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Michaela
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| Posted: March 02 2009 at 4:59pm | IP Logged
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My SIL and her family are moving in, and there is only one problem, I really really really don't like to cook for people. I'm nervous they will hate anything I cook. Nervous is an understatement. I making myself sick over it. They will be pulling in this evening (u-haul carrying everything they own) and I can't stop thinking about if they will like goulash, mashed potatoes, green beans, and a salad. I can't stop thinking about tomorrow's dinner, and the next day, and the next! 
We are blessed to have them. They need help after being layed off a job in CA, and by them living here I will either overcome my cooking issues or die trying.   I honestly believe that God is pruning my hangups John 15:2 so that I can open my home more without worrying so much.
Any words of wisdom for you would truly be appreciated.
I don't really know what other families enjoy eating. I'm not sure if I should just serve what's on this week's menu or dump it for what they would prefer to make them happy and not hate my food. They aren't really guests that will be here a week, then leave. I'd serve their favorites. They will be here until they find a job and get enough money together to move out.
I keep telling myself to calm down, but my friends know I am a complete spazz over hospitality issues.
Any calming words of advice? Links to websites that you appreciate for menu ideas (large family cooking).
Thank you so much.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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Fuzzy
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| Posted: March 02 2009 at 5:18pm | IP Logged
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I know just how you feel! I'm sorry your having a tough time with this. God bless you for your generosity! Could you ask your SIL if she would like to share the cooking duties?
My sister Jenn has some really great recipes on her food blog. They are allergy friendly, but ALWAYS delicious!
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 Fuzzy
Mom to DS 12, DD 10, DS 7, and DS 4, and DD 1!
Fuzzy Memories
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: March 02 2009 at 5:26pm | IP Logged
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Michaela, be at peace and serve whatever you would serve your own family, with love and confidence that your extended family members will simply be grateful for the way in which you are opening your home to them. It may turn out that you SIL would enjoy helping in meal preparations, putting you more at ease (especially if you share your feelings on the subject with her).
May the Lord bless you and your family for your generosity toward family members who are going through difficult times. I grew up learning to cook from a grandmother and aunt who fed multi-generations of their family living together under one roof during the Depression (in a three bedroom, one bathroom house with a postage stamp yard). Their style of cooking was one of making do with simple, wholesome ingredients, yet everything they cooked seemed extra special, because of the love that went into making it!
Read further in John 15:
verse 16 reads...You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in My name, He may give it to you.
verse 17 simply tells us...This I command you, to love one another.
going back to verse 11...
These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.
Throughout the coming days of living in company with others may each one of you abide in His love, that your joy may indeed be full! It may not be easy...but it will be deeply rewarding, if all is done for love of the Lord and love of one another!
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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guitarnan
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| Posted: March 02 2009 at 5:43pm | IP Logged
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Remember, too, that Jesus told Martha not to obsess over hospitality issues, but to also make time to be with guests.
I think they'll be so happy to have loving family around during this hard time that they'll be more than willing to try anything you cook. As you all grow more comfortable together, I'm sure you and your SIL will figure out good ways to divide the cooking duties, too.
May God bless you and your family for being so generous.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JodieLyn
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Well, just realize that the sooner you include them the better it'll work.. not guests.. family. I did this with my sister 2 years ago, they were also escaping CA 
Collaboration is the key, it's fine to spend some time asking them what their favorite everyday meals are, and telling them what your's are.. and while you won't want to make 2 meals.. being flexible enough to heat up two different veggies can help things go more smoothly... and you never know..
maybe your SIL would love to do the cooking? 
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: March 02 2009 at 5:49pm | IP Logged
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Oh, Michaela....you're so generous! And, sweet! And, worried for naught, probably! They are so grateful to be staying with you, they could probably care less WHAT they are eating. But, nonetheless, I know how it feels to not be able to stop thinking about something.
I would keep it simple. Pick the 7 meals you feel most comfortable making. Things that are simple and practically everyone likes. This would be my list off the top of my head:
Lasagna
Chicken Enchiladas
Chili
Spaghetti
Roast Chicken w/veg
Sloppy Joes
Tacos
Pizza
Beef Stew
Breaded Chicken (Crispy Chicken)
Split pea soup
Make a menu rotation for Sunday - Saturday and then repeat. This would help me to make it somewhat of a no-brainer so I could focus on other things....helping everyone to adjust to the new living arrangements.
Just make the same thing for the next couple weeks. And, then go from there.....you'll get a feel for what everyone eats, and feel more confident in a few weeks.
And, I think it's perfectly fine to ask your SIL to share cooking. You have to think about what is most helpful to you. Lunches? two-three dinners/week? Clean up?
Sometimes, the ASKING is the stressful part. Does it help to see wording?
"Joan, we have soccer on Monday afternoons, would you mind cooking dinner on Mondays?"
"Joan, I'm getting the grocery list together for shopping in a couple days.........If you could take one or two meal nights a week, that would be great! Would that be OK?"
Or....."If you could be in charge of lunches, that would be great!"
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Suzanne in ID
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Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 02 2009 at 6:26pm | IP Logged
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And sometimes a bit of honesty and shortcoming on your part helps in the asking.
something like.. "I've never felt confident at cooking for large numbers of people, do you think you could take over part of the cooking? maybe dinner a few nights a week or lunches?"
Or saying what you like to do.. perhaps.. "I have no problem taking care of the dishes after meals, do you think you could help with meal prep?" (for me it would be the opposite I'm quick to admit I'll take all the help I can get at keeping the kitchen clean )
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: March 02 2009 at 7:07pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
And sometimes a bit of honesty and shortcoming on your part helps in the asking.
something like.. "I've never felt confident at cooking for large numbers of people, do you think you could take over part of the cooking? maybe dinner a few nights a week or lunches?"
Or saying what you like to do.. perhaps.. "I have no problem taking care of the dishes after meals, do you think you could help with meal prep?" (for me it would be the opposite I'm quick to admit I'll take all the help I can get at keeping the kitchen clean ) |
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Yeah....that's GREAT advice Jodie! A bit of making fun of yourself, telling people you're "awful" at things, mentioning shortcomings or things you don't like to do or aren't good at.....helps a LOT! As well as adding a bit of levity into the situation!!! Creating situations where everyone can laugh is important!
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Suzanne in ID
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Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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JennGM
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Michaela, I completely share your feelings. I always like to be hospitable, but I panic, especially for houseguests. I always think that we do things so differently and I don't know how to really be a good hostess.
I hope you can sit down and discuss with her. I'm sure she's going to want to help out, and maybe you can work on a meal plan together. Meanwhile, whatever you're planning right now will be perfect. Truly. It sounds quite yummy.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Matilda
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Michaela,
I have been in your shoes and the best advice I can offer you is that communication is key. Don't be afraid to ask questions or talk about how you are feeling or what you are thinking with your SIL. So many problems can be avoided if people can sit down and discuss things honestly with each other.
One quick note...that SIL is now one of the best friends I have! 
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Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11, 10, 9 & 5) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
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KC in TX
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What a generous person you are, Michaela. God bless you.
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KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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juststartn
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Definitely make them "at home" asap...by including them in the care/upkeep/running of the home...I know if it was *me* in your SILs shoes, I'd be wanting to help, because I wouldn't want to be regarded as a mooch. I'd be nervous and upset and in need of something that would make life seem "normal" for me--regular housework, while something I don't like to do, would have the added benefit of making me feel at home---after all, guests don't generally do the laundry, clean the kitchen/bathrooms, vacuum, or cook!
I'd admit your weak spots. Ask her if she is interested (in a few days) in sitting down and making a "schedule" for meals/housework. That way the two of you can get onto an even keel asap--she's going into another woman's house, in a bad situation in her life..
I feel for her. We're wondering if one of my SILs will be moving in with us. Its been on again off again for months, but we'd love to have her here. Course, I love to cook for crowds, lol. Laundry, well, now, that's a whooooole 'nother story...lol.
Anyway, GL, God bless, and I'll be praying for you all, that things smooth out soon.
Rachel
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Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: March 09 2009 at 1:11am | IP Logged
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Michaela~
How is it going? I've been thinking about you.
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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amarytbc
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My in-laws visit for a month at a time. When they're here, I ask MIL and SIL to cook twice a week. They buy the main ingredients and use our pantry items. It takes some of the pressure off. I'm like you and am not confident about my cooking either, especially with the IL who have a different cooking style. I cook what's familiar to our family and try to include more of the ingredients that they like.
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Michaela
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| Posted: March 10 2009 at 8:36am | IP Logged
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Thank you for your replies. I read them as soon as they came in, but everything has changed so much I couldn't actually gather my thoughts in time before someone needed me to respond.
Servant, sharing the verses helped so much. Basically, I had asked God why am I asked to do the ONE thing (cooking for others) that is my greatest source of anxiety. I should have continued reading to understand. Verse 11 was so comforting.
Suzanne, thank you for the list of meals. It's so helpful to have.
My SIL and I did have a brief conversation where I shared with her that I am very nervous about cooking. Her children are quite vocal about what they don't like, even before tasting. To the point of throwing forks (the 9yo).
Please forgive the length of this reply, but I did want to share why I've been so quiet.
Perspective -- we got a call THE DAY my In-laws moved in that my mom was going to lose her home, and would need to move in, too. The stress level increased for me, but it helped to put into perspective that cooking worries shouldn't be high on my list. Everything worked out, and my mom will be ok this month.
Well, now we are to the point of the older child (14yo)sticking steak knives to my oldest son's neck during dinner. We still aren't sure if it's a show off action or meant in another way. The older nephew seems like a very good boy....this could have been a joke that really wasn't funny. Plus, my son told him to stop or he'd tell. Grownups were sitting at the coffee table eating in another room. I had been dealing with Teresa crying DAILY, and not wanting to be around the in-laws. I've been sitting in my room with her for hours to keep her calm.
Sooooooo, cooking for the in-laws was put into perspective quickly. I still don't like it, but there is so much going on that it's not my greatest worry anymore. Nicholas has been in his room crying from the stress of being picked on, but no one told me what was going on until he wouldn't come to dinner.
My mom will be giving us a large dining room table so my husband and I can sit at the table WITH the children (especially our children) during meals.
Everything is so different now. Coming to these boards is like having a giant hug.
Sorry for the length.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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MarilynW
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Dear Michaela - I am so sorry for your stress. You and your husband are so generous to open your home to so many people. I will be praying for you each day. No advice right now - just sympathy.
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Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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Servant2theKing
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Dear Michaela,
You have been very much in our thoughts and prayers. May the Lord bless you and your entire family with abundant grace, peace, wisdom and discernment in all that you are dealing with. When we've dealt with some challenging family issues in the past the Lord blessed me with insight that we must reclaim and uphold Godly authority over our home and our family. For us, that included re-dedicating ourselves to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary, as well as praying for protection from anything unholy or ungodly entering into our midst. Sometimes, children reflect elements of a situation that we adults may miss in the busy-ness of caring for the day-to-day details of life. Trust your motherly instincts and stay tuned to your children in the midst of all that is going on...they can often serve as barometers of relationships or situations. What a blessing that your mother is able to give you a dining room table so that your own family can share your meals together...that should give you some sense of normalcy in the midst of your days.
May the Lord bless you abundantly, that your Joy may indeed be Full!
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chrisv664
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Michaela,
I am praying for you in these stressful days. I know the Lord will bless your genorosity; and remember.. His Grace is sufficient!
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Chris
Loving Wife of Dan and Mom to Kate, Jessica, Ben,
Rebecca, Thomas and Hannah
Burning The Candle At Both Ends
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SuzanneG
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Michaela~
Praying for you, Michaela....this is NOT EASY, but you will persevere, I'm sure. We will join you in taking Servant's idea of praying to the Sacred and Immaculate Heart this weekend!
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Suzanne in ID
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Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Mackfam
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Michaela - This is such a tough situation - I am praying! I entrust your family to the Sacred Heart and the Immaculate Heart where I know you will find refuge!!!
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Jen Mackintosh
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Wildflowers and Marbles
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: In-laws moving in
