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SAHM24
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Do you have more or less children than you thought you'd end up with, in the beginning? Did you want 10 and got 4, did you plan for 2 and have 6? Did you not want any and got a few surprises that you adore?!
How many did you want? How many do you have? Do you want more, or are they on their way? Have you decided to stop?
I'd love to hear your story! When did you decide to stop? and why? OR When did you decide to keep going? and why? What happened? Are you still going?! Why do we all love big families?
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~~<~~@ Jen @~~>~~
married best friend 93
SAHM to ds 3/14/98, dd 11/8/99, dd 9/16/02, dd 9/7/04 (twin angel)
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amyable
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Well, I don't think we are done yet - we have 4. Growing up I always wanted 4-6 kids, I think maybe because I come from a tiny family and I'm also adopted so I want to create my own large blood related group of people  .
However after each child I've said, "I'm DONE! Don't ever let me do this again!"  I think my PPD with #2 was made much worse by knowing in my heart I should have more but thinking I could never ever deal (I was a mental/hormonal mess  )
This time, with baby #4 (she's 5 months) that stage lasted quite a short time. Dh has always wanted 4. When pg with this one and right after, he was very happy being "Four and Done"  He said he felt complete. But I just wasn't sure WHAT to do. We have some valid (we think) reasons to space kids (even indefinitely), but it just didn't seem right. I prayed that God would bring DH in line with His will because I was just too emotionally/hormonally caught up in the whole thing. Lo and behold, a month or so later, dh has a total turn around from "4 and done" to "more kids would be a blessing". A week or two after I noticed this change we went to see Scott Hahn speak and I read Kim Hahn's "Life Giving Love" (which dh skimmed, he hates to read  ) That totally cemented it for us.
Now granted, I'm in no hurry to get pg again. We are practicing family bed and night time power nursing for the first time, and I'm hoping that will keep fertility at bay until I can get a handle on our new challenges. Maybe that's selfish but I don't think my body can handle being pg and nursing (I'm kind of sub-fertile, a term which makes my friends with fewer children roll with laughter - "You? sub-fertile?? ) but I've lost as many babies as I've birthed and it can take months of 'serious trying' for us to get pg. So anyway, because of our food allergy situation, I want to nurse this baby until *at least* two, and not get pg during that time. That is my wish. Not sure what I'll actually DO about it though. I'm 36 now, so have many *possible* fertile years ahead of me.
I figure God knows better than me what I need, and my kids have been the best thing for my soul. Especially having 'more than average'. Even being joked about at the OB's office by the other women in the waiting room gives me something to offer up, right?
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Martha
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We're are so weird. We've never thought about how many we'd like or not. Even before the dc came and I joined the Church. We've just kind of gone with the flow without much thought about it. Just accept and love whoever He sends as they arrive.
At this point, I'd like to stop after this pregnancy. I've reached a point where it's just getting very hard on me physically (which has always been hard) and emotionally to deal with pregnancy/delivery. I'm not interested in getting pregnant again. Wouldn't turn a wee one away if I should end up pregnant again after this - just will not be looking for that, kwim?
SAHM24 wrote:
Do you have more or less children than you thought you'd end up with, in the beginning? Did you want 10 and got 4, did you plan for 2 and have 6? Did you not want any and got a few surprises that you adore?!
How many did you want? How many do you have? Do you want more, or are they on their way? Have you decided to stop?
I'd love to hear your story! When did you decide to stop? and why? OR When did you decide to keep going? and why? What happened? Are you still going?! Why do we all love big families?
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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Jeanne
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I never imagined myself with six children when my husband and I married. That was during our contraceptive thinking stage, but praise the Lord, He changed our minds and hearts to His will for us.
It has been wonderful having such a large family and I really hope we are not finished yet.
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Jeanne
mom to 9 (21,19,17,15,12,10,6,4,8 months
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
P hi li ppians 4:13
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dhbrug
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We originally planned on three because once you have more than that you need a larger car.
Much of my world view was formed by science fiction - much of which is filled with evolutionary, feminist and over-population myths. Once I rediscovered the truths of the faith I re-examined everything and we changed how we viewed life, the universe and everything.
Now we have six children and it is hard to imagine life before. Each new child adds and changes the family so that the family is now something different.
We have found that one's life plans rarely pan out as envisaged. It is said that if you want make God laugh, tell him your plans.
So now we just take each step as it happens and enjoy the gifts we have been given.
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David
http://bruggietales.blogspot.com
dw Lana 89, dd 91, ds 93, ds 96, ds 98, dd 01, dd 04, ds 07
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Willa
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We never really picked a number -- we wanted all the kids God gave us, especially DH. At 7, looks like we're done  . Thrilled to have each of them plus the precious 3 in God's arms, and a bit sad that there probably won't be any more unless something changes.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Bridget
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I wanted 12 children and Kevin wanted 2. (Like every good woman, I was sure I could change him.) He also wanted to live in a condo in the city and drive a Porshe.
Now the poor guy drives an economy car and a big beast of a van, lives in a big, older house in the boonies and has 7 children. And he wants more as much as I do.
Guess it worked. 
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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KC in TX
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I wanted to have more than 4, but after 4 csections I don't think I can do it. It's getting harder and harder to recover. My body just can't take it anymore. My dh on the other has is perfectly content with what we have. He never thought he'd have more than one or two.
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KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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kingvozzo
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This is a good topic 
When my husband and I married, we always thought we wanted 5 or more children, but we didn't want to start right away. We've always practiced NFP, but he was in graduate school and I was the breadwinner with plans to get my own graduate degree after his, so we wanted to wait about 4-5 years.
Well, God really laughed at those plans, because we were blessed with our son 5 days before our first wedding anniversary. We thought we were well on our way to our 5+ children. But, babies #2, 3, and 4 were taken to heaven before we met them, and we seriously began to wonder if God was calling us to adoption or foster parenting or what. We just could NOT imagine an only child. Then we had our beautiful daughter, who we thought we would never meet. My son and daughter are less than 3.5 years apart, but we really doubted if we would have more than one. Then as soon as I stopped nursing dd at 16 months, we were pregnant with our son who is now 2. But, that pregnancy was a doozy, with many appts. with specialists, and constant monitoring from early on to make sure all was well, given my history of miscarriages. Lots of prayer, stress, time away from the other children, and doctors' appointments. My 2 y/o has reduced his nursing to the point that we might get pregnant again, but it hasn't happened yet (4 months). I've always gotten pregnant pretty easily in the past, just had problems sustaining them. So I'm wondering what God has in store for us. I don't know if He will bless us with more children. My husband and I would love more, but our history is spotty. Three is, I don't know, enough in some respects, but we don't consider us done.
I don't know at what point we would consider ourselves done---how old would our youngest be before we started thinking, "OK God. I think we're fine here."
I'm only 32, so I figure I've got a lot of years ahead of me, if God so wills it.
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Noreen
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Mom to 4 great kids and 10 sweet ones in Our Lady's arms
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Marybeth
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We wanted 8+. Actually dh wanted a baseball team of boys and some girls thrown in for added "excitement"!!!! He has 6 brothers and 2 sisters so it seemed natural to him to have lots of kiddies running around the house.
Well, our honeymoon baby took 3 years, 7 months and 1 day until he arrived at our hotel room in Guatemala City. The cross of infertility about did me in at times. I fell so much on my walk with this cross. God is so faithful and good.He knew exactly what I needed to bring my ds home to me. Mary and the saints interceded for us at every step. We are now in the process of adopting Baby #2. I still have moments were the cross is heavy and hurtful. Although, I would gladly carry it many times over to be my ds' Mommy!
God has blessed me in so many ways--our baby was the youngest child adopted out of Guatemala and he came home exactly 2 weeks before Thanksgiving in 2000. We didn't even anticipate him home before Feb. 2001.
Dave is correct--God must just laugh at our attempts to control our own lives.
God bless,
Marybeth
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Elizabeth
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I can't remember a number I set out "wanting." We have seven and I dearly want more.So does my husband. It's been two years since my "fertility returned" (not really, but my cycles are back), since our last baby. I was 36 when she was born. I miscarried once when I was 38 and we haven't been able to conceive since. Never motivated charters (we just took what God planned when He planned), I've gotten quite the charting education now, after being married 18 years. But no baby . It's a very odd feeling after years of pregnant-then baby-then pregnant again. We ALL want another. I see my dh, who thought it was just a matter of time, starting to join the rest of us in wishing and praying hard  . And...we've begun to explore adoption.
Amy, it makes perfect sense to me that you would want a large group of blood relatives, but I wonder, what you would think of adopting a child into a large group like mine. We're discovering that many programs are closed to big families. Is this just another symptom of cultural bias against large families or is there a potential problem?
Bridget, you were a biological child in a large family of both bios and adopted children, what do you think?
I think mothers of large families can really develop a heart for large families as they grow into the role. Then, when their biological child-bearing ends, they aren't feeling "finished"--perhaps God has groomed them for more all along and He wants them to look to other ways of bringing children home.
So...anyway...I'm not where I thought I'd be. I thought I'd have a baby last year and I thought I'd be gearing up for a new pregnancy soon. But I'm not where I thought I'd be in other ways either. I had horrible PPD and Post Taumatic Stress Disorder after the last baby.I have to say that coming through that extraordinarily long dark night had changed me. I wish I had a baby to share the new me with , but I'm looking at it all as a tapestry to unfold...
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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JennGM
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I'm glad you posted, Marybeth! When people would ask me how many children I wanted, I always thought it was an odd question. I never thought about numbers, I just thought I'd make that decision one child at a time. It seemed almost sacrilegious to place a finite number when I'm merely cooperating with God in procreation. But I guess that mentality has prepared me for my reality!
I was ready to get married at a young age, but God wasn't ready for me...I didn't meet or marry my dh until the ripe old age of 33...so already I knew the baby years were reduced in number. Then our "honeymoon baby" arrived 3 years and and 3 months later (I like that term, Marybeth!)...after a very high-risk pregnancy. God never makes it a cake-walk!
I, too, was so frustrated by the infertility...being surrounded by 4 very "Fertile Myrtle" sisters...and cousins. I have the "only" child, while my sisters all have 2 to 5 children....The upside is that most are local and so my son is surrounded by loving cousins and aunts and uncles.
I had a miscarriage this past April and no pregnancy since then. I have peace about it...God will send one if and when the time comes. It's not the same as waiting for child #1...I can't fret about the charting. I was so obsessive for those 3 long years that I don't want to get into that mindset again.
Dh and I are discussing the possibility of adoption...and since the process takes a while, we should make the decision and research sooner than later.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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JennGM
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I also want to add this thought. I only have one, but I have a large family mentality. I came from 7 siblings, and I NEVER wanted an only child. I think the "big picture" -- I do things in my house still set in the mentality that I have a large family. I don't know why I can't shake it exactly...maybe because I felt like I raised my siblings and I'm on my second family now? 
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Courtney
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I'm from a family of 6 girls and always wanted a big (4-?) children. My dh, OTOH, can't imagine more than 2. We do practice NFP and that was hard to convince him of. I still would love more. I struggle btwn still trying to convince dh for more and being grateful by accepting the blessing of these two wonderful dc as what God had planned for us. I jokingly (but really meaning it) that he could give me that for my 40th bday. My pushing has caused some discord, so out of respect for my dh, I don't feel like it's right for me to continue. Out of respect for his feelings (which, btw, are that he would feel very overwhelmed...he's an introvert and gets overwhelmed easily by noise and lots of activity) I feel right now that the best thing I can do is just pray for God's will. Maybe this is God's will. My husband thinks that God knows his limitations and that is why we should only have 2. I see how much dh has grown since the first dc and how much love he gives our children and can't imagine not sharing that further.
On another note, I did have a partial placenta abruption with ds after trying VBAC. He ended up in c-section and my dr. advised no more VBAC. I'm fine with that but some people (my mother) think that's reason to stay away from more children.
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Courtney in Texas
Wife to Mike since 3/94 
Mom to Candace 10/97,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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amyable
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Bridget wrote:
She advises adopting a sibling group. She thinks it's hard for a child to grow up with no one around him who shares his genetics. My adopted sister agrees.
She also thinks that you have to go into it realizing that there is a grief at the seperation from the bio mom that never really heals. She has many friends in the adoption world and as their adopted children reach adulthood they all have come to pretty much the same conclusion. That doesn't mean they don't have a good relationship or are messed up adults. It just means it's there and the child has that little wound tucked away in their heart.
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Just getting away from the topic of the main post, but I want to add my 2 cents here that I agree. It *was* hard growing up being the only one in my family (albeit a small family, one brother) who was 'different' - I didn't share their genetics, their interests, etc. Funny thing was I look JUST like them. No one would know I was adopted if they weren't told. In fact, many people talked about the family resemblance! My mom and I would just chuckle, smile, and say thanks.
A book I once read said that being adopted is like being and living with ghosts. You pretend to be the 'real' child of your parents and they pretend to be your 'real' parents. But there are always the ghosts of your biological parents in your mind, and the ghost of the 'child who *could* have been' - the biological child of your adoptive parents that you feel you are 'replacing'. In your mind you never live up to that child. Bridget is right - that doesn't mean you are totally messed up as an adult, but there is definitely baggage.
I SO wish that adoption grief was more understood 30-40 years ago. I feel like I live with a hole I can never close up, like I'm still living that fake "ghost" life. Well, at least that has brought me so much closer to God. I let Him fill me up and I used to pretend that Mary is my real biological mom. Who needs more than that?
Thanks for letting me ramble about it for a bit - my dh is the only one I can talk to about this and I think he's heard enough lately - I kind of go through an adoption related crisis after every new baby .
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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JennGM
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amyable wrote:
| A book I once read said that being adopted is like being and living with ghosts. You pretend to be the 'real' child of your parents and they pretend to be your 'real' parents. But there are always the ghosts of your biological parents in your mind, and the ghost of the 'child who *could* have been' - the biological child of your adoptive parents that you feel you are 'replacing'. In your mind you never live up to that child. Bridget is right - that doesn't mean you are totally messed up as an adult, but there is definitely baggage. |
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A friend of mine recently went through the adoption process and adopted a baby boy. The process included reading myriads of books where the adoptees were all struggling with acceptance...and the counseling also included the notion that girls are the hardest to deal with adoption. It seems the female instinct is to know your roots...and being adopted doesn't help that.
I have a girl friend who was adopted into a large family. Problem was the large family was all adoptees from different places, and she always wondered if she was adopted because she was loved or because they were just trying to keep on the pro-life cause. She is so anti-adoption because of her personal experience. At the age of 35 she finally found her birth mother and finally found answers to so many of her questions.
So thanks for speaking up. I like to hear the persepctives. Seeing my b-i-l I would have to agree with the male/female differences in views of adoption.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Elizabeth
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Bridget,
I'm going to try to start an adoption thread in this forum and see if we can't move posts...
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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momtomany
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I think that I always thought six would be a nice number, but after #6 arrived, I still longed for more. So along came the next three. When we lost our 10th child at nine days old, I still really wanted another. And after 5 years, I still do. Though I'm trying to come to grips with the fact that my child bearing days are probably over. But I would be thrilled with a miracle.
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Mary Ann in PA
wife to MIchael, mom to Elizabeth, Becca, Tim, Peter, Andrew, Sarah, Matthew, John, Leah and Joseph
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Kathryn UK
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Courtney wrote:
| I still would love more. I struggle btwn still trying to convince dh for more and being grateful by accepting the blessing of these two wonderful dc as what God had planned for us. I jokingly (but really meaning it) that he could give me that for my 40th bday. My pushing has caused some discord, so out of respect for my dh, I don't feel like it's right for me to continue. Out of respect for his feelings (which, btw, are that he would feel very overwhelmed...he's an introvert and gets overwhelmed easily by noise and lots of activity) I feel right now that the best thing I can do is just pray for God's will. |
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Courtney, I could have written that post almost word for word. I was 38 when I had my second daughter. I longed for more children, but my dh (who is not Catholic) felt more would be overwhelming. I went through the exact same struggles you did. My 40th birthday came and went. By the time I got to my 43rd I had pretty much accepted that no more babies was God's will for us. Last Saturday was my 45th birthday. This week I discovered I am pregnant . Seems like God had plans after all
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Kathryn
Dh Michael, Rachel(3/95) Hannah(8/98) Naomi(6/06)  (11/07)
The Bookworm
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amyable
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Kathryn UK wrote:
This week I discovered I am pregnant . Seems like God had plans after all
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Congratulations!!
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Are you where you thought with #?
