Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.



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Subject Topic: Saying "yes" to kids regularly Post ReplyPost New Topic
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Veronica's Veil
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Posted: Sept 11 2007 at 8:10am | IP Logged Quote Veronica's Veil
Is she 7/8 years old? Just wondering, because my oldest Ds was this way and it peaked at about 7 or 8 and I thought I would lose my sanity but for the most part he has outgrown it now at 10.5 and only asks what I would consider average # of these questions for his age and the fact that he IS the oldest...I think that makes a difference too, I mean they ARE used to getting their way with the youngers usually, right? So why not see if we can get our way with Mom too? lol
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hsmom
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Posted: Sept 12 2007 at 9:41am | IP Logged Quote hsmom
Amy, I do find saying yes more often than not to be effective. However, that doesn't mean immediate yes. Sort of like letting my "yes be yes" and my "no be yes". An example of letting my no be yes would be, Sure Honey that's a great idea we can do that when school and chores are finished. I think you indicated you already do this. If my dd asked for bubble gum and I told her "no" or "yes but later" and she whined about it, I would repeat like a broken record, "What did I say?"   At one point when the whining was so bad, anything she whined about would be taken away for a week. I would literally put it on the calendar so she could see when she could ask for it again. There was no warning. No waiting until she'd pestered the tenth time. Boom! On the calendar. It took about 3 things for her to get the message. By the way I consider whining back talk with a twang.

I have also found it helpful to have a written schedule so that when she asks to do something we can refer to the schedule or even the curriculum and say "Right now we need to be doing x, but later we can talk about your plans.

Another perspective I try to put on things is how the holy family would look. When St Joseph said, "Son could you bring be that lumber to make a chair for your cousin John?" Would it be okay for our Lord to have said, "Ah but, Father I was hoping to go down to the river with my friends and work on my ministry." I don't think so. Or I may frame it with, is this behavior going to be okay when she's 18? The boss might say, "You need to work on project X". It would not be okay for her to say, "But I feel like working on project y today".

I think it also teaches delaying gratification when I adhere to plans that I have made. If I've taken the time to make plans, particulary lesson plans it must be important. I'm sure my dd could come up with some better idea every day. And when she's done I like to let her to whatever is reasonable. Of course there are exception and flexibility is key. But exceptions everyday??

I've talked so much I'm not sure I'm still on topic. I always worry when I post that I may be missing the point. If so please just disregard.

Have a blessed day.
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