Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.



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Subject Topic: Facebook Yes or No? Jan. 09 revisit Post ReplyPost New Topic
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stefoodie
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Posted: Sept 27 2007 at 6:34am | IP Logged Quote stefoodie

Quote:
Am I naive to think that our ds could survive without it??

We did, didn't we?


Yes, we did. I also grew up being close to practically every single one of my 36 cousins -- something I can't offer my children because we're so far away.

One thing that, I guess, is unique about our family -- and that may not be a concern to anyone else here -- is that we have moved so much, and we do choose to keep in touch with many people, both family and friends, that have been important to us and continue to be. I find it reassuring that dd is able to maintain contact with people we've moved away from and esp. family from back home -- cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. I guess this is a very Filipino trait and may not sound familiar to most of you here.

Though she has great relationships locally the continued connection to her family and her heritage is a big part of our decision to let her do this. But as always, YMMV.

Great discussion, gals. Thanks! I'll print this thread to show dd and dh. Angie, thanks for that link as well! I think we'll be re-evaluating too.

Sigh.... something works, then it stops working, and you have to constantly find better alternatives. Parenting teens -- it does keep us on our toes, doesn't it?

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Posted: Sept 27 2007 at 10:43am | IP Logged Quote Angie Mc

stefoodie wrote:
One thing that, I guess, is unique about our family -- and that may not be a concern to anyone else here -- is that we have moved so much, and we do choose to keep in touch with many people, both family and friends, that have been important to us and continue to be. ....Though she has great relationships locally the continued connection to her family and her heritage is a big part of our decision to let her do this. But as always, YMMV.

Sigh.... something works, then it stops working, and you have to constantly find better alternatives. Parenting teens -- it does keep us on our toes, doesn't it?


For now, we're staying with Facebook and our decision has come down to two things. After looking at the whole set-up again and looking for security risks, Devin and I feel that the main risk is temptation from within the teen themself. In other words, there are so many security options to keep the teen safe but if the teen doesn't cooperate? Both Devin and I are practically locked in a dark cave of security there!

The second is exactly the point stef makes (maybe it is an Irish thing too .) We went over and over if there was a better way to stay in touch with friends and family, especially for my teen who has moved so many times. The answer right now is no. Devin's schedule this year - and into the future - is full. Facebook is an efficient and effective way for her to meet her legitimate need for ongoing friendship and community.

On a personal note I need to confess that I'm spoiled and so is Devin. Several of Devin's Facebook "friends" are my women friends, to include stef who I know is diligent, present, and in the know. All of our closest friends live away from us (at least 30 minutes to, well, the other side of the country!) and these friends are special and good for us. My dd's local friends have been befriended by her long distance friends (all Catholic homeschoolers) and it is good.

Here's Devin's take, "Facebook benefits are, you can have a group of your friends in one space for easy communication. You can organize your photos and comment on your friend's photos. You can join groups regarding your interests. You can keep things private. You can take a few minutes a day and know what is going on with your friends. Cautions: It is easy to lose time there, there are some ads on the sides that are somewhat inappropriate (Victoria Secrets.) If you don't properly control your privacy settings, strangers can view your profile. At first you will receive a lot of emails from Facebook (but that can be changed in your settings.) Strangers can ask to be your friend or to join groups you administer, but they can be denied. Oh...as homeschoolers we have no "school" to join through, so just join a regional network (at least this was a year ago.) If you have a friend that you don't want to have full access to your profile, you can put them on your limited profile which controls what they can see (all of that can be changed in your account.) If you have a teen who is undisciplined at the computer, either using too much time or with curiosity, Facebook may not be a good fit."

Since the issues of time and curiosity are not limited to Facebook, but hold true for online computer use in general, we'll stick with Facebook because it is the best container we have found to date to set up our teen for success online.

Stef...my toes are aching .

Love,

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Posted: Sept 27 2007 at 11:15am | IP Logged Quote Natalia

Angie,
would you thank Devin for me? her take on Facebook has been very helpful for me.

Is there a way to tour the site without joining? If I were to join how can I do it without belonging to a school? could my teen (14 dd) join the teens here that have a FB? Are you part of your dd's FB? Do you have your own?

Stef, the reason you mentioned about staying in touch with family makes a lot of sense to me. We don't have family here where we live. I just wish our family would be more technologically oriented

Thanks for sharing,

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Posted: Sept 27 2007 at 3:45pm | IP Logged Quote Angie Mc

Natalia wrote:
Angie,
would you thank Devin for me? her take on Facebook has been very helpful for me.

Is there a way to tour the site without joining? If I were to join how can I do it without belonging to a school? could my teen (14 dd) join the teens here that have a FB? Are you part of your dd's FB? Do you have your own?

Natalia


You bet! I'm pretty sure that there is a tour you can access at facebook.com. I think Devin signed me up under a Region (oh the details I don't hold onto.) I do have my own account and am connected to my dd's - she's my friend:). There is a Facebook group for the 4Real teens. If your daughter joins Facebook, my dd or stef's daughter can send her info. She would be able to see/meet and chat with the other teens there but most of the conversation has moved to a different message board format outside of Facebook started by one of the teens -   Catholic Teen Group . You can check this out for yourself because it is a public group. It isn't closed to just 4Real teens but you need an invite to join - I think:).

More than you wanted to know, right? :).

Love,

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Posted: Jan 21 2009 at 11:22pm | IP Logged Quote Angie Mc

I've had several friends on and off board ask me about Facebook so I thought I would update here. Well, really, I'll have my 16yo dd update because I have little to say . The account I had set up is now not active (you can't delete an account from Facebook completely but no one can see it.) I just never warmed up to it. Yep, that's all I have to say so here's Devin:

*********************

Angie Mc wrote:
Here's Devin's take, "Facebook benefits are, you can have a group of your friends in one space for easy communication. You can organize your photos and comment on your friend's photos. You can join groups regarding your interests. You can keep things private. You can take a few minutes a day and know what is going on with your friends. Cautions: It is easy to lose time there, there are some ads on the sides that are somewhat inappropriate (Victoria Secrets.) If you don't properly control your privacy settings, strangers can view your profile. At first you will receive a lot of emails from Facebook (but that can be changed in your settings.) Strangers can ask to be your friend or to join groups you administer, but they can be denied. Oh...as homeschoolers we have no "school" to join through, so just join a regional network (at least this was a year ago.) If you have a friend that you don't want to have full access to your profile, you can put them on your limited profile which controls what they can see (all of that can be changed in your account.) If you have a teen who is undisciplined at the computer, either using too much time or with curiosity, Facebook may not be a good fit."


Since I last wrote about Facebook, not too much has changed. I’d say the only thing that has changed is that many more people are joining…which means more groups to join, and more applications to play with (games, quizzes, ‘gifts’ you can give your friends …etc.) There are advertisements on Facebook, but I haven’t been offended by any of them that I can remember.

Early in 2008, I left Facebook because it sucked up way too much of my time and energy. It was pretty amazing the relief I felt after leaving. I was able to be more focused on school, family, and other priorities. In fall of 2008, I rejoined Facebook under a ‘fake’ name and became friends with only three or four people so that I could view their photos, part of Facebook that I really missed. That worked out fine, but I ended up fully rejoining Facebook (under my real name) in late November. In part it was because a few of my friends were going to college out of state and Facebook really is an easy way to stay in touch. I also thought that I would be able to handle it better this time around. Last time, Facebook became a constant thought in the back of my mind, “Do I have any notifications (updates)?” “Has anyone friended me (requested to be your friend on Facebook)?” “Did Suzy reply to my message?” If you allow yourself to get caught up in checking every 5 minutes, then that is when Facebook becomes a problem. Privacy isn’t a problem – you can set it to where no one can even find you through a search, only you can add people as your friend.

I’ve been asked at what age kids should be allowed to join Facebook or why they should be allowed to join so here are some thoughts:

Pros
-Facebook is an easy/fun way to learn how to communicate online. I'm taking college classes that require this skill and those who don't have it really suffer in a public way.
-Facebook really is an easy, easy way to stay in touch with people (even people who are harder to stay in touch with and people who live far away.) It is also funny to see my "Mom" friends getting into the online lingo .
-As a homeschooler, it really is a helpful way to stay in touch with friends since we can't hang out at a school.
-It can help to grow friendships in an informal way.

Cautions
-Without some personal discipline, Facebook can consume a huge amount of time. There is always something to do.
-If you have a kid who gets easily attached to things, you might want to help him/her set limits.
- It is usually better if a teen has a few ‘Mom’ friends (or if their parent/s also have a profile). Being completely unobserved on Facebook can lead to trouble.
- Sometimes people become competitive with the amount of friends they have. I’m friends with someone who has over 1,000 friends .
- As with any search engines, inappropriate things can come up in the ‘Group Search’ and there aren’t any filters to keep the search results tame.

Now that Facebook isn't so new to me and I have many higher priorities, Facebook isn't a big deal. I'm able to spend time on Facebook, enjoy it, and leave it. Would I have been able to be at this point without having made some time management mistakes in the past? Probably not. I just needed to figure that out for myself. Oh, and I know many teens who have a Facebook account without their parent's permission so I think it is best to join together or have another adult involved rather than banning it.

Good luck!

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Posted: Jan 22 2009 at 7:40am | IP Logged Quote crusermom

Thank you for the update. It is so hard to keep on top of all this stuff. My teens do Facebook - but our only computer is in the kitchen in full view of all and they can't be on when I am not home. I like how they can stay in touch with all their cousins spread all over the globe. It is hard being so far away from family, it makes us all closer.

Mary

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Posted: Jan 22 2009 at 7:49am | IP Logged Quote LisaR

I have to admit facebook is a perfect fit for me!! I love sharing information, books, articles, and by linking it to my profile page (so easy!!) It reaches a far greater audience than a blog would.
I've had friends from grade school and high school in Oregon contact me, college (steubenville!!) , and lots of local friends.
I am friends with my ds, age 15, and it is great to be able to converse with him about his friends/activities. (thankfully, facebook seems SO clean compared to myspace- which we never allowed him to have/get on)
He;s joined pro-life causes, etc and so have some of his friends.
I have had one tiny heated discussion about Obama crop up ON profile, but I loved the chance!
I have had no fewer than 5 friends contact me wall-to-wall to ask about NFP, what the Church teaches about sterilization, and even confession!
(I went to a very liberal Catholic High School, and was not even Catholic at the time, so I am a bit of a specimen to my former classmates!!)
I love seeing others photos, and posting my own.
Facebook does not suck me in. blogs do. I also tended to compare myself with blogs, or almost feel like I was reading waaayyy too much into people's lives.
facebook might be much more superficial, but I know that I'd never have connected up with long lost cousins, teachers, etc through a blog.
Plus I'm friends with my son's entire soccer team parents! and that has been bonding in a neat way.


I like all the causes and fans of _ that you can join.
It is all very quick.

have to run!

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Posted: Jan 22 2009 at 10:59am | IP Logged Quote Barbara C.

I have both a MySpace and Facebook account. Facebook is definitely the classier of the two, and seems to be becoming the more dominant of the two. I've loved reconnecting with high school and college friends, especially since my chances of ever making it back for a reunion are slim. I've even reconnected with an aunt and cousins that I rarely see due to geography.

There was a video posted against Facebook early in this thread. I think that video was a little alarmist. You may not be able to delete your Facebook account, but "you" decide what information goes on there. So there is no reason for Facebook to have your phone number, address, credit card #, etc unless you put them on there. Otherwise it has the same risks as e-mail.

If/when my child asks to join Facebook, I think I would have to assess their maturity and their reasons for wanting an account. And there would be definite guidelines like others have mentioned, such as only approving "friends" that Mom and Dad approve and keeping access to their page limited to "friends". It is very important for everyone to understand that what happens on the internet DOES NOT stay on the internet. And you never know who could be looking in on you.

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Posted: Jan 22 2009 at 2:46pm | IP Logged Quote Nedra in So. CA

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Posted: Jan 22 2009 at 11:53pm | IP Logged Quote ALmom

Ok, just so there is another side to the whole thing - I grew up without all the technology to keep connected and I did not live close to family. We lived overseas. We did not have TV. We had a party line (a real annoyance I'd rather live without)for a telephone which only was local so it seemed easier to just get up and go since we lived on an island 1/2 mile wide and 3 miles long - not a lot of point in calling. Long distance was possible in an emergency only using satellites. I remember my dad saying things like over and out and such the two times he used the phone (to check on his parents after riots in their town and when his dad died). The only thing I knew about computers at the time was that they used them to crunch data and track missiles. I was aware of the international dateline, since we were on the other side of it. We liked watching the streaks in the sky (LRBM) and wondering about the Russian "fishing boats" that were probably spies. We had radio for news - mostly AFRT, but we could sometimes tune into Australia or someplace like that.   We didn't have to have a computer to stay in touch with family or friends. We couldn't call except in an emergency. We wrote letters regularly. We made a point of visiting family at least once per year for several weeks at a time. The aunts, uncles and cousins all came home to see us then. I carried on correspondence by mail with a friend from 2nd grade for 7 years through regular letters. I correspond with high school and college friends through the mail, too, even now. I wrote all my grandparents very regularly. I found out when my grandmother died, that she had kept an awful lot of my letters. I spent some treasured special moments with my aunts and uncles when we visited. There is something especially personal about a letter written just to you.

I'm not saying it isn't convenient to have the more instant connection and each family must make a prudential judgement. I'm not criticizing anyone who has opted to make this part of what they do. There are a lot of technologically saavy folks who feel perfectly able to set rules for use, etc. There is a point in making sure folks are trained to the disadvantages as well as advantages and some folks have obvioulsy determined that they are better able to provide guidance here by doing and learning with mom looking over the shoulder. We just never felt the need.

If you do decide that facebook, and what not are not for your family, you certainly are not causing some horrible hole in their lives. I see no burning reason for us to get onto facebook. When our oldest went off to college, she made the decision to go on herself with her own computer. We discussed things with her and gave guidance. When she is home, she is open with us, uses the family computer in the open and loves to show us pictures of her friends. I don't think she has had any trouble due to lack of a chance to be online growing up at home. I understand that it makes it more convenient for her now to keep up with her accompanying - ie she reminds folks to pay, or that she needs their music x amount of time before she shows up for their classes. A lot of these folks rarely read their e-mail and she does like to get paid. Many of her professors are on so they've been informed about school related things very efficiently on-line. I don't fault her for going on. I'm not totally comfortable with it (I'm pretty ignorant about technology and its ramifications and I'm the one more likely to run into trouble than my dc) - but she is an adult now and is handling things fine. And, yes, folks she played with when she was 5 have re-built acquaintances and even gotten together back in town.

None of that makes it worth it for me to have to monitor one more thing by allowing any of my children at home to join. Some of this has to do with the particular bent of our family life. Some of it has to do with my own inability to adequately monitor something like this due to my own technological handicaps. Then again, none of them have asked. Honestly, we don't even have individual e-mail acounts. It is a subtle reminder to us all that this is like writing a postcard. It did make it a bit tough to sign up child # 2 when she took the PSAT. I think sometimes folks react to us like we are dinasaurs or something, but the worst that has happened from it is that people are genuinely stunned, give some good natured teasing and we have to ask what something is a time or two. I think we had no clue what a Wii was, and I do believe I had to ask about mp3 player. One of our dd professors couldn't find her something or nother that she didn't have and was relieved that she was finally able to receive messages on her cell so he knew she got info about rehearsal reschedulings for orchestra or something like that. Oh and the MP3 - my dd got one free because someone who already had one was given one as a prize and couldn't find anyone else to give it to (everyone else already had one). We had the cable folks insist our house was wired for cable when we knew it was not - because no one lived without cable anymore. Guess they met their first in us. (We'd love to have EWTN but it just isn't worth the cost for us to have cable at this time). I'm not saying that folks are holier or less holy for having or not having these things. There are still some of us who just don't feel it is necessary at this time. If you are also one, don't feel pressured or alone.

I still have not figured out how to get on a relative's blog - but my dd will show me if I really need to. I call my relative and she'll tell me if there is something on there I really must see . I just do not feel like I would even have a clue what is going on and many of my dc could pull the wool over my eyes if they wanted to. Computer use is an extra strain on the visual system, as is TV - something we really do not need at this point. I have some boys who would easily become addicted based on the 2 computer games we do have - and the others that have since been purchased by siblings for them. I already restrict computer time for the kiddos to weekends only and then only 20 minutes. All other computer use is for school only. All of the children know that computer outside of school research and TV is by permission only. Even our college age dd who obviously monitors herself at school, will not turn on the TV at home.

My dh used some interesting "tricks" for relatives who were in the habit of turning on the TV first thing. Our TV was a really old one that you manaully had to program in all the channels. First, he only programmed in the ones we wanted to see. Second, when we had relatives over, he could temporarily de-program everything and folks thought our TV was perpetually broken . Being behind the times in technology has its advantages no doubt .

Each family must make a prudential judgement about all these things - and we hopefully respect the right of the family to make the call. Unfortunately, when your judgement is that it is not prudent for your family, you are often viewed as either an ogre or overprotective or overreacting and seeing evil everywhere - like you are trying to shield your children from the workd while all you are doing is making a call that this is the best way for you to fulfill your obligations as a parent at this time with regard to these things. Part of our obligation as parents does involve protecting them from harm. I'm much more laid back about harm to the body - but potential harm to the soul, well, I'm just slower to move unless I'm sure it will cause no harm. Hopefully, we are making the right decisions. We certainly prayerfully consider requests from our children.

Janet
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Posted: Jan 23 2009 at 5:55pm | IP Logged Quote Essy

Thought you all might enjoy this.

http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-technology/20090123/EU. Vatican.Facebook/

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Posted: Jan 26 2009 at 11:27am | IP Logged Quote Katie

I just wanted to add that potential recruiters and employers couldn't check up on you via Facebook unless you befriended them, or unless your profile was public. Also, if someone "tags" you on a photo you can un-tag yourself. Facebook has now also added an option to completely delete your profile, as opposed to inactivating it, which is still an option also. I just wanted to clarify as those points were raised above.

If you want your child to have a Facebook account, you can be their friend and therefore have access to all their information and pictures, everything except the chat and private messages, really. Obviously if you knew their password you'd have access to that, too.

Living the way we do, facebook has been great for keeping in touch with a large number of people easily. I think I'll let my 11yo have his own page soon, as his best friend is moving away and he has a Facebook page.

Really, it's not as scary as it looks. I don't have time for all the games and ignore all the requests I get, but they're there if you like that sort of thing.

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Posted: Jan 27 2009 at 7:01pm | IP Logged Quote LisaR

Katie wrote:


Really, it's not as scary as it looks. I don't have time for all the games and ignore all the requests I get, but they're there if you like that sort of thing.


I agree, and wow, for some reason mySpace had a dark, scary look and feel to it, and we encountered graphic images, where facebook seems to have such a family, community bulliten board feel to it.

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Posted: Jan 28 2009 at 7:01am | IP Logged Quote Bookswithtea

Sigh...I established a facebook account recently, because some old old friends were talking together, and also because ds wants one. I figured I'd test drive it for awhile. I'm still having mixed feelings about the whole thing.

I know I'm new to this so maybe I'm missing something, but this is one of my concerns...

Everyone says its a great way to stay in contact with people. But what I've noticed is that its actually a great way to see what someone is up to without actually talking or interacting with them. I don't really see how it furthers a genuine relationship and it could be kind of creepy/voyeuristic, in a way. I'm not saying it *has* to be this way. But the potential is there to troll other people's lives without ever even saying hi to them.

Also, it seems weird to me that I see comments on other people's feeds about people I know, from people I have never heard of. I don't like the idea that my comments are probably appearing on other people's walls that I don't even know??? Or maybe there is some way to disable that?

Wouldn't it seem rude to "untag" yourself? We have a hard fast rule about not putting pictures of ourselves on the net. Then again, since I got an account, I've discovered ds's pictures are already on other friend's pages from group activities.

I dunno...these are just musings. Either I am going to do this and do it well (which is going to take time...its definitely more time consuming than I thought) or I am going to deactivate. I'm having the worst time deciding.

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Posted: Jan 28 2009 at 7:14am | IP Logged Quote Essy

Here's what I suggest. Go to 'settings'...then to 'privacy' and click 'manage'. Go to 'news feed and walls' and click on what seems reasonable to you.

Choose your 'friends' carefully...and don't belong to 'networks'. If you decided to post pictures, make sure that you choose 'friends only' to see it.

For me personally it works (it doesn't replace personal interaction and it really shouldn't)because I live far away from family. I love that we share the little details of our lives this way. But I've also blogged in the past, so obviously I don't have a problem with having people looking in...lol.This is way more secure then blogs if you set it up right.

The 'heart' of facebook is the news feed and the status updates. So if you really want to give it a go, just go ahead and start posting some comments on your friends status update and they'll soon start commenting on yours...and voila.

Have fun.

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Katie
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Posted: Jan 29 2009 at 2:18pm | IP Logged Quote Katie

Bookswithtea wrote:

Everyone says its a great way to stay in contact with people. But what I've noticed is that its actually a great way to see what someone is up to without actually talking or interacting with them. I don't really see how it furthers a genuine relationship and it could be kind of creepy/voyeuristic, in a way. I'm not saying it *has* to be this way. But the potential is there to troll other people's lives without ever even saying hi to them.


Well, you pretty much just described me on these boards! (I realize that keeping in touch with people isn't the aim of the boards, it just struck me as funny).

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Katie
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Posted: Jan 29 2009 at 2:48pm | IP Logged Quote Katie

So did I just say I was creepy? Uh-oh.



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Carole N.
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Posted: Jan 29 2009 at 3:06pm | IP Logged Quote Carole N.

Well, if you are creepy, then you would have to include me as well!

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homeschool4Him
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Posted: Jan 29 2009 at 7:04pm | IP Logged Quote homeschool4Him

Carole N. wrote:
Well, if you are creepy, then you would have to include me as well!


.........and isn't posting on boards under "fake" names even creepier in a way?
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Bookswithtea
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Posted: Feb 17 2009 at 12:08pm | IP Logged Quote Bookswithtea

Facebook's new privacy policy...

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,494064,00.html

...and Facebook's response to articles like the one above.

http://blog.facebook.com/blog.php?post=54434097130

I just saw these today. I thought they might be pertinent to the discussion here.

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