| Author | |
Willa
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3881
|
| Posted: Dec 28 2005 at 10:31pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
Molly,
I have been thinking about your son. You say he gets A's without much effort and it sounds like he's athletic and social as well. I know there's a downside and you are concerned about his attitude and think he could be doing more, but to me it sounds like there's a fair amount going for him already.
I know he just started school this fall and it's probably a big adjustment for him on all fronts. Some kids don't like to show their weaker side, isn't that right? And if they're extending themselves to the max just learning the new routine, they might not have the energy to go beyond that?
Again, I know you are concerned about his heart and spirit. I have a perpetual novena to St Michael the Archangel going for our teens and I'll add your intentions. But I just wanted to mention my perspective, that not knowing him personally or what he COULD achieve, it sounds like he's accomplishing a fair amount in the high school agenda which is probably his biggest priority right now.
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
teachingmyown
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5128
|
| Posted: Dec 29 2005 at 10:08am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Willa and All,
Please pray hard for our family. Things are so much worse with our son than I could have ever imagined. Many things came to light last night and my husband and I sat up all night talking and crying. I cannot believe the person my son has become.
Something went wrong somewhere and we need prayers for forgiveness, healing and wisdom.
I can't go into details, but I will say that I have never regretted anything more in my life than sending this child to public school.
Thank you.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Leonie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2831
|
| Posted: Dec 29 2005 at 3:51pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
Be asured of prayers - always. I was praying for your son yesterday.
__________________
Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Cindy
Forum Pro
Joined: Feb 01 2005
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 235
|
| Posted: Dec 29 2005 at 5:16pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly -
Praying for you here. Hope abounds-
with love,
Cindy
__________________
Cindy in Texas
It Is About The Journey
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Jen L.
Forum All-Star
Joined: Oct 18 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2148
|
| Posted: Dec 29 2005 at 10:09pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I just happened upon this quote:
"He did not say: You will not be assailed, you will not be belabored, you will not be disquieted, but he said: You will not be overcome."
Julian of Norwich
Praying...
__________________
Jen
dh Klete,ds (8/95),dd (12/97), dd (11/00), and ^2^ in heaven
"...the best state in which to glorify God is our actual state; the best grace is that of the moment..." St. Peter Eymard
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mary G
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5790
|
| Posted: Dec 30 2005 at 8:13am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Jen L. --
Thanks so much for this quote -- I feel like tattooing it to my arm so I remember it during the next few teenage years (mine are so spread out, I need something permanent as I'm looking at about 15 years of teen-years!)  
__________________
MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elizabeth
Founder
Real Learning
Joined: Jan 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5595
|
| Posted: Dec 30 2005 at 8:38am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Yes, but Mary, if you get a tattoo, you won't have a leg to stand on when one of those teenagers wants one, too--and an earring (or nosering) or two to go with it!
We are all in for a quite a ride ladies! Glad to have you along for company!
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Leonie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2831
|
| Posted: Dec 30 2005 at 4:09pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Oh, but the teen years are also so much fun! I love looking at the world through the eyes of my sixteen year old - the world seems new and exciting! 
__________________
Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Wendi DeGrandpr
Forum Pro
Joined: March 02 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 246
|
| Posted: Jan 02 2006 at 5:21pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have been away from the forum for a while and am trying to catch up a bit. This thread really gives me pause. I am struck by the concepts of acceptance and honour. Not that I don't want to accept and honor my children's choices but some are definately easier than others. dh and I have been talking a lot about this as I take a deep breath and we plung into the second half of basketball season. I have a 15 year old daughter who appears to be motivated only to get her work done so she can go to b-ball practice. She does not appear to take any real interest in anything we are doing, but she will do "just enough" to get by... and keep her grades up so she can play. I don't see any enthusiasm, no spark. I struggle with a life ruled by a practice and game schedule. There are so many things I want to do with my kids but only so much you can do when you have to be "done" by 2:00 every day. Our 10 year old plays as well but the schedule isn't nearly as demanding. I know I need to accept her passion but it is definately not where I pictured us and our life as homeschoolers. It can be a bit dissouraging - I sometimes think that if my life is going to be ruled by the public schools than why don't they just go?
__________________
God Bless,
Wendi
Mom to four blessings
"We can do no great things - only small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elizabeth
Founder
Real Learning
Joined: Jan 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5595
|
| Posted: Jan 02 2006 at 5:34pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Wendi,
Much empathy here and no time. I will think and get back to you. Believe me, I've visited this question before. Almost daily.
But I've been thinking about you all day, for some reason. I note your signature line. Are your little ones home with you yet?
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Wendi DeGrandpr
Forum Pro
Joined: March 02 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 246
|
| Posted: Jan 02 2006 at 5:50pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Elizabeth - thanks for keeping us in your thoughts. No Katiana and Raef are not home yet. They were suposed to be home December 23rd but we ran into passport issues for Katiana and as of today we don't know when they will be coming. Raef will definately be here soon but we are doing everything we can (which is just about nothing) to keep them together. It has been exhausting as we raced to finish our house renovations and while we had a wonderful Christmas, we were not complete this year at all.
We are asking for intercession from Bl. Pierre Toussaint and Bl. Mother Teresa.
__________________
God Bless,
Wendi
Mom to four blessings
"We can do no great things - only small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elizabeth
Founder
Real Learning
Joined: Jan 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5595
|
| Posted: Jan 02 2006 at 6:23pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
POsting a prayer request now...
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
TracyQ
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: New York
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1323
|
| Posted: Jan 02 2006 at 6:28pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
I'm so sorry you are having to endure such frustration and pain. I have lifted your son, you, and your family in prayer. 
__________________
Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
 homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
TracyQ
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: New York
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1323
|
| Posted: Jan 02 2006 at 6:29pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Elizabeth wrote:
We are all in for a quite a ride ladies! Glad to have you along for company! |
|
|
I SO AGREE!!! Wow! Just when I am feeling SO, SO, SO alone on this brand new journey of mothering teenagers, He brings me back here to bring me all the gift of YOU all, dear wonderful friends, who bring me peace and joy on the journey.
Ah..........anyone else having trouble with no longer being the ONLY woman love in her son's life????
I am so glad to have this place. 
__________________
Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
teachingmyown
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5128
|
| Posted: Jan 11 2006 at 9:22am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Okay, since we are all on this ride together , I want to take this motivation idea to another level.
I have shared with you all the general situation with Charlie. Basically, in the past month we have come face to face with his bad choices in video games, rap music friends and respect for women, along with lying and we suspect stealing. We are very disappointed in his poor judgement but my husband and I both agreed that the public school environment was feeding this and was not a place that our son could grow spriritually. (This is not to say other kids can't, just that our son is not looking to grow spiritually as it is so he certainly won't acheive that in a public school.)
However, as we now face our options in the light of reality, financial as well as logistical, we are probably left with only two choices. The first being to bring him out of public school and have a friend with a teenage son homeschool him. This is a very possible option, the one that I prefer. The other option is to let him finish the year at the high school and then re-evaluate.
My husband asked me last night what Charlie had to do to earn another chance. Charlie is very upset at the prospect of leaving school. I am not sure what the answer is, if there is one. The child is certainly not the type to come to us and say " I promise to seek out more mature friends and to stop listening to bad music behind your back, etc." All he does is say "I have to stay in school!".
So, do you have any ideas? I was thinking of things like required reading, such as 7 Habits of Highly Successful Teens (thanks, Leonie) and some chastity books. Perhaps require him to meet with a good priest weekly for spiritual direction. And then some very firm limits on time and responsibility.
Will this offset the influence and lack of discipline in the school? Is it enough?
Sports are a big deal, otherwise I think I would have already pulled him out.
Please share your thoughts with me, even if it is to tell me that I am nuts for considering keeping him there. This is so hard and I feel the weight of eternity on my shoulders as I try to work this through.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Leonie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2831
|
| Posted: Jan 11 2006 at 6:20pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
What are thoughts honest to goodness, deep down? I find that I may *know* what I should do in a situation but need time to listen and pray and reflect - to admit that xyz is what I feel is best.
What does your dh think is the best thing right now? Is there agreement between the two of you on this issue?
Do you have a priest who you trust as a guide or counsellor? Can you ask his advice or thoughts on this issue?
Just some thoughts. Be asssured of lots of prayers.
__________________
Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Willa
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3881
|
| Posted: Jan 11 2006 at 9:40pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
I was writing out a post and my browser crashed, so I lost it Maybe it's just as well. I think Leonie's questions are good ones.
And you can invoke the gifts of the Holy Spirit and also the graces of the matrimonial sacrament.... you know you and Court were chosen from eternity to be Charlie's parents for a very good reason, because you were the ones particularly equipped to be his mother and father.
I have been thinking of you a lot. But I am having trouble pulling my thoughts together recently.... still on hyper-alert I guess. I feel there are lots of parallels between the medical difficulties we face with Aidan and the problems you are having with your ds. As parents, it stretches us beyond our human resources, grieves us intensely and makes us kneel and listen to God's voice.
Sorry, I don't feel that's all very useful, but please know I am continuing to pray. Honestly I was rather a a difficult teen myself and now see much more clearly what I put my parents through -- sigh.
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mary G
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5790
|
| Posted: Jan 12 2006 at 6:46am | IP Logged
|
|
|
teachingmyown wrote:
Okay, since we are all on this ride together , I want to take this motivation idea to another level.
I have shared with you all the general situation with Charlie. Basically, in the past month we have come face to face with his bad choices in video games, rap music friends and respect for women, along with lying and we suspect stealing. We are very disappointed in his poor judgement but my husband and I both agreed that the public school environment was feeding this and was not a place that our son could grow spriritually. (This is not to say other kids can't, just that our son is not looking to grow spiritually as it is so he certainly won't acheive that in a public school.)
However, as we now face our options in the light of reality, financial as well as logistical, we are probably left with only two choices. The first being to bring him out of public school and have a friend with a teenage son homeschool him. This is a very possible option, the one that I prefer. The other option is to let him finish the year at the high school and then re-evaluate.
My husband asked me last night what Charlie had to do to earn another chance. Charlie is very upset at the prospect of leaving school. I am not sure what the answer is, if there is one. The child is certainly not the type to come to us and say " I promise to seek out more mature friends and to stop listening to bad music behind your back, etc." All he does is say "I have to stay in school!".
So, do you have any ideas? I was thinking of things like required reading, such as 7 Habits of Highly Successful Teens (thanks, Leonie) and some chastity books. Perhaps require him to meet with a good priest weekly for spiritual direction. And then some very firm limits on time and responsibility.
Will this offset the influence and lack of discipline in the school? Is it enough?
Sports are a big deal, otherwise I think I would have already pulled him out.
Please share your thoughts with me, even if it is to tell me that I am nuts for considering keeping him there. This is so hard and I feel the weight of eternity on my shoulders as I try to work this through. |
|
|
Molly with my 16 yods, we had a written contract that no grade could be lower than an 81 and overall had to be an 85. At the end of the 1st semester of this, his Junior year, he didn't keep his end of the bargain. So we pulled him from his school and I'm now homeschooling him. Yes, he misses his friends, but he's learning to help with his siblings; yes, he is missing being in the school's play, but he has also rediscovered his interest in the piano; yes, he "has no social life", but he's looking for a part-time job instead.
In other words, we really felt like we saved our son. We had prayed about it and asked the Holy Spirit for guidance. We had some of you fine ladies praying for us. I'm personally of the opinion that he subconsciously wanted to come home -- he knew the consequences of his actions and he didn't meet the standard.
He is much happier and more like our old "Joe" than when he was at school.
We're finishing his subjects as he was doing them -- supplementing with living books as much as I can to respark his interest in learning. Next year, we'll probably sign him up for Seton with it's accredited diploma/transcript. Their curriculum fits with what he was doing anyway.
Hope this helps. Please ask (or PM) if you have any questions....
You and your son are in my prayers!
__________________
MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kim F
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 03 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 326
|
| Posted: Jan 12 2006 at 8:27am | IP Logged
|
|
|
<I sometimes think that if my life is going to be ruled by the public schools than why don't they just go?>>
We have thought this same things SO many times over the yrs. People have told us as much more than once. (an aside - there is nothing more painful than the judgement of hmsc moms who have been so fortunate as to have all compliant children ://) I remember reading something in a secular parenting article many yrs ago that stuck with me. It was saying that you should hold tight to your rules/standards etc at home even if you know darn well your kids are running ripshod over them when they step foot out the door. Apparently studies have shown that it plants a message deep inside them about *what our family does*. That even if they flirt with other values and behavior in other places they come to develop their sense of what is *right* by what happens in your home. That has helped me through times when it seemed my son had no cares for what we thought and did.
I also think there is something significant about the many biblical examples of prodigals. It says if we train them up in the way they should go they will not depart from it when they are old. It doesnt mention what will happen in the interim between youth and old age. It seems like such an innocuous ommision but it always seemed significant to me and I hang on to that promise!
Finally, I think a lot of us had checkered youths if we are honest about it. We also probably assumed that with the benefit of our excellent parenting and homeschool experiences that our children would bypass that. And lots of homeschooled teens seem to. But I am not sure we should be so quick to assume they all will. Nor does it seem to be a sure thing that just because they rebel or appear unimpressed with our lifestyle or their education as teens that this spells certain disaster for the future. I just think the return on our prayer and parenting efforts is not likely to come when they are 15, you know what I mean? It could get really hairy before it gets better, but scripture promises us it gets better.
Long winded. This is a thread near and dear to me. I suspect there will be a lot of us who invested heavily in team sports with public school peers who are or will regret that choice. But God can still bring good out of our circumstances and make up for what is lacking.
That said, if you are still debating about it I would heartily encourage you to avoid ps like the plague! We have met some very nice kids but even the really *good* families have sunk to incredible lows and those kids have so few speed bumps in their lives it's scary. I am not sure what God is going to do with all that but while it plays out it seems more than wise to try to steer clear to the extent we can.
Kim in CO
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mumofsix
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 205
|
| Posted: Jan 13 2006 at 9:21am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Not what you want to hear, maybe, but I would strenuously recommend avoiding public school, and I base this on my own experience. Public school is going to be a problem for any child, in the culture that is at war with our values, but the rebellious child is most at risk. My son went to public school (or the English equivalent) for two years, and left last May. I feel I am only now beginning to get him back, and the one good thing about him is that he never left the practice of the faith. My other children are much more accepting of our wishes and much more obedient, but still, after this experience, I would NEVER send any of the four younger ones to school. Some children do just fine, yes, but many lose their faith and risk their eternal salvation: is it worth the risk?
I loved the way you put it, having the weight of eternity on your shoulders. That is eloquent and of-course exactly the situation for all of us. It would be scary if we did not have Our Blessed Mother on our side!
I loved also Willa's parallel between her son's medical difficulties and our sons' wandering hearts. I think she is so right, and it is a very understanding and humble thing to express. The devil wants to bring us low, and he will do so in all these ways, but God will only permit what we can bear. And He will bring great things out of it. You can do this.
Jane.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Motivating the Teens
