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Angie Mc
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What are some options your family has used successfully to meet the needs of your needy or busy little ones and each member of your family while attending Mass? Have you read any helpful articles or books on the subject?
God bless,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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jdostalik
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What I have discovered as far as little ones at mass is that it gets
easier with the more children you have! I know, this sounds crazy,
but it has been our experience! When my oldest child was little,
Mass was really hard. She was a wiggle worm and we ended up in
the cry room a lot. When the next baby came, it was more of the
same with a baby added in to the mix. With number 3, dh and I gave
up on ever sitting in the pew together for more than 15 minutes! I
knew I was receiving graces from Mass, but it just seemed like
mortifications! But, then a wonderful thing happened, with number
4's arrival, number 1 started to settle down (age 6) and number 2
noticed and settled down, too! It was a case of the oldest one
setting a good example and it has trickled down to all the kids.
Now, don't get me wrong, we still have our bad moments here and
there, but even with our our five month old, we manage to stay in
the pew and often make it through in one piece, with a semblance of
prayer and peace, as well. Sometimes, I actually get to discuss the
homily with dh or one of the kids...Imagine! 
Oh, and the usual tips help us as well, some cheerios or a small dry
snack (nothing that draws attention), small devotional board books,
even a little plastic statue of Mary or a saint...these all help when the
wiggles get one of the youngers. We have never put our kids in the
nursery and now I am happy that we have perservered...
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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Elizabeth
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I really think it depends on the child. My first was really easy at Mass. We sat by the guitar and that was all it took . My second was a challenge (hey, surprise, he's been a challenge everywhere) and the third, together with the second, was really tough. The fourth as an infant with the second and third at 4yo and 2yo were almost a deal breaker  My dh is usually travelling on the weekend, so I was a bit shorthanded  . The best thing was Daily Mass. We'd go everyday and they learned to sit quietly through a short Mass. Then, that habit of attention stretched to a longer Mass. We don't do toys, books, or food at Mass. I find them distracting and counter-productive. I will nurse a baby. My current parish has Children's Liturgy of the Word. Since they are there for the Liturgy of the Word, they have no problem returning to their seats and paying attention through the remainder of Mass. If the 2yo is the slightest bit noisy or distracting, we take her out. We make it really clear that being in the sactuary is a privilege for "big kids" who behave. A priest once told me that there are abundant graces to be had for mothers in the vestibule I've kind of clung to that.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Meredith
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Our experience has been very similar to Jennifer's and a little like Elizabeth's. We are adding #4 to the mix in about 6 weeks and from birth we take our kids to Mass and have never used a nursery. Some of the parishes we've attended have had Children's Liturgy, but they were not very engaging for our children so we bagged it. Our now almost 3 yo can last the whole Mass and if he starts to get fidgety we avoid saying, "do you want to go in the back" because he'll invariably say "Yeah, let's go."  We try and instill the Mass is a privilege for good behavior as well and they just get it. It seems to be very confusing for them if they are constantly being hauled in and out. Obviously sometimes this is unavoidable and we do what we can, but we truly believe that with the constant experience and examples of the olders the younger ones just get it and they really enjoy Mass.
If any of you have the book _Devotional Stories for Little Folks_ by Nancy Nicholson through Catholic Heritage Curricula, one of my kids favorite stories is called *Church Picnic* and it talks about a little girl in the pew in front of a family with several children, and this one little person has a virtual *picnic* of goodies with her in the pew and not being discreet about it. The family's perspective was to behave appropriately at Mass and then there will be a reward after, donuts, etc. Anyway, you get the point, for us the snacks were always more of a hassle than they were worth  , but as with anything, never say never!
Looking forward to hearing others ideas on this one!
God Bless.
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Mom of 4 Sweeties
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Elizabeth
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I have found that other children's toys and food can become MY problem. Particularly with younger children, they want it, whatever it is. Even if the other child does share, then we have the distraction that comes with the exchange.If there are no toys and there is no food, then we aren't fighting that distraction.I remind them to eat before we leave and I do think that there is no reason a child can't last an hour without food or drink. We also choose to sit close to the music and the children are pretty aware of where we are in the Mass based on how many songs we've sung. Nicholas has been known to announce, a little too loudly into the quiet following communion, "only one more song to go!" 
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Meredith
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That is so funny Elizabeth I totally agree on the food becoming Mom's problem. We have managed to be the family who sits in the very front row, so unless they turn around there is no one but Father and the altar to focus on. This has been very effective for our family. Hope with the new little one coming we'll be able to keep our spot, with the exception of mom in and out for nursing if he's fussy. Do you tend to nurse in the pew with a blanket or do you go out?? Just curious, there is something so spiritually rewarding to be a Mass and still cuddle and nurse that little gift from God. *JMJ*
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Elizabeth
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happyheartsmom wrote:
| Do you tend to nurse in the pew with a blanket or do you go out?? Just curious, there is something so spiritually rewarding to be a Mass and still cuddle and nurse that little gift from God. *JMJ* |
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I learned to nurse in Mass back when I had children who were really too young to leave in the pew by themselves and I was the only adult with four kids!I know it's controversial, but for me, it was really a matter of practicality. I'd either nurse right there, or I'd have to get up with two other really little children (who couldn't be left to the supervision of my then-8yo) and parade out, trying to tote two toddlers and an infant  .
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Willa
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In our family, the babies don't usually start behaving well in Mass until they are about 2 or 3. Usually until they are 2 or so, they are my responsibility. When my husband decides they are old enough to be more accountable, and he's really good at reading the signs on that (better than I am!) HE starts taking them out. He is much firmer with them, won't let them down to roam or play, and in general makes it NO FUN for them to be away from the community, the family, and Mom. So usually about age 2.5 to 3 they settle down and past that age my kids are quite well behaved. The olders' good example does help.
We don't do food or toys or even books. I've tried, but with my small kids it just complicates things. Part of the Mass problem for them is that they are already over-stimulated by the crowded conditions and anything we bring with us just makes them lose the little focus they have. Plus, it's so embarrassing when a kid flings his cheerios or rattle into the next aisle.
Patrick, age 2, demands to nurse each and EVERY time we go to mass nowadays. I think it's his response to the crowd situation and I CAN'T bring myself to nurse a toddler in a pretty conventional, SMALL chapel mostly populated by retired folks. So we spend most of mass in the cry room. Aidan is also a handful, though really cute. He folds his hands together and tries to pray, and says "The Body of Christ" in a very reverent (but not too quiet) voice when Father elevates the host. He also laughs really loudly when the priest says something that strikes him funny. The congregation knows his medical past and tolerate his outbursts really well, but on the rare occasions we go to daily Mass (we live 60 miles out of town and our one car isn't working too well) I just resign myself to keeping the little ones in the vestibule.
A family in our church has three very lively, very little boys who are super-charged outside of church, but like angels in church. They never have to be taken to the back except to go to the bathroom. They are quiet and often fall asleep. I wish I knew how the parents did it.
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Willa
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Molly Smith
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I have to agree on two points--Mass has gotten easier as we've added more children, and Mass is easier if we bring no toys, books or snacks for all the same reasons everyone mentioned. Another thing we've found helpful is to go to the 9am, so there's no time for everyone to get too wound up before we leave for church.
My only other advice would be to explore the churches in your area. We usually attend a gorgeous small mission church about 20 minutes from here where the atmosphere is very reverent. The stained glass windows, candles, statues, organ music, everything is very calming. Our home parish, 5 minutes away, is very stark white and loud. The band (literally) is so loud, people talk constantly and it's all anyone can do to hear the priest at any given time. My kiddos are great at the mission church and a struggle at our own church. My desire for my children to have a reverence and love for the Mass outweighs my allegiance to my parish. My point is that the atmosphere of the church itself has had huge impact on us. Now they have the practice of attention and reverence (like Elizabeth's family attending daily Mass), when we attend our home parish they do much better.
God Bless!
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Molly Smith in VA
Mom to seven beautiful children, ages 1-14
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MacBeth
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Oh, I always allow books--books on the Mass, books about Saints with great pictures, seasonal books, like the Biffi books...I find these helped my non-readers focus on the Mass better.
My biggest issue has always been Paul. He requires constant physical contact to behave (hugs, not slaps ). Now that Libby has taken over the music for 6:30 Mass, we all sit in the chior loft (back of the church) and he can stretch out a bit, and get a great view.
The crying room was never a good option for him, as it is beside the altar with only a thin plexiglas door between the room and the priest. The view was great, but everyone could hear our noisy boy saying "Hi!" to father, banging his feet on the floor, wall, whatever...the choir loft is a much better place. Of course, as Paul approaches 9 (!!) he is much better behaved, just a bit squirmy!
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MacBeth in NY
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MaryM
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My youngest (just turned 5) has been the most difficult at Mass - this is the child who when we were trying to get him to whisper when talking to us at Mass would yell "I don't want to whisper!" He has gotten much better but I'm not sure our remedy will help anyone else much unless you can find a pew full of habited Dominican sisters! There are seven Dominican sisters at our parish who wear the full habits. They all sit together in one pew and we discovered a couple years ago that if we sit right in front of or behind them our little guy is so much better during Mass. We have to be early enough to get those seats - they go quickly! Must work for other families, too In general sitting in the first couple of pews helps.
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cathhomeschool
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The two things that have helped us most are to sit in the front row so that the little ones can see and to go to Daily Mass as much as possible. When my older two were little, we went every day. Now, we go less often. I definitely think it helps train them for the longer Masses -- not to mention the many graces received by attending frequently (especially needed for Mommy!).
We also take books to Mass. With my older two this never caused a problem. They loved the little bible story books with flaps to lift. The younger two are not yet interested in those books, so we end up taking "regular" board books. Though they sometimes fight, in general we find the books to be very helpful. Since we sit in the front row, there aren't any children sitting in front of us who might want our books. Before too much longer we'll remove the secular books and leave them with saint/bible stories.
We also make it a point to go to 9am Mass. Going later in the morning or to evening Mass always results in trouble from the 2yo. He's just too close to nap/bedtime to be cooperative.
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teachingmom
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The things we use for distraction for our toddler during Mass are religious board books. We have used paper Catholic books at times, but I find that the pages make too much noise with little ones turning them, so board books are way better. By the time they are preschoolers, they can sit for the hour without needing distractions. It really does help to sit near the front. And I agree with the person who said that it gets easier with the younger siblings because they have the good example of the older ones. For those of you who have children no older than 5 or so, hang in there.
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Angie Mc
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Elizabeth wrote:
| I learned to nurse in Mass back when I had children who were really too young to leave in the pew by themselves and I was the only adult with four kids!I know it's controversial, but for me, it was really a matter of practicality. |
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Speaking of practicality, here are some good tips on discreet nursing.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Angie Mc
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MacBeth wrote:
| My biggest issue has always been Paul. He requires constant physical contact to behave (hugs, not slaps ). |
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This reminds me of a story I read but can't remember where...a man tells of his fond memory of his mother holding his hand and showing other physical affections during Mass. He believed this contributed to his affection for the Mass.
Love,
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krgammel
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The best thing we have ever taken to mass are board backed puzzles. I picked up one of the Last Supper and one of the Blessed Mother. They only have 10 pieces or so and fit in a gallon ziploc bag. They keep my little one very focused and quiet....although recently he has wanted his own MagnifiKid! Lucky for me the previous weeks issue still works.
+Kristen
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Karen T
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Like others we have found that books, etc. are more distracting than calming for our kids. The problem seems to be that no matter how many things you bring, eventually they've worked their way through it, and then, b/c they haven't really had any awareness of the Mass, suddenly they're bored silly and start acting out. With my oldest I always took stuff to Mass for him, and he really didn't behave well until about age 6, so i was very wary of trying to go without "props" with the next one, but I can really tell the difference. I thought at first it was just b/c #2 is a much better behaved kid overall (he is) but we've occasionally let him take things (Catholic picture Bible or a book about the Mass, as well as some non-religous books sometimes) and he's a different kid.
Our biggest problem now is dd, 3.5. She'd probably be OK by herself, but she and ds, 5 are as close as twins and so if they are both together, they start chatting and then get louder and louder. We separate them, but inevitably when we're standing or kneeling, one of them sneaks along the pew behind us. So she goes to the nursery sometimes, and we just keep trying her every few weeks in Mass. Getting better and better.
Today, Easter Sunday, we didn't get to church in time to get seats, even though Mass is said in 3 locations. We ended up in the vestibule outside the school cafeteria and they didn't even have the loudspeaker on so most of the priest's words were inaudible. Some chairs were set up, but those were filled too. We ended up standing along one wall. The kids had no books, etc. and I was prepared for disaster, but they actually did remarkably well.
Here's my pet peeve from today: I totally understand the need to take a toddler, baby or preschooler out to the bathroom when they think they need to go. I think a 5 yo unless has medical issues, can be reminded to go ahead of time, and not need to go out. But today, that's not even what I was seeing. Countless teens coming out and heading down the bathroom hall, as if they were at a movie and it was intermission!
Oh, and don't get me started on the spaghetti straps and cutoff denim miniskirts - i guess that's another forum!
Karen T
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teachingmyown
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We split up for Mass. I go to the 9am with my daughter who sings in the Children's Choir, and whoever else is up and moving. When we do go as a family, I end up in the back with the 3 yr old and 1yr old. My 3 yr old does great when she goes with Daddy, but she can't bear to be there with me and not have me devote myself to her.
I have found through the years that my children are their worst in Mass at about age 5. For some reason this is the age they squirm and pick fights. My current 5 yr old cannot stay quiet for more than a minute (in any situation!) so although she is a calm child so just talks and talks.
We have been in our current parish for just over three years. Before that we were accustomed to bringing Cheerios to Mass with us. When we moved here we were instructed through more than one homily that Mass is not a picnic and that even the smallest toddler should be able to go an hour without food. So in deference to our pastor, we stopped bringing food. This was a very hard transition, especially for my then 4 yr old son. Every week he would tear my diaper bag apart looking for food and having a fit when there was none to be had. Eventually the kids came to understand the rule, but I do miss having a stash of Cheerios to pop into a little mouth at the Consecration when all is quiet and my little dears are most likely to want to point out a statue or ask again about the bells.
I do nurse in Mass. I always try to wear nursing clothes so that I can sit and stand without giving away what I am doing. The sling really helps with this as well. As my children get to heavy to stand and nurse, I will just try to position myself that even someone looking over my shoulder, (why do they do that?) cannot see anything, although they can probably guess what I am doing. The hard part these days is that Kateri tries to lift my shirt when she wants to nurse and can be quite persistent. So, she stays home with Daddy most Sundays!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Little Ones at Mass
