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mrsgranola
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Posted: March 28 2008 at 4:18pm | IP Logged Quote mrsgranola

Lisa, I love you dearly but I'm going to try to reply to this list as best I can. I"ll reply in italics to make it show up.
LisaR wrote:
   
I just heard from a friend who homeschools 9 kids and they have tried to live the rural life for 6 years this is some of what she mentioned:
you need so much more to make it "work" - What does she mean by "make it work"? That's vague.
animals come with vet bills and rising feed costsMost people don't go to vets with livestock that often if ever. Some feed can be grown yourself on that land you've got.
septic fields fail I've never in all my 37 years heard of a septic system "failing"-- I even asked my dad about this. Maybe that's something in her part of the country if it doesn't have the right flora.
well needs to be re dug Again, this is extremely rare-- you have it dug and then you don't pay for water utilities each month. I hate the thought of what is done to city water to make it edible, personally Ick....
need to buy a different vehicle to manage the rural roads Again, our roads are as good if not better than the cities near here-- Raleigh, Durham, etc.
need the riding lawnmower and then the snowblower, and then the bigger riding mower Well, I have a riding mower that we've had for a LONG time and no snowblower needed here. :-/
taxes (at least around here) are now only 6-11% less than "city" taxes Yep, this is highly variable place to place.
need to buy, and then store, more books due to lack of nearby/good library Well, I don't NEED to buy them all but I like to when I can. ;-) Even our county's library system is hooked up to others in the county if we need to send for something we don't have
dh is gone more often due to longer commute, then more busy when he is home with upkeep. You got me there-- but mostly depends on the career. There are lots here that drive a little less distance but spend the same amt of time in traffic whilst my dh is breezing along country roads.
need the sump pump due to flooding Depends on your area... not here.
generator Not necessary
attached garage/mudroom because otherwise mud/excrement gets tracked in No more than anywhere else... we have old shoes and bare feet for dirty jobs
need to buy new mailboxes as the one on the road keeps getting bashed in with baseball bat by teens. Not typically. Maybe needs a better county govt./sheriff dept. there? (Since she mentioned roads...)
and that is just part of it.
I just know for our own family, I suppose we could somehow make it work if we needed to? but we can not afford the country life (gas prices alone makes it out of reach) and we can afford where we live now, and that is the bottom line.
However, one point that has not been mentioned- is what about living in the country when dad works from home?? I think that would be a fascinating/rewarding lifestyle?? I agree!


When It comes down to it for us, many people live in the cities near here and are geographically closer to work and malls, etc. but they have much less freedom in how they live, IMHO. I don't have covenants telling me I can or can't have a clothesline, I don't have to worry about them changing the water disinfectant (this happens occasionally with county/city water supplies), no one tells me how many or what kind of pets, etc.

ALso, it's much MORE costly to buy homes in those area closer to my dh's work. This house we built would cost 3 times as much if it were 30-40 mins. in that direction. And I'm only 25 mins. from the State Capitol Bldg. so I'm not totally in the boonies, either.

If I hadn't grown up in the country I suppose I'd have a hard time adjusting, too. My adult life has been mostly in the city until about 7 years ago with a brief time in a small town rental while we were building this house. I remember when I first went to college at a major university that is kicking butt in the NCAA tournament and I could not for the life of me get accustomed to the lights outside my window every night and the sirens, etc. It took a year for me to really adjust and I didn't have all the family responsibilities, etc. then, either, so I imagine changing locales once you had a family would be much more traumatic.

OH, and LIsa I had to laugh when I read your post with sidewalks being so necessary for you. I hate 'em! I only appreciate them when I have to use a stroller which is rare.

One thing in Susan's post ... I do not in any way think that it's necessarily more environmentally friendly to live in the city. "Them there is fighting words." (As the saying goes.) I can't spend anymore time on the computer right now b/c this has taken me forever already among the going ons around here but I would like to explore this more.

Go 'Heels!

JoAnna

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Posted: March 28 2008 at 4:46pm | IP Logged Quote LisaR

well, I promised I was off until tomorrow but I am SHOCKED at how many messages I have gotten from people who are so very angry and thick skin that I usually have is a bit thinner due to a very tired and in pain little boy recovering from surgery.
I did not want to post more revealing details given to me from the family of 11 because many others here at 4Real know them IRL.
I am only repeating some of the things she rattled off to me, but they are not exclusive to this family. another family we know recently discovered e coli in their well, another who left a sale because they discovered NO spetic (excrement went straight to ground, AND a 35 ft well!) I know my parents personally had Nitrates and some other harmful something with levels so high thaey had to pay 4,000 to remedy it, and they live 17 miles from me.
none of this really matters.
We can't afford a pet, we can barely afford to feed ourselves! (a response to some who have said that I have vet bills, too??)
We can't afford much for gas, so living 5 miles and on a bus line for dh works for us.
we appreciate the carpools for ds's high school, 3 miles away.
we are grateful that the times my son stopped breathing, help arrived in 2 minutes.
we are so very glad that in times of suffering, months long bedrest, and extreme strife, our multi faithed/raced and various neighbors carried us through, and we continue to be humbled and grateful.
most importantly, Jesus being present 24/7 a few blocks away is priceless to us.
PLEASE discontinue the emails and tearing apart of my posts. thank you
I stand by this thought- our happiness or joy SHOULD NOT come or be affected by where we live. If we think we HAVE to live somewhere to be happy, then it is all backwards. If My home is gone tomorrow, and the only option for us was 30 miles from nowhere, I would go joyously.


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Posted: March 28 2008 at 5:03pm | IP Logged Quote chicken lady

I am not sure what happened Lisa, but I love you dearly, and I enjoy your input and different perspective. I pray you know that
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Posted: March 28 2008 at 5:48pm | IP Logged Quote lapazfarm

***Speaking as a moderator here***

This board is a wonderful place to come together and share our lives. We should be able to feel safe posting here, and know that we will not be flamed or bashed for sharing our opinions.
However, we also need to be able to disagree here. There are as many opinions as there are members here, which is in the thousands! And we cannot expect to always agree. Expect dissension. But we must also be certain that our differences of opinion take the form of criticism of content, and not character.And that we always, always convey a tone of tenderness and respect for our fellow 4Realers.
Please take a moment to read the post in the "About Us" section of the board that pertains to an atmosphere of respect.
I do not think anyone has crossed the line in this thread publicly, but since I am not privy to PMs and emails, I do not know what was said in private that may have caused hurt feelings. I hate to think that a member is feeling singled out or harassed over such an innocuous topic.

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Posted: March 28 2008 at 6:14pm | IP Logged Quote SusanJ

mrsgranola wrote:


One thing in Susan's post ... I do not in any way think that it's necessarily more environmentally friendly to live in the city. "Them there is fighting words." (As the saying goes.)
JoAnna


I panicked until I saw the winky face. I'll assume that this is still a charitable "fight" and respond to the environmental argument. I have never lived in the country, by the way, so everything I say is based on what I know about the city and what I imagine about the country. I don't even have Lisa's experience of having lots of friends who live in the country.

The biggest example to my mind is that city-dwellers just use the land much more efficiently. Most of us don't raise anything from the land, true, but neither do we take up space with private yards. I should be clear that my neighborhood, block after block for miles, is attached row houses and apartment buildings. Kids play in areas that are shared by the community. There are drawbacks to that, obviously, but I'm only thinking of the environmental question, here. As for raising food, many of my friends use empty lots or other green patches to raise vegetables in community garden settings. They teach each other how to cultivate their small patches of land. It's not subsistence farming but it supplies the families pretty well all summer long (I don't do this because we always think we will be moving in June--maybe if I got a community garden plot dh would finally get hired somewhere!).

City-dwellers usually use less fossil fuels. Here is what the Wikipedia article says about this topic in New York City:

"Mass transit use in New York City is the highest in United States and gasoline consumption in the city is at the rate the national average was in the 1920s.[37] New York City's dense population and low automobile dependence help make New York among the most energy efficient in the United States.[38] The city's greenhouse gas emission levels are relatively low when measured per capita, at 7.1 metric tons per person, below the national average, 24.5.[39] New Yorkers are collectively responsible for one percent of the nation's total greenhouse gas emissions[39] though comprising 2.7% of the nation's population. The average New Yorker consumes less than half the electricity used by a resident of San Francisco and nearly one-quarter the electricity consumed by a resident of Dallas.[4"

That's pretty impressive. Of course there are city dwellers and country dwellers who will use their cars as much as possible no matter what and there are people in both settings who will avoid their cars as much as possible no matter what. But, on the whole, city-dwellers drive less. Our homes also cost less to heat because we share heat with the apartments and buildings around us.

Acquiring what we need can be much more efficient as well. I will use only farm products as an example. If I want to support local farmers (and I do!) I can order through our co-op which is able, entirely on its own, to keep an Amish farmer in business. Or I can walk four blocks to the farmer's market on Saturdays during the season to get meat, bread, produce, eggs, and cheese from local farmers. It's true that some country dwellers are able to do all of these things for themselves thereby elminating the need to drive to get them yourself or the need to truck them into the city. But if you don't raise something yourself in the country you have to drive to get it--even if it's only to the next farm it uses more energy than my walking four blocks.

One thing I will grant you is that you can probably make a good case for city-dwellers being less physically healthy as people because we are exposed to higher concentrations of pollution and chemicals. This might be true, but it might not. It might be offset by us tending to walk more (though, again, some city dwellers never walk and some country dwellers probably get huge amounts of outdoor exercise).

So there are some of my thoughts on the environmental question.

Just to be clear, as I've said before, I think its perfectly legitimate to live in the country. But in my experience cities get an unfair bad rap. Cities have been largely abandoned. I know we're not all called to get in there and help fix things but I know we are--at least right now. I don't want to attack any of you country folks--just present an enthusiastic apologetic for what great city living can be.

Susan

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Posted: March 28 2008 at 6:15pm | IP Logged Quote Taffy

LisaR,

I am so happy that you enjoy living in the city and that it suits your needs. I'm surprised and shocked that you'd received nasty messages regarding that and am sorry that you did.

We're all different here after all. I enjoy spending time in a messy barn and with farm animals. I know for a fact that many women do not share this joy! Just as I don't share many women's joy of shopping. Neither position is wrong. Whether one enjoys city life or country life more is simply a preference. Neither is right or wrong for everyone!

BTW - the closest maternity ward around here is over an hour's drive away (about 45 min when one is in labour )! I must admit that on those occassions when we are making that drive, I have wished that we lived closer to the city.

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Posted: March 28 2008 at 7:17pm | IP Logged Quote SallyT

Well, my sweet husband, despite his commute and work he had to do, came home to run things so that I could sleep. Having slept all day I feel marginally better, but would wish this crud on no one. Thanks for the good wishes!

Someone asked, "Why Utah?" and I presume I'm the one to answer that. I went to graduate school there, (NOT at BYU, never been Mormon), and then my husband spent some years as a parish priest in an Episcopal church. Two years turned into eight really fast. In many ways it's a strange place to live, but we still miss the mountains and desert and wide-open spaces. It took me a long time to adjust to Cambridge, though I did fall very much in love with it in the end.

I didn't grow up Catholic, either, and I do like being close to our parish church, except that . . . I don't. I wish lots of things about it were better. I sing in the parish choir, which is a way of supporting the (sloooow and reluctant) development of good traditional liturgy there, but we drive across town anyway for daily Masses at least once a week, and our parish doesn't have an Adoration chapel, either. So we drive, and we do domestic church a lot, even though we live five minutes from the church.

As for the environmental part of where one lives: there are persuasive arguments on all sides, clearly, but I incline more towards wanting to cultivate gardens and green space, which is not only a gift to myself, even if it's my yard, but a gift to air quality where I live, too.

Just some more random thoughts, as I continue rising from the almost-dead,

Sally

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Posted: March 28 2008 at 9:13pm | IP Logged Quote mrsgranola

Lisa, I'm so sorry if my note offended you. In no way did I mean for it to seem mean-spirited in the least. Same for Susan and anyone else. I'm just offering my perspective in my own way as best I can. This is why I'm not a prolific writer! ;-) I find it hard to write my thoughts coherently while the kids are awake.

On a different note, there have been a couple references on this thread about children being around more and varied people (racially? intellectually?) in the city as opposed to the country. This does concern me that we are viewed in that way. I suppose this thread will help to challenge some of the stereotypes we all have about those who live in different places than ourselves. I know I have my own prejudices that I must confront from time to time.

For example, please don't think I'm an ignorant hick b/c I have a thick Southern accent. And I will try hard not to think you must be a rude Yankee if you have a thick Jersey accent. Do you understand what I mean? Sometimes we all make presumptions without even realizing it.

I also will admit that I have to challenge my presumption that city dwellers would be more materialistic and attached to things inherently b/c they are closer to good and services and wouldn't value what they have as much b/c it would be easier to replace it, re-do it, etc. When I read someone mention the *opposite* in this thread, it really made me think about what my underlying presumptions are.

This is the kind of discussion that I wish we could have around the den with a bowl of popcorn (lowfat, of course) to share.

[Started back on WW]

JoAnna




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Posted: March 28 2008 at 9:39pm | IP Logged Quote LisaR

thanks to everyone who responded to me! I admit, today was a bit more stressful than usual with Thomas.
WIth sleep deprivation, I am certain that my thoughts came out jumbled/misunderstood.
It is a side benefit, yes, and not what we were "seeking", but I absolutely love it that my kids are around those of all walks of life (well, not quite all ) regularly, but in a safe and monitored environment. I don't think of anyone as hicks or whatever else you were referring too- hey I grew up in Hippie Oregon in the '70's and '80's!! who knows what type of accent I have now!!
Susan, I like what you wrote about Farmers Markets. We are HUGE fans of locally grown produce, either from the 'hood in the summer (hey we even have a sweet old guy in a pickup truck-in the neighborhood who also happens to go to my parish and I'm friends with two of his daughters!- who drives around like the good humour guy but with fresh produce from his huge square foot garden for sale- CHEAP!!) or our backyard, or the farmers markets 3 and 5 miles away.
A friend who lived in the country joked that we ate much more local/organic than she did- stocking up once a month at Sam's Club.
I think where I live it is more like Cay's description- I just happen to be on an edge that is really really close to the Interstate and downtown. We are 5 miles away from Wildlife Prairie State Park the other direction- where the buffalo and a lot of other animals roam!!
We burn in the backyard, have rope swings, clothelines, tree forts, and more, but sidewalks which I DO love!! We have no subdivision laws or anything...
We go hours without a single car down our street, although I DO hear sirens occasionally as the new firehouse (happymama, they built a whole new one!!) is right down the street.
I also really believe that WHERE each of us live geographically could vary greatly with regards to cost.
I don't mind telling numbers and I'll say we paid about 100,000 for our home, but would NEVER be able to touch something in the country around here for that!!
However, I recognize that it might be flip flopped in other areas.
well, it has been fun, and interesting.
please forgive my insensitivities.

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Posted: March 28 2008 at 9:43pm | IP Logged Quote LisaR

PS I grew up on Mass Transit in Portland, OR. Dh rode it for years as we only had one car the first 10 years or so of marriage. it is a very viable option for us, and our older dc. We even know some of the bus drivers pretty well! Just a shout out that Mass transit rocks!(and there are plenty of stereotypes out there about that, too!)

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Posted: March 28 2008 at 9:48pm | IP Logged Quote LisaR

lastly around here there are higher rates of Cancer in the rural areas, due to the pesticides used in farming, and the run off from the mega hog farms. There are lots of those reservoir/run off water little lake things that farms will stock with fish. big news here recently is about the deformed fish due to chemicals. The air quality is worse and the well water is something to watch/test carefully. Then again, the county I live in is high for lead. but that encompasses all of those old farm houses as well as the big old ones right in the city, I suppose? Our home was built in 1973, so I guess we are at risk? And, I suppose the city water is now a problem due to hormones? sigh....

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Posted: March 28 2008 at 11:20pm | IP Logged Quote Tina P.

SallyT wrote:
Someone asked, "Why Utah?" and I presume I'm the one to answer that.
Sally


Sally, that was me who asked, "Why Utah?" and it's because that's where my husband decided to retire from the USAF. I suppose I ought to have explained that in my last post.

When you said Cambridge, did you mean Cambridge MA? I lived *near* but not in Cambridge, England. That was a large city that to me was like a frustrating maze. Go ahead and laugh, Kathryn! Once we figured out our way out of that city, we never visited it again. And until my parents came to visit us, we had no desire to visit London. It's too crowded, too plural (does that make sense?). I couldn't pick out a native Londoner for all the other people that were visiting. What we did was fun, however. We walked in pouring rain and tried to find an open place so my poor son could use the bathroom on the first day. The next day, we visited the Tower of London and St. Paul's. That day was much better.

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Posted: March 29 2008 at 6:15am | IP Logged Quote Lisbet

Whoa, Lisa, I am so sorry you were attacked via pm. I thought this thread was an interesting discussion, friendly debate kinda thing. I hope none of my post brought you down.

I think again it comes down to discernment. Where each individual family has to discern where they can best serve God. And again, for us, it's not working here. My patience are worn thin because I am so wary of my neighbors. My children are stifled because..of..our neighbors. By boys have bb guns they can't shoot (target practice in the backyard once resulted in an angry phone call from a neighbor, firecrackers too, in the middle of the day!) We tried, we really did. And while I totally understand that it may be environmentally friendly in the city, it is not for our family environment! :)

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Posted: March 29 2008 at 8:52am | IP Logged Quote LisaR

we've got airsoft gun target practice gearing up to start here soon this morning, LOL!!! I really DO think this question is SO much more than City/Country, because every single one of us has a different definition of what that is. If I were to describe my clothelines, the buffalo, the red fox and deer, the firepit, tee pees, tree fort, and so on, people might think "country", but we are 100% city!! (ok, our backyard IS nice and wooded...)

Dh and I talked even before we were married about being missionaries, about being present to our "neighbor" even as someone mentioned their friends do.
We spoke about how we KNEW we would always be very very low income, and prayed that God would show us how to be the best stewards of our time and talents.

When I made the reference to my higher educated neighbors (who some also happen to drive Lexus's, BMW's, etc) it really was my amazement that those in much higher income brackets would purposefully choose our neighborhood, when they could choose so many other options. (we've had a few chats around the fire pit!!)
For us and our income, we are so very very limited.

Lets say we DID find property/house for 100,000 in the country (which would never happen) our gas expenses would almost triple, in the home, and in communting. Dh always jokes we don't have the 900.00 for the riding lawn mower, but its true!

So when I read the question originally, I could not separate what is the best use of OUR income, and because we are constantly grateful and reminded that we have a good thing going, being city dwellers.

As far as consumerism goes, I do sometimes ponder that living close to employment just makes sense, or seems more naturally ordered, and that is why I brought up the examples of 100 years ago, people in the country worked in the country, people in the city worked in the city, and really would love to explore the sociological factors of that more.

We support families who have "dropped out" and are CSA (community supported agriculture- organic) farmers, I LOVE that concept, but it seems like the majority of people we know live in the country do so because they want "quiet" yet they rely on cars to drive them to work and church and alot of their "life" , miles away...

and....I suppose everything would change for us if we had "bad" neighbors. SO far I fear we might be the bad ones, ha ha!
We've lived in three different states and now are in our 7th home, we DID have a peeping Tom in MI, which was terrifying and horrible, (dh literally dove out of our screened in window and chased him down/tackled him)
but he wasn't a neighbor, and it was over quickly.
I am sorry for those who suffer from horrible neighbors. I can't even imagine. How does one figure out if the neighbors are "good" prior to a move? I guess we've been naive in this area of discernment, and we've been fortunate...??

check out www.communityofstjohn.com
look at the photos. This is where my parents built a home, and is 17 miles away, and where we are 3rd order. We know we are always welcome to come for a "desert day", overnight, weekend, retreat, whatever!
Out Catholic Homeschool group even has a co-op out there!

The Brothers/Priests speak often about how THEY are the oasis for us to come to, their charism is to be little and hidden away, to strengthen and fortify and pray for and with us families who are called to be "in the world" by the nature of our vocation, our dh's jobs, etc. It is interesting that they call them desert days, as we are far from any sort of geographical dryness....
ahhh time to find the protective headgear!!


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Posted: March 29 2008 at 10:57am | IP Logged Quote lapazfarm


And on that note...

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LisaR
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Posted: March 29 2008 at 11:06am | IP Logged Quote LisaR

mrsgranola wrote:


I also will admit that I have to challenge my presumption that city dwellers would be more materialistic and attached to things inherently b/c they are closer to good and services and wouldn't value what they have as much b/c it would be easier to replace it, re-do it, etc. When I read someone mention the *opposite* in this thread, it really made me think about what my underlying presumptions are.



we've got kind of the it takes a village mentality around here!! happy mama's dh used to come over with his chainsaw , dh has repaired more washing machines (including our own!) than I'd care to count, and everyone borrows/helps/lends often.
We had many neighbors and homeschool friends equally reroof our home with dh recently, and even though we are 1 mile from Sears and 2-3 from Lowes, we are rarely there. I guess it is easier to call up a few neighbors ("I was sure two houses down I saw that Bob had a such and such in his garage") then drive/buy new.
In fact, we are going to be doing some neighborhood fencing repairs soon, encompassing about 5 different yards. (none of us have 100% fenced in yards, just a few panels here or there, or in the back.)
My SIL who lives in the country in another state on some acerage had said that sometimes they personally slip into the mentality of "we're at Sam's Club/Lowe's for the month- we might as well buy such and such now because who knows when we'll be back again!" where we have the "eh, it's right up the road if we HAVE to, but let's try XYZ first!!"


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LisaR
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Posted: March 29 2008 at 11:11am | IP Logged Quote LisaR

lapazfarm wrote:

And on that note...


HA HA HA!!! see, growing up in a big city (Portland, OR) but to semi-hippie parents (not unusual in Oregon in the '70's!!) We did not have TV, hence I had never even heard of/seen this show!!
I won't even tell you when I finally saw an episode/figured out what the Brady bunch was. LOL!!!!

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Kathryn UK
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Posted: March 29 2008 at 11:43am | IP Logged Quote Kathryn UK

Tina P. wrote:
SallyT wrote:
Someone asked, "Why Utah?" and I presume I'm the one to answer that.
Sally


When you said Cambridge, did you mean Cambridge MA? I lived *near* but not in Cambridge, England. That was a large city that to me was like a frustrating maze. Go ahead and laugh, Kathryn!


No, Sally meant Cambridge, England . And yes, it is a maze. They didn't build streets wide enough for cars 800 years ago . I do like Cambridge, and we seriously considered moving there at one point.

Native Londoners may be hard to spot but they do exist. I married one - born within the sound of Bow Bells, so technically a Cockney (East Ender). He always said he would never live anywhere that wasn't within walking distance of a tube station, but I managed to convince him otherwise . Oddly enough, London is one of the best places I have lived from the point of view of being close to nature. I was very close to Epping Forest, which is ancient woodland and still feels it. Five minutes walk and you would never believe you were in London.

My trump card when playing hunt-the-bathroom is McDonalds. There is always one nearby somewhere!

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SusanJ
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Posted: March 29 2008 at 12:21pm | IP Logged Quote SusanJ

That Green Acres link was hilarious. I've never seen that show. It's funny--for all our city loving we don't fit a lot of city stereotypes. We're conservative, we hate to shop, we aren't at all hip or stylish. But I wouldn't want to muck out a stable or dig potatoes, either. We do tend to haunt our neighborhood coffee shops . . .

I love the city and I love the country. I even love small towns. Its the sprawl that really gets to me. I was struck by Eva Gabor's love for her "penthouse view" in that Green Acres opening. I watched a documentary last year on the history of New York City and in one segment there was a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald. He had gone to the top of the Empire State Building right after it was completed (in the 1930s). New York, by then, was already a huge metropolis with population in the millions. He could see, from the top floor, the city and then beyond it--green. Not freeways, or industry, or shopping malls. Outside the city was green. That's my ideal. Cities and towns surrounded by the country--not by sprawl.

Susan

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CrunchyMom
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Posted: March 29 2008 at 1:06pm | IP Logged Quote CrunchyMom

I can't quite figure out sprawl. Like, I look at all the beautiful country that is in the middle of nowhere, and I wonder, why have we stopped establishing new towns? Yk? Why can't there be a town in this nice spot instead of all the nice small towns growing rapidly as suburbs to the cities--why can't they have their own center anymore? Like, why do we have to cling to the existing cities developing everything around it exponentially. Is there a reason things have changed so much in recent years?

I think the same thing about modern developments? What is the difference between those and when towns were established with nice homes, lots, sidewalks, etc...

I haven't done enough reading about it all to come up with an example, but when I look at developments taking over places locally (like Lancaster County PA) and think of how far those people are willing to commute to live in the country--but not really since its a development.

Anyway, I'm not judging anyone, and I don't have answers, just these are my own musings from exploring properties in my own area...

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