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margot helene
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| Posted: Nov 10 2007 at 8:36pm | IP Logged
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I suppose this is the kind of post I would make if I had a blog for musing about my life and family. I hope you don't mind me reflecting on it here.
Because, I have made a lovely discovery: Homeschooling beats the phenomenon of mutation! What is mutation, you say? Well, when I was a middle school teacher, there was a documentable syndrome that happened when children began to leave "childhood" to enter adolescence. I dubbed it "mutation" since it seemed that the person, who the day before was a perfectly amiable, malleable human being became a moody, irritable, and difficult-to-figure-out non-human teenager. It began near the end of 6th grade if it was a paricularly bad case, but mostly began with the onset of 7th grade. The mutation ended around the end of 9th grade. When friends complained about their teenagers, I would just shrug and say,"Oh, it's just the mutation. It will end soon and he'll be back to being human; just smile and bear it the best you can." My husband even began saying it when talking about his students, "Oh this one is really struggling with his mutation."
When I read Voyage of the Dawn Treader and then The Princess and Curdy, where the person had to shed layers of "skin" to get purified, I added that to my metaphor and talked about the mutated person shedding the layers of mutation through difficult stages to get back to being human. Why does it have to be so tough? Fallen nature I guess. Or simply the aging process. You have to leave childhood and become responsible and find out who you are. That might be painful. But does the person have to be vile to others while going through it?
It just dawmed on me the other day that I have yet to describe my own children that way. While we have had a few instances of "nobody listens to me," or "I can't say anything," we are moving smoothly through the onset of puberty.
I think I must attribute it to the homeschooling lifestyle where the child is not threatened or worried by all that is happening. You don't have to give up your childhood interests overnight. You don't have to be cute or popular, or be worried about being cute or popular, every waking minute of your day. People around you accept you no matter what. Mom and Dad work with you. So instead of agonizing over the layers of changes that will bring you into man or womanhood, you come out of childhood confident and happy. Yes, my kids are happy . . . that's my discovery! And it is so gratifying. You change, you grow, but no ugly mutation.
Anybody else experiencing this? Am I right about the lifestyle being the difference?
Margot
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vmalott
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 7:42am | IP Logged
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I read this Sunday and sooo wanted to respond. 
My oldest is only 13, but so far she hasn't had any of that "mutation" you mention and I've seen in other children her age. She had a slight bumpy period when she first hit puberty, but I think homeschooling allowed her the "space" and free time she needed to adapt to the changes that were so quickly hitting her (she dropped a lot of outside activities that no longer suited her of her own accord).
Of course, I've read posts here about people who have had some real problems with their teens...many with boys. I think, in these cases though, it's a boy who is around 15, wanting/needing to assert his independence. So, that's different than the mutating 7th grader. 
Valerie
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 9:51am | IP Logged
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Hi Margo! Like Valerie, I wanted to respond right away. Thanks for the post and I'm glad to hear that their is no mutation at your house  . I also want to give you an award for a most original and "I gotta see what THAT'S about" subject title  .
I also worked in schools way back when as a teacher and I enjoyed working at the middle school/jr. high level. I understand the mutation you talk about and agree that most homeschoolers don't seem to mutate in the way I saw at school. Yes, my older children are going through changes, but things don't feel as abrupt or extreme. I do think it has to do with having extra time and space in their comfortable and loving home that helps. Yet, I fall into the trap of wanting everything to go SO smoothly as if there are NO changes to be gone through or that the transition will be seamless...what's with me? One key is that when I was teaching, I was detached. I could see clearly where these children were coming from and where they were going in a more objective manner. I saw "through their act" more easily. When it comes to my children, I'm so involved that I sometimes, let's see, only see the trees and miss the forest (did I get that right ?)
Love,
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 1:45pm | IP Logged
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From personal experience, I remember Junior High as being that period where everyone started getting really nasty. I had an acquaintance who taught Junior High who described the mutation and said that anything academic is wasted because there are just too many hormones and behavior issues.
I took a few child psychology classes through high school and college, and I have wondered for awhile how the stages of development differ for homeschoolers. I can't remember which psychologist it was who described the point where "kids break away from their parents and become more peer dependent". It was always described as normal and healthy, but now I understand that it really isn't.
I expect some rough patches as my kids hit those ages. I know how those hormones can reek havoc on a person, thinking back on my own puberty and not to mention pregnancies. I agree that homeschooling does take a lot of the pressure and embarrassment out of it all. I mean what is your biggest fear as a girl that age? What if someone sees me carrying a maxi pad or, even worse, what if I bleed through? And then boys have to worry about having physical reactions in front of the class. And of course, it is because everyone is so insecure and embarrassed that they act out on each other to make themselves feel better.
In summation, I totally agree with you Margot, even if I don't have any first-hand experience, yet.
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Willa
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Barbara C. wrote:
| I can't remember which psychologist it was who described the point where "kids break away from their parents and become more peer dependent". It was always described as normal and healthy, but now I understand that it really isn't. |
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There is a good book on the subject of peer dependency called Hold On To Your Kids. It makes the "peer dependent" thing sound like an attachment disorder, and to some extent that does seem to explain the mutation thing and all the toxic cultural stuff that goes with it.
Over the summer I read a book called A Tribe Apart. It is a journalistic case study of a set of Virginia teenagers from a fairly affluent city and class. The author spent many hours with the teens over several years' period of time and got to know them well. I found it a bit painful to read because of the extent of the disorder it showed in these young folks' lives.
Homeschooling is not a panacea, of course. I have seen some hsed teens "mutate" and some public schooled kids grow up clean cut and great -- very often when their families are close and involved and active in their lives. And some Catholic schools are pretty decent (I think Lisa R pointed out that in her area the Catholic schoolkids are faring better than some of the hsed kids who have formed co-dependent bonds with each other).
I do notice the mutation thing. Actually it was my kids who pointed it out to me. They see these cute appealing 11 and 12 year olds change and stay changed for several years. Often they do come of out of it just around their grad year. At least in our area.
I think it is normal to become more independent during the teen years. I see my kids starting to think more and more for themselves, and wanting to work things out rather than just accepting my word for it. That's a good thing IMO -- apprentice adultship, different from chronic teen-dom 
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Willa
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lapazfarm
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I think homeschooling and close families have something to do with it, but I also think it has a lot to do with personalities. Some kids just age more gracefully than others. I have so far 3 kids who have gone through the process. The first one did so very UNgracefully and the next 2 have been smooth sailing. The next one (Superboy) appears like he will be easy as pie, but JBug I can already see giving me trouble at that stage.The two little ones are a bit young to tell, but the 4yo is much more of an even-keel temperament than the 2yo, who has huge mood swings like I've never seen before, so I will not be surprised if puberty is not so kind to him!LOL!
I can see how homeschooling can smooth out some of the rough patches and make things easier than they would be otherwise. But I don't kid myself that it will guarantee my kids to be mutation-free!LOL!
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mimmyof5
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| Posted: Nov 15 2007 at 9:14am | IP Logged
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Both my older two have mutated. I'll have to tell my dh what it's called so we can have a name to apply. My 2nd oldest started when she was about 12 to 13; now at 16 she seems to have shed some of the layers. My oldest I didn't think would ever go through this, but she did. She just waited until she turned 18.
They've both been homeschooled (2nd oldest now in school but this happened while she was home). Of course, I don't know any kids in jr. high with which to compare them, so perhaps our mutation is not much compared to that in the schools. Nonetheless, we have witnessed a difference in attitude, personality and such. And I'm so glad they were at home when it happened.
Janet
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Beating Mutation
