant and he said he doesn't think Alan's changed that much...so I guess it's me. Tired with a 3 month old nursing round-the-clock, the busy 3 year old and an almost 12 year that I feel is being short-changed in her education b/c I spend so much time w/ his and she's my constant helper.
__________________ Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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Kathryn Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 08 2011 at 6:55pm | IP Logged
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cathhomeschool wrote:
I would encourage you then to close the door on your dreams of "what if" this were not your situation. It *is* your situation, and I don't think any good can come out of looking wistfully at what seems so green on the other side. |
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Yes, I tend to get mopey b/c frankly I think the grass is brown all around...here, public school, parish school. I'm having a hard time seeing greener pastures anywhere in his future but I know that doesn't solve anything...just makes me mopey and almost at a stand-still with action (or inaction).
__________________ Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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Kathryn Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 08 2011 at 6:58pm | IP Logged
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Becky Parker wrote:
When a child has learning issues, it's not just the LD or whatever he has that I see as the problem at school. It's the attitudes some teachers and children have towards them. (I was a classroom teacher and then a principal before we started homeschooling, so I saw this a lot.) That is what damages our kids self-esteem. Many give up trying.
My 9 yo knows he has struggles but he also feels nothing but love and acceptance from his family.
I guess I'm rambling now but I want to encourage you, that unless you honestly feel God is leading you to put your kids in school or if you and your husband are not on the same page, to keep on keeping on with this.
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I think that's what bothers me the most is that sometimes I'm like one of those teachers...discouraging, frustrated, having a negative attitude toward him, asking why he doesn't work harder, asking why he doesn't know this or that when we JUST did it.
I can't say I honestly feel God leading me to send them back to school and my DH pretty much goes along and trusts whatever decision I make so I need to make something work here.
__________________ Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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Kathryn Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 08 2011 at 6:59pm | IP Logged
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amyable wrote:
Most of the time, I just want a hug, a shoulder to cry on, because I know I can't fix it, so here is mine for you. |
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Thanks so much Amy! That was very sweet.
__________________ Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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Kathryn Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 08 2011 at 7:14pm | IP Logged
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Now I finally answered replies and so hopefully that gives you ladies an idea about my "feelings". I always hate using that word b/c I know it allows me to get paralyzed in the moment and almost stop looking for solutions.
I know it's getting close to the board's closing for the week-end but I do have a few questions to try and change things up a little.
Books on tape: How do you work those?
Do you allow the child to listen alone and then ask for some dication to make sure they really listened to it?
Do you have some headsets somewhere they do that?
Using computer: we only have the one computer hooked to internet so I limit that usage but we do allow him to use it. Again, though, I have to constantly monitor him b/c he does things like always putting his fingers on the screen to follow along or I'll then find him on google earth. Then I'll come back in here and he'll have made a photocopy of his hand and foot! The other day he photocopied our new phone, cut it out and glued the front and backs together to give his 3 yo sister. Now, all very sweet but doesn't really help with math!
Education in general: I know there are plenty of topics on this but I still find myself in the "3rd/4th graders should know...." mindset. What are his neighbor friends doing? Can he do the same spelling, vocabulary etc? His peers are doing neat projects he would prob. love that I never seem to find time for. How do I balance getting this child "educated" for the "real" world and preserving his sense of worth?
How do you make it work when 1 child out of 4 seems to take 75% of your time leaving me constantly on edge? I guess it's true that I did have more time and patience when I just had the 2 or then just had the 3rd that was a baby but it's getting harder for me to "deal with" him. He's not a bad kid, he's really sweet (when he wants to be) but a little mischiveous, needs constant supervision, rarely takes initiative, loves to socialize, obviously can't be given more than 2-3 tasks at a time, repeat, repeat, repeat.....
__________________ Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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Helen Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 10 2011 at 5:41pm | IP Logged
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Kathryn wrote:
If we keep at this pace though, he'll still be doing elementary school in high school! I signed him up for ALEKS math on-line and he just did an assessment and literally at the pace he's working it'll take 71 WEEKS to complete this Level 3 math.
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Kathryn, I'll give you something else to tuck away and perhaps think about for the future. Seton homeschool has a very good special needs program. They are very willing to adapt their courses or offer other book options. It can help to have someone else help you plan and set goals. They also will do the grading on many papers. This takes away the "am I expecting too much or too little from my student."
Your child would have to be enrolled in their program and you have to pay the additional fee for the special needs program. I have found this to be very worthwhile.
__________________ Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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Kathryn Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 10 2011 at 8:11pm | IP Logged
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Helen wrote:
Seton homeschool has a very good special needs program. They are very willing to adapt their courses or offer other book options. |
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Well, that's odd!! We were completely enrolled in Seton last year and I don't remember seeing anything like that. I just went on-line and read their whole section on "special services" and it actually sounds somewhat promising. Attempting full enrollment with Seton last year for him about did me in and I ditched it for this year. I would def. be curious what they have to offer.
We start tutoring with a dyslexic specialist next week and then another battery of tests Jan 31 so I should have a clearer picture (I hope ) by Feb.
__________________ Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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cathhomeschool Board Moderator
Texas Bluebonnets
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Posted: Jan 13 2011 at 9:18pm | IP Logged
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Praying for that clearer picture, Kathryn!
Books on tape: Most of the books we listen to are either just "literature" or historical fiction. The books tend to be exciting and well narrated (or we don't listen to them!), so getting my kids to really listen isn't usually problem. I have friends that use headphones and then ask the kids questions afterward. I tend to have the tapes going in the room where anyone passing by can hear. As long as the boys seem to be sitting still, I assume they are listening. If they seem distracted I stop the tape and ask if they are listening and what just happened. We also listen to CDs in the car. I pretty much always have a CD going. That would be a great place to listen to more "school-ish" stuff since there is a captive audience and it's easier to pause and question.
I can sympathize with your lack of patience and frustration at what you see other kids doing. I feel those things and I don't have a special needs child! I was definitely more patient and did so many cool activities with my older two when my younger set didn't require so much attention. A close friend has a child that requires much more attention and has some behavioral struggles. One thing that has helped her so much is that a college girl comes over once a week to basically babysit him (5th grader) while she focuses on the others. She found this helper through some special ed. program at the college. Is there someone who could help you? Maybe a college girl majoring in special ed? If not, could you consider an educational video once a day to be his "sitter" so you could focus on the others and maybe feel less stressed? Our friend's son is very motivated by computer and tv. It is amazing how he can keep himself under control if he is reminded that the reward at the end of the day is a computer game or video.
Education: I would not worry about what others are doing. Your son is unique and will learn at his own pace. He is still young and has a long time to "catch up." How does he learn best? Does he like to listen to things? Does he like to draw or build? He obviously likes to xerox, cut and glue. Maybe you can incorporate some of the "fun" things you'd like to do with what you feel he "needs" to do. Can he use manipulatives to do his math orally? Can he cut out his spelling words into letters and rearrange them (that might keep him occupied and learning at once)? I don't know... I don't have experience with this so I may be way off. Are there any subjects that his sister can teach him? Are there educational games that they can play together (to occupy him and both learn at the same time)?
Computer: I'd keep it close to you so that you can glance over periodically to make sure he is on task. If he can't stay on task then he can't have the computer. Did someone mention a timer already? He could be required to focus for X minutes then have 3-5 minutes to xerox or play.
__________________ Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Kathryn Forum All-Star
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Posted: Jan 13 2011 at 10:09pm | IP Logged
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Janette...thank you! Those sound like some really good ideas I can try and implement. He does pretty good on spellingcity.com but again, it's computer so I think I'm going to do the spelling words w/ letters as you mentioned. We did some of that last year and it did occupy him quite a bit. I need to make a general list of some of these ideas as well as what I've done in the past so I have a "go to" list in those stressful times.
I do use the timer on occasion...it can be a hit or miss thing. Sometimes is motivates him and sometimes it's a stressor for him.
I have a neighbor next door whose youngest child (DD) is 13. She has 3 grown sons she says were a lot like mine is many ways so she has a lot of empathy and Alan just LOVES her. She's become like a lifeline for me. I asked her the other day if I could "hire" her as my "nanny" and I would even pay her and she said "no way, when you need me, just call and God will reward me in Heaven." She's SUCH a good neighbor but I don't want to take advantage.
I'm feeling more optimistic.
__________________ Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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JodieLyn Forum Moderator
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Posted: Jan 13 2011 at 10:29pm | IP Logged
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And check like Janette says if they don't seem to be listenning... but some children listen better when they're busy.. I've figured that out with my oldest son.. he appears to be paying no attention whatever when I'm reading.. but I can stop totally randomly and he can repeat back verbatim the last sentence or two that I just read..
Just so you know.. it's ok if he listens while doing other things if that works for him.
__________________ Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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cathhomeschool Board Moderator
Texas Bluebonnets
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Posted: Jan 14 2011 at 8:11am | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
Just so you know.. it's ok if he listens while doing other things if that works for him. |
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Definitely. I've had some that like to color or build and several who stare into space. I stop them when they start horsing around. If they've been listening for a while they can get a bit stir crazy and need a break to get the wiggles out.
The timer: I definitely wouldn't want to stress your ds out! I would use the timer as a "you only have to focus for this long" not as a "you only have this much time to complete this." If it still stresses him, then maybe it's too long a period for him to feel that he can focus (even if he really can). Maybe breaking it into smaller increments in which you can "check" on him to see how he is doing.
This all sounds like more work for you instead of less, but hopefully with a go to list (what a great idea!) and some practice, it will mean less work in the long run. Praying that the Holy Spirit will enlighten you as to what will work best -- and for Him to guide the testing too.
What a blessing to have your neighbor! I would definitely call on her. If you feel that you might be taking advantage after calling frequently, you could offer again to pay her saying that it would make you feel that you aren't taking advantage.
I'm so glad you're feeling better!
__________________ Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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