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Natalia
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| Posted: Sept 09 2005 at 8:41am | IP Logged
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I am hesitant to post this. I am not an eloquent writer like so many of you are. So many times my post feel flat. So many times I don't express quite what I want to say...
We have had 3 days of school so far and I noticed that negative feelings are back: I feel overwhelmed, cranky,on edge, irritable. I have a quick Latin temper and it flares up easily when homeschooling. I find difficult to cope with my kids demanding something from me at the same time. Take yesterday for example, at a given moment I was working with my 12 yo, listening to her narration of the book she is reading. All of the sudden I hear this yell MOOOOOm from the dinning room: I need you. I don't understand this problem. My 8 yo was working on math which he hates. And at the same time the 3yo was screaming about something I don't remember what. I inmeadiately felt trapped and stretched into so many directions. I felt that I was going to snap. Do you ever feel like that? How do you handle it?
Really, lately it just seems that all the joy is take out of life. As my responsibilities with the kids increase as they grow. And I combine this with the cleaning and the cooking and the driving and being a wife. It just too much!! Where is my ability to enjoy life?
I think THE hardest lesson I have had to learned as an adult, especially in the last two or three years, is that life is hard. I had a care free childhood. I never had to worry about the details of life. I never had chores to do. I grew up with a live-in maid (part of my culture) and my mom is an excellent administrator of the household. Then I come here and decide to hs and I am swamped with all the details of living.
I shared in another post how we sheltered a family that had evacuated from NO. Well that was nothing. We rallied. Every body pitched in. We (my dh and I) seemed to have the ability to cope with crises beautifully. But now that family is gone ( they rented a house here in town) and life feels overwhelming again. And it all coincides with the beginning of hsing! 
So is it hsing that is causing my stress? Shoul I quit? I love hsing. i love the lifestyle. I love the learnng together. But if I am honest I think hsing gives me an identity that goes beyond being a housewife.
I find myself frequently preocupied about the things I need to do. The kids pitch in but sometimes it is such a hassle to get them to do anything that I end up doing it myself.
I didn't intend this post to be a letany of complains. I really would like to know how can I learn to be a little more care free? How can I relax without turning irresponsible? How can I learn to laugh again?
I think I posted once about a priest saying that joy is not something you set out to get but it is a byproduct of a life lived in love. But I feel that my capacity for love gets lost or emptyied out in the day to day worries. I don't feel loving when I feel overwhelmed. I don't feel loving when my kids requests feel like a demand. I don't feel loving when my dh wants attention and I don't have anything to give him. So how do I learn to enjoy life?
Thanks for listening. I don't have the time to reread this post so hopefully I didn't say anything too too embarassing 
Natalia
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Laura
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Natalia,
First of all....YES, I have definately felt the way you are feeling. I have often been heard saying (well, truthfully yelling!), "There is only one of my and X number of you!!" "I am only one person", etc...
The entire idea of offering it all up is somewhat new to me as well even though I am a crade catholic. Only in the past few years have I been reading the stories of the saints and seeing that a big part of our faith is offering up our difficulties and trials to God. I do get caught up in far too many pre-conceived notions of how I want things to go and then get so dissapointed when they don't go that way.
It seems that I go through seasons....seasons of content, seasons of discouragement. I am most greatful for the times when things aren't really going that well, but I am still content....this is the joy that the priest was talking to you about.
I had asked Elizabeth if she sometimes had to re-read her own book for encouragement and she said YES! She said that there are sections of it that were written by others that she has memorized! The section that Willa wrote on homeschooling on the road while Aidan was sick is extremely encouraging to all of us!!
What do I do when I am feeling the way you feel now....Well, pray and read. I would suggest...lighten the load, do something fun, etc...., but I can't honestly suggest those things as I am a "stay on task" type of person who obsesses about staying on schedule....there are extreme blessings and extreme burdens to being that type of person, but hey it's who I am!
Natalia, I will pray for you in this area. Actually, I think we should pray for all the 4Real Learning ladies on this board as I know that we could all use the extra prayer in this area!! Ladies, let's try to just add that line of prayer each day for one another!
__________________
JMJ,
Laura
wife to Ken and mom to 8 blessings with #9 due July 26,2009
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: Sept 09 2005 at 11:22am | IP Logged
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Dear Natalia,
You are not alone. I have my own hands very full this morning and so will have to be brief, with the promise of more later. But the first thing that comes to my mind is how often in the last week mothers have told me they are feeling weary and sort of despondent. My friend Linda calls it the "Hurricane Effect." The news of the day lately has been grim and hopeless. I think we are very affected by it, no matter where we live. Tragedy calls to mind eternal questions about the very nature of God. And those questions can cause us to stumble. The devil relishes the despair that has followed in the wake of the flood.You are living in Louisiana. For you, the tragedy is very close indeed. I don't think you can underestimate its impact on you.The burden of the events of the day is very heavy, indeed. And the whole family feels it--even the little ones. They are needier and you are depleted. Be gentle with yourself and kind to one another. As much as you can, get outside.
Two years ago, I slid from post-traumatic stress and postpartum depression into a fullblown severe depression. We really reassessed as a family and worked on reconnecting and we took the fall to do it. This is a talk I gave the summer following that year. There are ideas in here for how to continue when the joy is elusive and there's a booklist, too  . Whenever I'm sad, I buy a book. And if you could see my bookcases, you'd know that I get sad pretty often. Many prayers coming your way from my house today. Brew a cup of tea; I hope this blesses you. Go to:
4reallearning
and click on Living Books NACHE 2004
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Mary G
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| Posted: Sept 09 2005 at 12:25pm | IP Logged
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I am humbled by the candor expressed here as well as honored that you laides have shared your feelings so openly....thank you. I too have the "where has the joy gone" days and it helps immensely to realize that there are others that have these days too. Soemtimes I only see the other hs'ing families I know clicking away like clockwork and I'm wondering is it just me?
Thanks for sharing all the wonderful "how to get through it" advice Elizabeth and Laura.
Blessings and prayers to all you fine forum friends! i'll pray for you all during my Adoration hour this afternoon!
__________________
MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Laura
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Oh Natalia,
It just dawned on me while I was reading Elizabeth's post that you are the generous gal who opened up her home to Katrina victims in your state. God Bless You!
I was praying for/ thinking about you while I did my Friday cleaning today. I was continueing to ask myself how I find rest and hope when I am weary. As I shared above prayer and reading truly help, but I thought of a few more things as I was cleaning. As mentioned above I am very goal oriented. Often times I get discouraged and stressed because I do not see the progress I want when I am having a bad day. 90% of the time I get discouraged and upset about the condition of the house. If the house is clean and tidy then I am a happy woman. Even the children's fussing and the volume (VERY loud) of the household doesn't bother me. BUT, if the house is unorganized- WHAM...instant tension and stress.
So...I tell myself to relax about the condition of the house....THIS DOES NOT WORK.
I must do something about it. This is drastic, and possibly a little abnormal , but nothing makes me feel better then throwing things away.(Or bagging them up for the Samaritan House pick up day driver!) It is very therapeutic to me! Some women like to spend money and shop....I throw stuff away.
To better understand this...let me say that I am a Catholic who once had great longings to be Amish! 
Also, just taking on one simple project and taking it to completion brings me great satisfaction. Don't take on tons of stuff at once or you will feel worse! Clean out one messy drawer, etc...
Now I sound like the flylady, but hey, for me, it works!
__________________
JMJ,
Laura
wife to Ken and mom to 8 blessings with #9 due July 26,2009
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Bookswithtea
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Hi Natalia,
You are a brave and honest woman, my friend. {{{hugs}}} to you.
I write my hs group's newsletter and recently shared with them that my first week of school was a complete bomb. Then my oldest (I'm pretty sure you oldest and mine are the same age??), completely out of the blue I might add, asked on that Friday if he could go to public school!!!!
...and for the first time in my life, I actually considered it. Very seriously. Junior high is throwing me for a loop. For the first time, I have 3 children to homeschool. And I've never had babies any closer than 3 yrs apart before now (they are 2 1/2 and 5 mos). Dinner rarely happens on time or how I'd like it to be. The laundry is out of control, and I'm constantly discouraged. I told my dh the other day that I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me and I don't even know where to begin. I'm not smiling as much as I should be (and who wants to be around a grouchy mom?) and I get angry at childishness more than I care to admit. :(
In the end, ds and I found a compromise that he was happy with. We had several long talks with him and found out that he was just feeling like he needed something new and different in his life. I've never had a child this age before. I didn't know it would be a need in his life. So he is signed up now for 4 different classes through two local homeschool class days. I'm not teaching all his subjects anymore. Its a relief to both him and I, I think. I want to be his advocate, not butting heads with him. He only answers to me for history and math, basically. Its a funny thing...after that first week in classes, he jumped right into his "homework" and did a great job, and I was able to help and we were on the same side again! yay! :-) And the literature and composition class is harder than what I would have required of him...go figure! :P
I'd be lying if I said everything was better. Its not. I spent 2 hrs today trying to figure out just how to get the grocery shopping done in a timely manner, while still making sure the menus were relatively healthy and the cost isn't exhorbitant.
I did listen to some tapes of Holly Pierlot on the vision for homeschooling and the heart of Catholic Education that really did help. They reminded me of why I was choosing this path that is so hard at times. I really needed the reminder. And I have had to let go of a lot of what I envisioned getting accomplished this year, to make room to just cuddle my baby and do some fun stuff with my children so that they are actually *glad* to be homeschooled. And after reading tons of old posts here and asking about a million questions, I've realized that the way of hsing that has been working for me is just not going to work anymore, and if I believe we are still called to hs (I do), then I'm going to have to realize that this year is going to be as new and as scarey as it was the first year I did it. Its going to have to be trial and effort and research and talking with experienced moms to find out what it is they are doing that helps them to have happy children, a joyful (if not always necessarily cheerful) mom, and a life of sacrifice that is right and good, rather than one that feels just "all wrong."
I'm also reading Danielle Bean's My Cup of Tea, which is *really* helping encourage me about plain old mothering. :-)
Email me if you want to chat more, dear friend. I don't know if any of this helps. Not a lot of answers, but I do understand.
And now I'm off to read the link Elizabeth posted...
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: Sept 09 2005 at 3:19pm | IP Logged
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Update: I got up this morning and found out that my kids can't go to CGS because of our parish hopping. My 6yos spent an hour over leaving this parish. I cried with him. I had just ordered atrium materials and some religion curric before ds woke up. No sooner did I have him comforted than my credit card company called. Someone had hacked my computer as I was ordering. Did I just charge $15K in the last hour? Um...no. Now, there was all kinds of work to do at the computer. All day long. No way we're going to get the Bravewriter assignment finished. Tomorrow was to be the first day of my once a month cleaning lady. I just canceled. The house is too messy for her to clean  .
The upside? My computer is now very clean.
I'm getting all new credit cards.
I've discovered that the people at CHC are incredibly kind. (BTW, the credit card thing was in no way their fault.)
I'm going to order out dinner (and pay cash).
Everyone will go to sleep early and I'll pretend today didn't happen.
We have three soccer games tomorrow.
The weather will be great and I can just forget about the mess in the house...
When all else fails, there's denial. Today, it works for me  .
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Mary G
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Elizabeth wrote:
When all else fails, there's denial. Today, it works for me . |
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 Now, that needs to be on a tshirt or Starbucks coffee mug!
__________________
MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: Sept 09 2005 at 4:47pm | IP Logged
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Laura wrote:
If the house is clean and tidy then I am a happy woman.
...but nothing makes me feel better then throwing things away...
Some women like to spend money and shop....I throw stuff away.
To better understand this...let me say that I am a Catholic who once had great longings to be Amish! |
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Laura, this sounds like me!!! And being sickly due to pregnancy, our house is a mess. I have been cranky about it, despite the fact that I have a great reason for not cleaning lately!!
Natalia,
I am so sorry about this week. I have had similar beginnings over the years. Maybe it is just the transition from a summer schedule (or no schedule) to the attempts of something organized??? Or the anticipation and preparation on our part and then the kids not responding like we anticipated???
For the past few years, on the first day of school, we have simply gone to the library for loads of books, taken a 1st-day-of-school picture, looked over some new materials, and not much else. Then I'll just ease into other subjects over the next few weeks, throwing a last trip to the beach or something like that in the mix. This seems to really have helped with the transition, for all of us.
Could you plan a great field trip for the end of next week? Maybe the anticipation of that will motivate the kids. I guess my advice would be to ease into the school year, read some great books, get outside, focus on our faith (an extra Mass or special treatment of a feast day), and make some time for yourself each day, if possible. This is what I plan to do and I am expecting great things - I'll let you know how they really go!
And, I completely agree with Elizabeth about the unknowing effects of the hurricane! It is just like 9-11, which also happened at the beginning of the school year. It does, even if we don't realize it, disrupt the flow of things. Have the kids done anything concrete for the victims...like send clothes, books, or such? This might help bring some closure to this tragedy for them. (I don't mean to sound insensitive at all, and know the suffering will continue for a long time, but it might be helpful, especially for younger ones, to know they've done something to help and then be able to move on.)
God bless you! It will get better!!
__________________
Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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juliecinci
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Hey Natalia!
I don't know if I have anything to say that will help but here are a few things that helped me when I felt overwhelmed, especially when I was like Bookswithtea and had young kids and babies to boot.
1. I took time away every week. I went to the library BY MYSELF for three hours (this started when my oldest was four and I had a two yr old and newborn). I would lock myself in a cubicle and cry (first few weeks), then I slept on the floor (next few weeks), then I prayed (for part of the time each week for months) and finally I started writing books. I didn't know how much I needed my peace of mind to keep doing this "homeschool/kids demand everything of me" thing.
2. Kids do get older and it does help. I know those words don't fix anything right now, but it might help to just remember that this is a season and won't last forever... honest!
3. Older kids need adventure (Bookswithtea discovered this, interestingly enough). It's my contention that by junior high, homeschool feels predictable and sometimes "too safe" for 'tweens. They want relationships, risks, and to get their hands on real life with the competence that they've got.
This is the time for co-ops and cake decorating classes, archery and vintage dance lessons. If you can find these outlets for your kids (or have them start a business or join some kind of volunteer organization) so much the better.
If things are stale at home at the kitchen table, stop the table stuff and do movies, nature walks, volunteer work, art museums and baking. Just go straight for a month of out of the house activities. Binge! Let the thermostat reset itself with new vistas and experiences.
4. Pick something entirely new to learn... for yourself. Do you want to draw? Study a language? Learn about art? Sew a quilt? Reupholster a chair? Play the guitar? Knit? Crochet? Write poetry? Watch birds?
Just do it, right during school hours, in front of your kids. Get up, and start working on your project first thing before you work with them. They might find it odd (or they might watch TV ) but they will see you engaged happily in something that you have to/want to learn. This can produce an interesting chain reaction where they want to learn about what you're doing or try it too. Or they will see you happy for a few weeks (a good thing!).
5. Stagger needs. Let your kids know that you will help one child at a time during certain blocks of the day. If someone needs you for math and you are busy with X child, that math kid can play with play-doh or watch TV or go on the computer while waiting for you. Then just give the reading one your time until the next block comes free.
I say to the kids stuff like this, "I'll be reading with C for the next hour. I'll be free after that for whoever needs help with math or if someone wants to play cards or whatever." My kids are a little older (youngest is almost 9) but this usually works. I don't make them wait in boredom for me. I let them do what they want while they wait which helps.
Anyway, just a few things that work for us/have worked for us. Oh, and if you have the money, hire a teenage homeschooler to play with your kids (little ones) one afternoon a week while you clean or wash clothes or repaint a bedroom or whatever! I did that for three years while I worked as a ghostwriter at home and it changed my life! The teen liked the money (she was 13 so we didn't have to pay as much and I was at home) and my kids loved the focused attention!
Julie
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Julie
Homeschooling five for fourteen years
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Leonie
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Natalia,
I will certainly keep you in my prayers.
Sometimes, my feeling "down" time is because of physical needs - I just don't have the physical resources for the needs. Then its time for me to have a re-think and make sure I am eating properly, finding time for exercise, etc.
Sometimes it is a spiritual need - I need to ask dh to be with the dc so I can get to church and pray.
Like Elizabeth, I read inspirational books to remind me of joy. Some fiction ( the Little House books, for example!) and some non-fiction and specifically homeschooling/parenting ( Seasons of a Mother's Heart?).
And I realize that I am a person who needs variety so, sometimes the same old same old, just gets to me. And to me dc. So I do something different - breakfast for dinner, a day of watching movies and hanging out togwether, a day at the park, change around our furniture or bedrooms or similar, eat breakfast ion a blanket .....
Leonie in Sydney
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Erica Sanchez
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Sorry, Natalia. I am just realizing (by re-reading) that you did a HUGE, concrete thing already by hosting the family after the hurricane...sorry!
__________________
Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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alicegunther
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Laura wrote:
So...I tell myself to relax about the condition of the house....THIS DOES NOT WORK.
I must do something about it. This is drastic, and possibly a little abnormal , but nothing makes me feel better then throwing things away.(Or bagging them up for the Samaritan House pick up day driver!) It is very therapeutic to me! Some women like to spend money and shop....I throw stuff away. |
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Laura wrote:
Don't take on tons of stuff at once or you will feel worse! Clean out one messy drawer, etc...
Now I sound like the flylady, but hey, for me, it works! |
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This is probably the most brilliant advice that any mother can give another. It is completely true that I am only in a bad mood when the house is a mess--I realized this several years ago. The only way to keep the house neat, however, is to purge, purge, purge. We have two rooms with furniture recently purchased. Nothing is allowed in those rooms except the furniture and items meant to be in them. As a result, these rooms are never cluttered, a snap to clean, and a pleasure to inhabit. The thing that makes this part of the house so lovely is *not* the new furniture--it is the orderliness of it. My goal is to make the rest of the house follow suit, but it is difficult to let go of the "stuff," especially sentimental items. That's why it is such a great idea to go slowly and take things one drawer, one closet, one cabinet at a time.
Thanks, Laura, for the great advice.
__________________
Love, Alice
mother of seven!
  
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Elizabeth
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I sooooo second what Laura said. I'm a major cleaner under stress. And I'm a big purger.I like Alice's perspective. I wonder if there's a way to apply that philosophy throughout the house. Is it that we can all strive for that kind of order or should we be trying to accept the fact that with many people in the house all day, we are going to have more necessary stuff. What makes"stuff" necessary? Clothes, shoes, books, toys--that's what clutters. But when is it clutter and when is it signs of life? I keep trying to figure out why a house that gets cleaned and tidied so often is still such a mess all the time...anybody know?
The STUFF really wears on us. And managing STUFF is exhausting.
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Cay Gibson
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alicegunther wrote:
...it is difficult to let go of the "stuff," especially sentimental items. That's why it is such a great idea to go slowly and take things one drawer, one closet, one cabinet at a time.
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I spent a whole week wanting to clean out my girls' closet for toys to send to the shelter.
Putting all those toys in that closet was something I did this past Christmas. It kept the bedroom free of toys, toys, toys! At the time it was a case of purging in prepartion for a b-day and Christmas.
The end result was a neatly ordered closet full of new toys and a few old favorites.
Now, nine months later, I looked inside the closet and promptly closed the door. Scarlett O'Hara's mantra: "I'll think about it tomorrow...after all, tomorrow is another day!"
Then the soccer coach called for Chelsea's first practice of the season. The bin-of-old-soccer-shoes-for-every-age-possible was in the back corner of the closet.
I HAD to shovel through the closet to get to the bin. Soon everything was out of the closet and scattered in the room. My girls were in their glory.
I dejunked, decluttered and purged. One bag went in the trash, the other bag went to the shelter, and the rest went in the toybox...back into the closet.
My dh did come in at one point to critically survey the process and offer non-objective comments.  "You should let me clean that closet out. I'd have it clean in no time." "You don't get rid of enough stuff. You're too sentimental."
I don't think I'm being that sentimental over soccer shoes. I was just trying to be a good manager of our money.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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BrendaPeter
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Natalia wrote:
I think I posted once about a priest saying that joy is not something you set out to get but it is a byproduct of a life lived in love. But I feel that my capacity for love gets lost or emptyied out in the day to day worries. I don't feel loving when I feel overwhelmed. I don't feel loving when my kids requests feel like a demand. I don't feel loving when my dh wants attention and I don't have anything to give him. So how do I learn to enjoy life?
Natalia |
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Dear Natalia,
What you wrote is very eloquent & did not fall flat! I wish I could be there to give you a big hug!  A cyberspace one will have to do... Just like many of the moms here, I can very much relate to what you wrote.
These days I find my greatest aid in homeschooling (& life!) is 1 hour a week before the Blessed Sacrament. Not only do I need some time alone, but I also need time alone with Him... The joy will come...
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Blessings,
Brenda (mom to 6)
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Kelly
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Natalia, you are not alone! I think we all feel like this from time to time, sometimes more often than not. I vividly remember a comment that came my way, on this subject, eight years ago. My brother, who was dying of brain cancer, called the house. I answered in a harried, probably desperate-sounding, slightly iritable voice, "HELLO?!?" My brother said abruptly, "Kelly, do you like homeschooling?" "Why yes, I love it," I assured him. "Gosh," he responded,"You sure don't sound like you love it..."
I guess there's no real moral to the story, except that we DO all have those days, that they are glitches in the grand scheme of things, and that we need to take deep breaths and reassess our priorities from time to time. Remember, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't NO ONE happy". Get out there and exercise, make some time for yourself, go to Adoration, get outside and take walks with your kids. Let me hasten to say, I know how difficult it is to accomplish these things... I DO have help at the house and yet, carving time for Moi is still well-nigh impossible But we have to do it, or we burn out. Another good ploy is to call a fellow homeschooler for a little verbal support. Just yesterday, I got sidetracked from school and was having a very hard time getting enthusiastic about school (the word GROUCHY springs to mind...)---so I called one of our list ladies (you know who you are! ) and whined. It was great (for me, anyway). When I said I was having problems getting into school (this is our first week, too)she asked pointedly, "Well, what would you rather be doing?" When I mentioned something frivolous, she said, "Well, take ten and go do it, then". So I did...and felt much better for that Mommy Time, not to mention the candid conversation with a fellow hsing mom.
As for the harried voice on the phone, I've really made concerted effort to sound cheery on the phone ever since my brother's cogent comment. I guess I figure if I *sound* cheery, maybe I'll *be* cheery, even on those days when I feel very, very far from cheery. I know, for me, it is so easy to start spiraling downward unless I make a conscious effort to put my best foot forward!
Anyway, just some random thoughts. Thank you for sharing your feelings on this subject. It helps reinforce to me that we're all on the same homeschooling emotional roller-coaster from time to time. Yee hah!
Kelly in FL
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Erin
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| Posted: Sept 10 2005 at 1:24am | IP Logged
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Dear Natalie,
My heart goes out to you. Big hugs over cyberspace.
I think it would be a struggle to juggle when its not something yu've grown up with. I can so relate to the temper, have an Irish one myself, although it has improved alot over the years.
You know you're amazing to try and homeschool so soon after hosting the family. One thing I always try to do on first day back is hardly expectant anything, so then I am pleasantly surprised if anything does actually occur.
I went through a real period of feeling flat, what works for me when things are down is to go on a "Nature Adventure' for the day. A friend and I regularly go once a fortnight, when we don't our homeschooling journey falls apart. I don't know we just seem to need time in the great outdoors recharging our batteries, realising what an awesome God we have, re-connecting wth the children. You need to know that when Ifirst read CM I said 'sounds great, but I don't want to do the nature study part, can't see the need'
Be praying for you
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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Natalia
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| Posted: Sept 10 2005 at 8:08am | IP Logged
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THANK YOU, THANK YOU all of you. Friends, your responses have made a big difference. I knew y'all would understand.
Elizabeth mentioned the impact of the hurricane. I honestly don't think that emotionally I have been very impacted by it. I have not watched too much tv. When we had the evacuee family with us, I restrained myself from turning on the news too much. They have an impressionable 8 yog that was terribly worried about a hamster they had left behind. After they left I started school and the time to watch tv or listen to the news was not there. But Elizabeth comment made me think on the impact of other outside events on my life.
About a year ago, a couple friend of ours split up. He was messing around with" women of loose living". The wife was devastated and in one day her life was turned upside down. Shortly after that, I found out that two couples friends of mine in Santo Domingo were having troubles. One of them, praise God, has overcome his infidelity and is doing fine now. The other hasn't been that blessed. These events hit me hard. These couples were all good Catholic couples of deep faith, living a life of service to the Lord. They weren't safe. Good Christians are not safe. Good Catholics are not safe. I am not safe. These were my thoughts. All of the sudden life seemed hard. Life seemed impossible. Life seemed cruel.
I don't have the same intensity of feelings anymore but I think the heaviness I felt about life in general still lingers. I took a look at my life and all of a sudden I felt old. Here I am 42 years old and it seems, at times, that I haven't accomplished anything in life. It seems that we, my dh and I haven't accomplished anything. I thought I would be farther along in my spiritual journey. I thought we would be farther along as a couple. I thought that we'd farther along financially.
I think I am in some sort of mid life crisis. I think that my body is changing and I think I need to pay more attention at the impact of those changes in my life. Somebody mentioned (Leonie, I think) the impact of the physical in our moods. I noticed that my dark moods are more intense than they use to be during ovulation and the time before my period. I read some books on perimenopause and they were helpful but I can never do anything long enough to feel the effects. I started taking some vitamins. I always forget. i started execersing and that went out the window.
I think that is what is so frustrating. I do a lot of the things that you guys suggested. I have a meeting with some dear women every Tuesday night. That gives me fellowship and time away from the kids. I have an adoration hour on Thursdays from 8-9 pm. And the Lord has blessed me abundantly and beautifully on that hour. He has given me encouragement and direction. But then I get home and the kids are not in bed, and the house wasn't picked up... and all the peace of that hour is lost. I feel that every time I get a chance to talk to Mark all I have is problems and worries to talk about.
In the last year I have read some books that have impacted my life and that have given me direction to change: The Hidden Power of Kindness, Story of a Soul, How to Talk so your Kids Will Listen.... I am reading I Believe in Love right now and I just read Liberated Parents, Liberated Kids by the same authours of How to Talk... They are all great books. But I am having trouble accepting that, despite all my knowledge and all my good intentions, I am still going to fall.
Homeschooling has brought forth a lot of good that I didn't know I have. But, it has also forced me to face those not so pretty aspects of my personality. I praise God because every morning he gives me the ability to begin again. Every time I yelled when I promised myself I wouldn't. every time I use a harsh word when I said I wouldn't. Every time I fall He helps me to get up and begin again. I have become so aware of God's mercy and gentleness.
There is so much more I could write but I won't bore you. I am a psychologist by training and could analize myself to death I do want to end with a practical question though. What do you do to have fun alone or with dh? What do you do when you want to laugh? I think I need a heavy dose of laughter in my life
Thanks again for listening,
Natalia
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Molly Smith
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| Posted: Sept 10 2005 at 9:03am | IP Logged
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Natalia wrote:
What do you do when you want to laugh? I think I need a heavy dose of laughter in my life
Thanks again for listening,
Natalia |
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Natalia, my heart goes out to you . I wish I had some practical advice, but I will add this one tidbit for laughing. Dear Cay turned us all on to Danielle Bean and I highly recommend reading her blog and getting her book, My Cup of Tea. I think we can all relate to her humor since her "material" is the stuff of all of our days. I had many good laughs while reading My Cup of Tea, and the blog makes me smile every day.
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Molly Smith in VA
Mom to seven beautiful children, ages 1-14
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Where has the joy of life gone?
