Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.



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Subject Topic: Are there Catholic books on wife's role? Post ReplyPost New Topic
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amyable
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Posted: July 14 2007 at 7:01pm | IP Logged Quote amyable

Or other Catholic books that can help dh and I work out this "husband/wife submission" dilemma? We both agree that we want to be - how do I put this - "radically Catholic" in this area and want to live wholeheartedly what God wants of us. I especially just don't know what that is!

Dh tends to think that I need to tell him more of what I *want* to do in a day or have for our lives, and I think my *wants* shouldn't come in to play and I should only do what dh/family needs and what dh *wants* and not think of my own wants. Particularly because every time I *do* state my wants, dh gets defensive or otherwise flustered about it. He is such a great man, I don't want to cause him any more trouble than I already do, lol!!

Of course, I always *do* wind up thinking of my own wants, because I'm a very selfish person , and wind up crying every weekend because everyone else got their needs AND wants met and I barely got my needs met. (can someone say big martyr complex?? ) Yes, I'm pretty hormonal lately, lol.

But seriously, we both have a desire to do the "right, Catholic" thing in this area, but are at a loss.

Just FYI, I'd be reading the books and disseminating the info to him - he's not a big reader (unless I can get it on audio) and doesn't have the time, anyway.

Thank you for any guidance, and I hope I don't sound like I'm husband bashing in anyway. My dh is the best man around, and it is mostly my problem. He wants so much for me to be happy.





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aussieannie
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Posted: July 14 2007 at 7:06pm | IP Logged Quote aussieannie

Amy, I can't think of any books off hand but Helen's blog has some very thoughtful and beautiful ideas in this area...

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Posted: July 14 2007 at 7:22pm | IP Logged Quote Mackfam

Amy,
My dh and I certainly have had to learn so much in this area. Neither of us grew up in this kind of environment, and it was so foreign to us. I know the Blessed Virgin lead us to discover God's plan in this area, and our marriage has been so blessed. Fr. Robert Fox has been instrumental in helping to form our attitudes. He is a good and holy priest. I have met him personally a number of times. He offers Mass at Mother Angelica's Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament. Here are some links to get you started.

First, he blogs at the Fatima Family Apostolate

You can get one of my favorite books Masculinity: The Gentle Man from his online store. Lots of helps for both husband and wife in there.

I also LOVE my subscription to The Immaculate Heart Messenger. Fr. Fox often covers topics like the husband/wife roles and others that are helpful in catholic families.

One more book of his that is great is Only Heroic Catholic Families Will Survive

Can you tell I love Fr. Fox?    Seriously, we needed some fatherly guidance, and our marriage has been blessed by his wisdom. I HTH.

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Posted: July 14 2007 at 8:29pm | IP Logged Quote teachingmyown

This isn't a book, but I really like Kimberly Hahn's tape set "More Precious than Jewels" based on the Proverbs 31 woman. She goes through the different attributes mentioned in Proverbs and discusses how we as Catholic wives need to implement them. Very, very helpful. And she is a joy to listen to. That is available through St Joseph Communications.

Emmaus Road publishers have a number of Bible studies. There are four for women, I think, one of which is specific to married women. That one is called Women of Grace. There is also a study for married couples called Family Matters by Curtis and Michaelann Martin. I have done two of the women's studies with a group of women. Dh and I have not yet done the couple study, but I really like the Martins.

If you are interested in the Bible studies, I have copies of each left over from our bookstore inventory if you are interested in buying one at a discount.



Hope that helps!



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Martha
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Posted: July 14 2007 at 8:43pm | IP Logged Quote Martha

Maybe you could pick a married saint in similiar situation to emulate?

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Posted: July 14 2007 at 9:02pm | IP Logged Quote aussieannie

That is a good point Martha. If you are looking at all the saints out there who were married and to know how they lived their lives in marriage one book I highly recommend is: Married Saints and Blesseds: Throughout the Centuries - This is full of SO many starting from the Holy Family to the 20th century.



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Posted: July 14 2007 at 10:35pm | IP Logged Quote MicheleQ

amyable wrote:
Or other Catholic books that can help dh and I work out this "husband/wife submission" dilemma? We both agree that we want to be - how do I put this - "radically Catholic" in this area and want to live wholeheartedly what God wants of us. I especially just don't know what that is!


Amy,

I'm going to do something I rarely do (and something you didn't ask for) and recommend a non-Catholic but Christian book and tape series. It was recommended to me by a Catholic friend whose opinion I value. I'll admit I was skeptical but I have found it to be wonderful! I did not have any trouble reconciling it with what we believe as Catholics - it fits and it fits well.

The book is called Love and Respect and the author is Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. He is Christian but not overtly Protestant.

I also got (and would recommend) the 9 CD set which I got my dh to listen to (he also read the book per my request but I think the CD's were more effective).

Without getting too personal and sharing more than I should, let me just say this book has been VERY helpful to us - even after 22 years of marriage.

Of course you did ask for Catholic sources so feel free to disregard this post - but I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't think it was worth it.

God bless,

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Posted: July 14 2007 at 11:35pm | IP Logged Quote chicken lady

I second Helen's blog.
Also anything that the Franciscans of the Immaculate put out is worth reading. Go to www.airmaria.com look up different talks, you will be blessed!
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Posted: July 15 2007 at 6:12am | IP Logged Quote Elizabeth

Amy,
I think you might find Valiant Woman a good read and also Letters to Newlyweds (can't find a link just now--Bridget?).

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Posted: July 15 2007 at 6:23am | IP Logged Quote Elizabeth

Here 'tis: Dear Newlyweds. I have several non-Catholic ideas too, but you said Catholic

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Posted: July 15 2007 at 8:09am | IP Logged Quote chicken lady

Elizabeth wrote:
Dear Newlyweds.


This is a great book! I remember dh and I reading it together, wondering why it is not handed out in marriage prep?????
Wonderful read!
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Posted: July 15 2007 at 1:15pm | IP Logged Quote cathochick

Don't know if these totally fit the criteria, but here are some suggestions:

A Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot
Holiness for Housewives by Hubert Van Zeller
The Authentic Catholic Woman by Genvieve Kineke
The Privilege of Being a Woman by Alice Von Hildebrand
Dressing With Dignity by Colleen Hammond
Woman of Grace by Michaelann Martin

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Posted: July 15 2007 at 2:59pm | IP Logged Quote amyable

Wow - some wonderful ideas!! Thank you so much my friends! A few of these I have read, many others were on my "need to get some day" list, and a bunch are new to me - wonderful!

I *did* say Catholic, but knowing you, Elizabeth, and you, Michele (and many other women on this board) I trust that you would not steer me in a different direction than I should be going - so if you are still willing to share non-Catholic ideas, please do! I need all the help I can get.    I just feared that if I *didn't* say Catholic, I wouldn't get Catholic resources at all, just part of the plethora of Protestant resources out there...and I had a feeling that Catholic works in general would have more of an underlying respect for the value of womanhood, and the fullness of truth.

Now I'll just take out a small loan to get all these books and hope that I can get a LOT of reading done on my babymoon.


P.S. Any books in particular that would help me get over the martyr complex,"Oh woe is me, nobody really loves me, even though I kill myself doing everything for them..." -flag those with a big star, will ya? I'll put those on the top of the list, LOL!!

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Posted: July 15 2007 at 3:43pm | IP Logged Quote Betsy

amyable wrote:
P.S. Any books in particular that would help me get over the martyr complex,"Oh woe is me, nobody really loves me, even though I kill myself doing everything for them..." -flag those with a big star, will ya? I'll put those on the top of the list, LOL!!


+JMJ+
I struggle with the same thing! I am almost done with the book Christ's Appeal For Love.

The beginning of the book describes St. Josephaís life and the second part of the book is what St. Josepha wrote under obedience about her conversations with Jesus. Each of her writings are a page or two and great to read and meditate on for a few minutes. It's helped me to realize that my needs can only be met by Jesusí Sacred Heart versus looking for someone/something to meet them! I am also more focused on the fact that the struggles that I meet each day are my way to make reparations for sin.

If this isnít the book for you, I would recommend anything pertaining to the devotion of the Sacred Heart.

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Posted: July 15 2007 at 4:56pm | IP Logged Quote amyable

Betsy wrote:
   If this isnít the book for you, I would recommend anything pertaining to the devotion of the Sacred Heart.


It's interesting that you mention that, Betsy...because of a few dreams I've had (I know, sounds "out there" ) I have had a long standing, yet extremely "undeveloped" devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Do you think reading the book you mentioned or other things on the Sacred Heart would really help me get over the fact that I always seem to feel like Cinderella -- everyone else I know gets "X,Y, and Z" and I'm left sweeping ashes, looking dirty, wanting to be at the ball? (Where is the swooning princess icon when you really need it )

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Posted: July 15 2007 at 5:01pm | IP Logged Quote CAgirl4God

last year I did a study wiht a couple of fews (Christian, faithful women). while it wasn't Catholic, it was from a Christian perspective on how to be a better 'biblically submissive' wife.   The Excellent Wife, from Martha Pearce.

I did learn a lot from it.



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Posted: July 15 2007 at 9:36pm | IP Logged Quote SusanJ

This isn't Catholic or Christian, but I just read it with an awesome Catholic book group full of very holy women and we all found it very helpful and applicable to the married vocation:

The Surrendered Wife, by Laura Doyle.

The title is dippy, and I was very skeptical, but it's been great for our marriage. I second Holly Pierlot's book--the last chapter is the best thing I've ever read on the wife's vocation.

I'm glad for this thread because I was hoping to do a bit more reading in this area myself soon.
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Posted: July 15 2007 at 9:38pm | IP Logged Quote SusanJ

Let me add--the book I recommended looks similar to the book Michelle recommended. A big focus on respecting your husband, putting things in their proper place in a marriage, stating wants in a healthy way all toward feeling more loved and appreciated and gaining more intimacy.
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Posted: July 15 2007 at 10:13pm | IP Logged Quote SuzanneG

I was at By Way of the Family a couple of weeks ago and saw this book:
Great Wives and Mothers. It looked great!


Also, Mary Ann Budnik's book Raise Happy Children Through a Happier Marriage is about Catholic marriages. Although, maybe not specifically about wives in particular.

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Posted: July 16 2007 at 7:32am | IP Logged Quote BrendaPeter

Hi Amy,

I found this old thread that I thought you might find helpful. I particularly wanted to recommend Debbie Pearl's "Help Meet" book (Protestant) & there's some info on it in this thread.

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